Sure, he was aging. He was 93, to be exact. But he was still just as sharp, witty, and independent as ever. Until he wasn’t. Although my family never officially revealed his diagnosis to me, the signs were there. It was eerily similar to my mom’s end-of-life stage during her bout with endometrial cancer.
And so, while I didn’t want to accept what was happening to my favorite guy, I was intentional about seeing or talking to him over the phone every day for those last six or so weeks.
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In the weeks and days leading up to July 11, I often had pep talks with myself, “You’ve gotten through this before. He’s 93, and you can’t expect him to live forever.” Thinking I would be okay once the call came in, I quickly found that I wasn’t.
I experienced insane insomnia, anxiety attacks, and even nausea on the day of his funeral. I couldn’t even muster up the strength to sit in on the viewing, so my family allowed me to sit in the church lobby until the casket was closed.
Somehow I made it through my speech during the service (barely), but after it was all said and done, I knew I simply needed a change of scenery. Less than 48 hours after we buried my grandfather, I began planning an impromptu trip to Paris, one of my favorite cities in the world and host of the 2024 Olympic Games.
My therapist classified it as trying to escape my grief, but I saw it as a time to process while doing something that genuinely brought me joy. After going back and forth for about a day and a half, I had finalized my itinerary with my flight and hotel confirmed. Exactly a week later, I was on my flight headed to Paris, France.
Once I landed, I felt as though a weight had been lifted. Seeing all the Olympic signs and the overall Parisian aesthetic was an instant breath of fresh air. While it was slated to be a short trip, four days and three nights, I mapped out activities that I knew would make me the most happy while there—shopping, a trip to Disneyland Paris, and of course, an Olympic event.
As a self-proclaimed adult Disney fanatic, spending a day at the French capital’s version of the theme park allowed me to disconnect from real life and tap into my inner child. I rode the teacups, ate ice cream, and even lined up to watch one of the parades, where I excitedly waved at all the characters. I left the park that evening feeling renewed.
The next day, and for my official summer games experience, I headed to my pre-booked women’s 3rd round tennis match in the famous Roland Garros Stadium. The entire time, as I randomly yet passionately cheered on the underdog Chinese competitor of the match, I kept saying to myself, “I'm really at the Olympics in Paris.”
I should preface that with, I’ve technically been before, but it was the winter games while I lived in South Korea in 2018. So it was my first Summer Games.
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With much of my trip bringing a smile to my face and spirit, there was a moment as I was leaving the tennis stadium when tears welled up. Typically, anytime I travel, my grandfather is the person I call once I return. He was always genuinely interested in hearing about where I had been and what I saw.
So, in true grief fashion, I had that moment where I got excited to call him and tell him about what I had just witnessed during my trip, and then reality hit. That was a call I would no longer be able to make. Admittedly, it left a lump in my throat, just as it did when I wrote this.
I began to question if my trip was worth it. If I hadn’t gone, would I still have this same sadness? It almost left me feeling like I should slow down on traveling for a while, or at least until I could handle the potential emotions that may result from not being able to talk to him anymore. Because the wound was still very fresh.
But, I remembered that travel is my personal love language. I also remembered how excited my grandfather and mother were to see me travel this big, beautiful world and experience global cultures. And in that moment, I knew this sadness was simply a temporary reaction to the lifelong cycle that I would go through.
Feeling my feels, as my therapist says, I allowed the emotions to do what they needed to, and then I went on to finish the rest of my trip on a high note. Because in the end, while they may not be here physically, they are certainly with me wherever I go in spirit—and that is what I will rest on as I continue to navigate this never-ending merry-go-round called grief.
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To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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Nearly four months later, I rebooked my flight and was off to Kona, Hawaii, to ring in Sagittarius season with one of my close girlfriends. Still keeping those debates at the forefront of my mind, I knew that many locals expressed mixed opinions. Some felt that tourists— especially those of us from the mainland United States— came to the islands with a sense of entitlement and lack of regard for the struggles they face. On the other side of the coin are those who wanted tourism to pick back up fully, as it was their main source of income.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
My first time to the state overall, I truly didn’t know what to expect, but I knew that I wanted to immerse myself in local culture as much as possible. I stayed at the luxurious Mauna Lani, Auberge Resorts Collection, just outside the town of Waimea. Often voted the number 1 resort on the Big Island, I was truly blown away by the property’s beauty.
Lined with tons of lush fauna and flora, it was the perfect choice for a week of R&R. We spent hours laying on the pristine beach, indulged in plenty of fresh seafood at the on-site restaurants (including the local staple, poke), got pampered at the resort spa and more. But, I think for me, the highlight was knowing the backstory of the land surrounding the hotel— a land said to almost be sacred in a sense.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
Tucked almost directly in the center of five mountain ranges (Kohala, Hualalai, Mauna Kea, Mauna Loa, and Kilauea), Mauna Lani has been said to possess a certain energy that instantly puts you in a tranquil state. Unique in its own right, there have been times when guests could look out and see lava flowing from Mount Kilauea while Mount Mauna Kea was simultaneously hit with snow— a natural anomaly.
Just outside the hotel’s main building and pool areas were several protected fishponds and walking trails for guests to utilize and reflect around. During a morning nature walk with locally born and raised expert Ethan Souza, he told us many of the old folktales that had been passed down for generations as they related to the surrounding land.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
“This is a hotel rooted in Hawaii, versus one simply built in Hawaii,” Souza shared. It was a quote that stuck out to me, especially as a frequent traveler, because it opened my mind up to the understanding that hotels are more than just fancy buildings for us to escape to. Some also hold tons of history and spiritual connections— especially Mauna Lani. And, because of that, I wanted to allow those principles to be the root of my trip.
“Here, we believe that the land is chief and man is the servant,” Souza added. I took that to mean that while I was there for my own rejuvenation after quite a busy year, it was also my duty as a visitor—and a human— to honor the land at all times. Whether that meant ensuring that I didn’t leave any trash on the beach, reducing my use of single-use plastics, or just respecting the wildlife and plant life around me.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
In keeping with our theme of educating ourselves on local culture, my friend and I also opted for the resort’s sunrise canoe excursion. Meeting along the beach around 6:20 am, our group was ushered into a traditional double canoe led by our local guide, Keanu. We paddled for about 20 minutes to the middle of the ocean to our reflecting point just in front of Mount Mauna Kea— which, unbeknownst to many, is technically the tallest range in the world. As we awaited the sun’s arrival over the peak, Keanu explained to us how locals view natural elements like the sun as guiding forces to the start of their day. After a series of traditional chants that welcomed the sun, he encouraged us to then also set our intention for the day as the sun rose.
That moment was so powerful for me, and coupled with the things learned during the nature walk with Ethan, it allowed me to finish out the rest of my visit with a renewed mindset. Yes, I am here to relax and lap in a bit of paradisaical luxury, but also I should honor and respect the land and people that also made that possible. This same mindset is one that I plan to lean on during any trip that I take from here out. So thank you, Mauna Lani and Hawaii, for shifting my perspective.
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Feature image courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
If you’re ready to add some new destinations to the list, or you are just the type of person who loves a good sale, we’ve rounded up some of the best airline and hotel deals for you to check out this Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
Black Friday and Cyber Monday Airline Deals
Since travel rebounded after the global pandemic, flight prices have increased. And, depending on your home airport, those prices could be borderline astronomical— hello, Charlotte. So, being able to lock in a discount fare for your trip is always a win.
Check out a few of the best airline deals we’ve come across for BFCM thus far.
TAP Air Portugal: Starting now until November 24, the Portugal-based airline carrier is advertising economy class flights starting at $379 for travel through May 31, 2024. Departure airports include Newark (EWR), Boston (BOS), Miami (MIA), Chicago O-Hare (ORD), and D.C. (IAD), with the lowest-priced flights heading to Rome, Italy, and Lisbon, Portugal.
Qatar Airways: Consistently voted one of the world’s best airlines, you can take advantage of up to $350 off in premium class and up to $150 off in economy to select destinations from all gateways across the US, Canada, and Brazil. This offer ends 11/24/2023.
French Bee: Deemed a budget airline with service to Paris and other popular international destinations, the carrier is taking things up a notch with flights to Paris and Tahiti from New York City, San Francisco, L.A., and Miami starting at as low as $387 roundtrip. The cheapest option is NYC to Paris for $387. The sale runs November 20 - 27, 2023, and it must be for travel between November 20, 2023, to March 31, 2024.
La Compagnie: The 100% smart business-class airline is bringing back its annual “Blue Friday” deal from November 17 to 21, 2023. Travelers can get roundtrip business class flights to Paris, Milan, or Nice, France, for $2,000. The sale only applies to flights between December 1, 2023, and May 31, 2024.
*Editor’s Note: Most US airline carriers typically announce any BFCM sales on the actual days, so be sure to look out for those as well.
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BFCM Hotel Deals
You’ve purchased your flight, and now it’s time to lock in the last part standing between you and a vacay— the hotel. Long gone are the days of “staying anywhere because we’ll barely be in the room.” No, we want to be able to kick back and lap in luxury at the hotel, too. These deals will certainly help you achieve that.
Windjammer Resort - Saint Lucia: If you saw Chloë’s stunning beach shots from St. Lucia, they were taken along the sands of this resort. Save up to 60% on all room categories, plus get a $250 resort credit, daily breakfast, and complimentary access to world-class amenities for the entire family. The sale runs November 20 - 28, 2023.
Marriott Bonvoy: Current Bonvoy members can save 20% off bookings made through the app for stays between November 26, 2023, and January 15, 2024. The offer runs from November 21 - 28, 2023.
The Spectator Hotel - Charleston, SC: Receive 23% off bookings made from November 27, 2023, through December 3, 2023, for travel happening before December 31, 2024. Without the discount, the hotel’s rates start at $299/night.
Intercontinental Miami: From November 24, 2023, to November 28, 2023, get 40% off a second night when booking a two-night stay from November 24, 2023 - March 31, 2024. This also includes complimentary early check-in and late check-out based on availability.
Sugar Beach, a Viceroy Resort - Saint Lucia: Save up to 35% on bookings made for stays between January 4, 2024 - December 20, 2024. A 4-night minimum stay is required to receive this discount.
The Standard Hotels - worldwide: Between November 24, 2023, and November 28, 2023, The Standard Hotels are offering rooms across all its hotel properties at 35% off the best available rate for stays between November 14, 2023, and August 31, 2024. Some blackout dates do apply.
SLS South Beach: Get up to 50% off stays between December 12, 2023, to June 30, 2024, when you book between November 15, 2023, to November 19, 2023, and November 23, 2023, to November 27, 2023. For all other days between November 13, 2023, and November 28, 2023, the SLS South Beach is offering rooms up to 35% off for stays with a minimum length of two nights throughout 2024.
Royalton Resorts - worldwide: Available now, you can save up to 25% off your hotel booking. Resorts include Royalton Negril, Hideaway at Royalton Riviera Cancun (Adults-only), Royalton Punta Cana, and more.
Virgin Hotels Las Vegas, Curio Collection by Hilton - Las Vegas: Get 40% off the best available rate when you book November 20 – December 5, 2023. Travel dates must be between November 20, 2023 – December 31, 2024.
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Hilton Los Cabos - Los Cabos, Mexico: Between November 20, 2023, and December 15, 2023, save up to 35% off accommodations and receive a $100 resort credit. Applies to travel between January 1 – September 30, 2024. Some blackout dates apply.
Karisma Hotels & Resorts - worldwide: Get savings of up to 70% off on stays and up to $1,000 in resort credits at world-class properties in Mexico, the Dominican Republic, Jamaica, and Belize. Book now through Dec. 7, 2023, and travel between November 16, 2023, to January 2, 2026, to take advantage.
General Saint Lucia BFCM Hotel Sale: Nearly two dozen hotels, villas, and resorts in Saint Lucia are offering discounts and perks up to 76% off for Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and Travel Tuesday 2023. Deals include discounts on room rates, upgrades, resort credits, spa discounts, and more.
General The Islands of the Bahamas Sale: If you’re ready for white sands and cerulean blue waters in 2024, the Bahamas has created an entire website of all the BFCM deals the islands are offering this week. From 40% off hotels to discounts on adrenaline-pumping excursions.
Freehand Hotels and Generator Hotels - across the US: For a limited time, this Black Friday flash sale features BOGO (buy one, get one) room rates, which allows you to stay two nights at any Freehand or Generator property for the price of one. This applies to travel dates between January 1, 2024, and March 31, 2024. This deal is available to book from November 21, 2023- November 27, 2023.
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My second time in Barcelona, I was able to cover even more territory than my initial visit nearly ten years ago. From Black-owned restaurants to DIY upcycling studios to getting “the shot” in front of the famous The Cheetah Girls 2 movie backdrop. Here’s an insider’s take on what to eat, see and do while there.
Where to Stay
The key to any major city is staying in a central location. This way, you can easily get around, whether by foot, rideshare, or even public transportation. For this trip, I stayed in the ultra-trendy ME Barcelona. With gorgeous imagery of Black women rocking their natural kinks and coils filling its walls, the hotel is a dream for any Black girl that likes to feel seen.
The entire property is decked out in neutral tones and wood accents. There’s a rooftop pool for those visiting in warmer months, a late-night bar accented with pink florals hanging from its ceiling, and a delicious restaurant with tons of greenery splashed throughout.
What to See and Do
First and foremost, you’re in Europe, so retail therapy is a must. With the EU having the VAT (value-added tax) refund, it’s the perfect excuse to get in a little designer shopping while also saving a few coins in the process. With Spain being the home of fashion house Loewe (pronounced Loh-eh-vey), you’re sure to get your hands on some of the brand’s hottest bags and shades for a fraction of the price in the US. Oh, and there’s a nice designer outlet just 30-minutes outside Barcelona proper— you can thank me later. You can also find great shopping around Plaça de Catalunya, as well as the iconic La Rambla (Barcelona’s famous pedestrian strip).
For the artsy girls, add a visit to Upcycling Barcelona Shop (L’Escola d’Upcyling) for unique pieces as well as the chance to take one of the collective's daily DIY upcycling classes. The shop mostly works with denim, so you could walk away with your own custom piece. Also, no trip to the city is complete without seeing the various buildings and houses built by architect Antoni Gaudí. Words really don’t do these structures justice, so you’ll just have to see them for yourself.
Be sure to spend some time getting lost in the alleys of the Gothic District, which is filled with tons of street art and murals.
Were you a Cheetah Girls fan growing up? The city served as the backdrop to the second installment of the Disney film, and some of the most memorable scenes were shot in Park Güell. Pro Tip: If you want to get “the shot” get there early as the crowds can be overwhelming with everyone trying to snap photos of the landmark. Also note that there’s a 10 euro entry fee to even walk the park.
Where to Eat
Spain, in general, is famous for its tapas culture. Nearly any sit-down restaurant around the city will serve up an array of small, shareable plates for you and your group. Some of my favorites: the tomato bread with olive oil, fried croquettes, and grilled octopus.
If you’re on your Issa Rae vibe right now— rooting for (and supporting) everyone Black— check out Black-owned Spice BCN and Fori, both known for their African influences and cuisine.For a local vibe, make a reservation at Taberna Llamber tucked away in the city’s back alleys. This spot is popular for local residents, so keep that in mind because it can get packed.
For a unique spin on tapas, head to Fismuler, which also offers live music on most nights.
For the vino enthusiasts, Barcelona is known for its wine tourism as the country is home to the popular sparkling varietal, Cava. Add a full-day wine tour to your itinerary to partake in some of the region’s best labels.
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Traditionally, Dia de los Muertos is observed on November 1 and 2. Families gather and build ofrendas (a type of altar with various offerings) to peacefully welcome and guide the deceased’s spirit back to the “other side.” The offerings consist of everything from the person’s favorite foods, a photo of them, a mirror, candles, and a cross, among other things. On that night, people may dress in catrina attire and paint their faces with skull-like art to resemble the country’s take on ghosts and spirits. There’s also a dinner as well as singing and dancing throughout the night. It’s literally a celebration.
In full transparency, I’ve never been one to participate in ceremonies like this or traditional rituals that essentially “call” spirits or the ancestors back. We can mostly blame that on being raised in North Carolina— you know, the whole bible belt South, and their beliefs that anything “beyond the Bible” is a sin or the devil. But I’ll digress there.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
I traveled to the Jalisco state of Mexico to spend a few days visiting Hacienda Patrón, aka the tequila brand’s main compound and distilling site. I was invited to stay in the private guesthouse— La Casona— as we spent time learning everything about the popular spirit company. From how Patrón only uses three ingredients (water, agave, and yeast) to seeing the details put into each bottle, it was truly a unique and memorable experience. But the best part was being able to participate in the local area’s Dia celebration.
That evening, we started by getting our makeup done. Since we are ultimately honoring those who have passed on, I opted for a design made from pearl-like jewels. My mother would always tell me how, as a lady, I needed to keep a set of pearls at all times. She and my maternal grandmother— who has also passed on— loved them and saw them as elegant. So, it was only right that I incorporated them into the night. Since I wasn’t in my own home or even a family member’s home, I wasn’t able to build my own ofrenda, so this was my “offering” in a sense.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
Beyond the makeup, I was able to partake in a traditional dinner that consisted of several courses, including pan de muerto (bread of the dead)— which is usually baked on the holiday as a part of the offerings.
Dressed in all black, we then joined the larger community celebration, where several families publicly displayed their ofrendas for the entire crowd. We spent time viewing each one, and it was very reminiscent of walking in a cemetery, except everything was colorful and bright. Most ofrendas were decked out in freshly cut marigolds placed in ways that made out special designs or messages to the deceased. There were tons of candles and of course, all the trinkets and snacks that the non-living family member would have loved.
Photo courtesy of DeAnna Taylor
Walking around, I felt an overwhelming sense of joy, which is unique for me as I am often uneasy when walking in a cemetery— even in the daylight. Seeing those families honor their deceased loved ones in such a celebratory and joyful way while bringing a bit of humanity back to them was so beautiful.
When I got back to my room at La Casona, a wave of emotion came over me— I cried, but they were happy tears. I couldn’t help but think of my mother and, ultimately, the things I would place on an altar to honor and guide her back to the other side. Of course, there would be pearls, a photo of her, vanilla-scented candles, some Corn Flakes with bananas, and maybe even a steak from Outback— because those were some of the meals she loved.
Being able to experience this type of event served as a reminder that although my mom is no longer here physically, she’s never too far away in the spiritual realm. It allowed me to essentially find an added layer of peace with her passing, too. I think from here out, I will incorporate some of the elements of Dia de los Muertos into my own life because, as far as I’m concerned, my mother’s spirit is always welcomed back to visit. I love you, ma!
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Feature image courtesy of DeAnna Taylor