Some People Hate Scheduling Sex But Tia Mowry-Hardrict Is All About It
Back when I was in the process of writing my first book, one of the titles that one of my editors suggested was Single Sex. AlthoughInside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love & Redemption (the first part is what my brother came up with) has a lot of sex in it, no doubt, I didn't find their title pitch to be the most exact. However, over the years, I have indeed kept that lil' phrase in mind, as I've written other articles about sex among singles. And, whenever I compare that kind of coitus to the kind that married couples engage in, two things that I say often is—so long as the marriage is healthy—there is a holistic beauty in marital sex that is truly incomparable and single sex can be very selfish. And by "selfish", I mean self-consumed to the billionth degree (more on that in a bit).
All of this came flooding back to my mind, all over again, as I listened to portions of a podcast called What to Expect. The host is Heidi Murkoff who also happens to the co-author of the best-selling book series, What to Expect When You're Expecting. Anyway, a guest who she recently had on was actor and host of the really helpful home hacks YouTube channel,Tia Mowry's Quick Fix, Tia Mowry-Hardrict. Heidi and Tia touched on a lot, including how Tia's journey with endometriosis led her to become a "self-advocate" for her health and well-being, along with how to balance marriage, motherhood and a career (you can check the episode out for yourself here).
And speaking of marriage. Since that and sex are something that I write about, A LOT, on this platform, it should come as no surprise that it was her hot take on how to maintain her sex life with her hubby (who also is a good actor in his own right), Cory Hardrict, that stood out to me the most.
And just what does Tia think is the key to keeping things going in the bedroom and avoiding the pitfall of ending up in a sexless marriage? I'm so glad that you asked.
How Does Tia Keep Sex a Priority in Her Marriage?
You know how some of y'all do. Unless a celebrity recommends something, you think the idea is crazy. Well, in walks Heidi and Tia to cosign on something that I'm actually a pretty big fan on—scheduling sex. As they were discussing marriage and kids, in general, Heidi revealed that she and her husband basically have a rule in their home that sex, once a week, is an absolute must; she referred to the rule as "sex dates" (check out "When's The Last Time You And Your Man Had A 'Sex Date'?"). And to that, Tia said this:
"Heidi, this is the first time where I'm admitting it, we do too. And, when I was younger and when I would hear that, I'd be like, 'Why do you have to do that?' But like you said, you do — especially with kids and with work and all that, you have to make sure that it's not neglected in any kind of way."
OK, so here's where "single sex" comes in. When it comes to a lot of the single people who I talk about sex with or the engaged couples who I counsel, if there's one thing that they think is borderline ridiculous, it's scheduling sex. To them, that takes away the romance, spontaneity and excitement of it all. I get it. Yet here's the thing—what a lot of unmarried sexually active people don't realize is, for the most part, they're still scheduling sex. If you're not living with your partner, most of the time when you discuss meeting up, if there's not over-the-top flirting or a straight-up discussion about it, doesn't the energy let you know that, 8 times outta 10, sex is gonna be on the menu?
I know back in my (le sigh) sexually active days, if I was planning on spending time with the person I was "engaging" at the time, I made sure I was shaved, smelled amazing and my underwear was sexy AF. Besides, if it was already decided that one of us was spending the night with the other, it was kind of a given that some sort of sexual activity was going to transpire. My friends, to a large degree, that is scheduling sex. That's why it shouldn't be an off-putting trigger, when married folks talk about doing the same.
So, why is it off-putting for so many of us single people? I think it's because, whenever we hear married people talk about paying bills, cleaning the house and raising children, there's some visual in our minds that if they make, say Tuesday, "sex day", both of them are looking a hot mess, the sex is subpar and they would probably rather be doing anything else but having sex—because, after all, if you've gotta put it on your calendar, how great can the sex actually be?
This brings me back to Tia and Cory and a feature of them that I watched on her YouTube channel, this time last year (I believe it was filmed at the end of 2017, though). As they were sharing how their first kiss consisted of Cory asking Tia if he could kiss her; how Cory knew Tia was the one because him being broke (in the beginning) didn't phase her; how Tia knew Cory was the one because he had so much patience with her after she was coming out of an unhealthy relationship and that he taught her how to believe in herself; that they pray together; how, in their eyes, the secret to a successful marriage is forgiveness (Tia), as well as communication and never going to sleep angry (which is what Cory…oh, and the Bible says—Ephesians 4:26-27), and how being intentional about wooing each other (among a host of other things) all plays a role in their marriage being able to thrive—it brought me back to something that I'm a firm believer in:
Sex doesn't "make love"; in a marriage, what sex does is celebrate the love that already exists.
And what does what I just said have to do with why I have no problem with scheduling sex and, to a certain extent, I actually encourage that long-term couples do so? Well, when you're single, oftentimes the focus on sex is the physical pleasure that it brings. However, when you're married, while sex—and not just "any" sex…good sex—should be a very top priority (it really should, married folks), all of the things in life that you and your spouse do together, outside of the bedroom, is actually what matures love and helps you to appreciate the power of commitment more and better.
And because, sometimes, walking through life together can be so all-consuming and full, scheduling sex means that you are making a point to get off of the life-roller-coaster ride so that you and your partner can CELEBRATE all that you are building together. And to plan to celebrate on a weekly basis? That's beautiful and really, who should ever have a problem with that?
It really is kinda crazy that the saying "fail to plan, plan to fail" seems to make sense to the masses, except when it comes to bedroom action. Yet again, when life is full (and sometimes crazy), all scheduling sex means is you are making sure that coming together with your partner continues to be a priority. It doesn't mean it's only a quickie or a half-hearted effort. It just means, "Babe, the world is trying to keep us from 'us' time. Let's make sure to schedule it so that doesn't happen."
So kudos to Tia, Heidi and all of the other married folks who, while they may not be gettin' it in 3-4 times a week, they for damn sure ain't letting their sex life fall by the wayside (by the way, scheduling sex doesn't mean it doesn't happen more; it just means it doesn't happen less than when it's on the schedule for). Oh, and to the single folks who read all of this and thought, "Hmph. My marriage will never be like that", all I can say is "wait and see"; it's easy to think that way until you've got more on your plate than just you. Feel me? I hope so.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image via Tia Mowry/Instagram
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Alaska Wasn’t On My Bucket List, But My Glacier Adventure Made Me A Believer
We all have bucket list destinations at the top of our lists. I visited one of those at the top of 2024: Japan! But what happens when you get an opportunity to go someplace that wasn’t on it? For me, that was Alaska. Now, I’d submitted my short film to the Anchorage International Film Festival, genuinely thinking it would be a long shot to get in with a short film about fibroids and Black women’s health.
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert