A few days ago, while talking to a male friend of mine who has been dating someone for a few months now, I asked him if he was excited about Valentine’s Day. What he said is what I’m used to most men saying some variation of — unfortunately: “For what? Even when I was married, I can’t think of one time when a woman did something special or actually bought me something. And no, sex doesn’t count.” And before any of you get triggered by that last part of what he said, there are many people who agree with him, 1000 percent, including myself. Oh, and this married couple. LOL.
@thebandkokui Sex is not a Valentine gift, please #love #valentinesday #valentine #ghanatiktok🇬🇭 #kokuitv
When it comes to commemorating special occasions, I will forever support the fact that sex is not a present. Not because the act isn’t special or intimate; it’s because it’s a mutual thing that two people actually benefit from (if that’s not the case for you, you and your partner have some serious discussing to do) — and so, if women can expect birthday, anniversary, Christmas and Valentine’s Day gifts outside of copulation…men should definitely be able to do the same.
So, what if, when it comes to Valentine’s Day this year, what you had in mind was coitus and not much else? The good news is I have 12 to put a smile on your man’s face this year so that he can know that a day that’s supposed to celebrate love is one that has him in mind, too. Ready?
1. Speak His Love Language(s)
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If the news is your thing, you may have seen some relatively new articles stating that the oh-so-very famous five love languages aren’t scientifically based. Gasp! Say it isn’t so. LOL. Being that Dr. Gary Chapman (the creator of the concept) is a counselor and a Christian, I’d venture to say that he wrote it more from a spiritual angle than anything else. And since it’s simply about how people like love to be expressed to them most (words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, or gifts) — I really don’t see why science is so bent out of shape over it…all these years later.
And that’s why I still support the notion that you look into what your man’s top two love languages are and then that you do something special for him this year in those ways. By the way, if you have no clue what his love languages are, please don’t guess…ask him. That way, you don’t go through all of the effort to do one thing when he would’ve preferred something different.
2. Cash App Him Money for Lunch
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I don’t have social media accounts, so I don’t see how apps shift from day to day — oh, but I’m hoping that people are taking their Cash App out of their bios, even as we speak. It really does come off as hella entitled, and that’s…off-putting. However, when it comes to the person you’re seeing, I’m thinking that you probably have their Cash App account details. So, why not treat him to lunch (or a haircut) on Valentine’s Day by sending him a few bucks along with a heart in the memo? I talk to enough men to know that simple gestures like this totally make their day because rarely does it happen to them (if ever).
3. Have Flowers Delivered to His Job
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I don’t know who came up with the idea that floral bouquets are a “woman’s thing” because there are studies to support that men like to receive them just about as much as we do. Not only that, but when flowers come their way, research says that it makes them happier, more appreciative, and more communicative as well. So, why not make your man’s entire day by having some flowers delivered to his job? Although the signature flower of Valentine’s Day is the red rose (which means “I love you”), if you want to be more creative or convey a different type of message, you can check out what different flowers mean here.
4. Make Him a Gift Basket
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The main thing that I like about homemade gift baskets is that you can customize them any way you’d like (including theme). Plus, no matter how big or small they are, the person on the receiving end is always going to find them to be super thoughtful. As far as your man goes, you can make him a gift basket that’s centered around his favorite sport or hobby. You can make him a gift basket that focuses on his favorite foods. You can make him a gift basket that is filled with some of your favorite memories of the relationship. You can make him a basket that is full of sex-themed treats that will get his imagination going. The options really are endless, and that’s what makes gift baskets an awesome idea.
5. Give Him Something with Your Handwriting on It
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Along the lines of what I just said, another special gift that you can give him is something that is personalized. The kind of personalization that I dig these days is the one that features a person’s actual handwriting. One example is a whiskey glass (that I found on Etsy), where you can put a message at the bottom of it. You can check it out here.
6. Write Him a RESPECT Letter
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Sometimes, I’ll watch a series of IG or TikTok posts on men (from women), and I get why the Bible says that husbands should love their wives and wives should RESPECT their husbands (Ephesians 5:33). Sometimes, we need a reminder that, not only is respect important in a relationship, many men don’t feel loved well if they aren’t respected. And by respect, I mean how the Classic Amplified Version of I Peter 3:2 breaks it down: “…you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].”
That said, even if your bae is not yet your husband, if that’s where things are headed, think about how floored he would be to receive a letter that talks about all of the things that you appreciate, adore, and admire about him. Out of all of the suggestions in this piece, I can’t think of one man who wouldn’t be moved, beyond measure, to receive something so thoughtful (and probably totally unexpected) than a letter that articulates how much he is respected by the woman he cares about.
7. Brag About Him Online
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There are PLENTY of posts out in cyberspace where people are constantly complaining about their partner (le sigh). This Valentine’s Day, go the road less traveled and brag about your man instead. Talk about the reasons why you enjoy him, the things he’s done for you over the past year, and the reason why you think he’s one of the most wonderful people on the entire planet. Even if his primary love language isn’t words of affirmation, it will make him feel great about himself and the relationship. Don’t take my word for it; science says that compliments elevate moods and contribute to our overall health and well-being. Bragging is free. Give it a shot.
8. Send a Hotel Reservation to His Inbox
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Several years back, HuffPost published an article entitled, “You're Right, Hotel Sex IS Better Than Regular Sex. Here's Why.” It mentioned that a part of the reason why hotel sex is so bomb to so many of us is because it’s sensual, the lighting is good, and it feels indulgent (plus, we don’t have to clean up before we leave like we do at home). If sex is on the menu for Valentine’s Day, your man is gonna revel in it wherever you choose to have it.
Still, imagine the look that will be on his face if he sees a hotel reservation pop up either in his email inbox or in a text. Even if the two of you have to wait until the weekend to make it happen (since Valentine’s Day falls on a weekday this year), it’ll give him something special to look forward to — and since anticipation is one helluva aphrodisiac…well. #wink
9. Get Some Lingerie in His Favorite Color
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Speaking of surprises, another nice touch is to pick up some lingerie. This year, though, make sure that it’s in his favorite color. If you’ve ever wondered where color preferences actually come from, I once read that it’s based on the objects that we associate with the color along with how a particular color makes us feel. Yeah, I don’t know many men who would frown at seeing their woman in a sexy lace teddy or a seductive sheer baby doll get-up. And if it’s in his favorite color? It will be hard to not associate you with the color in the future. A pretty smart move, if you ask me, chile.
10. Offer a Head Massage, Facial and Beard Pampering
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Next time you want some inspiration for how to cater to your man, go to TikTok and put “pamper your man, Black man” in the subject heading. Not only are you gonna see some fine bearded wonders over there, but you’ll also get some tips on how to give a proper head massage, or facial and how to pamper a man’s beard. Head massages are dope because they relieve stress. Facials benefit men just like they benefit us when it comes to improving the texture and quality of their skin.
And as far as beards go, there’s research out there that says we women actually prefer men with some (well-manicured) hair on their faces. So, if your man happens to fall into that demo, get him some beard oil from a Black-owned company. Three are Rucker Roots, golden, and Sons of Hollis. Then get to grooming, sis.
11. Prepare Him His Favorite Meal
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Not too long ago, I was talking to someone who said that men don’t care about restaurants like women do; they go because they know that their lady likes the experience. What guys enjoy is the love that is felt through a home-cooked meal. Listen, there are countless social media posts that like to debate this topic, yet honestly, at the end of the day, if what men like is meals that are made from scratch, that is their preference, and everyone has a right to what they prefer. That said, I can’t think of one man who is gonna not thoroughly appreciate a woman who makes the time to prepare his favorite meal from scratch. So, whether this Valentine’s Day is going to be your first or 50th time, consider making him something delicious to eat.
12. Be His Dessert
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Sex is not a proper gift. I stand on that. Still, that doesn’t mean that I don’t cosign on it being a part of Valentine’s Day. Since dessert literally means “the sweet, usually last course of a meal” — present sex in an outside-of-the-box sort of way. Bring in some sex condiments (check out “12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious”). Try some new sex positions. Intentionally fulfill some of his sexual fantasies. Play some sex-themed games. Have sex in an atypical location.
Bottom line, at the end of whatever else you have planned, offer him up something sweet (you) in an unexpected way. It’ll be the perfect ending to a day of reciprocated romance.
As for Long-Distance Relationships…
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Since reportedly 14 million couples are currently in a long-distance relationship, I wanted to provide a few ideas if you happen to fall into that demographic.
Plan a virtual date. If the two of you can’t be together this year, do the next best thing and plan a virtual date. Although virtual dating is something that was big during the pandemic lockdown, long-distance couples have been partaking in virtual dates for years. Thanks to the power of technology, you and your man can prop up your phones and cook together, watch a movie together, or slow drag (kinda-sorta) to 90s R&B together. Is it as good as being together “for real”? No. Yet is it better than just talking on the phone? Definitely.
Send him a Southwest gift card. Several years back, Glamour published an article entitled, “My Two Long-Distance Relationships Made Me Broke.” Listen, anyone in a long-distance relationship knows that it’s not a cheap situation to be in. So, if the two of you are a plane flight away, take some of the burden off of him buying a ticket by getting him a Valentine’s Day card and putting a Southwest gift card in it. Even fifty bucks will remove some of the stress.
Mail him your favorite perfume. There is a lot of data out here to support that scent is tied to memory. So, if you want to cultivate certain super fond memories of you while you’re away from your guy, send him his favorite scent that you wear. He can spray it on his bedding or a comfy blanket and feel closer to you until the next time the two of you lock eyes (while in the same room).
Sign him up for a lingerie subscription. Wanna build some serious anticipation until the next time the two of you are together? Sign him up for a lingerie subscription. That way, he can pick up pieces that he would like to see you in, free of charge, and hold onto them until the two of you are able to enjoy them — together. Cratejoy has a list of some lingerie subscription services that are worth looking into here.
Have dessert delivered to him. Did you know that there is something called “dessert stomach” that is scientifically based? Long story short, the pleasure that sweets provide can make us desire them even if a meal has already made us full. This is definitely a heads-up to practice moderation in the sweets department, yet who wants to do that on Valentine’s Day? On the holiday, whether it’s at work or his house, hit up a food delivery service, and have his favorite dessert delivered to him. It’s a sweet way (pun intended) to honor the day and a wonderful way to let him know that he’s on your mind.
Happy (Almost) Valentine’s Day — to you and your man, y’all!
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert