Jasmene Bowdry was living the American Dream. With a lucrative, high-level job in corporate America and enough disposable income to travel whenever and wherever she wanted, the sky was the limit for the fashion buyer. With a promising future working for high-end luxury fashion brands like Saks Fifth Avenue and a constantly increasing bank account, from the outside looking in, it seemed like Jasmene had it all figured out, but for some reason, she still wasn't happy.
Like most of us, Jasmene grew up with the belief that to truly reach a level of optimum adulting, you had to go to school, get a degree, find a good job, and retire. But as Jasmene matured and continued to excel in her career, she began to question this way of thinking. "It really just came to a point in 2015 where I was like, okay, how can I merge these passions of mine? I love fashion, I love business. How can I really merge all of that together and do something that really fulfills me?"
While she had pursued her dreams of becoming a boutique owner in her spare time away from work, reality hit her like a ton of bricks when she was let go from her full-time job and forced to explore other options. Although Jasmene had plans of leaving corporate America in the future, she learned to see her seemingly spontaneous misfortune as an act of God. She explained:
"When you pray for things, God will make them happen in his time, and I was just like well this is just the time; that God wanted it to happen sooner than I did. So, to me, it was a blessing."
It takes a truly ambitious woman to shift her paradigm to see the obstacle in every opportunity, and for Jasmene, the now-owner of SHIFT StyleHouse fashion boutique, that transformation inspired the career of her dreams. As a young girl from Lansing, Michigan with a love for dressing up paper dolls, Jasmene never imagined that celebrities like Tyra Banks and Sarah Jakes Roberts would wear pieces from her boutique thanks to stylist J. Bolin, or that she'd have the opportunity to open her own pop-up boutique space in Macy's next month. But God has a funny way of pushing us into our passions.
Along with preparing for her brand debut at The Market @ Macy's in Lenox Mall on July 7th, Jasmene also spends her time as a business coach who helps women learn the ins and outs of starting their own boutique.
We sat down with Jasmene, who got real about most important things every woman should know when launching their own businesses:
Know Your Audience
So you've decided to get like our girl Jas and step out on faith to start a new business. While your first thought may be creating an Instagram page or finding a web designer, Jasmene advises that we apply a different method. Instead of focusing so intently on the aesthetic aspects of your business, get to know everything you can about your ideal customer.
Knowing your customer and honing in on your target audience to be more niche than broad is key to seeing success in your business. This is part of the reason Jasmene started her online coaching business, The Boutique Teacher. She told xoNecole, "Many times when people start boutiques, they want it for the masses. They want everybody to come shop. And when you're trying to sell to everybody, you sell to nobody."
"When you're trying to sell to everybody, you sell to nobody."
Take Your Time
Knowing your customer isn't just about filling out a worksheet, issa process. Doing the work can mean taking days, weeks, or even months to develop and evolve your business. Jasmene shared that because her target audience drives the core of her business, she uses this information to make any and every major decision that she's confronted with. "I really dove down into like, who my girl was. When I decided that I'm going to rebrand, it wasn't something that happened overnight. It was months of work and research to really understand who my ideal customer was. It was months of finding the perfect pieces that fit along with her lifestyle."
For Jasmene, getting to know her ideal customer meant using her imagination, even giving her target client a name. Once she made the decision to focus on that aspect of her business, she hasn't looked back.
Standing Out In A Crowd
Anyone who's ever dipped a toe in the fashion industry knows that thriving in an oversaturated market is no easy feat. There are new businesses popping up every day, b; so it's important that you find a way to stand out from the crowd. The SHIFT Stylehouse owner emphasized the power of staying in your own lane, because no one can do you like you.
As an introvert with just a dash of social anxiety, at times, it's hard for Jasmene to be in front of the camera. But, according to her, moving in silence isn't always the best move. She told xoNecole that the key to conquering your market is just being you, sis. "Sometimes you gotta pop out. Sometimes you do have to show yourself so that people can see you and understand you because people buy into the stories of the people they buy from; who they trust and love and who they can connect with. So sharing your unique story is really what will set you apart in this industry."
"Sometimes you gotta pop out. Sometimes you do have to show yourself so that people can see you and understand you because people buy into the stories of the people they buy from; who they trust and love and who they can connect with."
Stop Purchasing Vendor Lists
Starting a business is hard, but nothing that's truly worth having will come easily. The same is true when you're starting a boutique, and according to Jasmene, the easy way isn't always the most lucrative. I can admit that I've fallen victim to buying a wholesale vendor guide on a whim, hoping that it would help me fulfill all of my entrepreneurial dreams, but Jasmene informed me that this way of thinking was dead wrong.
"It's deeper than somebody just putting in the names of vendors on a spreadsheet. You need to build a relationship with wholesalers and manufacturers. You need to touch the quality of the product before you decide you're going to try and sell that to somebody," the style curator explained. "I see what a lot of starter boutique owners do is, they have the idea that they want to start a boutique and now they're like, 'Okay, well where do I source the product?' So they think that getting a vendor list is the solution to that."
Jasmene advised that although that vendor list may be specific to one audience, it doesn't necessarily mean that vendor's products will work for your ideal client. Vendor lists have the potential to stunt your growth, and if you're not careful, can be a real waste of money.
Feel The Fear & Do It Anyway
Courtesy of @JasmeneMache
Maybe you think you don't have enough money to start a business. Do it anyway. Maybe you think you're too old to step out on faith and leave your job. Do it anyway.
According to Jasmene, we will never truly feel like we have enough, know enough, or are enough to follow our dreams. Her mantra since leaving her job in corporate America has been, "'Feel the fear and do it anyway.' There's so much greater on the other side of fear. There's so much more outside of your comfort zone, and I was so comfortable working in corporate America. I wasn't fulfilled, but I would think that my paycheck was fulfilling me."
According to her, if she had one piece of advice, it would be: "Take the leap, take the risk. Never get too comfortable. Never. Had I taken risks earlier in my life, then the brand could have probably been so much further. But that's not something I harp on, there are no regrets. Everything happens in the timing that it is supposed to happen."
"Take the leap, take the risk. Never get too comfortable. Never."
If you're in Atlanta this month, make sure to check out Jasmene's brand, SHIFT StyleHouse at The Market @ Macy's while it's available for a limited time in Lenox Mall in Buckhead!
You can keep up with Jasmene via Instagram @jasmenemache and shop her dope collection at SHIFTStyleHouse.com.
Featured image courtesy of @jasmenemache.
RELATED
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Anyway, in my personal opinion, when it comes to sexual activity, there should also be etiquette that should be applied — you know, “rules of conduct” (or engagement) for how we should expect to be treated and how we choose to treat others. Because, even if you don’t hear about sex being presented in the form of needing to have manners, having a certain level of decorum, and/or requiring a mutual level of dignity, that should absolutely be the case.
And just like some of the lifestyle etiquette tips that I learned back in the day have stayed with me all of this time, it’s my hope that if you aren’t applying (or requiring) the following 10 sex etiquette suggestions (all 10 of ‘em too) that you will start…so that they will remain with you as well.
1. Discuss Sex-Related Things That Will Directly Impact Y’all’s Health
GiphyDoes even one day go by when someone on Instagram, X, or TikTok isn’t talking about why someone should or should not know another person’s body count (check out “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed”)? Although I have been known to say that the kind of things we’re proud of, we tend to brag about without hesitation, that doesn’t mean that I think people are owed that type of information.
That being said, that doesn’t mean I’m not aware that there is science to back up that the more sex partners men have, the more that they increase their chances for being diagnosed with cancer; that a higher amount of sex partners can impact whether or not you get married (and that it tends to lead to divorce more often as well), and that an uptick in partners can even increase your chance of becoming a substance abuser.
Not to mention the fact that, as Dwayne Wayne once said on A Different World episode (that featured a great performance by Tisha Campbell), “the longer the list, the greater the risk” (of contracting an STI/STD) — however, if we’re looking at this point from nothing more than a sexual one, really what someone deserves to know is if you’ve been tested for STI/STDs within the past 6-12 months and, if not, if you’re willing to get tested prior to having sex with them. Anything else really is privileged information and totally up to the individual to share — both directions too.
2. This Includes Afterplay. Beforehand.
GiphyChile. I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me that they found themselves either embarrassed or flat-out pissed about how a sexual experience went. It wasn’t because of the sex itself; it was more about how things were handled afterward. Now, if you’ve never seen the (wow) 35-year-old film When Harry Met Sally (Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan) before, there’s a scene where Billy Crystal’s character talks about men trying to figure out in their mind how long they should hold a woman after having sex with her.
To me, the modern version of this is after sex, when someone asks, “So, what are you about to do?” because that sounds like code for, “You ain’t got to go home but…” Listen, when two people have real feelings for each other and/or are in a long-term dynamic, this point is — or at least, should be — pretty irrelevant.
However, if you’re in a casual sex dynamic or a situationship, I promise you you're putting yourself in a position to “feel some type of way” if you merely assume that afterplay means cuddling all night long while he thinks it’s more like polite convo for 10 minutes and then bouncing (or vice versa). If you don’t want to be bedside blindsided, discuss beforehand how you each prefer to get down.
3. Ask Before Sexting
GiphyI don’t care if the two of you have never had sex before or if you’ve been doing it for a while at this point, but if sexting has never (pardon the pun) entered the chat, you both really should ask before you start sending NSFW stuff into each other’s devices. Some people don’t like it. Some people prefer to know when stuff like that is coming because they don’t want what is being said or shown to be exposed to those around them.
Some people prefer not to “shift gears” (as far as their energy field is concerned) when it comes to being in one mindset and all of a sudden receiving sex-related content that they weren’t prepared for. Believe it or not, there is data to support that the art of sexting can improve coitus overall. However, the same research says that it needs to transpire under the umbrella of mutual respect and clear communication. I agree 1000 percent.
4. No Means No. This Applies to Us Too, Ladies.
GiphyMedia culture can be so…irresponsible, sometimes. Since we’re talking about sex, specifically, today, take when it comes to men and sex. Contrary to popular belief, no, that is not all that they think about and no, they aren’t always in the mood — for a myriad of reasons. And that’s why, I think it also should go on record that just like it’s wrong for a man to try and push a woman past her “no,” women shouldn’t do it either.
It truly isn’t said enough that you shouldn’t simply call it seduction if a guy doesn’t want to and you keep trying to get him to anyway while defining it as coercion when the shoe is on the other foot. The saying “no means no” shouldn’t have a gender bias on it. Everyone should have their boundaries respected — at all times too. Full stop.
5. A Clean and Comfortable Scene
GiphyFresh bedding. A clean bathroom. A washcloth and towel for your partner. Flip-flops (to walk around and/or take a shower in). Lubricant. Bottled water. These are the kinds of things that immediately come to mind when I think of what should automatically come with someone spending intimate time in your home. It’s also what you should be fine with requiring should you choose to have sex at someone else’s house too.
Because even if there aren’t things like scented soy candles and a ton of ambiance, you and your partner at least need to feel like you both are in a space that is clean. This should be a hands-down non-negotiable, by the way.
6. Turn ALL Devices Off
GiphyI don’t know if this means that the sex is/was really wack or you’re just a phone addict in denial but if you are “one out of every five individuals” who checks their phone during sex, I’ve got a bevy of questions for you. SMDH. For this one, in general, though, I don’t have a lot more to say other than, I don’t know how anyone could think that checking their notifications during sex — any kind of sex — isn’t rude as hell and definitely a reason for someone to hard pass on wanting to “engage” with them ever again.
So yeah, for this one, let’s go with an automatic “all devices off” rule. Since most people only want sex to last somewhere between 7-13 minutes anyway (is that per round…or???), I’m pretty sure that whatever IG Live that you’ve been waiting on can wait. Goodness.
7. Have Your Own Stash of Condoms on Deck
GiphyAssuming that the guy should always bring the condoms is about as sexually irresponsible as a guy thinking that he doesn’t need them because the woman he’s about to have sex with should be on birth control. My point here is that you really need to have your own condom collection. One, so that you’re always prepared. Two, so that you can select the condoms that you prefer (most guys are totally fine with that). Three, no matter what you might think that it implies, mature folks get that it means you are serious about protecting your health and well-being.
And what if discretion is what you’re the most concerned about? No worries, there are all kinds of condom carriers out here that basically look like tiny wallets (for example, here).
8. Keep Cleansing Cloths Around
GiphyHygiene is important, is it not? Although going into graphic detail about it may be something that most people would want to avoid, sometimes sexual activity happens spontaneously with no bathroom close by. And listen, even if the movies act like (for instance) oral sex after getting all sweaty from dancing all night in the club is hot, my mind automatically goes to it being kinda gross. So, at least keep some rinse-free cleansing cloths on deck if you don’t want to wait until you can hop into a shower. A pack in your purse or glove compartment can go a really long way. Straight up.
9. Don’t Be a Show-Off
GiphyOne guy who I had sex with back when I was in college, I was so excited about — initially. At the time, he was fine, and then some mo’ fine. To be honest, although we were very cool and spent a couple of years on campus together before I — eh hem — indulged, the main reason why I wanted to sleep with him is because I thought that his looks were a preview of his performance level. Boy was I wrong. Any time I refer to our, umm, time together, I call it “Cirque du Soleil sex” and even that is being generous because that man was trying to put me into every twist and turn that he could in under 20 minutes.
It’s like he was trying to prove that he could hold it down…and all that ended up doing was backfiring — supremely so. Moral to the story here: sex should be about two people enjoying each other, not low-key trying to compete or “outdo” one another. Anyone who says otherwise is truly bringing poor form to the bedroom, whether they realize it or not.
10. Watch Your Words. Afterwards.
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, if sex with your partner was pretty much the equivalent of watching paint dry, it’s still important to be thoughtful about what you say. Lack of empathy, being inconsiderate of their feelings, talking to them in a way that would damn near cause you to blow a gasket (or melt into the floor) if they did the same thing to you — all of this files under hella rude behavior.
And while we’re here, please watch your body language — you know, heavy sighs, eye-rolling, stonewalling…if you don’t want to have sex with them again, that is totally your right; that doesn’t mean that you have to humiliate them in the present, though. You know, A LOT of people carry their ego in the bedroom — male and female.
That’s why I write articles like “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not” and “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed).” So, whatever transpires, try to be kind and compassionate. Karma shows up, even in the bedroom. Make sure it’s proud of how you handled yourself. One way or another, you’ll be glad that you did.
____
Sex etiquette. As you can see, it’s a very real and necessary thing. I’m curious, though. When you get a chance, hop in the comments to share some other “copulation manners” that you think are important, along with how you handle matters when they are missing or go awry. Hey, when it comes to having better sexual experiences, we’re all in this together.
Kinda. Sort of. You know what I mean. LOL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Drazen Zigic/Getty Images