A couple of weeks ago, as a friend of mine was talking about what kind of plans she was going to make with her man for Valentine’s Day, she said something that I think a lot of people feel — “Dinner and a movie are cool but they’re just so predictable. You got any creative ideas?”
Funny, because my editor here asked me the same thing. So, I’m taking all of this to be a sign from the universe that 2023 is the year when folks want to step a bit outside of the norm when it comes to celebrating the day when Cupid likes to make a special appearance.
Whether you’re in something new or something serious, you’re in the same town or miles apart, you’re sexually active or putting (physical) intimacy on ice for now — I hope I covered all of the bases below with these 13 date ideas so that this Valentine’s Day can be one of the best dates — and days — that you’ve ever had!
1. Play Your Own Version of a Dating Show on Zoom
Let’s start here. Have you ever noticed that when it comes to date ideas for Valentine’s Day, oftentimes they tend to be, well, a bit much if you’re in a dynamic where you and someone are just getting to know each other? You’re not close enough to do anything “deep” but it might be a little awkward to ignore Valentine’s Day altogether. If this is exactly where you are with someone, why not come up with your own dating show on Zoom?
For instance, it could be something like a guessing game where both of you come up with 10 or so questions about each other’s favorite things, pet peeves, and what makes you attracted to other people. If you both get a certain amount of answers right (the number is totally up to y’all), the prize can be a future fantasy date. If one of you does, the “loser” can agree to take the other out.
Listen, the rules are totally up to y’all. All I’m saying is this is a safe, fun, and creative way to learn more about each other, all from the comfort and convenience of your own home.
2. Have a Sexless Sleepover
I already know that this one might seem “odd” but going along with the theme of easing into the process of taking things to another level, if you’ve already been out with someone a couple of times, you’re clear that you want to get to know each other better butyou’re not sure that you’re ready for sex just yet, ask them how they would feel about a sexless sleepover. You can each pick a favorite movie, order some of your favorite foods and just…hang out.
If it leads to sex, okay. However, most people would agree with me that sleeping with someone (just sleeping) can also be pretty intimate. Plus, it can help you to understand one another differently. If he’s down and acts like a complete gentleman the entire time (as he should), it can also help to develop a sense of trust that you might not have had prior to him being in your space (or you being in his) for a significant amount of time.
3. Enjoy a Winter or Indoor Picnic Together
Last month, CNN ran an article entitled, “Inflation is killing the first dinner date.” Honestly, I don’t have a problem with that because that whole “A man should spend hundreds of dollars on me on a first date” just oozes entitlement — and if you want a good man who ain’t a sucker, he already knows that. Besides, a picnic ranks higher in my book anyway because it typically requires more creativity and thoughtfulness in order to pull it off. Also, it can be easier to get some one-on-one time in too.
Since it’s still cold outside, why not have a winter picnic with grilled cheese, soups, and hot cocoa or, if it’s not a first date, an indoor picnic at one of your homes? You don’t need to make anything — you can order takeout and just focus on the ambiance — pitch a tent out of blankets, string some lights on it, and play some of your favorite music in the background. Laid-back romance can sometimes be the best kind.
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4. Take a Day Trip to the Next City or Town
Valentine’s Day is on a Tuesday this year, so this might be something that you can do either the weekend before or the weekend following it. Either way, turnaround day trips can be a lot of fun because you’re able to get off of the grid and get some much-needed quality time in.
For instance, I live in Nashville, so I’m roughly four hours away from Atlanta. Even if I didn’t feel like going that far, believe it or not, Chattanooga and Huntsville are on the come-up and they’re both somewhere around two hours away. The bonding during the drive and then randomly choosing a restaurant and maybe even spontaneously staying over at a hotel can bring the free-spiritedness out of you both — and that can be really sexy.
5. Come Up with Your Own “Pick a Card” or "Index Card" Challenge
At this point, who hasn’t seen at least 10 versions of the “Pick a Card” challenge that’s gone viral on various socials? Another idea is to have you and your partner each choose a version to surprise each other with.
The thing that I really like about this “game” is it doesn’t require a ton of money (if coins are tight right now); however, you do have to be proactive and also think about things that your partner would really enjoy doing whether they pick the left or right card. Anyway, just something else to think about if you want to do something that’s a little out of the norm this year.
6. Theme a Date Around Each Other’s Top Love Language
By now, who doesn’t know what the five love languages are? They’re words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. With that out of the way, even though it’s common for men to get women some flowers on V-Day, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that it “scratched the itch” when it comes to making a woman feel truly seen and appreciated. And lawd, don’t even get me started on how many men get overlooked altogether (by the way, sex is not a present; both people benefit from the act. Do something tangible for him. He probably won’t see it coming and will profoundly appreciate your efforts).
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language.” When you get a chance, check it out and also send it to the person you’re seeing. Suggest doing something along those lines this year. You might be surprised by what you both come up with — activities that will truly speak to the way that you like to feel appreciated and/or loved.
7. Create a Dating Pinterest Board (for the Year) Together
When it comes to character traits that I personally adore in a man, at the very top of the list is proactiveness. It speaks to him moving with intention when he makes plans ahead of time instead of being reactive because he knows that he dropped the ball.
Anyway, if you and your boo thang would prefer to be somewhat low-key this year, something that you could do is create a dating board on Pinterest. If you’re wondering how that works, it’s basically just like creating a vision board, only the focus is to plan out different things to do together every month until December rolls around. The cool thing about this option is it works if you’re sitting on the couch together or you’re in a long-distance relationship and you’re sharing a screen on Zoom.
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8. Use Spotify Group Sessions Feature to Your Favor
Speaking of long-distance situations, if you and your partner are premium subscribers on Spotify, something else that you can do is have a music-listening party together online. Yep, you can either create a favorite music playlist separately or come up with one together and then share the music while you’re both in the same Spotify session.
Even though it won’t be the same thing as being together (I mean, nothing is), listening to the first song you danced to together, did “other stuff” together to, or hearing tunes that make the both of you think about the other person can be pretty romantic when you think about it. If you’ve never used this feature before, click here and here to learn how.
9. Engage in Online Video Game Stripping
Not too long ago, I was interviewing some men about the things that they like about going on dates and also the things that they kinda-sorta loathe. I’m sure it comes as no surprise that one of the things that they hate is being expected to damn near spend half of their rent money on one date; however, another thing that came up is they often end up doing things that only their partner truly enjoys.
Well, this idea most definitely has the fellas in mind. And before you knock video games, Google all of the benefits that come from playing them. They reduce stress. They stimulate creativity. They help with problem-solving skills. And that’s just for starters.
Anyway, if you and your man happen to be apart for Valentine’s Day, perhaps play a few rounds of online video game stripping. Play each other and whoever loses each round, they have to drop something. I can’t think of one guy who won’t jump for joy at the idea of doing this.
10. Cook Each Other’s Favorite Dish (Possibly Naked)
Something that can be a real form of quality time is cooking with your partner. The cool thing about this option is you can also do it whether you live in the same city or not. It can be a great way to get to know each other’s palates as you share some of your favorite recipes and approaches to food.
The twist here is, rather than making one of your own favorite dishes, you make your partner’s instead and vice versa (which also works well if you’re long-distance). If you want to make it sexy, do it in some lingerie or maybe — nothing on at all. #wink
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11. Come Up with a Signature Cocktail. And Dessert.
When you think of a signature cocktail, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if wedding receptions are immediately what crosses your mind. But who said that you have to be married or that weddings are the only time when you and your boo thang can come up with a drink that represents the love that’s between the two of you?
If this idea is intriguing yet you have no idea where to begin, Vox has a cocktail test that you can take here and there are a few general instructions for how to make a signature cocktail here, here, and here.
While you’re at it, why not come up with a signature dessert as well? One approach that you can take for this is to discuss your three top favorite desserts each and then come up with a creative way to combine a few of ‘em. Could be a lot of fun!
