When you look at beautiful superstars like Beyoncé and Solange, sometimes you wonder what their secret sauce is.
Where does Beyoncé get her fierce, yet graceful presence from to empower women since the days she was barely legal? Where does Solange's fearless attitude come from, as she continues to give us life by speaking her mind and her truth through her music and art? And where did they get their drop-dead gorgeous looks?
They get it from their mama!
Thanks to Instagram and the hit show on OWN, Black Love, Tina Lawson has made it into the hearts and screens of many.
What some may not know is that years ago, Ms.Tina was in the middle of a nasty divorce, with her then-husband and father of her children, riddled with infidelity and babies popping up left and right. Given the very once-protected and somewhat perfectly crafted image of her family, this could have been a stain on her legacy and naturally, the media ate the drama up. However, years later, she found love again at 59 with her now husband of three years, actor Richard Lawson.
With her glow-up in love, Ms.Tina teaches us a lesson through her will to keep pursuing happiness. A resilient heart wins over all adversity. In this game of love, whether you are trying to find it in a relationship, or the constant balance of loving yourself, you have to be able to get up off that floor, wipe your tears, and keep swinging! Without the mud, there is no lotus, and watching the trial and tribulations of Ms.Tina can teach us that whatever storm we are trying to weather, we will survive and will serve a greater purpose in the future.
Here are some lessons I learned from her contribution to the series Black Love:
It Is Easier To Find The Love You Deserve When You Take Time To Love Yourself
The cliché that no one can love you until you love yourself is simply incorrect, but the idea that you may not attract the healthiest relationships when your sense of self-worth is low is very true. However, the more time you spend on healing those parts of you that hold you back from looking in the mirror and actually believing the affirmation "I am beautiful and I am worthy" the more likely you will be to receive a healthy relationship.
Tina explains:
"...I said: 'I am a bad sista. I have done incredible things. I'm not so bad. I deserve somebody because I am great. And that's not an arrogant thing, it's just that all these years I have accomplished so many things but I have never even took in a look at them. I never owned them or felt good about them, so all of a sudden I felt good about myself, and I think that is how I was able to attract someone."
Simply taking the time to realize how worthy and valuable you are as a woman will help you understand that you deserve the very best and help you to not to settle for people, places, or things that are unhealthy for you. Though no relationship or person will be perfect because, like you, a partner is human and makes mistakes, it is possible to find a partner with the qualities that you are looking for, especially if you possess them yourself.
Choosing To Vibrate Higher Everyday Isn’t Easy But Necessary To Attract The Best Experiences Of Your Life
As her husband Richard Lawson so eloquently states:
"If you want something and you vibrate on the level of the thing that you want, the only thing that will happen is that you will get it. It is not philosophy, it is physics. It is energy."
Putting your best foot forward is one of the hardest things to do when the situation causes you great discomfort and pain, but fighting for your happiness and trying to find your purpose in life will lead you to the places you are supposed to go and the people with whom you're supposed to go.
It Is Never Too Late To Start Over
Though you would never be able to guess, Tina is a 64-year-old recently married woman living her best life, showing off pictures on Instagram for everyone to see, all while telling corny jokes on Saturdays. She teaches us that it is important to find a new beginning each day, regardless of your circumstances or even if you have to start over from scratch. It is better to give yourself a fresh start than it is to quit at life and love altogether.
In the words of her daughter Beyoncé:
"Mama, after all them years, we can start all over again. And now it all makes sense. Letting go is never the end."
Featured image via Instagram
RELATED
Mercury enters Aries from April 16 until May 10, and what you were trying to see through or understand better while Mercury was retrograde here last month, you are experiencing a breakthrough now. Mercury in Aries is insightful and courageous, and people are more likely to speak their minds and initiate conversation with this energy. Mars then enters Leo from April 18 until June 17, reminding us that sometimes it’s okay to be a little more selfish and to focus on what you need right now. Mars in Leo brings forth confidence, creativity, and passion, and brings an exciting energy to charge of your life and advocate for yourself.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
Mid-month, Mars moves into your 12th house of closure and endings, and there is a journey of healing that you experience until June 17. You are motivated to understand yourself better and are looking at the past more right now in order to do so. This is a month of recovering and healing from what has been, for new foundations to be built upon. The New Moon on April 27 is a beautiful way to end the month, as you are getting glimpses of a new, abundant, adventure that is ahead of you.
LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus, which will be highlighting your health and what your body needs more of right now. This is a New Moon to set your intentions for your everyday life and to create a new, beneficial routine that will make things easier for you at the end of the day. Before the month ends, Venus enters your 9th house of adventure, and you are leaving the month with your sights set high. Travel plans are likely, and this is a good time to create some new plans for yourself.
CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
Mars enters your 8th house of transformation mid-month and will be fueling your need for some change, excitement, and emotional rejuvenation over the next month and a half. You are entering an impactful moment of the year for you, and you are motivated toward change right now. The New Moon at the end of the month is in a fellow earth sign, highlighting the romantic new beginnings you are entering now. Overall, this month is a process, and you are opening new doors while finding gratitude in what is here for you now.
AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
April is about giving yourself time to process, accept, and gain a new perspective, Aquarius. You are being guided towards friendship, connection, and community, and are understanding what may be creating the discord in your life that has been distancing you from that. The Full Moon this month is happening in Libra on April 12, and you are ready to let go of feeling like you have to do it all at once or all alone. This month is a reminder to take your time with all the experiences you want to have, trusting that they will come to fruition for you.
Mars enters your house of love and partnership on April 18, and you enter a passionate and steamy time. Romance is in the air for you as you move through the month, and you are spending more of your time with those who you want to move forward with. Venus also moves into a relationship area of your chart before April ends, and you are surrounded by love and community. Overall, this month is showing you that you are not alone and you don’t have to go through the heavy stuff alone either.
PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
And with that said, in walks what is known as sleepmaxxing. Since it’s been reported that approximately 1 in 3 people say that they don’t get enough sleep on a consistent basis, I do my best to provide tips on how to get the kind of sound rest that we all need (check out “12 Monthly Sleep Habits To Transform Your Rest In 2025,” “These Sleep Hacks Will Make Getting A Good Night’s Rest So Much Easier” and “Can't Sleep? These Warm Drinks Will Give You Much Needed Z-Z-Z's”). However, after I did some research into what sleepmaxxing is all about — well, I’ll just say that it’s got its benefits and also its reasons for you to not simply take it at face value.
If you stick around, I’ll explain how you can make sleepmaxxing work for you — so long as you apply some serious moderation to its method and approach.
You May Have Heard of Sleepmaxxing Before. What Exactly Is It, Tho?
GiphySleeping to the max. At the risk of sounding very 80s and valley girl’ish, that’s probably the easiest way to break down what sleepmaxxing is because what it’s all about is finding the kind of sleep hacks that will make it easier for you to fall asleep, stay asleep and experience an awesome quality of sleep in the process.
Sounds pretty amazing, right? On the surface, I would agree. I mean, like I said in the intro, I’m all about finding, sharing and even applying a good sleep hack, chile. Problem is, when it comes to sleepmaxxing, some people are becoming obsessed to the point where they are either applying too many hacks at one time (which is where the Aristotle quote fits in quite nicely) or they are engaging in something that just might be your something new for the day: orthosomnia. And what exactly does that entail?
Orthosomnia is what happens when someone becomes so consumed with their sleep habits and patterns that they end up bringing some sort of tracker into the mix in order to keep up with recorded data when it comes to how they sleep. And although it’s not considered to technically be a type of sleep disorder (at least, not yet), it is something that medical professionals are keeping a tab on because many people are having their sleep — and ultimately the state of their health — disrupted because of it.
And if someone can become close-to-obsessed about a sleep tracker app, it’s pretty feasible that the same thing could happen with sleep hacks, in general — especially since some medical professionals believe that certain sleep hacks are more like a crap shoot than anything else. Ones like what? Well, I recently read a TIME article on the topic (here) and it said that while sleeping in a cool(er) and dark room, wearing a sleep mask, and reducing your screen time before turning in all get the thumbs up, consuming certain foods or drinks, showering before bedtime and incorporating certain (white) noise machines still need a bit more looking into.
I guess, chile. As someone who takes her own quality of rest pretty damn seriously, I think that even the “iffy” hacks should be tested out — just probably not all at once. I also think that you shouldn’t simply apply what everyone else is doing just because they are doing it; instead, think about what your personal sleep needs and goals are, incorporate tips that complement those, go through a process of elimination (as far as what is truly effective for you) — and voila! No “sleepmaxxing” per se, just a sleep routine that you can feel really good about.
7 Effective Ways to Get Some Quality Sleep
GiphyWhile I was reading another article on sleepmaxxing, I must admit that I rolled my eyes when I saw tips like taping your mouth shut (that doesn’t even sound safe, to be honest), damn near overdosing (not really but…) on kiwi and wearing blue light glasses. However, those things did remind me that there are some sleep-related tips that I can personally vouch for — ones that you can easily incorporate, are not overwhelming and actually make a good amount of sense.
1. Choose a pillow that complements your sleep position(s). I’ve got an ex who once told me that, as a father, he’s come to the conclusion that there is no need to spank a child — all you’ve got to do is take their pillow away (“They will be miserable, tossing and turning all night long.”). I’ve thought about the nights when my pillows weren’t feeling the most comfortable and he ain’t neva lied! That’s why my first recommendation would be to get a pillow that best suits you, especially when it comes to your favored sleep position(s). You can read more about how to figure out which one to select here and here.
2. Do not eat or exercise less than two hours before bedtime. Something that I had to stop doing? Eating right before bedtime. My body needs to rest and, making my digestive system go into overdrive while I am trying to sleep — that ain’t the move. That said, although it kind of depends on what you eat (more on that here), it’s a good rule of practice to stop consuming foods about two hours before turning in. The same pretty much goes for exercising as well (more on that here) — although things like yoga can sometimes prove to be helpful.
3. Sip on some Korean banana milk.Bananas contain magnesium and that’s a nutrient that helps to relax your nervous system. Milk has tryptophan and melatonin in it — both of which are bona fide sleep agents. If you combine these two things together, there’s a good chance that they might have you in a deep state of sleep all night long. That said, a way to blend the two together is to make some of your own Korean banana milk. You can try out this recipe here (P.S. If you want to try a milk alternative, almond milk has tryptophan in it and hemp milk is packed with melatonin). Thank me later.
4. Get into some scented silk sheets.What you sleep on/in definitely plays its part in all of this. My recommendation, especially during the warmer months, is to go with some silk sheets. They’re comfortable. They’re hypoallergenic. They’re a breathable fabric. They don’t wrinkle easily. They help your hair and skin to retain moisture, and they also are a “natural insulator” which means that they can help to keep your body cool in the spring and summer and warm in the fall and winter. And if you sprinkle an essential on them that promotes rest — like lavender, cedarwood, chamomile, bergamot, or marjoram — you will relish each and every moment that you are rolling around, blissfully so, in that bedding of yours.
5. Use your blue-blocking options. It’s been said a billion times in dozens of different ways that the blue light that comes off of your screens isn’t good for your sleep patterns. So, if you’re someone who has the habit of checking your phone right before and/or after a bathroom run in the middle of the night, consider using your blue-blocking phone options. Apple users typically have a Night Shift setting on their phones while Android users have a Night Light one. You can read how to find them and utilize them here.
6. Journal three things before turning in. While on the surface, it might seem like journaling before bedtime is simply signing up to do more work, plenty of intel says that it can be quite beneficial; that’s because you can get some things off of your chest and/or organize your thoughts and/or think about how you would like the following day to go — and all of these things can help to de-stress you. My two cents would be to consider journaling about three things, at least a few times a week: something that you learned for the day, something that you are grateful for as far as the day is concerned, and something that you’re proud of as you come to the end of the day. It’s pretty hard to not have a restful mind if you “shut it down” for the night on these notes.
7. Rub some CBD oil on your feet. And finally, CBD oil. Although this “hack” definitely has the Aristotle quote written all over it, so long as you don’t apply huge doses, CBD can be of great assistance as far as your sleep quality is concerned. One way is by massaging the soles of your feet with CBD oil. The massage alone will help to relax you and the oil can bring relief to bodily pain and help to improve your quality of sleep.
____
Sleepmaxxing. Eh. The thing about trends is they tend to come and go. Now that you know what it’s all about, though, if one of the hacks that you see interests you, try it. More than anything, to me, sleepmaxxing is just a reminder to not be passive about getting the kind of rest that you deserve.
And if that requires implementing a few tips to get it…so be it, sis.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images