

Imagine walking out of the doctor's office with a prescription that says, "Pamper yourself one time a week."
I bet you would be just as puzzled if a script was handed to you with directions to love yourself because there are a lot of sources instructing you to do so but few and far in-between telling you exactly how.
Pampering is just as subjective to an individual as self-love, meaning that there really is no one-size-fits-all way to do so, and there is a little work involved to find the best ways for you. For example, a person that usually takes a DIY approach to their hair and makeup may find it pampering to splurge on a salon experience, whereas others find it to be a routine.
The definition of "pampering," however, is "to indulge with every attention, comfort, and kindness; spoil." With that in mind, hold on tight sis, we are about to turn your birthday into a lifestyle!
Step One: Prepare For Your Self-Care Day No Later Than The Night Before
What good is a day out at the spa sipping mimosas and living your best life with a messy house and a sink full of dishes? Now don't get me wrong, the whole adulting thing is a tough reality that none of us signed up for in the first place, but a major key of any successful routine is discipline.
Set an hour or two aside to get your living space fit for a queen so that you can wake up (a little later than usual) to a beautiful and clean abode. With all of the household chores out of the way, not only will you have a great self-care Saturday, but a great weekend.
Step Two: Think Deep Thoughts About Parts Of Yourself That Need A Lot More Attention And Plan Accordingly
Your self-care day is a lot like planning your friend's birthday, except you are putting all of that attention on you, which can feel a bit odd if you aren't used to loving on yourself.
Taking a brief inventory of your true emotions each day can point you in the best direction. Feeling anxious and overwhelmed during the week? It's time to bust out Groupon to find a deal on a massage. Feeling scattered and overwhelmed at the end of your week? Perhaps putting the 'do not disturb' sign on life by data fasting and having a staycation at home filled with wine and ice cream will do the trick.
Honey, whatever floats your boat is what you really need to be aware of because the day is yours. The great thing about journaling a few of your emotions and planning your pampering accordingly is, you learn to care for yourself as if you are your best friend. After seeing a repetition of a negative emotion, you will instinctively know "Hmm girl.. It looks like you need a spa day."
Step Three: Create An Accountability System For Your Pampering
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I grew up watching way too many Disney movies, but even as an adult I often find myself still enamored by the concept of The Enchanted Rose. To make an extremely long story short, the rose would wilt to its demise causing the human prince to remain in a beast's body unless he learned how to love another person. It seems like there are so many levels to life that are off-limits until you start loving yourself, yet in the hustle and bustle of life, we forget how important it is to schedule the time to do so.
The antidote to this is commencing your pampering routine with a bouquet of flowers of your own. It's something about fresh flowers that brings out the bougie in all of us, and metaphorically those beautiful flowers represent you. If you love being dramatic, you could pretend that the death of those flowers means the death of your best life, or you could use the flowers as a reminder: "Water is running low, it's time to give them some TLC and take inventory of my feelings," or, "My flowers are dying, it's time to get some fresh ones"... *ding ding ding* you just pampered yourself.
You only get one you, and you deserve all of the love that you try your best to give everyone else. The thing about self-love and self-care is it's hard as f*ck at first, but you will never regret doing the work.
You won't run into anyone who says, "I regret being active, eating right, going to therapy, and treating myself kindly," so why not turn those activities into a lifestyle? You owe it to yourself to be exactly who you need.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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New Jersey native creating a life that she loves while living in gratitude. She loves using beauty, and fashion to create a balanced lifestyle while prioritizing wellness. A devoted fur mom, and a full-time lover of laughter. She is out for revenge against the darkness by being light, taking her own advice, traveling the world, and letting you know that you are so lit! Connect with her via IG @iamzaniah and please visit Zaniahsworld.com
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Are You & Your Partner Financially Compatible? Here’s How To Tell.
With nearly half of all marriages that end in divorce citing finances as the nail in the coffin to deading their relationship, financial compatibility is one aspect of long-term compatibility that doesn't get talked about enough. Beyond the circular 50/50 discourse and whatever hot-button issues regarding providers and the like, at its core, financial compatibility is about how well your financial behaviors, values, and long-term goals align with those of your partner.
More than it is about how much money a person makes or doesn't make, financial compatibility focuses on how you think about money, how you spend your money, and most importantly, how you plan for the future with your money. Think, questions about money mindsets, spending habits, debt, budget, etc. Are you a saver and he's a spender? Do you see money as a tool for freedom? Does he see it as something to hold on tightly to as a means of survival? Can you talk about your financial goals and plans openly?
Knowing if you and your partner are financially compatible can save a lot of heartache, a lot of headaches, and a lot of money in the end. Keep reading for a few key indicators to pay attention to and learn whether or not you and your partner are truly aligned financially.
Signs You’re Financially Compatible
1. You can talk about money without judgment.
Conversations about money aren't something you dread. You're able to talk to your partner freely and openly about money matters, like debts, bills, the budget, etc., even when it is uncomfortable. There is an understanding that talking about money doesn't have to be something you're on the defense about, instead it's an opportunity for transparency, clarity, and solutions.
2. You respect each other's money personalities.
What is a money personality? According to Ken Honda, author of Happy Money, a money personality is our "approach and emotional responses to money" and there are seven money personalities we can fall under. These personalities can help us understand our own relationship with money, as well as our partner's. For example, maybe you're someone who likes to treat yourself to a fancy dinner once a month and your partner is someone who believes ordering takeout and not cooking meals at home is a cardinal sin.
When you can respect each other's money personalities, neither approach is subjected to judgment and shifts can be made in each other's spending habits as needed and from a place of love versus guilt or shame.
3. You agree on what it means to have "financial security."
Whether it’s building a stacked emergency fund, paying off debt before putting a downpayment on a home or being able to splurge on a baecation without checking your account balance before the bill arrives, your definitions of what it means to be financially secure are in sync, or at least compatible enough to reach a compromise.
4. You are not each other's "financial parent."
You’re not constantly teaching, fixing, or stressing out over what the other person is doing with their money. Although I fast-forwarded through a lot of the most recent season of Love Is Blind, I did pay attention to Virginia and Devin and money seemed to be a recurring theme in their conversations. It was clear Virginia had her ish together when it came to money and her financial plans for the future and Devin was not quite on her level.
Though she said no at the altar for additional reasons, I could also see how sis could eventually get very tired of being her partner's second mama, so to speak. And that's the thing about being your partner's "financial parent," eventually, you could end up feeling like you are one-half of a "parenting" or "teaching" dynamic with your partner instead of feeling like you're equals in a partnership.
5. You make financial decisions with each other in mind, not for each other.
Whether it’s booking a trip, deciding which debt to tackle first, saving up for a big purchase, or planning out your next move, there’s a mutual respect for each other’s input. Those shared goals might look like wealth, freedom, stability, or just a debt-free life that feels soft and secure.
You don’t have to be chasing the same bag in the same exact way, but you do need to be aligned on the vision. What you're building should feel like a joint venture with shared effort and purpose, not one of y’all making major money moves like you're still single. Making financial decisions is not just about where the money goes, it's about where you’re going together.
6. You're aligned when it comes to the big stuff.
Financial compatibility extends to the long-term of money management. The legacy, structure, and shared responsibility that comes with decisions like shared accounts, estate planning, having babies, or even blending families. Will you split bills or combine income? Who’s taking time off if you have a child? How do y’all feel about generational wealth or investing for your family’s future? You and your partner have had the real conversations.
These conversations can’t wait until after the wedding or until after a baby’s here. They’re the foundation for how you function as a unit, and if you're not aligned, or at least willing to get on the same page, that incompatibility can cause friction in the end that love alone can't fix.
Love is cute and all, but building an empire together? That’s the real flex. Tap into our new series Making Cents to see what financial compatibility really looks like when love and legacy go hand in hand.
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