When you think about what makes a man “it" for you, does the size of his d**k really matter?
I find myself revisiting this question time and time again in my love life. For most women, the element that elevates sex into great sex territory is the size of a man's package as it is often quite telling of the quality of his delivery.
I was one of those women way back when. I drank the Kool-Aid and believed the hype that the BBC category on Pornhub and conversations with girlfriends over drinks projected.
Bottom line, size mattered. And if he wasn't packing, sex was going to be subpar at best. There was no way a 5 and below could do what I imagined in my mind an 8 or above could do. But, my first experience with an 8 or above told me a different story.
Like most men, Guy A talked about how big it was to me prior to us actually doing the deed and I believed he was probably exaggerating like most men who say they're “big" do. But a week or two later, he proved to me (and my roommates at the time) that he was every bit of the 9 ½ inches that he said he was. My eyes widened and I giggled with glee from anticipation of having him fill me completely. I would quickly learn that in order to enjoy sex with a big d*ck, you have to adjust and became accustomed to his size (riding is absolutely out of the question, but if you can take it, doggy will probably be the most adventurous you can be the first time around).
Ain't no one night stand over here bih.
What's more, I learned that because guys with above-average penis sizes have SO much length, they don't necessarily think they have to work as hard for the pleasure that they illicit from you – i.e., the stroke game can err to the side of being weak as hell. However, that won't stop you from shrieking loudly every time his head repeatedly high-fives your cervix throughout the encounter. Pain and pleasure's thin line will challenge your senses and not necessarily for the better. Whereas a big d*ck seemed good in theory, in reality? Not so much.
I'd actually like to add my coins to the collection plate of d*ck size thoughts and say that size doesn't actually matter. At least, not when it comes to having a partner that knows how to lay it down. In the pursuit of great sex, the connection will always matter more.
In the pursuit of great sex, the connection will always matter more.
For that reason, and another big d*ck beau that came shortly after him that resulted in a similar lackluster feeling – albeit the high-fives to my cervix, I decided to revisit my question of if size mattered to me. The real answer to that question was further emboldened in me with one of my more recent beaus.
I was so close to eliminating him completely after the first time we made love, just because of his size alone.
The package didn't match the sender. Given his height and stature, I overestimated what Guy B would look like unwrapped and erect. In all actuality, he was far below average. It made our first time together very awkward. I couldn't move much because he had a certain angle he had to hit so that he didn't slip out, among other things. So, I not only felt underwhelmed, I felt constrained. If I hadn't grown to like him so much as a person, I would have cut him off then and there. However, I also remembered that while sometimes sex is amazing and earth-shattering and all of those intense adjectives you want it to be the first time around, other times love has to be practiced in order to be made perfect.
And I was right.
The second time far exceeded anything that was the first time. It was much more passionate, much less hurried. We were able to work together in achieving a rhythm because he relinquished some of his control and allowed himself to just be with me in the moment instead of so focused on the mechanics of it. I still felt filled, despite his size and the connection I felt reminded me of the ex I had let go of. By the third time we had sex, he was able to make me orgasm vaginally – something I had only done with one other person in my life. Baby, I was amazed.
So, while I previously scoffed at the idea that a small d*ck could EVER take me to the finish line, I was quickly put on hush mouth as I felt that familiar build up in my body release and let go as the sea of pleasure washed over me.
I more than finished, I arrived.
The act of laying it down can be done just as skillfully with a five or below as it can with a BBC. Size is relative and sex is deeper than any length his package brings to the table. Sex is about connection first and foremost. Honesty and respect next. Chemistry after that. And way, way, way down on the list where it's almost nonexistent should be size. When he knows what to do with it, the rest is history.
The act of laying it down can be done just as skillfully with a five or below as it can with a BBC.
Besides, small d*cks matter too.
Do you think size matters? Let us know in the comments down below.
- Do Women Actually Like Penises? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Pleasurable Sex With Different Penis Sizes Small Average Big - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 12 Different Penis Types: How To Have Sex With Them - xoNecole ›
RELATED
The reason why I think that this is relevant to today’s topic is, as I was doing some research for it, I found myself rolling my eyes quite a bit as I read things like “men need to orgasm in order to release sperm; women don’t need an orgasm to conceive” and “Why do women orgasm? It’s still a mystery.” Umm, is it? Because if you factor in the oneness component that I just mentioned (which more people should take to heart if you ask me) and then add to that the fact that the ONLY purpose of a clitoris is sexual stimulation and satisfaction for a woman — female climaxing and the need for it to happen as much as possible should baffle absolutely no one.
Sex serves a layer of benefits and yes, for both men and women, pleasure should be one of them. And since that is the case, a woman being able to orgasm, as much as she can, should be promoted…in content on a consistent basis.
And that is why I thought some of you might find it interesting that there are certain things about men, specifically, that science says can increase the chances of you climaxing — not only more but more intensely too.
Let’s dive in.
How Masculine a Man Is
GiphyI’m gonna be honest: All of the women out here who give pushback on submission and yet want a man to physically look up to (you know, someone who is 6’ or over which is only 15 percent of the male US population, by the way) fascinate me. So, you want a man who towers over you yet you think it is antiquated for a man to lead you? Do tell. Anyway, that is the first thing I thought about when I read that a man’s level of masculinity plays a significant role in how often a woman is able to orgasm and how quickly she is able to do it.
It would appear that some of the backstory on this is, on the physical tip, men with strong jawlines and broad shoulders represent being in good health as well as being able to protect their family while research also reveals that men with beards make many women believe that they would be good fathers. And yes, as much as social media may say — or scream — otherwise, women tend to prefer dominant (exerting authority or influence) men more as well. All of this together, in the bedroom, results in more and faster orgasms for women. Fascinating.
A Man’s Personality
GiphyA sense of humor in a man can really take him a long way in life — including when it comes to giving women orgasms. That’s why articles like “Funny Men Give The Best Orgasms, According To Research” exist. Although it’s probably a given that a lot of us are drawn to this character trait because it makes us feel good, research also says that humor taps into our creativity, makes it easier for us to adapt to things, and can help us to be better problem-solvers too.
Sexually, I would think that being funny helps because humor and orgasms both provide dopamine hits which is the feel-good hormone that runs throughout our bodies. While we’re on this topic, other personality traits that will make you cum more when it comes to men include being creative, warm, and faithful — gee, imagine that. #sarcasm
Also, a Man’s Self-Esteem
GiphyI’m pretty sure it doesn’t surprise you in the least that the more intense your orgasms are with a guy, the more attractive you’ll find him to be and the more willing you’ll be to have sex with him multiple times a week. Yeah, y’all be careful with this one because something else that science says is whenever a really good orgasm comes your way, as a woman, your brain literally switches all the way off for a moment (which could explain a lot when it comes to who some people choose to deal with out here…just sayin’). Anyway, apparently it would seem that a truly confident man is who’s able to pull all of this off.
That makes sense because confidence is all about having a high sense of self-worth; embracing challenges; not having a lot of self-doubt; listening well to others; standing firm on one’s own beliefs; putting plans into action, and taking control of one’s life. Plus, since a lot of women will admit that they prefer a man to be a provider and protector, which in turn causes them to feel safe, and feeling safe also makes it easier to let go and enjoy sex fully — yes, all of this tracks.
Foreskin
GiphyIf no one else will say it, I WILL: the double standard on foreskin vs. the extra skin that a lot of women have when it comes to their vulva is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, if you know some things about your clitoris, it’s constructed a lot like a mini-penis in the sense of it experiences an erection of sorts when it’s aroused and the clitoral hood is the clitoris’s “foreskin.” So, to be out here giving the “ick” to men for how they were born when some of us have large or hanging lips — yeah, let’s chill on that.
Besides, according to science, “uncut men” not only have a greater level of sensation during sex, but that extra bit of skin (which isn’t as much as a lot of y’all make it out to be…relax) actually gives women more consistent orgasms too. Don’t believe me? Read this here and this here.
If He Ejaculates
GiphyI dunno. If you’re not a selfish partner, this one seems like common sense because, if a man “completes the act”, that means he was able to “get his” and that seems like something any good lover would want for their partner (the only thing better? Experiencing it with him at the same time!). However, what I did find interesting is there’s a greater chance that a woman will orgasm herself if she knows that her partner came.
In fact, one study said that a little over 50 percent of women thought that it was very important that their partner ejaculated during sex while a little over 22 percent said that they experienced more intense orgasms if he came during intercourse.
Some studies say that the sensation of the sperm inside of the vagina may play a role in this; however, since that means that you must engage in unprotected sex (check out “Thinking About Going Condom-Free? Read This Before You Do.”) in order to vouch for this one…I’ll just say to use forethought, wisdom and definitely get tested before attempting it.
BONUS: How Your Friends See Him
GiphyThe more you learn, boy. Have any of you heard of the sexy son hypothesis before? The gist is this: If you create children with someone who other women find attractive, the belief is that you will end up having sons who have that same quality. And yes, being with someone who you think is appealing to other women — seems to increase the chances of you having an orgasm too (chile).
___
Hmph. It’s intel like this that explains why so many think pieces say that the brain is the most powerful sex organ that we have. Anyway, if you’re someone who wants to have more orgasms or more intense orgasms, perhaps take some of this data to heart. For all you know, it might be the blueprint that you’ve been looking for all along.
Thoughts? Comments. Confirmations? LOL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy