Just like clockwork, I’m starting to see social media posts and television commercials about the fact that summer is almost over. I guess it’s because school is about to be back in session; however, the actual summer season couldn’t care less about that. What I mean is, no matter what year it is, summer technically does not roll into fall until sometime between September 21st-24th of every year. This year, it’s on the 23rd, which means we have several more weeks to learn more about what we can do to preserve our God-given beauty while the sun is still blazin’ and the days are still extra long.
And since a lot of us tend to lean into protective styles (especially with the kind of heat that this summer has been completely showing out with!), I thought it would be a smart move to offer up some tips on things that you can do to get the most out of your preferred protective style look until it gets into my favorite time of the year — autumn.
Personally, I think this is the ideal time to share these 15 suggestions…being that you’ve got about as long as a set of box braids should be in your hair before cooler weather comes around (some of y’all will catch that later). Timing is indeed everything, chile.
1. Cleanse Your Scalp
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Please, when you get a chance, check out “Treat Your Scalp To A Little Bit Of Detoxing This Weekend.” Between product build-up, sweat, and dead skin cells that are forever dropping, it’s amazing that a lot of us don’t experience more scalp itchiness and irritation than we already do. Not to mention the fact that many of us also don’t nourish our scalp enough, so we mistake dandruff for what is actually a dry scalp (also check out “Stop Scratching: The Differences Between Dandruff And Dry Scalp”).
Thanks to protective styles like box braids and hair twists, all of those parts in our hair tend to expose our scalp to the sun a lot more than usual. Thoroughly cleansing your scalp with a scalp scrub on wash day, carrying a spritz to treat the scalp in between wash times (more on that in a bit), and also adding some plum oil to pamper your scalp (plum oil is everything, y’all — great for soothing the scalp after chemically processing it and restoring dry and brittle ends) will make all of the difference in the world.
2. Use a Clarifying Shampoo
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Speaking of sweat and build-up, although you shouldn’t apply this tip every time that you shampoo your hair, definitely use a clarifying shampoo after taking a protective style down (especially if it’s been up for 6-8 weeks straight). A lot of gunk can collect in your hair when you haven’t been doing much (to your hair) other than getting up and heading out for weeks on end. A clarifying shampoo is specifically designed to remove all of the stuff that isn’t good for your strands long-term. As far as shampoo brands go, Cosmopolitan did you a solid by offering some great suggestions: "23 Best Clarifying Shampoos for Curly Hair (Sulfate *and* Sulfate-Free).”
P.S. If you don’t want to try a clarifying shampoo, at least go with an apple cider rinse; it clarifies and conditions your hair basically at the same time. You can watch YouTube videos on the topic here, here, and here. Again, don’t use it ALL of the time (and definitely dilute it first) — just when you need to get your hair “extra clean.”
3. Apply Hair Products That Contain Sunscreen
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BLACK. PEOPLE. NEED. SUNSCREEN. HAIR. IS. INCLUDED. IN. THAT. Y’all, it can’t be said enough that having more melanin doesn’t mean that UV rays give a damn. In fact, the reason why a lot of us end up with hyperpigmentation and age spots is because we ignored this particular point. Besides, let’s not act like our scalp isn’t also made up of skin, so…there’s that. Also, even though the hair that hasn’t grown out of our head doesn’t have any living cells in it (which is why it doesn’t hurt whenever we cut it or use heat styling tools), UV rays do have the ability to damage your hair follicles, if you’re not careful. That’s why you should definitely be intentional about using hair products that have some sort of sunscreen in them around this time of the year. You can check out a list of some here, here, and here.
4. Wear “Light” Braiding/Twisting Hair
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Not all braiding and twisting hair are the same. Some brands are itchy as hell (YouTuber Seun Okimi has a bomb video on the backstory on that), while others are too heavy — and that can be annoying if you plan on doing some more swimming before the summer season is up. So, definitely ask your braider to go with a lightweight kind of hair. If s/he doesn’t know what that means, that’s your first sign to go with someone else. And what if you plan on going the DIY route? Another Black beauty influencer who goes by the name EBONYJAY has a video entitled, “What is the best braiding hair to use? Tips for new braiders” that has some gems for ya.
5. Give Your Edge Control a Bit of a Break
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Once upon a time, someone (a Black woman) asked me in an interview about why I personally thought that we were so obsessed with baby hair: “Sometimes I wonder if it’s still a low-key obsession with wanting to come off like it’s a form of having what society deems as being ‘good hair’” was my response. Because while I do like realistic-looking baby hair as much as the next fly chick, at the same time, I do think that doing anything in excess, to where it can damage your edges and/or your nape, should be rethought — and when you’re using edge control that has a lot of alcohol in it (read those labels, y’all), that is exactly what is happening.
6. Add Color Via Extensions Only
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Here’s the deal: the tighter your curls are, the more challenging it’s gonna be for the natural oils that come from your scalp to coat all of your hair strands. In a nutshell, that’s why our hair tends to be so much drier than other ethnicities. And that’s why, whenever we choose to color-treat our hair (especially with the box brand stuff), it can wreak total havoc on our tresses as far as hair health goes.
Listen, I know this is the time of year when going big and bold is tempting; just try and go with colored hair extensions or, at the very least, demipermanent or semipermanent hair color options. Or hell, even color wax. No, they don’t last as long, yet they also don’t do the kind of drying-out damage that permanent color does; they’re specifically designed not to.
7. Go No More than Three Weeks Tops for Styles Without Extensions
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Halo braids (this hack here is dope). Bantu knots. Cornrows. Space buns. Flat twists. All of these are protective style looks that many of us can do with or without the help of extensions. And while they all are super cute/low manipulation styles, try not to get too comfortable in them by letting them sit in your hair for weeks at a time. It’s pretty standard for hairstylists to recommend that naturalistas wash their hair once a week or once every two weeks at the most; otherwise, build-up can occur. Plus, when you’ve got a protective style, going over three weeks could lead to hair matting when you’ve got scalp and hair sweat to contend with.
8. Wrap It Up Sometimes
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No one can rock a head/hair wrap quite like we can, and we all know it. So, on the days when you don’t feel like spending a lot of time on your hair or you’ve got an old wash ‘n go that you don’t have time to refresh, pull out a scarf (or pre-tied turban; Etsy sells quite a bit of those; just go to the site and put “pre-tied turban” in the search field) and wrap your hair up. Not only will you look beautiful, but a scarf or turban will also give your hair a break from the sun beating down on it and ultimately drying it out in the process.
9. Keep a DIY Spritz Handy
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Something that our hair always needs is moisture — especially in the hot summer sun. A spritz that I’ve come to be a big fan of is De La Cruz’s Lavender Water Body Mist. Because it has some glycerin in it, it acts as a humectant (something that naturally pulls moisture from the air), even on my hair. This is great when I have a protective style like braids or twists because it hydrates my scalp and adds moisture to my hair, even when it’s “tied up”; that way, I don’t have to work overtime while deep conditioning my locks (after taking out my protective style) due to how dry my strands are.
If you’d prefer to make your own hair spritz, that’s pretty easy to do as well. Some easy-to-make recipes are located here, here, and here.
10. Try a Lil' Bit of Swim Spray
Something that will definitely strip away some of the natural oils in your hair is chlorine. And since we’ve already touched on the fact that a lot of us have hair that is already dry, you don’t want to help chlorine out in any way. That’s why it can never hurt to have some of AquaGuard’s products (here) in your hair arsenal. They have a pre-swim product that is specifically designed to keep harsh chemicals from damaging your locks. And you know what they say — an ounce of prevention is always better than a pound of cure.
11. Moisturize and Oil Your Ends
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Depending on who you talk to, different people are gonna have different feelings about whether or not applying oil to Black hair is needed. Personally, I’m all about it because, so long as YouTube channels like the one by EfikZaraexist (check out “Looking For Hair Growth? It Might Be Time To Bring 'Blue Magic' Back”), I’m sold! The key is to use oil to lock in a hydrating conditioner that has been applied with the help of some water.
So, when it comes to making sure that the oldest parts of your hair remain in good condition (so that you’re able to retain length), a couple of times a week, dampen your ends, apply a leave-in conditioner and then apply a carrier oil like grapeseed (it has lots of vitamin E), jojoba (it contains properties that repair heat damage) or avocado (it is a natural sunscreen) to them. Doing this will strengthen your ends over time and help to prevent split ends and breakage.
12. Enjoy Lemonade and French Braids
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If you’re curious about what the biggest braid trends are for 2023, you can’t go wrong with lemonade braids — you know, the look that is braided in such a way to where your hair swoops over to one side. As someone who oftentimes will get some medium-sized box braids at some point during the summer season, I’ll tell you, off top, that one of the best things about lemonade braids is they will definitely reduce your time in a braider’s chair (which automatically makes them a win!). Matter of fact, if you’re daring (and patient) enough (and you already know how to braid), you can probably even install them yourself (check and see by watching this video, this video, and this video).
Or you can put a part down the middle and do a couple of French braids, which is one of my favorite go-to's. A look that I like a lot is having two braids going back on the sides with a big braid in the middle. I start the middle braid back far enough to where I can create a bit of a poof in the front so that it stands taller. It takes like 30 minutes to do (after creating the three parts) and can look casual or sophisticated, depending on what I decide to wear. Easy peasy, chile.
13. Don’t Keep “Extension Styles” in for More than Six Weeks Tops
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Listen, when I get my box braids, I’m in the chair for about six hours, paying around $200. Although the end results are always worth it, the process of taking those bad boys out alone is enough to make me want to keep them in for as long as possible. And while I’ve seen hair hacks featuring women who “double knot” their braids at the root — I’ll pass. I don’t want to run the risk of making it so difficult to take my braids down at some point that I damage my locks in the process. Besides, after six weeks (eight tops), the weight of the braids (or twists) can put a real strain on your edges, nape, and hair follicles overall. So yeah, a couple of months should be the absolute max. Also, give your hair a 2-3 week (or so) break before adding more extensions. Anything in excess can be counterproductive. Always remember that.
14. Trim Those Ends
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Although I’m not personally a believer that you need to trim your hair, without fail, every 4-6 weeks, what I do think is, around that time, you should (re)evaluate your ends to see if they are in good condition. For instance, I was revisiting what different kinds of split ends look like, and while I rarely end up with the “traditional ones” that split from the bottom, sometimes I do end up with fairy knots or the feather or incomplete split whenever I am too rough on my tresses (you can learn about the various ones here). However, instead of cutting off a couple of inches, I’ll switch up my styling routine or do a bit of dusting (only cutting the strands that appear to be in real trouble).
15. Sleep with a Humidifier
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I’m forever gonna recommend that people have a humidifier in their bedroom. For health reasons, check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall.” As far as your hair goes, the 6-8 hours when you’re asleep, your strands still need moisture.
Having a humidifier can get them the hydration that they need. Not to mention the fact that if you’re someone who can’t seem to keep your scarf (or bonnet) on your head or your satin pillow on your bed as you’re tossing and turning throughout the night, a humidifier can help to keep your hair from drying out. Plus, if your hair is in a protected style that has extensions, it can keep those from drying your hair out as well.
So, if you don’t already own a humidifier, there’s no time like the present to invest in one. Your health will thank you. Your hair will too! Enjoy the rest of the summer, y’all.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
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Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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