A Deep Dive Into 'Love Is Blind''s Tyler & Ashley's Kids Controversy
Love Is Blind season 7 has shaped up to be one of the franchise's most jaw-dropping seasons, and not because of anything that aired on Netflix. Instead, the latest season's most intriguing drama is what has unfolded on social media. Between Ramses and Marissa, Alex and Tim, and Hannah and Nick, there was controversy abound. And we peeped when the creator of the show responded to the controversy around the vetting process for contestants by saying, "We aren't the police." Netflix, this you?
From self-produced scenes to NDA-where? behavior, the season 7 cast has been all over social media, and probably not for the reasons they'd like. Two such cast members at the center of the social media discourse are Tyler Francis and his now-wife Ashley Adionsier.
For Love Is Blind fans, Tyler’s fixation on having kids throughout the season raised some eyebrows—but what he wasn’t saying turned out to be even more revealing. In an episode that aired on Oct. 2, Tyler dropped a major bombshell on Ashley outside the pods and after their engagement, confessing that he had fathered three children through a past sperm donation to a lesbian couple. What's the issue here? Well, in the pods, Tyler had previously told Ashley that he didn’t have any kids. Point blank.
This, plus other allegations about him spreading like wildfire while the season was airing, had social media giving the reality star some major side-eye.
"I'm not upset by you trying to help a couple have kids," Ashley says in the clip. "I think that's admirable in certain ways, but the issue comes in with me feeling like I was not getting the full picture of you. And once you're not given the full picture of something, it's hard to not question everything."
(L to R) Ashley Adionser, Tyler Francis in episode 709 of 'Love Is Blind'Courtesy of Netflix © 2024
She continued, "Me being a single woman before this, to come in this scenario, fall in love with a guy who has three sperm babies, sperm-donor babies is a lot to absorb. And the wedding is in like two weeks."
The revelation, paired with Ashley’s reaction—she referred to them as “sperm babies” in a clip now making the rounds on social media—left both Ashley and viewers shocked and questioning his honesty. They also wondered why he couldn't have just said that from the beginning versus waiting so close to their wedding day to make the big reveal and feared that he had blindsided Ashley by concealing "the truth" from her for so long.
Tyler Francis 'Love Is Blind' Kids Controversy, Explained.
Ahead of the season 7 reunion, the mother of the children, Brietta "Bri" Thomas, would break her silence on social media in a series of Instagram Reels detailing her side of the story "to attempt to protect them from a narrative that must end." In the now-deleted videos, which you can watch in full here, Bri describes Tyler as one of her best friends and the father of her "three beautiful children." She explains that Tyler was not supposed to act as a father figure to her son as that was understood to be a sperm donation dynamic for her and her now ex-wife.
During her separation from her ex-wife and while caring for her son as a newborn, Tyler was there for her as her best friend while she was going through an "extremely, extremely tough time in my life." Bri claims that Tyler reached out and asked if he could step up as a father to their son to which they had a deep conversation about what that would look like, and she later agreed. Since then, he has been both the bio dad and an active father to their son. Bri then clarifies that their twin girls were not at all in a situation like their son.
"The twins were simply unplanned. If that needs to be spelled out for some people [the twins] are the result of natural, unplanned intercourse with absolutely no complexities surrounding parentage. They were conceived before [their son] turned one. And I admit, fully admit, I have not always been the most comfortable with that truth due to the fact that I've lived the majority of my life as a lesbian. Nonetheless, it is exactly that: the truth."
For Bri, the issue wasn’t about jealousy—it was about Tyler abandoning his commitment to the children he helped bring into the world. After actively being in their lives for years, he suddenly distanced himself, only to mention them on a reality show in a dismissive way, reducing them to "sperm babies" to suit his own narrative. Bri was frustrated by his decision to frame their lives this way, despite the reality being much different. Hence, she decided to come forward with "the truth."
Social media called BS on Tyler's version of events then, and after Bri's statement, social media knew they'd clocked it.
In this deep dive, we’ll unpack the many ways social media has set the stage for what has turned out to be season 7's juiciest revelations, and thanks to Jessie Woo and TikTokers like StorytimewithRikkii, what Bri’s side of the story reveals about the truth of what happened behind the screen.
What Tyler Has Said About His Kids:
Tyler and Ashley would later appear in the season 7 reunion as a united front, with Ashley explaining that they felt the need to bring an off-camera discussion where she learned everything about his "sperm donation" on-camera as a way to be authentic, but that they also wanted to protect "those kids" by not going super in-depth about everything.
Tyler told host Vanessa Lachey, "Those kids, that family, they did not sign up for this. So what is happening now is I try to keep that from happening. Their birth certificates are online. Things that shouldn't be happening are now happening." Adding, "To get into the story, I did help a friend and her wife start a family, but her wife ended up leaving her and left her high and dry. This was my very close friend. So I stepped in, voluntarily stepped in and helped. So there are pictures of me around. You'll see me around."
He continued, "I've spent holidays with all my friends, you know, all their kids. And I played a part that became very shaky with a friend. And there's no rule books to this. There's no set lines to this. But I do wanna let people know Ashley knows all this. This is news to the world. This has never been news to us. And I'm giving this explanation now because I feel like the world is waiting for it. But I don't owe anyone an explanation but my wife. And if she's sitting here with me..."
(L to R) Ashley Adionser, Tyler Francis at the 'Love Is Blind' season 7 reunion
Courtesy of Netflix © 2024
What Ashley Has Said About Knowing About Tyler's Kids:
Ashley shared with hosts Vanessa and Nick Lachey that she had some things to say, "starting with... like, who do you think has better insight on what's going on, social media or me?" She would add that she felt it was "insulting to my intelligence" that viewers saw her as "blindsided" on the show by Tyler's confession and that she felt she needed to make the show an "authentic experience" by bringing an off-camera conversation he brought to her about the kids on-camera which is the scene the world saw.
"The very thing that we didn't want to happen happened," Ashley told Vanessa, referencing the online discourse and what we can assume is Bri's and Bri's mother's statements online. "And the thing with humanity is they have a hard time -- we have a hard time -- understanding anything that we don't get, anything that's taboo, anything that's out of our norm. And that's exactly what's happening. Instead of trying to rationalize, like maybe this was hard to navigate, right? And for me, I just know Tyler, in his heart, to know that it had to be hard to navigate with a friend. Way easier when you're removed.
"And with him growing up in a single-parent household, and in that scenario, when that happened with the divorce, it was very hard for him to remove himself and not be involved when this is now a single mom, right? So that was hard for him, and I just know that he is a good person who went in a little too deep and didn't know what to do."
What Ashley Said Recently on 'The Viall Files':
A week after the reunion episode aired, Nick Viall dropped a previously recorded episode of The Viall Files podcast featuring Ashley called "Going Deeper with Love Is Blind's Ashley" on Nov. 6. In the episode, Ashley doubled down on some things shared on the reunion, as well as anything she is trusting as truth from Tyler. Tyler was not there, but she and the hosts spoke a lot about Tyler's situation with the kids and Tyler's perspective, but most notably, why he's a "good guy" and not the deadbeat social media is trying to paint him as.
According to Ashley, Tyler let the kids call him "dad" and that they knew him as their "bio dad" but that it was a "mistake" on his behalf because it aided in blurring the lines of where they all actually stood. "And it’s very taboo and very odd to think about, but I don’t think there’s any rule book to how adoption, sperm donating, or egg donation should go. I do think that it was a mistake on his behalf to blur those lines so heavily because of the kids.
"Not even just the woman [Bri], but the kids. And I know she wanted him to mainly be a part [of the kids’ lives] for the boy. Main -- not even the girls -- you rarely ever see him with the girls here and there, it’s mainly the boy. And Tyler stepped up. He was like, 'Sure, I’ll be their dad.'"
Ashley said the situation was "awkward" for her to navigate and denied that the kids and Tyler were even that close since it was never a "daily, weekly, monthly basis" sort of relationship, just holidays. "He was never ever ever around on a daily basis, weekly basis, monthy basis." She shared with Nick Viall that Tyler wanted to back off long ago and alluded that he didn't because he wanted to keep Bri as a friend. "And so I think it’s hard for people to digest too because in a normal sperm donation situation, you can pick and choose your involvement, but most of the time you aren’t that involved unless it is like a sister or like a friend or whatever."
She would ultimately say that Tyler didn't feel like the three children and Bri were his family, and that was his breaking point. "He came to a point where he -- whenever she would get in a new relationship, you know with a new woman, she wants to have a family with a woman. And he would always be on the outside looking in. He has no rights, he can’t determine where they go to school, he can’t say anything. He can’t discipline. He can’t do anything.
"So to him, he’s like, ‘I pop up, and I’m an uncle and I play with them and I kiki. I wear these Dad t-shirts that your grandma-the grandma-her mom-is giving me, you know, and you know put on this face, but this is not my family. I’m on the outside looking in.’"
Ashley believes the world has it wrong and reiterates that Tyler is a good guy who just got caught up and that the issue between him and Bri is simply a difference in perspective. "And that’s why I tell people he was a good guy that got too deep and didn’t know what to do next. So when he finally decided to cut the situation off, of course, it’s awkward, and it hurts him as well to know about the kids, but he felt it was better to do it now than to wait any longer, and he’s like, ‘I want my own family. Like I want my own things.’ And she’s probably like, ‘Well damn, you were around, you know? Why this now?’
"They just have two different perspectives, I would say and I think that even Tyler’s friends and parents – and again, it’s kinda a little difficult for me to talk about this because I wasn’t there. I’m only going off of the things that I know, and things I’m trusting. And if anything ever comes out differently, I’ll do like a Reesa Teesa and give you guys the scoop," she told Nick.
Ashley also told the podcast hosts that Tyler had cut Bri and the kids off a year or more before going on the show.
Bri Breaks Down a Timeline of Events with Jessie Woo & Storytime w/ Rikki:
While Ashley and Tyler seem intent on upholding the narrative they've carefully crafted, media personality Jessie Woo and TikTok creator Storytime w/ Rikki, who goes by StorytimewithRikkii on the platform, gave Bri a safe space to speak her piece and respond to some of the things Ashley had detailed in her podcast appearance with Nick Viall.
There, she also provided a timeline of events, highlighting the facts and continues to emphasize her intention isn't to bash Tyler, it's merely to bring clarity to the fact that this is about him coming in and out of his children's lives and then trying to reduce them to certain terms as a means to distance himself from them. As a fan of the show Love Is Blind, she had no problem in the first batch of episodes where Tyler and Ashley spoke about kids. She said it was "hurtful" but she wasn't going to insert herself because her kids weren't mentioned specifically or her.
However, in the later episodes of the season, where the kids were referred to as "sperm babies," she felt compelled to come forward and make the truth clear, which is why she took to her IG to do so. "That’s a lie against me and my children specifically."
Bri doubled down on the fact that Tyler's proximity and responsibility towards their son was never supposed to be anything more than a sperm donor situation. At first, he was helping her and her now ex-wife out. That is the part of the story they both agree on. "He was not supposed to be a father to Cairo. I planned to have this child with a woman," she explained to Jessie and Rikki. Even after her ex-wife left her, she was prepared to be a single mom. "In my mind, I was going to now be a single mom to one child. Tyler reached out to me," she added.
Bri said that Tyler told her he didn't want their son to be raised by a single mom since he was raised by a single mom and didn't want that to be her situation. Bri continued, "If you are stepping up as his father, I would like help in regards to all of those things. And if you can’t do that, then that’s totally fine, like you don’t have to step up.’ He agreed. We both agreed. I said, ‘Let me think about it.’ It took me a couple of days... Ultimately, I agreed. ‘Yes, you are biologically his dad.’ To me at the time, this is admirable…" adding, "I never reached out and asked him for this, but I was grateful that he did want to step in."
Bri said that he had been acting as a father to their son from that moment on and that was back in 2017.
She also described how the twins came into the picture when Jessie asked if the twins were supposed to be a sperm donor situation. Bri confirmed that the twins weren’t planned. "I was never planning on having multiple kids with Tyler. We had sex, and I got pregnant. And there was never an agreement about parenting these children because I had sex and I got pregnant. You’re the dad, I’m the mom, we already have a son that we’re agreeing to and we were going to have three children." Tyler would even cut the cord and sign the birth certificate for the twins.
Shortly after, they transitioned into living together as they co-parent. While she was pregnant with the twins, they lived in the same apartment building, but she said Tyler would stay with her a lot because he was helping her with their son who was a newborn while she was pregnant with multiples, and they would also attend doctors' appointments together. At the time, they lived in the same building together, but he would stay with her a lot to help out during her pregnancy.
"As it got closer to the twins being born, we needed more space. We rented a house together to have a lot more space for these multiple children. And like I said in my other video, he stayed in the basement, I stayed in the main bedroom, we just lived in the house together to co-parent these three children together."
One of the hosts, Rikki, asked if they ever experienced a shift similar to the one they are in now as they were co-parenting and living together. Bri said that they stopped renting a house together in late 2019 because they were arguing a lot, but nothing as severe as this recent cut-off happened until 2021. "This time, it was about financials. And he stopped responding. Basically, cut me -- without telling me -- he just stopped responding. He cut me and the children off. This was March of 2021. We stopped living in this house together [in] late 2019 so he was still around after we moved out of this house for a good amount of time. But in late March 2021, he did cut ties with us and we didn’t hear from him until late March 2022."She went into further detail and explained it was over finances and his wanting to claim the kids on his taxes. Despite arguments and disagreements they sometimes had though, Bri says that they were always friends first and foremost. "That was my best friend. So he was around even though we had these disagreements often about how he could be doing more for the children. If I was going through stuff, I would reach out to Tyler. If he was going through stuff, we’re talking about it. We were friends."
Bri also shared that she saw him the day before he left to film Love Is Blind. She and Tyler had talked about her and the kids going to the wedding. She offered to take him to the airport, wished him good luck, and told him to make a genuine effort in finding true connection on the show. He didn’t think it would work, but as a friend who was “100% supportive,” she encouraged him to give it a real try.
In the back of her mind, she had a thought about him cutting them off again, potentially since he had done it before in March 2021. He reassured her and promised he would never do that to them again. "'Bri, I love you. I love these children. I would never do that to y’all again.' And I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe he would never do this again because if I thought he would do this again, I would [have] never allowed him back in my children’s lives."
Throughout the conversation with Jessie and Rikki, Bri provided proof in the form of texts and screenshots, and the receipts were receipt-ing. In them, Tyler went from texting her pretty regularly about what he was experiencing while filming, but eventually, a lull started to happen in their communication again, and Bri began to understand what was happening again.
Regardless of what Tyler and Ashley might claim, we won't get too deeply into what this looks like, but children aren’t just a "gray area" that disappears when you find your real family on TV. Bri made it clear she wasn’t about to let Tyler pull the disappearing act with their kids' lives whenever it suited him, which led her to take the legal route and the $30K he's now expected to pay in back child support.
So while the receipts have definitely been receipt-ing, this situation serves as a crucial reminder: fathers should take accountability for the homes they help create, regardless of how the family came together.
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Featured image courtesy of Netflix
We have less than 40 days left in 2024, and while I'm not one to rush goals just because it's the end of the year, it can be fun to challenge yourself to think about ways you'll close out this year big.
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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We Asked 20 Single Women How They're Spending The Holidays, Here's What They Said
Let’s keep it real: being single during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re missing out—at all! xoNecole recently chatted with 20 single women about their holiday plans, and trust me, the energy was uplifting. Sure there were some emotions about being single, but these women are living life.
While social media fills our feeds with couples in matching pajamas, we’re here to reclaim the narrative. This season is all about celebrating ourselves and our friendships. Whether it’s throwing a cozy pajama party with your girls, indulging in some self-care while binge-watching holiday movies, or taking a solo trip, the magic of the holidays can shine just as bright when you’re rolling solo.
We’re redefining what festive looks like: it’s not just about relationships, but about love, joy, sisterhood, family, and the freedom to do you. So grab that hot cocoa and a sexy holiday dress, those suitcases if you’re traveling, turn up the music, and let’s make this holiday season all about us—because single doesn’t mean sad; it means the girls are living life.
*Responses are anonymous by request.
1.Unwrapping Joy
"I've been single for a few years, what has helped me the most is remembering that long before I ever fell in love, I enjoyed the holidays as a child. So my focus is on inner child connection and healing during the holiday season. I do what my inner child enjoys and make room for new memories too. That and buying myself something nice."
2.Detty December
"'I'm outside headed to Detty December this holiday season, but I also have a boo lol, so I'm not totally single, but I'm still living life."
3.Gifts For Me, From Me
"This Christmas I went all out with gifts for myself. I bought everything I wanted. I finally got a dog, my dream designer bag, luxury pajamas, expensive ornaments for my tree, I did it all and it felt so damn good to not need to ask anyone to get anything for me."
4.Just the Three of Us
"My mom and older brother are the ones I'm excited to spend time with the most. We're making new memories together and going to a holiday bar, and exchanging meaningful gifts."
5.Holiday Parties Galore
"I have a slew of holiday parties to attend, and I actually asked my boo to stay home and be with his family. I'll be going to the spa next week. I have several holiday parties and premieres on my docket, but mainly, I'm looking forward to tapping into myself. Journal, enjoying my hot tub, time with my thoughts."
6.A Cowboy Carter Christmas
"This year, I'm spending Christmas day with my family and Christmas night with my girls, watching Beyoncé perform at the halftime show on Netflix. We're gonna make a night of it with espresso martinis and get cute like we always do!"
7.Home for the Holidays
"Every year my family and I go back to Jamaica to stay with my aunt for Christmas and New Year's. Gifts aren't a big deal to me, so I book the flight and head home. Christmas is a time to reset, and I look forward to relaxing, eating great food, and enjoying some Black cake."
8.Holidays with Chosen Family
"Toxic family members make it difficult for me to want to go back home, so my roommates and I are celebrating together and enjoying the holiday season. We all cook together, and it feels like we're our own little family."
9.An Intimate Christmas Dinner
"I'm not traveling for Christmas like I planned, but I'm starting off the new year with a ski trip with my girlfriends, so I'm looking forward to that, and in the meantime, I'm headed to my parent's house for Christmas dinner."
10. While My Child's Away, Mama Will Play
"My son and I used to celebrate the holidays as a family with his dad, but now that we're co-parenting, we share holidays, and this year, he's with him for half the day. When he goes there for the evening, I'll probably roll up and enjoy the peace and quiet."
11. Girls' Night In
"This is my first Christmas without my ex. It's been challenging to have the holiday spirit; we were together for years, and I miss him so much. But I'm determined to be surrounded by love and my family. I'm having a girl's night with holiday movies and my favorite dinner, and I hope to have laughter no matter how I'm feeling currently.”
12.'Twas The Night Before Christmas
"My mom hosts a huge Christmas Eve party every year for my family. I still live at home, so I help her prepare the food, and she cooks everything from shrimp, crawfish, and pasta, and we all wear holiday pajamas and exchange gifts and holiday cookies."
13.Underneath the Mistletoe
"I actually just started dating someone. It's casual, but we're having fun. I plan on exchanging gifts and possibly having some fun with the holiday lingerie I just bought. Even if he isn't my forever, we're enjoying each other and I'm in the holiday spirit."
14. Christmastime in NYC
"I've been spending my time between New York and Los Angeles, so this year it's up in the air where I'll be. My best friend just got engaged, and she asked if I would want to spend the holidays with her, so I'm thinking about it and, in the meantime, enjoying Christmas in New York City."
15.Holiday Season = Birthday Season
"As a Sagitarrius, the holiday season is my birthday season - needless to say, I'm always having a good time! Double the gifts."
16.Holiday Hostess With the Mostest
"I'm hosting Christmas for my family for the first time this year. I just moved into a new home, and Christmas breakfast is our tradition, so I'm looking forward to cooking and exchanging gifts and giving back to them what they gave me every year while I was growing up."
17.Still Processing
"Christmas isn't really that big of a deal to me; since my mom passed, I stay home and watch a movie and think of those memories, but I'm happy that my friends and extended family check on me each year to see if I'm doing okay."
18.Catching Flights Over Gifts
"I'll be honest, at times Christmas as a single woman in my thirties isn't fun to just sit at home, so I always plan a trip to make sure that I'm happy on that day instead of buying a bunch of gifts that I don't need."
19.Showing Up & Showing Out
"2024 was all about health and wellness for me, and I dropped some pounds. I'm looking better than ever. So I'm going to every Christmas party I get invited to and giving a look."
20.A Naija Christmas
"My girls and I are headed to Nigeria. We're bringing in Christmas and the new year there together and I couldn't be happier."
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