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10 Black Cartoon Characters Representing The Inner Child In All Of Us
Growing up, black representation was few and far between. With black leads only making up five percent of television, it was difficult to find someone who looked and act liked us, reflected on screen. Even more so, if you were looking at animations. Although, despite the lack of prominent representation, there were a few black cartoon characters that made the experience of growing up worthwhile.
From Storm's fierce relentlessness to Frozone's disarming charm, these are the top ten black cartoon characters that make our inner child scream black girl (and boy) magic.
1.Ororo "Storm" Munroe (The X-Men)
Making her debut over 45 years ago, Ororo "Storm" Munroe is hands down the best cartoon depiction of what it means to be a black superhero. Despite the live action movies constantly getting her wrong—remember when Halle Berry had an accent and then suddenly didn't—the origins of this character is worth exploring. Daughter of a Kenyan tribal princess and an American journalist, Storm was orphaned at a young age. As a result, she spent time as a petty-thief before choosing to use her power for good. With the abilities to control the weather (Atmokinesis), witchcraft, telepathic resistance, and eventually godhood, Storm is one of the strongest mutants in the X-Men universe.
Not only is she a powerful superhero, but she is also a compassionate one, often using her powers to stop man-made or weather-related disasters. Nevertheless, despite being an interesting and omnipotent hero, Storm is often overlooked in films and cartoon adaptations. Although, now that Marvel has obtained the rights to X-Men, hopefully this will change in the near-future. With the care that the Marvel Universe gives towards their superhero stories, there is a good chance that will see the Storm we all deserve on the big screens soon.
2.Virgil "Static Shock" Hawkins (Static Shock)
Get up, get up, gotta go. Gotta get up, get up, gotta go. Here we go!
Static freaking Shock was the best thing about childhood cartoons. Premiering almost 21 years ago on WB, and 28 years ago in the comics, Static Shock is the pseudonym of teenage superhero, Virgil Hawkins. Made a social outcast due to his high intellect, Hawkins was subjected to constant ridicule and bullying from his peers. After a particularly harsh beating, Virgil attempts to get payback, where he was ambushed by the cops and sprayed with supernatural tear gas, which resulted in Hawkins obtaining electromagnetic mutant abilities. He later chooses to use his abilities to save those of Dakota City from both supernatural beings and petty criminals. Despite being an interesting superhero and having an enticing origin story and series, there hasn't been many adaptations of the cartoon/comic book character. Though, that looks like it might be changing soon.
During the DC Fandom last August, Reginald Hudlin teased an upcoming Static Shock film. Not long after, in October 2020, Blank Panther's Michael B. Jordan announced that he would be producing the Static Shock DC Superhero movie adaptation. There is still no word on who will be playing Static Shock or when the movie is set to production, but regardless of when it does, I'm sure it will do what it has always done: put "a shock to our systems" that will never run out.
3.Numbuh 5 (Codename: Kids Next Door)
"We are the Kids Next Door, Numbuh 4! We save kids. That's our job."
A job well done, indeed. Saving us from the sheer boredom of weekends at home was the infamous and adventurous Codename: Kids Next Door. Voiced by showstopper in all things black, Cree Summer, Numbuh 5 was the best KND member around. Second-in-command, due to her relaxed nature and wicked intelligence, Numbuh 5, or Abigail Lincoln if you dare, was the only African-American teammate of the codename crew. Taking all of her missions seriously, Numbuh 5 used her book and street smarts to help execute successful operations.
Numbuh 5 was a fun character from KND. Balanced perfectly between wholehearted earnestness and plain absurdity (refusing to give up a treasure chest of candy), she often created hilarity in the foil of her character. Numbuh 5 was the first of few black female cartoon characters that was given more than background roles to play. With a good amount of the episodes surrounding Numbuh 5 and her relationship with others, it was no wonder why we were all glued to our TVs. And because they respected her enough to develop her character to be more than just her race, there is no doubt that "We're going to be Kids Next Door [fans] forever."
4.Penny Proud (The Proud Family)
Sing it with me: She's Penny Proud, she's cute and she's loud. And she gots. It. Going on.
Let's be real, you sung that in the proper cadence without me even having to mention the where to find the video. Between its original airing times, the movie, Destiny's Child and Solange Knowles' theme song, its promised revitalization on BET, and the reruns on Disney+, The Proud Family is a show that is hard to forget. It's an even harder show to put down, despite the show's final episode premiering nearly 16 years ago. The Proud Family follows the family and friends of 14-year-old Penny Proud who live in Wizville, California. Confident and fearless, Penny spends most of her time seeking out what she wants and relentlessly achieving those goals. As a jack of all trades and master of none, most of her adventures are sporadic and varying in degree.
