You know you are in the presence of Black Girl Magic when every time words are spoken, clusters of gems are dropped and you realize you need a basket to catch them all. That's the experience I had when I interviewed three of the five founders of CurlFest, the world's largest natural beauty festival. Simone Mair, Tracey Coleman, and Melody Henderson can attest to the fact that the one thing that binds us all together as black women, is our hair. Whether it's kinky, curly, or coily, there is an unspoken connection we have with one another when we're in our natural state. We all have dealt with those difficult wash-and-gos, or the twist outs that didn't work out the way it did for that YouTuber.
Most importantly, we also know what it's like to feel the stares, or hear the negative comments in regards to how we choose to wear our crowns. The founders of CurlFest agreed that there was an undeniable need for a brand that empathized with the experiences of women of color. Melody, who acts as the design guru among the tribe, said, "It was really to fill a need, to fill a void. My background (career in marketing), my whole question was always, 'Why aren't we being seen, why aren't we part of the story?' And the five of us wanted to be part of that solution. How can we, as women of color, in our natural state, in any capacity, be a part of the story?"
Thus, the Curly Girl Collective was born.
The brand started with five women seeking to create a space for women of color to talk about their experiences with their hair, as well as others' perceptions. It was a judgment-free zone that they soon realized many other women probably need as well. Creative marketing consultant and freelance writer, Tracey Coleman, who makes up ⅕ of the Curly Girl Collective explained, "At first people (brands and press), weren't really interested just because they didn't deem it as important. And as the narrative has changed on what beauty looks like, it's a huge shift from when we started. You're seeing more women of color and women with natural hair in commercials and in movies and in leading roles and all over the world. That's when the media starts to listen, and we're a part of what's driving that."
"The media realized that this was an important story that needed to be told."
Tracey and her teammates have made it their mission to develop fun and unique ways to help multicultural women celebrate their natural beauty. The first CurlFest was launched in 2014, and in just four years, this tribe of girl bosses was able to take their at-home business and transform it into a staple event in the natural hair community.
The founders of CGC are proof that heavy is the head that wears the crown, even if that crown is a mane full of beautiful curls. Simone, who is also an award-winning volunteer, told us, "I think sometimes as women of color, we're kind of a double minority here and naturally have more to prove."
"We kind of have to work twice as hard as some of our counterparts, so there are challenges."
Despite these challenges, these queens are thriving honey, and they shared some gems with me that will help you flourish, too. I got to speak with these ladies more about their roots (both proverbial and natural), as well as how pursuing your passion can truly liberate you from the daily grind and ultimately allow you to develop a profitable business.
What is the secret to your success? How did your brand become so well known in what seems like such a short amount of time?
Tracey: The growth was interesting...there isn't some marketing campaign behind it, or a celebrity that's driving it, or something that happened that went viral. Honestly, it's the energy that people feel when they come to CurlFest and that feeling of appreciation and celebration of who they are. That comes through in what people say about the event to their friends and family, and what they say on social media.
One thing that we've learned is that you can market something all day long, but at the end of the day, it really speaks for itself. The fans actually drove the growth, they decided that they were coming back the next year. Every single year, they're telling their friends, and telling their cousins. It's a blessing not to have to have to market the event because the demand is there.
What do you think was the major turning point? How did you turn your passion into profit?
Melody: I believe that the passion and the profit actually are intertwined. I think we are where we are today because that passion never went away. There's five of us, and we are literally doing this around the clock: putting on something that can support the 30,000 people. But what's driving it is that passion. The turning point really came when brands started to realize that we were bringing them qualified leads.
It's not a commercial you're bringing to the masses. People are opting into CurlFest, people are looking forward to CurlFest for the entire year. So, knowing that from a brand perspective, when you start to talk about revenue and finances, we're telling them "This is your demographic and we're able to tell you what they need, we're able to tell you what's missing, and we're able to tell you how you can plug in."
When we had our first CurlFest, there were two brands on the lawn. So, now you fast forward to this year, it was in the mid-twenties. A lot of that is really based on fostering relationships, building a network, really holding true to what our brand is with no apology.
We typically see the glamour of what success looks like, but not so much the setbacks. With social media, everyone makes it look so easy. What have been some of the challenges that you've had building this business, and what are the ways that you've been able to overcome them?
Tracey: With that type of growth happening that fast, we had to learn really fast. We had to bring on other experts in other fields and people that could support us. We've learned that with the five of us, we all have full-time jobs. You realize that for us to maintain that and to support the growth of CurlFest that was happening so quickly, we had to tap into our village. Most entrepreneurs learn that as you grow, you have to expand to let people help you.
That's really any business, if you're trying to grow your baby, you have to let your village support that baby.
That's what we've done over the years to help us grow so fast.
What does it mean to the team to have so much support for CurlFest from black women?
Melody: A lot of times we don't realize the psychological things are happening because of how society is telling how us we should be. The fact that we're able to play a role in breaking down some of those barriers is amazing. We often marvel at the success of others wondering whether or not we also have what it takes to get into business for ourselves. Instead of being paralyzed by the fear of "what if", be empowered by it.
Turning your passion into profit IS possible. The Curly Girl Collective shows us that when you combine your passion with your drive, determination, and fearless forward progress, anything can happen. Make sure to follow the Curly Girl Collective on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter for updates and fly content from past events.
Featured image by Cincinart/Shutterstock.com
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
So…I wanna say that it must’ve been when I was either in the seventh or eighth grade that I participated in a series of etiquette classes.
As antiquated as that might sound to some these days and although I don’t remember a ton about them, what I am forever grateful for is learning how to properly set a table and what utensils to use at big formal dinners. When you’re a kid, you think stuff like that is totally unnecessary. Oh, but grow up, move in some circles and you’d be surprised how much random tips will hold you down in a pinch.
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
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Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
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Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images