Something that really is a trip to me is, back when I was putting my va-jay-jay to all sorts of use (check out "14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners"), other than the orgasms I was trying to have, I didn't really give my nether regions much thought. Now that January 9 puts me at (lawd!) 14 years of abstinence, I must say that I'm more attentive to my vagina than I've ever been.
I think a big part of the reason is because the time apart from sex has taught me that it isn't just a sexual organ or the part of the body where children are birthed. It is a part of what makes me a woman and I adore being that. That's why I'm all about sharing as much info as I can about ways that all of us can take better care of our vaginas. If you're constantly looking for some tips on this area, I've actually got 12 for you today.
1. Download a Vagina App
Back when I used to mentor teen girls on the topic of sex, whenever they would ask me why they seemed to be more focused on wanting sex at a particular time of the month, I let them know that it was because they were ovulating. Whew, the body (and the Creator of it) is something else that it is so intricate as to make us hornier during the time when we are most able to conceive. Ovulation also changes our discharge and can sometimes make us wetter and more sensitive as far as our genitalia is concerned. Then there's PMS and our period. Our bodies tend to go through all kinds of changes then too. That's why I think it can be helpful to download a vagina app. If you're able to keep up with what is going on, as it relates to "her", you can better prepare so that you and your vagina can feel more confident. A popular app is Clue. You can read more about it here.
2. Eat More Probiotics
"Probiotic" is a word that comes up a lot in the health-conscious world. It's basically microorganisms that help your body to maintain a level of good bacteria; especially in your gut (where 80 percent of your immune system resides). By consuming fermented foods (or taking a probiotic supplement), your digestive system will be healthier; your heart will be stronger; if you have allergies or eczema, you'll probably notice less symptoms (after about a month or so); your moods will be lighter, and your vagina will be in better shape too.
A big part of the reason why probiotics are good when it comes to your vagina specifically is it helps to keep the bad bacteria in your vagina from overtaking the good. As a bonus, it can help your vagina to maintain its pH balance (4.0-4.5) as well. So, definitely eat things like Greek yogurt, cheese, pickles, sourdough bread, miso and green olives. Oh, and if you'd prefer to take a supplement, you can see a list of some of the best probiotics for women (according to The Healthy) here.
3. Eat Less “Sweaty Foods”
A topic that may not get discussed a lot yet, at the same time, is a reality for many women is a sweaty vagina. It's what happens when you're not really doing anything strenuous yet there still seems to be a lot of moisture down below. While it is certainly nothing to be embarrassed (or even overly concerned) about, the reason why you should be intentional about avoiding it is too much moisture in your genital region can lead to a yeast infection, if you're not careful.
One way to reduce your chances of sweating so much is to consume less foods that trigger perspiration. Some of those include spicy foods; hot peppers (both of these contain the compound capsaicin which heats up your system); carbs (your body has to work harder to break the sugar down); caffeine (it triggers your sweat glands); salty foods (salt increases your body's need to get rid of urine and sweat), and fast food (processed foods make your system go into overdrive to remove excess fat).
4. Drink Some Echinacea Tea
Personally, I'm an herbal tea fan. If you can totally relate, do you have some echinacea tea in your stash? If not, you should definitely consider getting some. Echinacea tea not only helps to boost your immunity, it's also great when it comes to helping to heal your joints; reducing anxiety-related symptoms; decreasing pain that causes headaches as well as toothaches; calming your stomach; lessening the symptoms related to eczema and psoriasis and yep—it's good for your vaginal health too. That's because the properties in this particular kind of tea are awesome if you're looking for an all-natural way to treat yeast infections or urinary tract infections (UTIs). Just make sure to use honey instead of sugar and only a little bit of it. In order to get the most out of herbal teas, they need to steep for 20 minutes and have as little sweetener in them as possible. Otherwise, you're preventing the herbs from being their most potent.
5. Pat Dry Your Vulva
I'm thinking that you already know it's a good idea to not use perfumed soaps or any kind of body wash that has a lot of chemicals in it (check out "Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes" and "Are You Washing Your Vagina Correctly? You Sure?"); they will only irritate your vagina and vulva (the part of your vagina that you can actually see; the part that includes and surrounds your clitoris). However, once you're getting out of the bathtub, avoid rubbing the mess out of that area of your body with your towel too. Your skin down there is pretty fragile, so gently patting it dry is all that's necessary. Oh, and if your vulva is irritated, nix the towel altogether and set your blow drying on a low cool setting. That can help to soothe that area while removing excess moisture at the same time.
6. Prep Your Pubic Hair Before Shaving
All things have trends; including pubic hair (check out "Yep. Pubic Hair Has Trends (And Specific Needs) Too."). That said, no matter how you prefer your hair to be down there, if you're prone to getting those irritating looking (and feeling ingrown) hair bumps, it's probably because you're either using a dirty or dull razor or you're not properly prepping that area of your body. As far as prepping goes, simply dampen your pubic region and then use a loofah or exfoliating sponge to remove any dead skin cells. Or, if you prefer, you can apply a brown sugar scrub and gently massage that space for five minutes. Then after rinsing and shaving (towards the grain, not against it), put some witch hazel on a cotton ball and dab the area. It will help to heal any nicks and also shrink your pores which can make ingrown hairs less of an issue in the long run.