One moment she is a pop singer, traveling the world, and the next she is attempting to babysit her siblings who insist on going on adventures of their own. With every episode being something new to explore, your journey with the Proud Family will be like traveling with your own dysfunctional family. A show ahead of its time, The Proud Family had all black families, smiling from ear to ear and glued to the TV. After all, what's better than seeing yourself reflected back on television?
Though the show follows protagonist, Penny Proud (voiced by Kyla Pratt), it is hard to watch it without acknowledging all of the characters that make us so damn proud to watch it in the first place. With Suga Mama putting her feet in everything, Oscar's constant yelling, Trudy's insistence on keeping her family together, the twins' escapades, the Gross Sisters' thieving, and Dijonay's unreliability—except in her love for Sticky, this show was only meant to succeed.
5.Frozone (The Incredibles)
Frozone probably had the total of thirty minutes of screen time in The Incredible movies combined, but in those thirty minutes, he knew how to steal a show. Known for his "where's my super suit" scene and Samuel L. Jackson voice, Frozone was a Black cartoon character that we just simply can't forget. As a longtime close friend to Mr. and Mrs. Incredible and surrogate "Uncle Lucius" to the kids, Frozone was essential to helping the Incredibles fight villains. With his ability to create ice and freeze surfaces with his hands, he often got himself and the Incredibles out of situations when super-strength just wouldn't do. Despite not seeing him nearly as much as we hope in The Incredibles and its sequel, a little birdie (Pixar Animation Studios and Walt Disney Pictures) says that they plan to release a Frozone film as the prequel to The Incredibles movies. Thus far, it looks like Samuel L. Jackson will return to voice the role, alongside Zoe Saldana, Jordan Peele, Kimberly Adair Clark, Tracy Morgan, and Craig T. Nelson.
6.Riley and Huey Freeman (The Boondocks)
The Boondocks was a show that everyone just happened to find. Without a single amount of advertisement, rhyme, or reason, every night around midnight and two, you'd find yourself in front of the television laughing at these children, who behaved like anything but. Between Riley and his constant need to buck the system and Huey and his endless need to dismantle it, The Boondocks offered an adult animation from the perspective of children. Children, who at most times, behaved better than the adults. And man was it beautiful ride.
Balancing itself perfectly between offensive and woke, The Boondocks offered a comedic outlook on how African-Americans see themselves and the world they live in. Voiced by Regina King, John Witherspoon, Gary Anthony Williams, and other various stars and guests, The Boondocks discussed topics of Blackness in a comedic and objective way. Whether they were talking about the first Black President, systematic racism, peer pressure, perms, or the Civil Rights Movement, The Boondocks was a show that knew what story it wanted to tell and just how to tell it. Now in the political climate where it is necessary to have Black stories told, The Boondocks is seemingly set to return for the 2022 television season on HBO Max. This means more stories of the Freeman family and friends navigating the world both carefully and carelessly, and we're over the moon to see it.
7.Libby Folfax (Jimmy Neutron)
Liberty "Libby" Folfax is one of five central characters in Nickelodeon's Jimmy Neutron. Although, when the show first premiered it didn't seem this way. Clearly unsure of what to do with her character, in the early seasons, Libby was often seen, but rarely heard. She could be found in the background or in Cindy's shadow offering very little lines with even less substance. Nevertheless, this was rectified in season three of the beloved television show, and with this came the endless joy of Libby Folfax. From discovering her ancestor was an Egyptian queen to fashion model turned werewolf, and eventual dictator, Libby was given one interesting story after the other for little Black girls to fall in love with. With her candid personality, inability to lie, and levelheadedness, Libby was often a breath of fresh air in a show that thrived on endless chaos.
8.Susie Carmichael (The Rugrats)
Susie Carmichael was the absolute best. She was kind, caring, witty, and most importantly, she read Angelica for filth. Though she didn't appear in Rugrats nearly as much as she should've, when she did, Susie stole the show. First appearing in the 1993 episode, "Meet the Carmichaels," Susie quickly showed herself to be a promising character. Bright, friendly, fun-loving Susie was often put against Angelica, showing that she was willing to be supportive of Tommy and the crew's adventures. Ever the protector, she often stood up for the babies when bullies would attempt to get in their way and showed herself to be a character worthy of admiration. Eventually Susie and her family were given their own-spin off, The Carmichaels, nevertheless due to the Rugrats and All Grown Up universes, the series was axed due to continuity issues, leaving Susie and all her glory behind.
9.Princess Tiana
To be honest, I am indifferent towards Princess Tiana. Admittedly, this indifference has nothing to do with Princess Tiana herself, but everything to do with The Princess and the Frog. I found it frustrating that when given the first chance to have a Black princess, Disney doesn't actually make her a princess, but a damn frog for the majority of the film. As if it couldn't get worse, the film's use of voodoo, jazz, and African-American dialect reflected the Black community in some unflattering light. Regardless, this is not meant to bash the Disney film that came out nearly 12 years ago, instead it's to mention and appreciate the only thing they managed to get right: Princess Tiana.
Voiced and sung by the amazing and disgustingly under-appreciated Anika Noni Rose, Princess Tiana is the first Disney princess who creates her own wealth, dreams, and manages to not be saved by a prince, or any man, for that fact. With her lively number of "Almost There," Princess Tiana encourages young Black girls to be driven and hardworking, as she works towards her goal of fixing up an old sugar mill to pursue her dream of creating her own restaurant. She constantly faces challenges, from being a social outcast to being a Black woman in the 1920s, yet she remains unshakably true to herself and her dreams, while dealing with the pressure of others. Despite the movie's issues, Tiana makes for a worthy heroine to root for and reflects the magic—and sometimes burden— of being a Black woman accurately and well.
10.Garnet (Steven Universe)
"Take a moment to remind yourself to take a moment and find yourself."
If you're looking for a strong, fierce, and clever character development, look no further than Steven Universe's Garnet. A fusion of the Ruby and Sapphire, Garnet is one of the most dynamic characters on this innovative and daring show. As the leader of the Crystal Gems, she is known to be a pragmatic, blunt character, though she rarely thinks a situation through before acting. With her combined size and strength, Garnet makes for a formidable hero against the show's biggest and baddest villains.
And with her old (yet youthful appearance) age, comes limitless wisdom, which she isn't afraid to share with her Gem family and audience alike. Garnet teaches young Black girls to be outwardly and unapologetically themselves, despite the expectations forced on them by society. Not to mention, she is voiced by singer Estelle, which makes her songs soulful and enticing to listen to.
Featured image via Giphy
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Taysha Robinson is a writer and high school English teacher, based in metro-Atlanta. A self described philomath, you can find her reading books and articles of every genre, attending educational conferences, and hiking wherever the terrain will allow.
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
SheaMoisture is providing us with the cheat code for transforming dry and damaged strands into thriving and deeply nourished crowns. By unveiling their 4-step hair system, the SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection is equipping you with the tools to reverse signs of hair damage caused by protective styling, heat, and color and is uniquely formulated for Type 3 and 4 hair textures.
The haircare system revives damaged natural hair by repairing and rebuilding broken hair bonds through a game-changing combination of HydroPlex Technology and AminoBlend Complex, a unique blend of fortifying amino acids formulated specifically for curly and coily hair. Scientifically proven to reduce breakage by 84% and make your hair six times stronger (vs. non-conditioning shampoo), the collection infuses your hair with the nourishment it craves and the strength it deserves.
All five products of the SheaMoisture Bond Collection are infused with natural strengthening ingredients like Amla Oil and fair-trade shea butter. The collection consists of the 4-step breakage-fighting Bond Repair system, as well as the Bonding Oil.
“When trying it out, I quickly noticed that my hair felt revived and renewed, and my curls were so hydrated,” Crystal said while using the Amla-infused Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner. “I also felt my hair strands were stronger.” So much so that the influencer felt brave enough to get her hair braided shortly thereafter. “I can definitely say that I will be keeping it in my hair wash routine,” she added in the caption of her Reel about her positive experience using the products.
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The Bond Repair Collection Shampoo is the first step in the 4-step Bond Repair system, all of which are powered by the uniquely formulated AminoBlend, and HydroPlex, SheaMoisture’s technology that rebuilds hair strength at its core.
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Tailored to repair styling damage, this creamy conditioner locks in 12x more moisture than standard non-conditioning shampoos, boosting damaged hair strength by 1.5x with significantly less breakage. The creamy SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Conditioner deeply hydrates, enhances manageability, and leaves your hair looking healthier and shinier.
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This Ultra Moisturizing reparative masque is a moisture-rich game-changer for those dealing with the aftermath of hair damage caused by styling. The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Masque delivers 13 times more moisture compared to non-conditioning shampoos, ensuring your hair feels nourished and soft. Designed to repair and rejuvenate, this masque significantly strengthens damaged hair — making it twice as strong while reducing breakage.
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Elevate your curl game with SheaMoisture’s Bond Repair Collection Leave-In Conditioner. Lightweight and hydrating, the Bond Repair Leave-In Conditioner provides 12x more moisture than non-conditioning shampoos and tames frizz with 24-hour humidity control. Designed to define curls and coils, the leave-in conditioner enhances softness and shine allowing you to detangle effortlessly.
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The SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection Bonding Oil is a multitasking all-in-one formula that acts as a heat protectant and provides the hair with moisture, strength, shine, damage protection, and intense nourishment. This lightweight oil not only offers 24-hour frizz and humidity control but also fortifies your tresses, making them up to 5 times stronger with significantly less breakage.
Featured image courtesy
8 Semi-Uncomfortable Things That MUST Be Discussed Before Marriage
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. It’s a saying that virtually all of us have heard before, and yet, isn’t it interesting that, when it comes to things like marriage, far too many people are reactive instead of proactive? Take premarital counseling, for example. If folks are doing it at all (and not nearly enough are, trust me), they tend to wait until after they have gotten engaged and even set a date.
Yeah, I’m not a fan of that because, once you’ve already “locked in” on that level, going to see a marriage counselor or life coach is pretty much only seen as a mere formality. In other words, you’re not really looking to dive deep to see if there are some potential red, orange, or even yellow flags — you’re just going to a couple of sessions because it sounds like the right thing to do.
And because of that mindset, far too many people go into marriage totally blindsided and/or thinking that they can deal with things later and/or believing that love (which usually is some emotional version, not the biblical one — I Corinthians 13) will conquer all — and because of that, divorce court ends up becoming their reality. If not semi-immediately…eventually.
That’s why I write articles like this. Wisdom says that if you want to get into something as serious as marriage and you’re going to look someone in their eyes and vow to be with them for the rest of your lives, you both should know as much as possible about what you’re getting yourselves into…beforehand.
The following eight questions can help to lead the way when it comes to this…
1. Childhood Issues
A few nights ago, I found myself getting caught up in a movie on HBO Max calledOn Chesil Beach. It drags, so I’m not (necessarily) recommending it. However, it does help to drive home this first point that I’m trying to make because it’s all about the purely excruciating wedding “night” of a couple who waited to (attempt to) consummate their marriage. Although for a lot of it, the wife was pretty annoying, you do get glimpses of her childhood that help to shed light on all of her excuses and hesitancy (and there was A LOT of both).
If you do happen to want to watch the film, I won’t give all of what happens away. What I will say is that one of the main reasons why going to premarital counseling is so important is you and your bae should talk about childhood issues.
Listen, as one of my favorite quotes says, “Adulthood is surviving childhood.” Meaning, a lot of times, marriages struggle because it’s not two healed adults who are in the relationship; it’s more like two wounded (on some level, at least) kids who are trying to make a valiant attempt at an adult dynamic.
I know many people who grew up in hella dysfunctional homes who simply said, “I will never be like my parents when I grow up,” only to turn around and be just like them. How did that happen? It’s because of something that I tell a lot of my clients: we tend to do what’s familiar, not what’s right. The main way to prevent that from happening is by being open and honest about where we come from, how it all affected/infected/impacted us, and then getting help, if needed, before jumping the broom.
2. Greatest Heartbreak
Although I’m not sure that there is solid data on what I’m about to say, I stand ten toes down on the fact that I don’t think that men look to “fall in love” multiple times. If anything, they have a first love, their wife, and possibly someone in between. Why? Because contrary to what social media likes to cram down our throats about men, many men when they fall, they fall very hard and are all in. Case in point, I can’t tell you how many guys have told me how much of an influence their first love has had on them — even to this day. And when something monumental happens, it can totally change you (check out “Your Soulmate Might Be The One Who Broke You”).
That’s why I also think it’s a good idea for you and your man to discuss what your greatest heartbreak was like — past (how it affected you) and present (how you feel about the experience now). It can shed great light into how you see relationships and love and why you make some of the decisions that you now do. It can also help you both to express if there are still some unresolved issues that are dormant there because I can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had who, when things got rocky in their marriage, the very first place they went to was Facebook or Instagram to see what their “long lost love” has been up to.
A writer by the name of Jodi Picoult once said, “Once you had put the pieces back together, even though you may look intact, you were never quite the same as you'd been before the fall.” Both of you discussing how this saying relates to this particular topic can, as I put it, “cover up mouseholes.” What I mean by that is, by getting it all out in the open, your partner will be able to know your wounds and weaknesses in that area and offer up some support and even protection — in ways you, he, or both may not have known was needed…until the topic was actually brought up.
3. Financial Habits
You know, I find it very interesting how the Good Book says that the LOVE of money is the root of all evil (I Timothy 6:10), and yet, pretty much any time I tiptoe out to see what social media is yapping — sorry, I mean talking — about, “broke” comes up incessantly. Listen, should you want to be with someone who is financially savvy and stable? 1000 percent. Should you also be the kind of person who you want to be with? 10,000 percent.
That said, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a premarital session and asked both people what their credit score was, only for them to look at me like I asked them to strip naked or something. LOL. Well, I guess, in a way, it’s the same thing because nothing reveals someone’s financial stuff like their credit score and what they’ve got in their savings account. Yet if you’re thinking that your soon-to-be spouse isn’t going to find all of that out anyway, you’re caught up in some sort of delusion that I’m not sure any therapist can get you out of.
Personally, I think that engaged couples should hire a financial advisor and get a financial mentor (preferably a married couple) to comb through both of their finances so that they can see each other’s current state, areas of strengths and weaknesses, and so they can come up with a financial plan for their first, third and fifth year of marriage.
You know, although actually the top reason for divorce these days has a lot to do witha lack of support (emotionally and otherwise),financial stuff is still up there. A part of the reason for that is that there’s no way around the fact that marriage is a business contract (among other things). If you’re signing up to do business with someone, you need to know what their finances look like. That’s common sense 101.
4. Character Weaknesses
Anyone who knows me knows that if someone tells me that they believe that they’ve met “the one,” while they are acting like that person is an angel on earth, the marriage life coach (and “Shellie”) in me is like, “Uh-huh. What are their character flaws, though?” It’s not to break their spirit or be a Debbie Downer or anything; it’s just that I have watched too many marriages crash and burn because they didn’t ask themselves questions like that before saying, “I do.”
For instance, one of my friends (who, yes, happens to be divorced now) told me that he had met who he believed was his soulmate; when I asked him about her potential character weaknesses, one of the things that he casually said was, “I mean, she has a bit of a jealousy streak but…” Umm, sir — you are handsome and an entertainer and you’re going to marry a jealous woman? Hacked emails and tons of drama later, he admits that he wished that he hadn’t underestimated that side of her personality.
Listen, no one is perfect — not by far. In fact, if you’re mature in your thinking, a part of what marriage is designed to do is give you the kind of accountability partner that will offer a safe space for you to address, refine, and improve some things about yourself.
However, in order for you and your partner to be able to do that, you need to know what those things are — and that needs to be discussed well before your wedding day, preferably in the presence of a reputable marriage therapist, counselor, or life coach who can help you to figure out what to do with the intel that the both of you are sharing.
5. Poor Boundaries
When you sign up to become someone’s spouse, your wedding day, in part, is about declaring to everyone that you want to make them the top priority in your life under God himself. And in order to keep anything from affecting that, you need to have some solid boundaries. Boundaries, at the end of the day, are nothing more than limits — and yes, you need to have limits as far as how much your family can know about your relationship, what your friends can and cannot speak on, and what kind of decisions y’all will make that, quite frankly, is no one else’s business…including the internet’s (because A LOT of people out here like to be passive aggressive about their relationship online).
Does it take a village to “raise a marriage?” In some ways, yes. However, when it comes to the vow-taking process, that is between a husband and his wife, and if they are religious, God. No one else made those promises and that means no one else should be as involved or invested as those two (or three) parties are.
Poor boundaries are the cause of so much drama in marriages and honestly, relationships, in general. You do not want to take the approach of, “We’ll figure out what limits we should have as problems present themselves.” Uh-uh. Talk about what your limits should look like ASAP, and make sure that you mutually agree on them too. This point alone can save your marriage more than just about anything else on here.
(P.S. A great book for you to check out isBoundaries in Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships. It’s by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.)
6. Perspectives on Daily Lifestyle
Something else that I’ve observed while working with married folks (and talking to older couples in Cracker Barrel; believe it or not, the marriage advice in there is top-notch!) is marriages tend to end, not so much because of one “big” thing that happened — it’s more like it’s due to the culmination of a lot of little ones.
Take how a person lives, for instance. I’ve dealt with couples where the wife was appalled by her husband not wiping the toilet seat, and the same husband was disgusted by her dishes being left in the sink overnight. A couple of weeks of this, and it’s whatever. Oh, but let it be some years? You’d be surprised.
It can actually be quite sobering to take a moment to ponder and process that, at least when you sign up for a traditional marriage, you’re signing up to share a home, bed, and life — for the rest of your life. If there are certain things that are super “icks” for you, if there are certain chores that you absolutely hate, if there are little pet peeves like sleeping with the television on or your partner being a morning person when you aren’t — you had better bring all of this stuff up now.
Many people have assumed that love will supersede peace when it comes to daily living. Chile, the reality is that you can love a lot of people who you just can’t live with. Please don’t find that out after taking vows and filling out paperwork. Discuss as much as possible about the day-to-day of how you both move, just as soon as you possibly can.
7. Patterns in Past Relationships
In interviews, some folks will ask me what I think about the whole “Does knowing someone’s body count really matter?” debate (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”). As it relates to this particular article, two things: one, check out TIME’s article, “How Previous Sexual Partners Affect Offspring,” when you get a chance. Secondly, let’s do it like this: if you were to find out that your boyfriend used to beat up on his girlfriends, but he hasn’t done it in a couple of years, would “That’s in the past” suffice as his rationale? BE HONEST.
No matter how nonchalant our culture chooses to be about sex, how we decide to move in that space is about more than recreation and experiencing orgasms. So yes, knowing about your past in this realm can shed light on your mindset, your perspective, and even some of your patterns — not just your sexual past, but your past, in general.
Anyone who wants to give pushback on that, I’ll just say this: it is human nature to brag about things that we’re proud of. When it comes to your sexual past, if you’re hiding or deflecting concerning it, why is that? And what would make you think that, eventually, the things that you are suppressing won’t somehow come out anyway? Real talk, a great sign that you’re over something or someone is when you can bring it or them up — not when you’re doing everything in your power to avoid it/them.
And when it comes to past relational patterns overall — have you always been the one to do most of the work? Do you tend to flee when things get too challenging? Do you ever stop to think about what you did wrong? Do you tend to handle things with ultimatums? Do you treat relationships as projects? Do you avoid things with sex? Do you not communicate your innermost feelings well?
A pattern is something that you do over and over, oftentimes very naturally. When it comes to the men of your past, what qualifies as a pattern for you? Getting married doesn’t miraculously make those patterns go away. Discussing them can help you to get to the root of those issues and if you need to break some of them on the front end.
8. Media Programming
A quote that I find myself saying often is by The Doors singer, Jim Morrison: “Whoever controls the media, controls the mind.” There is no way around the fact that media influences and impacts society on some pretty monumental levels (you can read more about thathere,here, andhere) — and so to think that what you take in when it comes to television programs that you view, movies that you watch, books that you read and social media accounts that you follow aren’t affecting you? That is some serious denial that you are in.
Case in point. I have a friend who also works in mental health. Whenever his wife is watching some trash reality television (and boy, is there A TON of it), he says that she is way more touchy to the point of almost being combative than when she isn’t. One time, he instituted a two-week fast from reality television. He said that the first week was rough for her, which caused her to realize that she was way more attached to the shows than she thought. The second week, she was calmer and far more peaceful (her words, not his). Did she totally give reality television up? I mean, we’re all a work in progress, right? LOL. She does watch it less, though, and their marriage is running smoother because of it.
As we close all of this out, definitely an underestimated influence in marriage is the media. Find out what your partner likes and why. See where the two of you are in sync, where you’re not, and what you think the compromises should be. Otherwise, you could end up with someone who is making judgment calls about your relationship based on what some random on TikTok said — you’d be amazed how many people do that. And it’s a damn shame that they do.
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There’s a reason why this article has the title that it does. Getting real — and I mean, really real — about relationships isn’t always the most comfortable thing to do; however, it is beneficial.
And what, after (genuinely) addressing things like this, you find out that you’re not as compatible as you thought? Eh. That doesn’t have to be the end of the world. Either — again, with the help of a marriage expert — figure out how to compromise or, if you ultimately can’t find enough common ground…as I oftentimes say, It’s always better to break up before marriage than divorce after it.
Words to live by. Promise you that.
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