If you're looking for 2025 travel deals that will give you unforgettable experiences at some of the most sought-after destinations, this article is for you. Not only are these destinations full of relaxation and adventure, but it is also known to be safe for Black and brown travelers. Below is a curated list of 10 safe travel spots that are having Black Friday/ Cyber Monday deals.
Puerto Rico
Hyatt Regency Grand Reserve Puerto Rico
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Ease of entry and accessibility - no passport required + more than 20 airports offering daily, nonstop flights from most major US airports
- Diversity in people and landscapes - best explored through ‘both sides’ of the island… the city (San Juan) and then the forest (Rio Grande/El Yunque) for amazing natural adventures
- Huge Black expat community
Conveniently located just minutes from Historic Old San Juan and a short 10-minute drive from the airport, Caribe Hilton offers a tropical escape at the heart of it all. Known for its rich history and celebrated as the birthplace of the piña colada, Caribe Hilton has been serving up hospitality excellence for 75 years. The oceanfront property’s world-class service is surpassed only by its incredible amenities, such as a secluded stretch of white sand beach, multiple pools and restaurants, a full-service spa, and an abundance of activities catering to families, friend groups, and wellness seekers alike.
The Deal: Kicking off on Cyber Monday, Caribe Hilton will be offering a Cyber Week promotion from Dec. 2-8, 2024. Travelers can save up to 25% on all room types for trips booked between January 2- June 30, 2025.
Hyatt Regency Grand Reserve Puerto Rico | Rio Grande, Puerto Rico Located on a protected natural peninsula at the foothills of the El Yunque rainforest, Hyatt Regency Grand Reserve Puerto Rico offers guests an authentic taste of Puerto Rico from the comfort of a sprawling luxurious resort secluded along miles of coral reef-protected beaches, through unique amenities and unforgettable experiences like its 100% Puerto Rican resort-branded craft beer, its complimentary Pan Sobao door-to-door breakfast, twinkle light rainforest picnics and PRadise pool-side popsicles. The property is also home to several oceanfront swimming pools (which include Puerto Rico’s largest lagoon-style pool), a full-service spa, a 27-hole championship golf course, over 17 food and beverage outlets ranging from a prime steakhouse to classic Puerto Rican cuisine, a Top Golf Swing Suite, and more.
The Deal: World of HyattMembers can save up to 25% on their stay at Hyatt Regency Grand Reserve Puerto Rico when they shop this Black Friday! The offer will be available from November 19-December 9 and is eligible on stays between November 19 and April 20, 2025.
Curaçao
BijBlauw Curaçao
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Local culture is super diverse - a melting pot with over 65 nationalities, most people speak four languages (English, Spanish, Dutch, Papiamento - the local language). Lots of influence from Colombia and South America, plus of course, the indigenous and Caribbean population. Roughly 85% of the population is of African descent.
- LGBTQIA+ friendly
Curacao Marriott Beach Resort I Curaçao
Nestled among six acres of pristine beachfront near Willemstad, the island’s pastel-clad downtown, Curaçao Marriott Beach Resort offers warm, dedicated hospitality for which the Caribbean is known. The ideal backdrop for your dream vacation in Curaçao, the tropical hotel oasis is a cultured paradise that creates magical memories to last a lifetime.
The Deal: From November 26 to December 3, 2024, for stays between December 1, 2024, and January 20, 2025, travelers can expect discounts of up to 25% off. The promotion begins at 15% off, increases to 20% off for Bonvoy members, and up to 25% for Bonvoy members who book through the Bonvoy app.
BijBlauw I Curaçao
Perched just outside of Curaçao’s bustling Pietermaai district sits BijBlauw, a charming boutique hotel overlooking the glittering waters of the Caribbean Sea. After a day of adventure, relaxation, or fun in the sun on the island, BijBlauw offers travelers an elevated boho-chic haven.
The Deal: Potential bookers receive a 20% discount, with a booking window from Thanksgiving through Cyber Monday. The travel window extends from Thanksgiving until May 28, 2025. A few important details to note: the discount is non-refundable, cannot be combined with other offers or discounts (including Friends of BijBlauw), and the code to use is autumnatBijBlauw. No dates are excluded.
Costa Rica
Hotel Three Sixty
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Super safe and low crime rate, plus fast-growing Black expat community
Hotel Three Sixty | Ojochal, Costa Rica
A member of Small Luxury Hotels, Hotel Three Sixty promises an intimate, adults-only escape tucked away in the unspoiled treetops of Southern Costa Rica. The property is made up of 12 luxurious villas, complemented by an infinity pool overlooking the Pacific Ocean, the open-air Kua Kua restaurant with panoramic views, a Jungle Spa with locally inspired treatments, and a secluded rainforest yoga deck. Here, your only neighbors are the scarlet macaws, toucans, and monkeys swinging by to say hello.
The Deal: 25% off accommodations plus a $100 food and beverage credit to enjoy the new menu at Kua Kua restaurant. This deal is valid to book November 25, 2024, to December 3, 2024, for stays between November 25, 2024 - November 30, 2025; blackout dates are December 22, 2024-January 2, 2025. Discounts cannot be combined with any other offer. To book, visit https://www.hotelthreesixty.com/offers.
Mexico - (Cancun & Los Cabos)
Corazón Cabo Resort & Spa Los Cabos
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Cancun / JW Marriott Cancun Resort & Spa
WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Mexico is one of the travel ‘big dogs’ with millions of visitors each year. They are well developed and used to catering to travelers from all over the world with various backgrounds
- Out of all of the places in Mexico - Cancun, Tulum, and the Riviera are some of the safest and the most diverse. You can stay safely in a resort, but take day trips to Tulum and the natural wonders.
JW Marriott Cancun Resort & Spa | Cancun, Mexico
Situated in the heart of Cancun’s vibrant hotel zone and just minutes from the area’s hottest attractions, the luxurious JW Marriott Cancun Resort & Spa offers a rejuvenating escape to any traveler. With oceanfront rooms, restorative Mayan-inspired spa treatments, luxurious dining options, and an extensive 150 margaritas menu, the resort is the perfect place to relax after an adventurous day exploring Cancun’s jungles or turquoise blue waters.
The Deal: Marriott Bonvoy Members get 25% off stays booked through their app, or 20% off stays booked directly. Non-members receive 15% off their stays. The booking window is November 26 - December 3, 2024, for stays December 1, 2024 - January 20, 2025.
Los Cabos / Corazón Cabo Resort & Spa
WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Also one of the safest zones in Mexico and super well developed in terms of accommodations, transportation, attractions, etc.
- You can find real reviews from Black travelers here
Corazón Cabo Resort & Spa| Cabo San Lucas, Mexico
Nestled near Cabo’s famous Marina along the area’s best swimmable beach, the chic and luxuriousCorazón Cabo Resort & Spa treats travelers to an opulent beachfront getaway in the heart of Cabo San Lucas. From expansive bedrooms with balconies and private hot tubs to Cabo’s highest and most lavish rooftop bar with 360-degree views, a private beach club, and three infinity pools overlooking the famous Cabo Arch, Corazón Cabo is the picture of modern luxury. Corazón also boasts a world-class on-site spa, Sparitual, offering chakra balancing treatments and more, as well as fun activities like beachfront yoga classes and guided tequila/mezcal tastings.
The Deal: From November 18- December 3, guests can save up to 30% off room rates, enjoy a $50 daily food and beverage credit, and take 30% off select spa treatments at Sparitual for stays booked from November 18, 2024 - April 30, 2025. Additionally, guests can spread the gift card love with a special promotion where the resort is giving back 10% of the total gift card amount in a resort credit, valid from November 1, 2024 - January 10, 2025.
Iceland
Hotel Rangá Iceland
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- One of the safest countries in the world with some of the most welcoming people (ranked as the safest, most peaceful country on the 2022 Global Peace Index). Even though it is a mainly white country, they are very tolerant and also have opened up all their borders to tourism. They understand the positive impact tourists have on their destination, and they embrace it.
- This is a great article providing a direct perspective from Franny the Traveler:
- Some great stats here.
Hotel Rangá | Hella, Iceland
Known as the land of fire and ice, Iceland is home to otherworldly landscapes, the Northern Lights, and adventure galore.Set in the secluded and spectacular countryside of the South Coast lies Hotel Rangá, a luxe little lodge with lots of personality. Situated under clear dark skies, Hotel Rangá is also the best place to see the famous Aurora Borealis (complete with wake-up calls) or enjoy a stellar star gazing session alongside a resident astronomer at the hotel's own hi-tech, roll-off roof observatory.
The Deal: From November 29-December 5, guests can save up to 30% off room rates on stays booked from December 1, 2024 - May 31, 2025 (excluding blackout dates between December 23, 2024 - January 3, 2025). Offer valid for a two-night minimum stay. To book, visit hotelranga.is.
Aruba
Aruba Marriott Resort and Stellaris Casino
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- “One Happy Island” is their tagline, and this is reflected in their warm and welcoming locals - who are all super diverse as well as expats
- There’s an area called San Nicolas that is known as ‘Black-owned’ Aruba
Aruba Marriott Resort and Stellaris Casino | Palm Beach, Aruba
Aruba Marriott Resort and Stellaris Casino is a luxurious getaway for travelers of varied interests and any occasion, from family trips to romantic escapes and even corporate retreats. The 414-room resort features ocean-facing guest rooms, all with their own 100-square-foot balconies, overlooking several different breathtaking views of the property and the Palm Beach oceanfront. Additional amenities include 10 dining venues, two pools from a vibrant family-friendly option to an adults-only H2Oasis pool, the largest spa and casino on the island, a two-story fitness center, non-motorized watersports, and more.
The Deal: Guests receive a $100 resort credit and a varying discount on accommodations, up to 25%, for stays four nights or longer from March 1 - July 31, 2025. Book using code E4000 (or code M96 for Bonvoy members) at www.arubamarriott.com from November 27 - December 6, 2024.
Napa Valley, CA
The Meritage Resort and Spa Napa Valley, CA
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- Black travelers make up only 2.7% of annual visitors. However, Napa Valley is a great place for girls trips, romantic getaways and more
- There are a lot of misconceptions about how expensive it is, but there are ways to visit wine country and not break the bank
- There’s also a few Black-owned wineries and tasting rooms like Vin En Noir, and there is also a Napa Wine Train which is perfect for girl’s getaways
The Meritage Resort and Spa | Napa Valley, CA
Set on 36 golden acres with nine acres of active working vineyards, The Meritage Resort and Spa is your one-stop shop for the Napa Valley experience – now boasting a stunning $25 million new look that it just unveiled this summer. From its four onsite tasting rooms to acclaimed fine dining, vineyard-facing pools, its iconic Spa Terra ( a naturally formed Estate Cave located 40 ft under its working vines), and vintner hiking trails, The Meritage is a gateway to the best of California Wine Country. Even going above and beyond with additional amenities and experiences like an onsite six-lane bowling alley, a champagne tasting room, a summer concert series, vineyard picnics, a farm-to-table garden, a curated local artisan market, and more.
The Deal: Save 30% on your Napa Valley visit in addition to a $30 daily resort credit at the newly reimagined Meritage Resort and Spa when you stay two-plus nights, anytime between November 2024 and March 2025 (blackout dates apply). This offer is bookable from November 18-December 4, 2024. Any bookings made during the early access period will receive double perks for Meritage CollectionStay Golden rewards members, which will also include two complimentary welcome cocktails and two spa enhancements.
The Bahamas
British Colonial Nassau
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- The Bahamas is listed as a top-rated destination for Black travelers. Travel technology company Expedia and Black travel review website Green Book Global are preparing to launch a Green Book Global Black Travel Review Month (BTRM) initiative that allows Black travelers to rate destinations that they enjoy, and the Bahamas is in the top five.
Resorts World Bimini | Bimini, The Bahamas
Island charm meets luxury at Resorts World Bimini—an expansive oceanfront complex just 50 miles off the coast of South Florida that encompasses a chic Hilton hotel, world-class casino, marina, and a private beach and lounge reminiscent of the beach clubs found in Tulum. Guests will be surrounded by unparalleled views of the bright blue Caribbean Sea, which are best enjoyed with a cocktail in hand around one of two hotel pools: the ground-floor lagoon pool or the rooftop infinity pool, both of which serve up local bites and specialty cocktails at their poolside bars. And for an elevated afternoon, lounge at Resorts World Bimini Beach—a 4.5-acre private beach and lounge features two stunning lagoon pools, day beds shaded by palapas, private oceanfront cabanas, bohemian-inspired decor, local bites, all-day live entertainment, and picturesque views.
The Deal: Answer the call of paradise when you book the exclusive “BOGO in Paradise” package for your next trip to Bimini, where buying one night gets you a second free, or buying two gets a third. Starting at $249 per person, the package includes round-trip ferry transportation on Baleari Caribbean from Fort Lauderdale, FL, a stay at the Hilton at Resorts World Bimini, access to Bimini Beach, and live entertainment. Visit https://rwbimini.com/event/bogo-in-paradise/ to book; offer valid for stay dates through May 22, 2025.
British Colonial Nassau | Nassau, Bahamas
British Colonial Nassau is a Bahamian gem that recently underwent a massive $50 million transformation. Visitors can immerse themselves in downtown Nassau and enjoy hotel amenities like the 300 ft private white-sand beach, seven dining outlets from a signature martini bar with live jazz on the weekends to a beach bar + grill, two oceanfront pools, and non-motorized water sports. British Colonial Nassau is a seamless option for those seeking an upscale, sophisticated ambiance infused with key aspects of Bahamian culture.
The Deal: This year, the hotel is launching its ‘30/30/30’ offer. Beginning on November 15, book and receive 30% off the best available rates, a daily $30 food and beverage credit per room, 30% off movie and bowling passes at the Icons Entertainment Complex, and two welcome drink vouchers! Offer valid for a two-night minimum stay between December 1, 2024 - December 21, 2025. *Booking window November 15, 2024- December 6, 2024. Blackout dates: December 22, 2024 - January 2, 2025, and April 18-26, 2025. Food and beverage credit is per room, per day. (Value of saving $150 / Starting rates $179) Booking Link here
Galapagos, Ecuador
Ecoventura Ecuador
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- The Galápagos Islands is generally considered a low crime region, being safer than the Ecuadorian mainland. This means that race relations are good, and Black travelers will be perfectly able to explore this tropical paradise without a problem. The local community values and safeguards visitors, and there are rarely, if any, attacks on tourist boats or cruises.
Ecoventura | Galapagos, Ecuador
Named after Charles Darwin’s Theory of Evolution and Origin of the Species, Ecoventura’s 20-passenger, 10-cabin mega-yachts Origin, Theory & Evolve are the chicest and most exclusive way to experience one of humanity’s final frontiers. The only Relais & Chateaux-ranked ships to sail in the destination, Ecoventura offers guests a week of once-in-a-lifetime experiences in the height of luxury – think swimming with sea turtles, sunbathing with baby sea lions, coming face-to-face with the famous blue-footed boobies and strolling alongside Giant Galapagos Tortoises… all aboard what is more like a floating boutique hotel than a cruise!
The Deal: Ecoventura’s sails are so limited and exclusive that they rarely ever go on sale. However, they are offering 20% off select 2025 cruise departures for Black Friday/Cyber Monday shoppers when you book between November 29-December 6, 2024. That is a$2100 per person savings off the published rate of $10,500 per person for double occupancy rooms. Or if 2025 is the year you take on the solo adventure of a lifetime, Ecoventura is also offering an extra special solo offering of only $12,950 per cabin for single travelers (that is $6,050 in savings).
Key West, Florida
Southernmost Beach Resort
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WHY TRAVEL HERE:
- One of the most iconic LGBTQIA+ travel destinations, super tolerant and welcoming
- Super safe for nightlife and solo travelers
- It is one of the most welcoming multicultural towns in the entire country
- There’s a lot of hidden Black history here
Southernmost Beach Resort | Key West, FL
Situated on the quieter southern limit of the famed Duval Street, Southernmost Beach Resort features a modern, sleek design with classic coastal charm. Following a comprehensive transformation to an elevated destination experience in the heart of historic Key West, Florida, the resort features 296 guest rooms, including the newly renovated Guesthouses - four meticulously restored 19th-century Victorian homes for adult-only accommodations and shared community spaces like a cozy parlor bar and beachfront deck. Guests enjoy full access to Southernmost Beach Resort’s extensive luxury amenities, including three pools, bars, a spa, retail spaces, a private beach, and the renowned Southernmost Beach Cafe.
The Deal: 35% off all room types + $50 resort credit (for direct bookings only). Book dates are from November 19 - December 4, 2024, for stays between November 21 - December 31, 2025.
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Feature image by ABRAHAM GONZALEZ FERNANDEZ/ Getty Images
RELATED
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