7. Use Organic Pads and Tampons
When I was growing up, I wasn't allowed to wear tampons. My mom said, "That waste is meant to flow out." When I got to college, I took the "I'm grown approach" and started using them and, I must be honest—I had more "vagina issues" with tampons than I ever did with pads. These days, I'm rocking hard with a menstrual cup but if you are team tampon or team pads, just make sure to go with an organic brand. Not only are they made without any chemicals (which can ultimately mean less health risks and even lighter periods if you're using a tampon), they are better for the environment as well because they are fully biodegradable. If you're not sure which brands to go with, Greatist did a feature entitled, "12 Best Organic Pads Your Vag Will Thank You For" and The Good Trade published, "7 Top Reviewed Natural & Organic Tampon Brands" to help you figure out what is best for you.
8. Take Your Vagina (Panty) Shopping
Whether you deal with a sweaty va-jay-jay or not, your natural vaginal discharge and daily activities like working out can still cause your genital region to get pretty moist which can ultimately trigger infections. For these reasons, it's super important to wear organic cotton panties as much as possible. They are a breathable fabric. They contain no chemicals that will irritate your vulva or vagina. They reduce bacterial growth. They are typically more comfortable. They are better for the environment.
Speaking of working out, if you're looking for some panties that will absorb moisture, almost immediately, go with some sweat-wicking ones. Not only are they great at zapping wetness, they can also absorb odor and regulate your body temperature better than "regular drawers" will. Women's Health Mag has a list of sweat-wicking suggestions here. While we're on this topic, it's best to cop some new panties even six months or so. You can read about why by checking out "When Should You Replace Underwear, Make-Up, Bedding, Washcloths & Towels?".
9. Get Up Close and Personal
I honestly can't tell you how many women have told me that they have never looked at their vagina before. To make matters worse, their faces turn up when they say it. Y'all, just like a plant flourishes more when its owner gives it attention beyond simply watering it, the same thing applies to your vagina. That's why I'm a huge fan of practices like vagina mapping (check out "Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey") and vaginal self-exams (check out "Why You Should Give Yourself A 'Vaginal Self-Exam'"). When it comes to increasing your body image, being more comfortable during your doctor visits and also having better sexual experiences, getting clique tight with your vagina—including your vulva and your clitoris and clitoral hood—it's something that you will never regret doing.
10. Consume More Vitamin C
The reason why it's a good idea to consume a daily amount of Vitamin C is because it's an antioxidant that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong. Some of its other health benefits are it can keep your blood pressure balanced, help to keep you from being iron deficient, is necessary for your system to produce collagen and, Vitamin C fights off free radicals too. The reason why your vagina needs this nutrient is because it can raise the acidic levels in your genitalia region and fight off bacterial overgrowth. You can always take a Vitamin C supplement, or you can consume foods that are high in it. Some of those foods include citrus fruits, berries, chili peppers, thyme, parsley, kale, broccoli, kiwi, tomatoes and potatoes.
11. Try a Vaginal Gel
Something that took me a long time to learn (yet I'm glad I finally did) is how maintaining the pH level of my vagina is what can help to keep infections at bay. Because things like antibiotics, our menstrual cycle, douching (please don't do that), semen and even stress can cause it to be imbalanced, it's important to keep in mind that a healthy pH is 4-4.5 (if you're pre-menopausal) and 4.5 (if you're menopausal or post menopause). If it feels like your vagina is slightly irritated, smells a little fishy or your discharge has shifted in color (from white or off-white), you might want to take an at-home pH test to see what your levels are. If they are high, it's best to make an appointment with your physician as soon as possible. If they are pretty much in their normal range, something like a vaginal gel may help to get things back on track. A popular brand worth looking into is RepHresh Vaginal Gel. It's gynecologist-recommended and can help to relieve minor symptoms within a couple of days.
12. DE-STRESS
Stress affects everything about us. EVERYTHING. That's why I wrote, "Ever Wonder If Your Vagina Is Stressed TF Out?". The (sad) reality is some of us have such a high threshold for stress that we don't even get that when our vagina isn't feeling quite right, it simply could be telling us to slow down and chill TF out. Taking some things off of your to-do list. Going for a walk outside. Turning in a couple of hours early (and sleeping naked when you do). Having more sex. Detoxing your system. Getting a massage. Simple things like this can cause your cortisol (your natural stress hormone) levels to drop and your vagina to feel like its old self again.
I'm always learning more and more about the vagina, so don't be surprised if I roll up with some more to say sooner than later. For now, though, try and add some of these things to your daily routine (if you're not doing so already). Your vagina will love you for it—and you'll feel so much better because it does.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert