Tracee Ellis Ross On Self-Care Through Solo Travel & Choosing Wholeness Over Wellness
Nobody makes the soft life look as good as Tracee Ellis Ross. From her poolside selfies to her globetrotting adventures, it’s clear that R & R is in her DNA, in every sense of the word.
The November cover star of Travel + Leisure opened up to the publication about how traveling from a young age with her mother, Diana Ross, has influenced her outlook on self-care and prioritizing solo travel.
“It’s very important to me,” Tracee tells the publication. “Solo travel, in particular, is how I’ve come to know and honor myself.”
She adds, “I feel like I’m a child of the world. Growing up this way allowed me to understand that, even though people may not speak the same language, we are all the same. And that allowed me to feel safe anywhere. The things that make us different are what make life so robust and textured.”
Being the daughter of a global superstar taught the Black-ish actress that home is a part of her no matter where she is, leading to her tendency to overpack with “compassion.”
“Because of the magnitude of my mother’s life and the way she mothered, I know that home lives inside me,” she says.
“I can find and create a home wherever I am. It’s part of the reason that I have a lot of compassion for my overpacking — because home just comes with you.”
Because the 50-year-old haircare CEO found herself in many foreign places at an early age, she shares her struggles with trusting new people early on but realized it's a natural result of her upbringing and has learned to extend herself grace around it.
“Another result is that I’m not great with new people. I used to have so much shame about that,” Ross reflects. “But I realized, if you think back to my childhood, it would be weird if I trusted people immediately."
"The more I get to know myself, the more compassion I have for myself. The other funny thing that is a result of my upbringing is that I don’t have a sense of adventure.”
While it may come as a surprise to many people, due to her colorful personality and eccentric style, Tracee confesses that she identified most with being an introvert who enjoys her alone time. “I play an extrovert, but I’m an introvert. I love my own company and my world is very quiet,” she says.
For Tracee, wholeness is the goal for her overall well-being. She avoids the concept of “wellness” as it implies the potential for being unwell. However, she appreciates the concept of wellness for its emphasis on self-care and self-honor.
“I don’t adhere to the idea of wellness, because to me it means you could be unwell,” she explains.
“For me, it is about wholeness, which makes space for the well and the unwell, the happy and the unhappy, the scared and the courageous — all of it. But what I love about the idea of wellness is that it conjures how you take care of yourself.”
She continues, “It’s about how you honor yourself. One of the questions I’ve been asking myself since I turned 50 and am coming out of one chapter and moving into another is: How have I honored myself today? As opposed to: What did I accomplish today? How do I want to honor myself through mind, body, and spirit? Focusing on how you honor yourself is a big part of staying well.”
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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What Being The Villain In Someone Else’s Story Taught Me About True Authenticity
For the past few weeks, I’ve been rewatching Scandal on Hulu. This is my third rewatch but with so many twists, turns, and complexities, it feels like the first time all over again.
If you’ve ever watched Scandal, then you know that to some, Olivia Pope is the ultimate hero, cleaning up other people's messes and protecting those she loves. To others, she’s a fixer who lies, manipulates, and bends the law to get what she wants. What makes Olivia’s story so compelling is that even when she’s operating in her truth or protecting those closest to her, she often ends up being perceived as the villain.
Her intent is noble — she wants to keep her people safe — but her methods hurt those around her, whether she intends to or not.
Like Olivia, sometimes we think that hiding certain truths is an act of protection. We tell ourselves that it’s for the greater good, but the reality is that hiding from the truth only complicates things further. Olivia’s story shows us that you can’t be everything to everyone, and trying to do so often leads to pain on both sides.
And this isn’t just Olivia’s story — it’s mine too. I often sit around and reflect on moments where I was the villain in someone else’s story. Sometimes I was aware but chose to honor myself over the other person, and other times I had absolutely no idea I was being the villain until it was too late to do anything about it.
Why We Fear Being the Villain in Someone Else’s Story
When I was 15 years old, one of my best friends told me she no longer wanted to be my friend.
She detailed a list of offenses that ultimately led to her decision to end our 10-year friendship. I was devastated - mostly because I was completely unaware of how my actions made her feel. Since that day, I’ve been extremely cautious of how I operate in my relationships - not wanting to run another person away or hurt others unknowingly. For me, the fear of hurting others became intertwined with something deeper — how people see me.
I became so deeply obsessed with perception that it manifested into behaviors and habits rooted in inauthenticity.
For years, I’d say yes to things I really wanted to say no to. I’d find myself showing up faithfully to functions and outings that I hated and I would even engage in gossip or speak badly about people instead of speaking up because fitting in meant having friends.
I’ve tried to mold others’ views of me for years, but all it led to was frustration for everyone involved. It was exhausting for me, confusing for them, and left us all feeling disconnected.
The Intersection of Noble Intentions and Misunderstood Actions
Over the course of the next 15 years, I would have 4 or 5 more women end their friendships with me for various reasons. Another series of things I did, things I said, things I didn’t do, etc. Despite my desperate attempts to make people see me as the loyal, accommodating friend, I kept getting it wrong - giving people what I thought they wanted instead of being my true authentic self.
What I’ve learned is that trying to control what others think of you is exhausting. It’s a game you can never win because no matter how carefully you present yourself, people will form their own opinions either way.
There’s something unsettling about realizing that, despite our best intentions, we can still end up as the villain in someone else’s story. Whether it’s by speaking our truth or choosing silence, the choices we make can hurt those around us, even when we mean no harm.
It’s a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes, being true to ourselves means that others will get hurt — and that’s okay, even when it doesn’t feel like it.
What 'Scandal' Taught Me About Authenticity
There is a scene in Scandal towards the very end of the series where Olivia Pope is standing with her team. She is wearing a black coat, hair blowing in the wind, and a concerned and vulnerable look on her face. It was right after her villain era where her desire to use her power for good was being overshadowed by her desire to be in power.
She isn't sure if she’s doing the right thing but she’s resolute in her attempt to be the good guy in her own story, even if that means being the villain in someone else's.
In a lot of ways, I was inspired by both versions of Olivia. The woman who wanted power so badly she was willing to do anything for it and the woman who stood in the light and made decisions for the benefit of others. There is a beautiful balance to be found between the two extremes.
Ultimately, after an intervention and a lot of inner dialogue, Olivia decides that in order to be the woman in the white hat, the woman she truly is, she would have to expose her actions and blow up an entire top-secret organization, even if it meant losing everything.
Letting Go of People-Pleasing to Find True Freedom
For me, friendships became the things I wanted to hold onto - instead of focusing on being a good friend, I was focused on having friends. With this realization, I was forced to make decisions about how I would show up in my relationships moving forward - even if I wasn’t sure how they would change.
My therapist and I started working on finding freedom through authenticity. This led to a year of several “friend transitions” as I call them. I started noticing patterns in my friendships that didn’t align with my desires for friendship.
The more I chose to speak up, show vulnerability, be honest, and walk in my true self, the more I noticed my friendships weren’t actually a good fit.
I had to choose - me or them; and this time, I decided to walk away from the friendships that no longer felt safe or authentic. I chose me. There’s a popular quote that says, “People won’t remember what you said, but they’ll remember how you made them feel.” It resonates with me because I do care deeply about how I make people feel, but I don’t care as much anymore about what they think of me.
Feelings and thoughts don’t always align —and in many cases, they’re in direct conflict.
We live in a society that tells us to care deeply about what others think of us. And while there’s value in being mindful of your reputation, you don’t have to be a slave to it. There’s a fine line between awareness and obsession. True authenticity means accepting that not everyone will understand or like you — and that’s okay.
You can’t make everyone happy and you certainly can’t control how everyone sees you; but you can live in your truth, knowing that the right people will see you for who you truly are.
Being the villain in someone else’s story isn’t the end of the world. If your intentions are pure and your actions are genuine, then you’re living authentically, and that’s where real freedom begins.
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