12. Make a Sex Piñata
Now, when I say “make,” I’m not exactly being literal. LOL. I mean, if arts and crafts are totally your thing, my hat goes off to you. At the same time, there are places where you can purchase a piñata for a fairly decent price; some are even themed around Valentine’s Day like a red heart from Walmart (here) and this rose-colored one from Amazon (here).
Oh, and while you could just fill it with candy and call it a day, why not spice things up a bit and also add some travel-size bottles of lubrication, a couple of sex toys, some lace panties, and maybe even a handwritten note or two that are filled with sexual fantasies?
Each of you can put a blindfold on the other and whoever breaks the piñata first gets a sex-themed surprise — or reward, depending on how you look at it. #wink
13. Do a “Mind, Body and Spirit” Date (Well…Dates)
When you’re in a relationship with someone, your entire being is involved — mind, body, and spirit. So, let’s wrap this Valentine’s Day date ideas article up with the recommendation to break the date up into three segments. For the mind part, play a board game together, ask some never-before-asked questions, or vibe out together with some jazz and wine. For the body, do something exhilarating like ziplining, something relaxing like a yoga class, or schedule an intimate at-home couples massage. For the spirit, get into some orgasmic meditation, go shopping for some crystals, or commit to watching the sun set and rise the next morning together.
As you can see, there are tons of things to do outside of a restaurant or movie theater. Whether you go with one (or a couple) of these ideas or try something else, here’s to taking a more outside-of-the-box approach to Valentine’s Day this year.
Hey, you’re a unique couple, right? Let what you do exemplify that fact.
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You know, sometimes, when I go back and look at some of the articles that I’ve penned for the platform before, I truly can’t believe how fast time flies. Take the piece, “What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?” — now, how in the world did it turn five this year? I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around it. And although the piece does address some key points — like the fact that there is somewhat of a difference between being spiritual and being religious (although more people should read James 1:27 in order to understand how the Bible defines religion to be…it just might surprise them) — I want to explore a deeper angle of our spirituality, along with what we should require of it.
Today, let’s look at spirituality from the perspective of “the quality of being concerned with the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things,” “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…” (Murray and Zentner) and, perhaps, more than anything else, “the relationship between ourselves and something larger."
You know, it’s a woman by the name of Dr. Maya Spencer who once said, “Spirituality means knowing that our lives have significance in a context beyond a mundane everyday existence at the level of biological needs that drive selfishness and aggression. It means knowing that we are a significant part of a purposeful unfolding of Life in our universe.” Indeed.
And while keeping that in mind, if this is a time of your life when you would like to “clean or cleanse your spirituality” by doing things like removing negative energy, getting rid of old or counterproductive patterns and/or by stepping into an elevated space as far as your human spirit and soul are concerned, you might be pleasantly surprised by how easy and even fun that can be for you to do.
To effectively clean/cleanse your spirit, start by asking — and answering — the following five spirituality-focused questions:
What Inspires You?
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Remember how, in the intro, I shared that one definition of spirituality is “a quality that goes beyond religious affiliation, that strives for inspiration, reverence, awe, meaning and purpose…”? That is actually where I am pulling a lot of these questions from because, the reality is that focusing on things that inspire you, intentionally pondering your purpose, and also by encouraging yourself to become an overall better human being — these things definitely tie into your spiritual side whether you are “traditionally religious” or not.
And so, when it comes to cleansing your spirituality in this season, a great question to start off with is what actually inspires you? And listen, believe it or not, inspire is a pretty layered word. I say that because, while one definition is “to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.),” another is “to communicate or suggest by a divine or supernatural influence,” while synonyms of the word include excite, affect, cause, motivate, provoke, and instill. This means that if you truly want to say or do things from a place of inspiration, you need to produce things from a divine or supernatural space (interesting, right?).
