I’ve always enjoyed the company of men. I don’t just mean on the romantic tip — I mean, I can talk to my male friends for hours on end. And dealing with male clients? Oh, I always gain a new insight or revelation. That’s why it truly does excite me whenever I get a pitch approved where I can pick men’s brains to see what’s going on in there.
When it comes to sex, specifically, some topics that I’ve already covered include “So...15 Men Told Me About What They LOVE During Sex,” “12 Men Share What Turned Them Out During Sex That Just Might Surprise You” and “12 Men Told Me What They Love So Much About Vaginas.” And while those were quite fascinating and insightful, today, we’re going to approach sex from a bit of a different angle.
Although social media likes to act like men are only one-dimensional when it comes to copulation, I know that is a lie. At this point, I’ve talked about intimacy with a ton of guys who have not only stated that sex is so much better for them when an emotional connection is involved, but they’ve also expressed to me what the combination of really being into someone before actually getting into them (if you know what I mean) has meant as far as raising the bar in the bedroom is concerned.
And so, in the effort to buck all of the nonsense on the relationship side of TikTok (as far as the minds of men go), I decided to interview 10 guys on an experience of intimacy that impacted them in a way that it ended up not only physically unforgettable but emotionally hard to top as well. For obvious reasons, I left their relational status out (because it’s not a given that the experience was with someone who they are seeing now), and middle names are always used so that people can speak with ease.
Are you ready to see how just one experience can change everything for a man? Here we go.
GiphyAndrew. 33.
“Since no one is going to know that it’s me, I’m going to tell it how it really is. I’ve had a lot of sex, but no one has topped my first love to this day. She wasn’t the first person I’ve had sex with, but she was the first person I was totally into. Guys don’t bring it up much because it’s assumed that we just have sex with our d-ck and not much else, but when you love a woman? I mean, really love her and you’re able to be close to her in a sexual way? It doesn’t matter how good somebody else may be in bed; the way that you feel entering into someone you are crazy about makes it the best sex you’ve ever had. And since guys don’t fall in love often…it’s a rare thing.”
Roland. 27.
“The first time I had sex after a girlfriend of mine told me that she loved me; I think that has been my best experience yet. Some of you don’t want to hear it but men like to be loved on for more reasons than what we have or what we can do for someone else. The girl that I’m talking about was that kind of woman. She didn’t just tell me that she loved me; she gave me many reasons why. That took my guard down and made me trust her to the point where whatever — and I mean, WHATEVER — she wanted that night, she could get it. I haven’t thought about that time in a long time. I’m gonna ask my boys this same question at golf. It’s kind of deep.”
GiphyGalen. 30.
“I’ve only had one one-night stand, and I’m confused if it counts because it wasn’t casual. It was with a woman I met at a deli that I rarely go to. We ordered the same thing, so we went to get the food at the same time, we struck up a conversation. That turned into sharing a table outside, and that turned into drinks later that afternoon and then dinner. We couldn’t run out of things to talk about, which was weird because I’m naturally to myself, and it usually takes a while to warm up. Her mind was crazy in a good way; I just kept wanting to know more. We ended up at her house for coffee, and that turned into sex on her couch. I’m not going to lie — the first two times were quick. She hyper-stimulated me! We went out a few times after that and had sex, too, but things eventually faded because nothing could beat that first time. Sometimes it’s the person. Sometimes it’s the setting. Sometimes it’s the timing. That time it was all three. Haven’t beat it yet, and not sure I will. Damn.”
Ellison. 40.
“My wedding night, no question. Culture is crazy when it comes to marriage these days, but I was raised to take it seriously. Telling someone you love them is one thing, but pledging your life to someone else is next level. When I think back on our wedding day, it was a good day; people don’t like to mention how stressful it can be. I couldn’t wait to get alone and just be with the woman who I could call my wife. We did have sex before getting married but having sex with your ‘girlfriend’ isn’t the same thing as gettin’ it in with your wife. We belonged to each other, and our wedding night made that official. Every time I whispered ‘Mrs [so-and-so], it damn near got us both off.”
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GiphyGerritt. 25.
“Reconnecting with an ex. You have someone in your life who you know that if you had met at a later time, things would be better because you both would be in a better place? That was me and my ex. Nothing crazy broke us up but when we hooked back up online and then met up in person, the sex we had that first time? I have never experienced anything like it. I think it’s because we missed each other and were just meeting another version of ourselves at the same time. What a wild question to ask someone, girl? This shit is deep!”
Yusef. 47.
“It might be a bad comparison but it’s the one I’ve got. They say that the biggest problem with heroin is the high that you get from it the first time you try it; you won’t experience it unless you overdose, and by then, it’s too late. When your first time having sex is with someone who you love — it’s not even about all of the tricks. You both might even be virgins and don’t know what the hell is going on. The point is being so close to someone you love a lot…guys don’t fall in love a billion times like a lot of women do. It’s probably once or twice, max. And when you enter into someone you love for the first time? Men aren’t going to admit it but most of us spend the rest of our lives trying to replicate that experience again. Most of us never do.”
GiphyTorrance. 43.
“What an interesting question. I do have an immediate answer: it was with my best friend. We just broke up with our exes and got together to talk about how sick we were of their s-it. I don’t think I realized that I suppressed any attraction for my friend because she was basically always seeing somebody. After a few shots and some puffs, we were in my bed, and that was the best sex that I’ve had to this day! We had no walls, no secrets, and weren’t trying to change each other. No vulnerabilities meant no inhibitions. Next level sh-t.”
Shellie here: This actually reminds me of the Black indie movieASecond Chance. If you’ve never seen it before, it’s on Tubi. It’s cute.
Hawkins. 29.
“The first time we had sex after having our first child. Her last trimester was rough. Of course, after months of no sex, I was horny as hell, and then we had to wait the standard few weeks after she gave birth, and then she was going through some body image issues. She was self-conscious, but I didn’t care about how she looked. I missed it. I’ll admit that, at first, all I could really think about was how much I missed sex. But when I really thought about it and was like, ‘This woman gave me what no other woman has: a son’, she was sexier than she ever had been to me. Her body was different, but I didn’t care. She made a miracle happen. The lust caught me completely off guard. I couldn’t get enough of her that night!”
GiphyThaddeus. 34.
“It’s when my wife and I decided to call off our divorce, and we had sex that night. Lust is cool. Love is, too. But go through some things with someone, tough sh-t, and then come back together for no other reason than you choose to. That ‘I chose you’ sex? I felt like I damn near was gonna explode that night because I wasn’t just attracted to her; I really trusted her. We decided to spend the rest of our marriage trying to top that night. We sure as hell have been having a ball trying, I’ll tell you that!”
Rexell. 30.
“Game night with friends. When it’s couples, a game that displays who knows their partner best is almost always gonna go down. One night, we played three of those games, and my girlfriend and I won each one over some folks in the room who’d been married for years. I didn’t expect it to be a turn-on but the fact that we had learned each other so well and she kept up with some minute details about me had me almost hard, right there on the couch. Sex when you are known and connected is the best sex you’ll ever have. Good times, good times.”
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See…I told you that when it comes to intimacy, men are not “kiddie pool” shallow. Just like us, many of them crave some type of real mental and emotional connection because, even to them, it makes sex better.
Just a reminder to prioritize quality time with your partner.
It’s great for your relationship. It makes what goes down in your bedroom so much better, too.
10 men just sat up here and cosigned on it.
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"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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