When you look at beautiful superstars like Beyoncé and Solange, sometimes you wonder what their secret sauce is.
Where does Beyoncé get her fierce, yet graceful presence from to empower women since the days she was barely legal? Where does Solange's fearless attitude come from, as she continues to give us life by speaking her mind and her truth through her music and art? And where did they get their drop-dead gorgeous looks?
They get it from their mama!
Thanks to Instagram and the hit show on OWN, Black Love, Tina Lawson has made it into the hearts and screens of many.
What some may not know is that years ago, Ms.Tina was in the middle of a nasty divorce, with her then-husband and father of her children, riddled with infidelity and babies popping up left and right. Given the very once-protected and somewhat perfectly crafted image of her family, this could have been a stain on her legacy and naturally, the media ate the drama up. However, years later, she found love again at 59 with her now husband of three years, actor Richard Lawson.
With her glow-up in love, Ms.Tina teaches us a lesson through her will to keep pursuing happiness. A resilient heart wins over all adversity. In this game of love, whether you are trying to find it in a relationship, or the constant balance of loving yourself, you have to be able to get up off that floor, wipe your tears, and keep swinging! Without the mud, there is no lotus, and watching the trial and tribulations of Ms.Tina can teach us that whatever storm we are trying to weather, we will survive and will serve a greater purpose in the future.
Here are some lessons I learned from her contribution to the series Black Love:
It Is Easier To Find The Love You Deserve When You Take Time To Love Yourself
The cliché that no one can love you until you love yourself is simply incorrect, but the idea that you may not attract the healthiest relationships when your sense of self-worth is low is very true. However, the more time you spend on healing those parts of you that hold you back from looking in the mirror and actually believing the affirmation "I am beautiful and I am worthy" the more likely you will be to receive a healthy relationship.
Tina explains:
"...I said: 'I am a bad sista. I have done incredible things. I'm not so bad. I deserve somebody because I am great. And that's not an arrogant thing, it's just that all these years I have accomplished so many things but I have never even took in a look at them. I never owned them or felt good about them, so all of a sudden I felt good about myself, and I think that is how I was able to attract someone."
Simply taking the time to realize how worthy and valuable you are as a woman will help you understand that you deserve the very best and help you to not to settle for people, places, or things that are unhealthy for you. Though no relationship or person will be perfect because, like you, a partner is human and makes mistakes, it is possible to find a partner with the qualities that you are looking for, especially if you possess them yourself.
Choosing To Vibrate Higher Everyday Isn’t Easy But Necessary To Attract The Best Experiences Of Your Life
As her husband Richard Lawson so eloquently states:
"If you want something and you vibrate on the level of the thing that you want, the only thing that will happen is that you will get it. It is not philosophy, it is physics. It is energy."
Putting your best foot forward is one of the hardest things to do when the situation causes you great discomfort and pain, but fighting for your happiness and trying to find your purpose in life will lead you to the places you are supposed to go and the people with whom you're supposed to go.
It Is Never Too Late To Start Over
Though you would never be able to guess, Tina is a 64-year-old recently married woman living her best life, showing off pictures on Instagram for everyone to see, all while telling corny jokes on Saturdays. She teaches us that it is important to find a new beginning each day, regardless of your circumstances or even if you have to start over from scratch. It is better to give yourself a fresh start than it is to quit at life and love altogether.
In the words of her daughter Beyoncé:
"Mama, after all them years, we can start all over again. And now it all makes sense. Letting go is never the end."
Featured image via Instagram
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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