Vaginas Age Just Like Everything Else. You Can Slow It Down, Though.
There is one milestone in a woman’s life that may not get talked about a lot, but it remains firm in our memory — it’s the first time that we notice that we’ve got a gray pubic hair. When I tell you that there’s nothing like it — Lawd, have mercy! I mean, even more than seeing the first gray hair on our head, there is something that is far more “What TF is going on?” about a gray pubic hair that…I’ll just say that if it hasn’t happened to you, just wait until it does.
I think it’s because, if anything is a true sign that time is marching on and we are getting older, it’s that. It’s also proof that, just like every other part of our body, vulvas (the outer part of our vagina) and vaginas do indeed age.
Is there anything that can be done to stop it? I’m gonna shoot it straight — absolutely not. That’s the “bad” news. The good news is there are all-natural tips that you can do to help slow down the signs of aging down below as well as things that can make that perfectly natural season of life so much easier to, not only deal with but actually embrace as well.
That said, let’s look at some top signs of vaginal aging along with some things that you can do about it, shall we?
1.Your top vulva area won’t seem as plump and full.
If you consider yourself to have a fat vagina (or someone has told you that you do), all that really means is your mons pubis (the top part of your labia, that part of your vulva where most of your pubic hair grows) is “meatier.” For the record, this can be due to genetics, weight gain, pregnancy, or hormone fluctuations.
Anyway, if this is the way it’s always been and it doesn’t seem to be as plump and full as it used to be, aging can definitely play a role and sagging can start to set in.
Solution:
Two things that you can do (outside of a cosmetic procedure) that can reduce some of the sagging include doing exercises like leg lifts, crunches, and cardio and consuming more protein, citrus fruits, and dark leafy greens. By the way, two carrier oils that are great for saggy skin are grapeseed oil (thanks to its high amount of vitamin E and fatty acids) and tamanu oil (it contains properties that help to plump and tone the skin). Massage either or both onto your mons pubis after getting out of the shower on a daily basis to receive notice results within a few weeks.
2.Your pubic hair turns gray.
The rule that applies to the hair that’s on your head is the rule that applies to pubic hair too. Long story short, as you age, the pigment cells in your hair follicles start to die and that’s what prevents color (from the melanin) from running through them. Also, just like the hair on your head, when this happens has a lot to do with your genetics; however, overall, your late 30s is the average age for when those bad boys decide to make their official debut.
Solution:
Gray hair is a fact of life and, for now, not much can be done about it. You can slow down the process of premature graying by reducing your stress levels; eating more copper-based foods (like dark chocolate, sesame seeds, and shiitake mushrooms); upping your doses of zinc, iron, and vitamin D; massaging the carrier oils sweet almond and/or rosemary onto it your pubic hair, and not using harsh chemicals on it.
If you read all of that and you were like, “Uh-huh, but how do I cover it up…NOW?”, there is a hair dye product that’s specifically designed for pubic hair. It’s called Betty and you can learn more about it here.
3.Your pubic hair also thins out.
As you get closer to menopause and certainly after you get past it, you may notice that the hair on your head as well as your pubic hair may start to thin out. Heredity, hormonal shifts, and even certain medications can play a role in this.
You can’t do much about what’s in your gene pool and, if it is a prescription that’s causing the thinning or hair loss, you should see your doctor. But, as far as your hormones go, there are some all-natural approaches that you can take.
Solution:
Reducing stress levels. Taking care of your gut health. Reducing your sugar intake. Consuming some evening primrose oil (I am a huge fan!). Keeping your body at a healthy weight. Getting no less than 6-8 hours of sleep (not sometimes; consistently). Eating more anti-inflammatory foods like tomatoes, collards, almonds, olive oil, and black pepper. And having more sex (to get rid of some of that pent-up stress; make sure it’s protected if a baby will only cause more stress in this season of your life, though).
4.Your labia starts to sag.
Two things that we naturally produce less of as we get older are collagen and elastin. That’s why it’s common to notice that as people get older, their skin doesn’t appear to be quite as firm. The reality is that your skin doesn’t discriminate when it comes to your labia (your lips — inner and outer), so it can start to sag over time too.
Solution:
Something that I’ve been doing lately, for the sake of my skin all over, is taking a collagen supplement. I can see a difference too because it helps my skin to keep that noticeable firmness whenever I pull on one of my cheeks and my skin still immediately “pops” back into place. Foods that are high in collagen include bone broth, fish, egg whites, chicken, and gelatin. You might want to massage your vulva (outside not inside) with some carrot seed oil because it helps to stimulate the production of collagen as well.
As far as elastin production goes, believe it or not, witch hazel has a pretty good reputation for helping out in that department. Just make sure that it’s also something that you apply externally not internally so that you don’t irritate the sensitive skin that’s within your inner lips and inside of your vagina.
5.Your vagina may get smaller.
Now when I say that your vagina might get smaller, what I’m referring to is your literal vaginal canal. As we age, our estrogen levels decrease and that can result in our vagina getting smaller in width and length. Here’s the thing about that, though — a lot of women don’t know that the average size of their vaginal canal is somewhere between 2.75 inches and 3.25 inches and that it goes up to 4.25 inches to 4.75 inches whenever they are sexually aroused.
That’s why the whole “I need a big D” really needs to be put to rest (check out “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go”). The average size of a penis when it’s erect is 5.5 inches and yes, when your partner is into you and intentional about pleasing you, that actually is enough to get the job done; especially as you age.
Solution:
For this one, there isn’t really a solution per se. What I will say is that with labiaplasty becoming more popular than ever, this is one side of vaginal aging that you might actually look forward to being that you won’t need to worry about making your vagina tighter…I mean, if time is already doing it for you.
6.Your vagina gets dry.
Outside of gray hairs, probably the most telling sign of vaginal aging is not being able to get as “wet” as you’re used to being (*le sigh*). You can “thank” your friend estrogen again for causing this because a lack of it can kick your vagina into vaginal atrophy (more on that in a bit)— a part of what comes with that is less natural lubrication.
Solution:
We’ve all heard the saying, “If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it,” and that couldn’t be more true when it comes to keeping your vagina lubricated. In other words, increasing sexual stimulation can help to make vaginal dryness less of an issue. So does doing things like consuming more fluids; eating foods that are high in omega-3 fatty acids (including salmon, flaxseeds, chia seeds, egg yolks, and broccoli); taking a multivitamin (you need more vitamins A, B, D, and E in your system); ramping up your exercise regimen and doing Kegels specifically. Kegels are good because they help to increase blood flow to your pelvic region and that can help with improving your lubrication levels.
Applying a vaginal moisturizer every night and using a vaginal lubricant during sex can help tremendously in this area too. If you’d prefer to make your own lube, check out mindbodygreen’s article “How To Make Your Own All-Natural Vaginal Lubricant.”
7.Your vulva may turn lighter.
This particular aging sign may be one that you would never notice unless you’re someone who does vaginal self-exams on a consistent basis (which is always a wise thing, by the way). Still, they’re a good thing to put on record too. That said, it’s not uncommon for your vulva to turn a shade or two lighter as it gets older. The backstory here is that, as your estrogen levels shift, it can also decrease the amount of blood flow that your vulva and vagina receive which can cause them both to appear a bit paler.
Solution:
Any place where your body is lacking blood flow, it’s going to need some sort of stimulation. Massages are what’s usually applied to other parts; however, when it comes to your vagina, basically a “coochie massage” would be some form of masturbation.
Other options include exercising, consuming foods that increase blood flow (including berries, onions, dark leafy greens, citrus fruits, and cinnamon); consuming black and/or green tea; easing up on the stress, and being intentional about monitoring your blood pressure levels.
8.Your vaginal walls will get thinner.
Remember how I said that we’d come back to vaginal atrophy? It’s kind of a long story but the bottom line is, the technical name for it is atrophic vaginitis, it typically occurs during menopause (although things like breastfeeding, birth control, and a hysterectomy can trigger it too) and it can cause your vaginal walls to get thinner, drier and inflamed.
Solution:
Believe it or not, something that can help to bring relief to this particular issue is to increase sexual activity because it will bring more blood flow to your vagina. And even though your doctor might recommend some sort of estrogen therapy, there are some natural ways to get more estrogen into your system. Some of those things include eating more phytoestrogens (plant-based compounds that mimic estrogen) like sunflower seeds, walnuts, apples, grapes, and yams; taking an herbal supplement that contains phytoestrogens like dong quai, black cohosh, or chasteberry (you might want to run this by your physician first; especially if you’re on some sort of medication), and putting your body on a sleep schedule so that your rest habits are consistent.
9.You will be more vulnerable to STDs and UTIs.
Unfortunately, the natural loss of estrogen could also put you at risk for more STDs and UTIs (urinary tract infections). Why? Well, remember how I said earlier that your vaginal walls get thinner as you age? This means that they are more vulnerable to infection and, as far as UTIs go specifically, they are also more vulnerable to the growth of bad bacteria.
Solution:
This is why it’s such a ridiculous myth that once you’re past menopause, you shouldn’t worry about using condoms because if you can’t get pregnant anymore, what’s to worry about? Listen, someone in their 70s can get an STD just as much as someone in their 20s can — some might say easier and quicker. As far as UTIs go, adding PURE cranberry juice (not the cocktail stuff) more into your diet; being intentional about peeing right after sex; avoiding the use of feminine hygiene products that contain harsh chemicals; consuming foods that are high in vitamin C (like red berries, cauliflower, tomatoes, papaya, and garlic); and wiping from front to back will all help to keep the risk of contracting one down.
10.Sex might be uncomfortable.
Thin vaginal walls and a dry va-jay-jay are not exactly ideal for some mind-blowing sex — that’s for sure. So, if you’ve not really noticed any of what I’ve said but all of a sudden sex feels less comfortable than it used to, this could also be a sign that an aging vagina is upon you.
Solution:
The good news is applying some of the things that you’ve already read can help to make it more pleasant. So can changing positions, so that you are more in control of penetration. Ones that make this possible include the cowgirl position (you know, being on top), the lotus position (where you and your partner face each other while becoming a human pretzel), and the spoon position (where you each are on your side and he enters you from behind).
Aging — including vulva and vaginal aging — is a part of life. Once you accept it, you can get ahead of the process by putting these tips into practice.
Either way, don’t be too hard on the aging process that “she’s” either experiencing or going to experience. She’s been good to you. Give her time of “seasoning” some respect. She’s earned it.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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This Millionaire Lawyer Proves Principles and Strategy Can Still Lead to Wealth
Blake Walker Esq.’s story is not your typical "get rich quick" tale—it's a blueprint for building long-term wealth through strategic thinking, savvy investing, and faith. Blake’s journey took her from behind the scenes in entertainment and sports to becoming the Chief Legal Officer at Gala Games, a pioneering blockchain and entertainment company.
Along the way, she’s learned the importance of saving, investing, and setting herself—and her loved ones—up for lasting financial success. In this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Blake shares the key money lessons she's learned, including how to make your income work for you, the power of multiple revenue streams, and why you don't need to be Instagram or TikTok (RIP,..maybe?) to become a millionaire.
Whether you're looking for investment tips or just need a mindset shift around money, Blake’s advice proves that with the right strategy and mindset, real wealth is possible.
On her background
Well, I’m originally from Baltimore, Maryland, but I was primarily raised in Scottsdale, Arizona. I was heavy into entertainment and sports growing up. Actually, in high school and college, I had my own radio show. But college is when I got into technology, Bitcoin, and cryptocurrencies. I’ve always loved research and the idea of being ahead of my time. I think that’s what led to a lot of my work.
My background includes working in the NBA for the Phoenix Suns, behind the scenes in production at companies like NBC Universal and Lionsgate, and then I transitioned into technology. Now, I’m the Chief Legal Officer of a large tech company that also incorporates entertainment and sports. So it’s full circle.
A lot of past experiences from the industry and in general, led me here. Entertainment, sports, and tech taught me to save, make, and invest money and set myself and my family up for a successful future.
I don't feel like I would have gotten that in other industries that are non-financial. I think you see a lot of people making mistakes in entertainment and sports. I've been taught about management of funds, not only by my parents but from my experiences at work.
On her relationship with money
So I grew up well, I always start with that to give my parents credit. But one of the reasons I’m so passionate about sharing my voice is because I noticed there was such a difference between my family in Arizona and my family in Maryland. The opportunities are vastly different.
I learned very early on about investments, stocks, and bonds. Also, I’ve never seen my mother work a regular job. She's always had her own business since I was young - so I learned the power of entrepreneurship. My mom would teach me about business and building something from the ground up. She started with not a lot and then skyrocketed into this massive business that took care of our family for over 20 years.
My Dad was really big into investments and stocks, learning about different currencies across the world and teaching about the importance of banking and the importance of saving. So from both of them, I had a pretty solid foundation that money is not everything. Being rooted in God and the Holy Spirit is what matters and being a blessing to others. But if you are not being a good steward of your finances, then how are you going to be a blessing for others?