The reason why it’s so important to “spring clean” in this department is, oftentimes you can be motivated or provoked by things that aren’t really all that good, healthy and/or beneficial for you (social media fast, anyone?) — things that take your mind off of what’s divine — sacred, godly and extremely good. As a result, you find yourself producing out of a mind and heart space that is compromised when it comes to your core standards, values, and even goals.
So yes, in the effort to cleanse your spirituality, begin by really reflecting on what you claim inspires you — then revisit what the word actually means…just to be sure that you are being honest with yourself about whether something or one is truly inspiring you…or not.
What Amplifies Your Purpose?
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Purpose is always something that is going to be a pretty big deal to me. That’s why I’ve written articles for the platform like “What Does It Mean To Have 'Purposeful Relationships'?,” “Please Stop Picking People Who Don't 'Fit' Your Purpose,” “The Conversation You Need To Have With Yourself Before The New Year Begins,” “How To Handle 'Purpose Fatigue'” and “5 Signs You Are Living Your True Purpose.” It’s because really, if you’re not focused, most of all, on the reason why you exist in the first place, nothing else is going to be fully, truly, and authentically fulfilling for you.
So, when it comes to this part of your spirituality, first take some time to make sure that you know what your purpose is. If you have no clue and you’re ready to find out, as a wise person once said, wisdom comes in the questions, even more than the answers, and Rockwood Leadership Institute has a whopping 132 questions that you can ask yourself in order to get to the root of what your purpose is here. On the flip side, if you do know and you’re just not feeling completely satisfied in what you are currently doing as it relates to executing your purpose, it sounds to me like you are going through a bit of a “purpose growth spurt,” and yes, there is such a thing.
For instance, I am very clear on what my purpose in life is — I am here to teach what I study and research about when it comes to the topics of covenant marriage, sex, and the biblical Sabbath. All are covenant principles that have been unbelievably compromised in a thousand different ways. However, as I evolve, transform, and mature, my understanding of what I know does as well, and that “upgrades” how I approach and share my purpose with others. You see, purpose is never supposed to be stagnant…it is ever-shifting as far as how you accomplish things within it.
And that’s why, spiritually, it’s so important that you make sure that you are AMPLIFYING YOUR PURPOSE. To amplify is “to make larger, greater, or stronger; enlarge; extend.” If you are not putting forth the effort to do just this, there is some spiritual cleansing that must be done because, if there is one thing about a person’s purpose, it’s the fact that it’s HUGE which means that there will always be plenty to do within it until their time on this earth ends.
What Makes You Love Better…and More?
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I believe I’ve mentioned before that a show that I loathe with every fiber of my being (and there really is so much to choose from these days — SMDH) is TV One’s For My Man. Not only is it a program that discourages full-level accountability, but it irks me to no end every time that it says that a woman did some heinous crime in the name of love. According to Scripture, GOD IS LOVE (I John 4:8&16). Not only that, but the Love Chapter in Scripture has a very healthy, sane, and mature take on how we should love and require love in return (I’m going to share two translations of I Corinthians 13:4-8 for expanded context):
“Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end. Love never dies.” (I Corinthians 13 — Message)
“Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].” (I Corinthians 13 — AMPC)
Now, think about what you see displayed on television when it comes to relationships. Based on these verses, is it love? Is it really? Ponder all of the relationship content that’s on social media. Does it sound like this kind of love? Does it really? The times when you’ve done things that you know were purely rooted in selfishness, impatience, and/or refusing to do for others what you would want them to do for you — how can any of that be loving? If you do believe in God and you also believe that you were made in his image (Genesis 1:26-28), this means that a part of your own spiritual DNA is love. This also means that if you know that your love has been tainted by material or physical things (which, by definition, is the opposite of spirituality), it’s time to make some real adjustments.
That said, take some time, think about the people and things that you profess to love, and ask yourself if it’s really love or is it lust or entitlement or immaturity. Then ask yourself what you can do to love those individuals and items better.
Remember, since you are made from Love, it’s important that you love like you are.
How Effective Are You When It Comes to Compassion?
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Personally, I think that whenever someone does something reckless and then follows up with the Bible says not to judge, I find it to be a supreme level of gaslighting. The context of that verse is saying that in the way that you judge, you will be judged and that you should make sure that you are right in the area that you are judging before you judge someone else (Matthew 7:1-5); however, be clear that judgment is a form of accountability which is why there are also verses like “Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment” (John 7:24 — NKJV) that exist — not to mention the fact that discernment literally means “keen judgment” and the Good Book supremely promotes that: “Strike a scoffer, and the simple will become wary; rebuke one who has understanding, and hewill discern knowledge.” (Proverbs 19:25 — NKJV)
And that’s why, any time the topic of “don’t judge” comes up, I am known for saying something along the lines of, “PUH-LEEZE. If I say ‘You’re cute,’ I just judged you. Humans don’t have a problem with judgment; they don’t like criticism or accountability.” And gee, is that unfortunate because it’s hard to grow without both of those things. However, the key that comes with being on the giving end of criticism or holding someone accountable is applying a quote by author Anne McCaffrey: “Make no judgments where you have no compassion.”
This world has a lot of…stuff going on, stuff that needs to be addressed and stuff that needs compassion applied while it is. By definition, compassion is about having concern for others, especially if what you see them going through, they have either told you or you can discern is tied to some level of internal suffering. And that’s why, in the spirit of spiritual cleansing, something else to ask is if you are holding others and even yourself accountable while operating from a place of genuine care and concern or is your ego just wanting to elevate itself or prove that it’s right?
You know, we’re living in a time when, more and more, people are frowning on humility which is unfortunate because a definite quality that comes with being a compassionate person is absolutely that — “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4 — NKJV)
It really is almost impossible to be profoundly spiritual without being a compassionate person. Is this an area that needs some “cleaning up”? If so, there is no time like the present.
What Encourages You to Be Wiser and Full of More Truth?
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Musician Jimi Hendrix once said, “Knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.” Aristotle once said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Confucius once said, “By three methods we may learn wisdom: first, by reflection, which is the noblest; second, by imitation, which is the easiest; and third, by experience, which is the bitterest." Thomas Jefferson once said, “The wisest men know their weakness.” Author Gift Gugu Mona once said, “A woman of peace is a wise woman who understands that peace is more powerful than trying to prove a point.”
And what does it mean to be wise?
People who can regulate their emotions are wise. People who actually learn from their experiences (and the experiences of others, so that they don’t have to experience everything) are wise. People who know how to tame their ego are wise. People who are flexible/adaptable, non-materialistic, are self-aware, can be relied upon for great perspectives and insights, and are teachable are wise. The self-disciplined are wise. The patient are wise. The non-entitled are wise. Those who prioritize well are wise.
Those who do not live above their means (across the board), they are also wise. And there is no way that you can be wise without being willing to be completely honest, yes truthful with yourself about where you could stand to gain more wisdom and what must be done — and sometimes sacrificed — in order to get it.
And so, as I close this piece out, when it comes to spring cleaning your spirituality, ask yourself who and what encourages and enables you to become a wiser individual — AND who and what hinders that from transpiring. Then be honest with yourself about what is challenging you for the better and what, frankly, is only dumbing you down. Indeed, in order to live out the full potential of your spirituality, wisdom must come into play. However, it’s important to keep in mind that, for wisdom to truly flourish, it is a conscious choice — a daily decision.
And it will never come so long as you are making up excuses, justifying poor behavior (check out “Accountability Time: Let's Stop Calling It A 'Mistake' When It Was A 'Choice'”) or lying to yourself about what needs to be done. Taking those approaches to life is literally the opposite of being wise.
A French priest by the name of Pierre Teilhard de Chardin once said, “We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” I can only imagine how much the quality of our lives would improve if we took that in on a very serious level.
The good news is you can choose to do it — right here and right now.
See yourself as a spiritual being.
Clean/cleanse whatever hinders that reality.
And watch how you begin to soar, supernaturally, by design, because of it, sis.
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