Orgasms are climaxes and climaxes are the ultimate. So, hell yeah, I'm gonna write about them, just as much as I possibly can (for example, check out "10 Hacks To Help You Climax More Consistently", "10 Weird & Random Things That Can Prevent An Orgasm" and "What Is A Super Orgasm & How Can I Have One?"). Today, what we're gonna explore is the kind of orgasms that you can have that don't get nearly as much attention as they probably deserve. What I personally think is so cool about them is they are a clear reminder that there simply isn't just one way to cum and if you're open to discovering some other avenues, you might be able to see the mountaintop—you know, so to speak—a whole lot more often than you currently do. And who doesn't want to do that? Let's check out six "uncommon" orgasms, shall we?
1. How to Have a U-Spot Orgasm
So, what in the world is a U-spot orgasm? It's all about stimulating your urethra which is about gently touching the area that's around and above the opening of your urethra. If you're looking like, "Uh, OK but where exactly is my urethra?", it's an internal part of our body (a tube) that is located between your clitoris and vaginal opening.
Externally, the opening of your urethra is underneath your clitoris and above your vagina. It's literally the hole that you pee out of. When this tiny area is very lightly caressed with a finger or tongue—listen, there are absolutely no words to adequately describe how sensational it feels. There really aren't.
2. How to Have an A-Spot Orgasm
OK. This is the kind of orgasm that I already know some of you are gonna wanna throw one of your shoes at the monitor about because it's like a calculus-level one. However, since I can't think of too many things that are more fun than trying to achieve the Big O, it had to go on the list. An A-spot orgasm is what happens when the tissue that is located at the end of your vaginal canal, between your cervix and bladder is stimulated.
The way you find this lil' spot is you or your partner moves your finger about two inches deeper past your G-spot and—there it is. How do you know if you've reached it? Well, remember how the G-spot feels like a tiny walnut? Well, the A-spot feels really soft and spongy. If a finger moves along it gently in the motion of how a windshield wiper moves, you can end up with an orgasm that will blow your mind in every way.
3. How to Have a Kissing Orgasm
A part of the reason why I wrote the article, "Umm, What's Up With These People Who Hate Kissing?" for this platform is because I enjoy kissing so much that those kinds of people seemed like polka-dotted unicorns to me. I'm serious—kissing is so pleasurable to me that I've even had an orgasm from doing it, a few times, before. TMI? IDC. IDC. If I had my way, everyone on this planet would experience at least one before leaving this earth!
While there is no real instruction when it comes to this particular kind of orgasm (which is also known as an oral orgasm), what most people who've had one will say is 1) it's easy to achieve with someone you have a strong emotional connection with; 2) it involves slow, intense and erotic kisses, and 3) the "goal" shouldn't be to have one. All you need to keep in the back of your mind is, if kissing happens long enough and the mood is just right (atmosphere means a lot with these orgasms too), a kissing orgasm can transpire when you least expect it. (I can certainly vouch for that!)
4. How to Have a Nipple Orgasm
A nipple orgasm is pretty self-explanatory. The reason why this is on the list is because, while it can be difficult for many women to have a vaginal orgasm (roughly only 25 percent of women do), if your breasts are a huge erogenous zone for you, this is one that you may want to try because it is very possible to climax, just from nipple stimulation alone. The way to achieve one of these is to deep breathe, slowly, as your partner first strokes your areolas (the dark part of your breast that is around your nipple), then works up to your nipples by stroking and then very gently pinches them. If he alternates the sensation of pinching and kissing them as you focus on your breathing, there is a really big chance that you'll have a nipple orgasm. Maybe even a few of 'em.
5. How to Have a Fantasy Orgasm
They say that the brain is the biggest sex organ there is and I would have to absolutely agree. Case in point—there is one guy who I used to sleep with who I semi-recently ran into. When he winked at me, I literally thought I was gonna throw up in my mouth. That's how disgusting he is to me—now. That's why it doesn't surprise me at all that there is something known as a fantasy orgasm which is also known as a mental orgasm. So, what is that? It's when you are able to climax, strictly from your own thoughts. If you're skeptical about this one, there is scientific evidence which reveals that thinking "dirty" thoughts actually causes your brain to light up in the same way as having your genitals stimulated. So, how can you refute having this type of orgasm unless you try it out first? (Get to fantasizing and definitely report back!)
6. How to Have a Hands-Free Orgasm
If any of these orgasms are a real challenge (at least to me), this one would probably top the list. A hands-free orgasm? It's exactly what it sounds like—it's the kind of orgasm that you try and achieve without using your hands at all? AT. ALL. Technically, oral sex could achieve this goal (I'm thinking that it would be pretty hard to engage in intercourse without using your hands). Still, try and think out of the box by engaging in some water play (showerhead, anyone?), tantric breathing or grinding on your partner while dancing to some of your favorite music.
When you really let your imagination go, there are all kinds of ways to experience this type of orgasm. Again, just remember that it doesn't count if your hands are involved in any way.
7. How to Have an Energy Orgasm
Speaking of tantric breathing, another orgasm that can be a cool experience is an energy orgasm. It's all about focusing on breathing, sound and movement (pretty much in that order) in order to climax. The thing that's interesting about this kind of orgasm is you've got to find the balance between totally freeing your mind of other thoughts while also fully focusing on cultivating sexual energy. Do this by dimming the lights in the room you plan to have your orgasm in; lighting a candle or applying a scent that you want to breathe in deeply; getting into a position where you can comfortably have an orgasm; taking some long deep breaths, and having your partner gently caress your genitalia as you're breathing deeply and swaying your hips back and forth so that your spine is able to feel a bit of a sensation. Then, as you feel more aroused, speed up your breathing as well as your hip movements as your partner intensifies his strokes. If all of this happens at just the right time, an energy orgasm is exactly what will happen. No penetration needed.
8. How to Have a Full Body Orgasm
Let's all be honest—whenever an orgasm happens, it feels like it resonates throughout our entire body on some level. Well, a full body orgasm is pretty much a more intense version of this. The best way to achieve one is to engage in the act of edging (which is when you get sexually aroused to the point of climaxing, but you don't allow yourself to completely get there). In between those times, have your partner focus on stimulating the upper half part of your body that has erogenous zones (meaning it could be your breasts or it could be your ears or neck; the point is whatever turns you on above your pelvis).
While he is consistently alternating between doing those two things, you focus on breathing deeply and totally letting yourself go. If that means saying the dirtiest words created or yelling, it doesn't matter. A full body orgasm requires consistent stimulation on your partner's part and total release of self on yours. And how will you know if you've had one? Let me put it to you this way—I don't think ANYTHING makes someone feel more pleasured, exhausted and totally outside of themselves as a full body orgasm. If it happens, you'll know. You'll both know.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
We Had A Strong Connection IRL But My Instagram Scared Him Away
If you scroll past anydating guru’s free advice, such as dating coach Anwar’s, they often promote a long-curated list of dos and don’ts, advising women on how to attract the ideal relationship.
“When men are looking at your pictures on social media or on dating apps, they’re making two assessments: one–affordability, and two–seriousness.” Dating coach Anwar said. He recommends women curate their pictures well by minimizing skin and avoiding posting too many traveling pictures which don’t represent your full life because men are trying to envision themselves in your life.
I certainly don’t believe in shrinking the essence of who I am just to bag a man –whether in-person or online– including for the one thing that brings me pure joy: my worldwide adventures. By now, it’s common knowledge that social media is only a shiny highlight reel that doesn’t take into account all aspects of real life.
I’m fortunate that the men I date in my late 30s are mature enough to understand that notion, but in the past, I’ve learned the hard way that many men are, in fact, judging women’s social media accounts to determine if they are a perfect match.
While trying to stay afloat in grad school, I managed a week-long promotional gig for a festival concert. I stumbled across a breathtakingly handsome guy engrossed in curating melodic sound production as an audio engineer.
Fine enough to giveBridgerton’s Regé-Jean Page a run for his money, this tall cutie had glistening caramel skin, big brown eyes, and a gorgeous smile that radiated across the conference center.
My heart practically stopped each time I glanced at him. I caught him conspicuously glancing my way throughout the day, too. Our energy was magnetic. I couldn’t let him get away without making it very apparent I was feeling him. Ten hours passed before we found ourselves drawing near one another. Dating co-workers is against my rules, however, dating someone I’ve met after completing a temporary gig was an exception I’d happily make.
Serotonin oozed throughout my body when he approached me. We engaged in meaningless talk, while I anticipated he’d ask for my number. Instead, he asked, “What’s your IG name?”
I’m old school; I want to get acquainted chatting on the phone until twilight–or on a well-executed romantic date. I accepted his request and followed him back. Baby steps.
Each time his adorable face popped into my mind, a rush of happiness flooded me. I’d already conducted a pre-check for a potential relationship, and based on absolutely nothing but chemistry, he had already passed. Scrolling through his page, I could see he had three, incredibly young children, from ages two to five. That’s okay, I can play step-mommy. Or so I thought.
The next morning, I swapped out my motivational morning gospel music for my vibey, R&B music. I floored the gas pedal, speeding to work in hopes of getting to the fine audio engineer as quickly as possible.
I sashayed through the conference doors with an extra sway in my hips–smitten and glowing as my bright eyes landed on him, standing by for sound check. He took one blistering look at me, and as time stood still, his scathing disapproval made me feel as though we were arch-enemies with unfinished business.
What happened in the less than twelve hours we met and were apart? I was flabbergasted by his bait-and-switch of emotions. The only culprit, I surmised: freaking Instagram.
A few hours of him ducking and diving to avoid me passed. I put my grown woman panties on and marched over to him. He pretended he couldn’t see me through the corner of his eye, but judging from the nervous stiffening of his erect posture and locked jaw–even through his discomfort, he would have to face me.
“Hey, how’s it going? You’re different today,” I said casually, yet resolute, peering deep into his wide eyes.
“Well, you know, it’s cause you’re big time. I’m just a regular guy.” He quipped. Completely confused, I stared blankly at him, waiting for an explanation.
“Your Instagram...” He confirmed like I had full knowledge of his insecurities.
“If I had seen your page before I met you, I would’ve never tried to talk to you. I’m not good enough for you.”
I melted into a puddle of vexation. I wasn’t a celebrity or social media star. Hell, I didn’t even have more than 5,000 followers! I’m a regular girl who’s had a career in entertainment which has afforded me many opportunities to attend swanky events; I love upscale travel and dining at Yelp’s highest-rated star restaurants–and yes, I relish capturing those delicious moments. But at that time, I was a broke girl in grad school, making a few coins on the same gig I’m certain he was earning a pretty penny for.
He’d already taken over my thoughts, feelings, and body’s desires in a short twenty-four hours. Though he was far from aware of all the ways he had swept me off my feet without stepping foot on an actual date, the energy between us was undeniable. I literally couldn’t stop thinking about him and grinning since the moment I saw him, and I know for sure he felt the same. And now he’s thinking he isn’t good enough for me?
He was fine, humble, funny, had a sexy physique, and a lucrative career, yet for some ridiculous reason he’d convinced himself he could never be with a woman like me? I was floored. Typically, I’m not forward with men in the initial stages of dating. It’s important I feel highly desired and sought after before I explode candidly. But the world was going to absolutely know that day: “I like you. You’re someone I’d like to get to know. And you’re absolutely perfect for me.”
He sighed and relaxed his shoulders. I felt empowered, quelling his feelings of inadequacy. (Or temporarily, I shall say). I’d soon learn that if a guy was harboring major insecurities, the idyllic lines to boost his ego are merely fleeting.
Pumped up on an extra dose of courage, later that day, he asked for my number. And I delightfully obliged.
We spent a good amount of time expressing our mutual feelings towards each other and perused through calendar dates to see when our schedules would match up. He lived in Las Vegas, but working as an audio engineer for major events necessitated him to spend most of his year traveling across the country and internationally. Still, I was determined to make it work.
And yet, it didn’t work. Despite my insanely busy grad schedule, I was ready to trek to Vegas or whichever country he visited, except his insecurities overflowed like putrefying lava. I probed to see how involved he was with his baby mama. Ya know, normal stuff. Somehow, he took that as a jab.
“You don’t want to date me because I have three kids, huh?” Again, he left me confused and exhausted because I was absolutely ready to become a bonus mommy to the right one.
Despite the endless times I cleared up what he thought was a problem, boom! another insecurity flared up. Coddling a mid-thirties man, who had thee lowest self-esteem I’d ever encountered was dooming.
A few months passed and winter had descended upon the Sundance Film Festival in Park City, Utah. I’d just left a snazzy art gallery Chiwetel Ejiofor hosted for his independent movie premiere. Park City is a magical and frosty cold, picturesque town in January. Most of the festival events are situated on densely packed Main Street. I stepped my leather boots outside onto the icy, uphill sidewalk, with a platonic male friend in tow. My phone rang–it was audio engineer bae. I noticed his name and pushed decline.
“You ignoring me now when you could’ve easily picked up the phone?”
What in the hell?! I peered around on both sides of my street, cautiously nervous.
I hopped into the black SUV. The festival traffic moves slower than molasses. You could gingerly walk down the street and still beat a moving car. As the driver slowly peeled away, I glanced to the opposite side of the art gallery street; there I saw old bae, forlornly staring at me, saddened with puppy eyes in his hooded Parka. I was busted. In my defense, however, I hadn’t heard from him in months, and us dating was certainly a never-ever-going-to-happen-closed case.
How was I supposed to know he’d been watching me from 150 feet away? No human in their right mind would expect an immediate answer, but he did.
“Hey, sorry, but it’s really hectic; I gotta hurry to this next event.” I apologized despite not owing him one. If he’d crossed my mind at any point up until now, it’d be futile. His recurring insecurities ate at him and thus, swallowed any attraction or potential traction for us.
By the time my plane landed in sunny Los Angeles, he unfriended me on IG. Exhausted from the nonsensical mental gymnastics, I unfollowed him, too.
Finally, we agreed: the feeling is mutual, boo.
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Featured image by Charles Olu-Alabi/Getty Images