I learned very early on about investments, stocks, and bonds. Also, I’ve never seen my mother work a regular job. She's always had her own business since I was young - so I learned the power of entrepreneurship. My mom would teach me about business and building something from the ground up. She started with not a lot and then skyrocketed into this massive business that took care of our family for over 20 years.
On unhealthy financial habits
I would say for me, the number one thing was shopping. Because I had access to funds at a young age, I had to learn what’s important early. Just because you have it doesn't mean you should spend it. That's where saving comes in. It’s all about balance. I mean, some people save too much, and that can come from a survival mindset.
Some people just spend it all because they think that the fountain is endless and money will just keep coming. Both are terrible concepts and routes to go down. Personally, I just had to learn to reel it in with fashion purchases. It was my stress relief. Some people go to the gym, some people eat, some people read a book, right? I would go to the mall, right? I had to learn to save and spend - that took away the guilty feeling.
On budgeting
I’ll tell you about mine for the year. It’s basically all about my fixed bills (like rent, mortgage, utilities, our payments, things of that nature). Then, I also have a budget for food, beverages, and going out. And I have a shopping budget so that I stay within a certain range. Also, I have an investment budget.
The way that you can do that with the investments is to figure out how much you make, then make sure a certain percentage of what you're making - net income is going towards investments. I don't care if it's small, something that you think won't make a difference. You never know what it’ll do years from now, and make sure those investments are spread throughout wherever they go. Finally I also have a budget for saving.
People operate differently. You can actually take the money out of your account and put it in an envelope or transfer it to an entirely different account. Speaking of bank accounts, it’s good to have one where your check is deposited and then a certain portion that you transfer over. You can have different accounts for transferring to a single account, they transfer to an investment account, so you can keep track of where your money is flowing to.
On a time when she struggled financially
When the market crashed, things were just hard. The life we were accustomed to, we just weren’t able to live anymore. It was like 2008 or 2009. I want to say I was 18, and it was such I strange time. I remember thinking, how do we pivot?
It taught me how much the market has an impact on our families. The biggest lesson, though, was the importance of planning. For me, it was all about learning how to have a strong foundation. We just had to keep going no matter who was calling or what bills were coming - we just kept going. It taught me a lot about the power of mindset.
It taught me how much the market has an impact on our families. The biggest lesson, though, was the importance of planning. For me, it was all about learning how to have a strong foundation. We just had to keep going no matter who was calling or what bills were coming - we just kept going. It taught me a lot about the power of mindset.
On her multiple streams
I have my salary that I make with the company that I work for. I work for a company called Gala. We're a blockchain technology company and entertainment company. And then, I also have what's called an unfamiliar term: nodes. Nodes are essentially what they distribute, what we call tokens. So, with the distribution of tokens, I make a certain amount of money each month.
Also, I have real estate. And then I have my money in a high-yield savings account, which you get money based off of your interest. I have a Goldman Sachs account called Marcus account. So [focus on] where you have your high-yield savings, your CDs. The idea is for your money to make money for you.
What I did is I would take Bitcoin [and] Aetherium cryptocurrencies; all of those are considered multiple streams, because I make money off of them. For example, this goes back to the investment. So if I have a property and I'm making a revenue stream off of that property, you double that revenue stream by putting it in different investments.
Then, at that point, let's say I make $100,000 a month off of one property, right? Let's say $25,000 of that is put into my Marcus account [with] a 4% interest rate, and then that money makes money for me. A portion of my salary goes to buying different cryptocurrencies. Make $100,000 free, then a portion of that is going to purchasing different currencies
On creating wealth with a 9-to-5
I tell people all the time if you're working a nine-to-five and you want to start your own business, use your salary and invest in a high-yield savings account. Don't just let it sit in your regular bank account, which is like point .001% or 3% account, and then the next thing you know, you can have an extra $10,000 to go towards the business that you want to start. The money should always be working for you.
I’m not for struggle vibes. I see so many people that are in my generation, that feel like they either have to be on social media to be successful. Being a millionaire at my age, I’m telling you, there's so many other routes! And you can do it at a young age; don’t wait until you’re 50 or 60 to start figuring it out.
On your final goal
I want more properties - globally. I've already started to get into the hotel business. I want my future children to be able to have tangible assets. Basically, I want a very diverse portfolio and a lot of real estate. It’s very much about generational wealth.
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