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A couple of years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand.” When you get a chance, please check it out. The gist is that if there’s one thing that sex and sleep have in common, it’s the fact that they can both do wonders for our holistic health and well-being. Problem is, sometimes getting a good night’s rest or pregaming in order to have some amazing sex can be a bit of a challenge.
If you can relate, no worries, I got you. What we’re gonna tackle here are 12 things that you can do that are almost guaranteed to make it easier to fall — and stay — asleep…and, if you’ve got someone sexy in the bed with you, these tips will make some prior-to-sleep sex, middle-of-the-night sex, morning sex (or all three) totally off the charts too.
1. An Intimacy Ritual
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Dr. Joyce Brothers once said, "Real intimacy is only possible to the degree that we can be honest about what we are doing and feeling." With that being said, I once read an article that said intimacy should be broken down into four different categories: emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual. Basically, if you don't feel a sense of closeness, friendship, and acceptance in those areas, something is awry.
I couldn't agree more. Since, to me, all of these things speak to feeling safe, that's why I think it's essential to cultivate intimacy rituals, especially in the evening as you're winding down for the night. It doesn't matter if you're with someone or not because if there's one person who you should feel safe with, most of all, it is yourself. Do some journaling. Meditate. Verbally acknowledge some things that you accomplished throughout the day that you are proud of. Soak in the tub while listening to some of your favorite music. Forgive yourself for a mistake that you made. Do something that makes you feel safe — or safer — within.
And if you do have a boo who shares your bed with you — get in the tub together, give each other a massage, communicate what you adore about each other, share a toast…all of these are things that can make you feel calmer and more relaxed. And when you're holistically in that frame of mind, it's easier to fall asleep. Plus, it puts you in the mood to want to have sex — or even better sex.
2. Some Rose Petals
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There are plenty of studies to support the fact that smell has an effect on, not just how quickly you are able to fall asleep but the quality of sleep that you will have too. Research also backs up the fact that odor sensitivity can impact how good — or not so good — your sexual experiences are too. So yeah, there’s no way that I could do an article like this without giving the sense of smell some thought — and one that can benefit how you sleep and improve your sex life is rose.
The reason why I recommend rose petals is that, from an Ayurvedic medicine standpoint, there are several different ways that you can use them to your advantage. The scent is soothing and relaxing. When you put some into your bathwater (especially if it’s along with some coconut, almond, or oat milk), rose petals are an awesome skin moisturizer. If you boil them, they are powerful when you steam your face (and hair). You can also let your rose petals dry and turn them into potpourri to put on your nightstand.
However you choose to incorporate rose petals, they will provide a dose of aromatherapy that will complement your sleep and/or sex plans. That’s for damn sure.
3. Blue or Green Lighting
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If you’re about to move into a new spot or you’re thinking about doing a bit of renovating in the place that you already have, consider painting your bedroom a shade of blue or green. Studies indicate that blue helps to create a sense of calm while, since green represents nature, it can help to soothe your senses.
The same thing can go for installing a blue or green light bulb into one of your lamps or getting a night light in either hue. Even if you don’t keep it on all night, these are two colors that can relax you and make it easier to get into a sleep and/or sex routine. (By the way, a literal blue light is awesome if you struggle with soundly sleeping. You can read more about how and why here.)
4. Turning Down Your Thermostat
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Have you ever wondered why you might go to bed feeling comfortable or even chilly only to wake up in the middle of the night in a hot sweat? While it could mean that you are perimenopausal (which means an onset of hot flashes is going on), don’t automatically jump to that conclusion (without speaking with your doctor first).
There’s a huge possibility that things like exercising an hour before bed, engaging in a super intense sex session (no joke), and not getting a proper amount of ventilation (open up those windows) can cause your hormones to move all over the place too.
So, if you hate sleeping hot as much as I do, be intentional about setting your thermostat to somewhere between 60-68 degrees (I tend to hover somewhere around 66-67). It will help your temperature to stay regulated, keep your electricity bill down and make random middle-of-the-night coitus more comfortable since there’s a good chance that you both won’t be sweaty and sticky (especially if you sleep naked…you do sleep naked, right?).
5. Having Breakfast for Dinner
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Question: When’s the last time you had some pancakes for dinner? Aside from the fact that having breakfast foods around that time of the day is cheaper, quicker, and tends to be less calories than a traditional dinner-themed meal, it can also help with your sleep patterns and your sex life.
For one thing, foods like pancakes and bagels contain carbs that can reduce your energy levels (yes, make you sleepy), breakfast meals have fat and protein in them that can slow your digestive system down (also make you sleepy), and oatmeal has melatonin in it — and that can definitely help you to catch some zzz’s.
As far as your libido goes, the magnesium in spinach (spinach omelet, anyone?), the amino acids in watermelon (how about a homemade watermelon smoothie?), the vitamin C in strawberries, the potassium in bananas, the antioxidants in pomegranate juice — all of these nutrients work together to give you one hell of a sex round — or two.
6. Walking Together After Dinner
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Next question: When’s the last time that you and your boo thang took a leisurely stroll around your neighborhood after dinner? On the health tip, it’s a brilliant move because, not only does it help you to digest your food better (as you get some fresh air that your body probably needs), even after only two minutes of strolling, you help to lower your risk of diabetes as well.
Since a lot of us toss and turn all night because our system is still “processing” our meals, you can probably see how walking can improve your quality of rest. Also, since walking has been proven to improve moods and blood circulationand since it’s also an awesome way to get some (probably) much-needed intimacy time in with your partner — yes, carve out 15 minutes (or so) to hold hands and circle a block or two with them. TONIGHT.
7. A Calf Massage and/or a Belly Rub
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Nothing is more relaxing than a massage. Well, did you know that when it comes to promoting sleep and increasing your libido on the way heading there, there are certain pressure points that are more effective than others? While a calf massage is soothing, it also stimulates blood flow to your nether regions. And if you and your partner rub on each other’s bellies, it can serve as an all-natural energy boost that will arouse you at the same time. The more you know, chile. The more you freakin’ know.
8. Drinking Tart Cherry Juice
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You’ve probably heard that if you’re having a difficult time falling asleep, a glass of warm milk will do the trick (especially if you add honey). Well, if milk (or even milk alternatives because they work well, too) aren’t exactly your thing, next time you’re at the grocery store, pick up some 100 percent pure (none of that sugared-up cocktail mess) tart cherry juice.
In the article, “8 Foods That Will Keep You Cool, Calm & Totally Relaxed,” I mentioned that cherry juice is effective in all three of those ways (in part, due to the tryptophan that’s in it). And here’s the deal — the more relaxed you are, the easier it is to fall asleepand experience orgasms. And since the antioxidants that are in it also do things like promote brain health and strengthen your immune system — yeah, you definitely should at least try to give some tart cherry juice a shot.
9. Doing Orgasmic Meditation Together
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Remember how I said at the top of this piece that it's a good idea for people to create some sort of intimacy ritual — whether they share a bed with someone or not? Well, if you happen to be in a coupledom, it certainly can never hurt to engage in some orgasmic meditation. It's basically a meditative practice that consists of deep breathing, mindfulness, and the gentle stroking of your partner (and vice versa). The couples who I've recommended it to are actually huge fans because it helps them to relax and feel closer to their partner. Yeah, it can definitely prepare you for a night of cuddling, climaxing, or (hopefully) both. Anyway, you can read more about it by checking out "What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?".
10. Counting Your Blessings
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If you've ever wondered where the practice of counting sheep actually came from, one theory is it's what shepherds in medieval Britain did back in the day. Basically, the belief was that if they counted sheep at night, they could make sure that they all were present and accounted for as they drifted off for the evening. Now, as far as whether it actually works? Some health professionals say that it's not so much the sheep but the repetitive mind play that makes it potentially effective.
My take? Whether the motive is to fall asleep or get it on, swap out the sheep for your blessings — either what you are grateful for or what you appreciate about your partner. Listen, there is plenty of intel out in cyberspace to support the fact that being grateful makes you happier, reduces stress, and improves the quality of your relationships with other people. So, whether you're counting alone or with someone, it's gonna make for a better night.
11. NO ELECTRONICS
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There's a married couple I know who pretty much have a non-existent sex life. SMDH. Whenever we discuss it, one of the things that they both say is they have basically fallen into a rut of getting into bed every night and binge-watching a show and/or playing on their phones until they drift to sleep. While clearly, the electronics in their bedroom is not the only issue that you've got going on, it certainly doesn't help — and I mean this when it comes to the quality of their sex life or the quality of sleep that they both need.
There is plenty of data out in these cyberspace streets that say screen time around bedtime affects (which is more like infects) melatonin production, your brain calming down, and your body transitioning over into full-on REM sleep. And as far as your sex life goes — I mean, if you're distracted with other things, how can you give sex (or sexual activity) your all?
I say it often because it continues to be true: interior designers have stated for years that the bedroom is for sex and sleep ONLY. Hey, you can be like the couple that I just mentioned and ignore that fact, yet if it's ultimately costing you quality rest and intimacy…is it worth it? Is it really?
12. Spooning
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As a doula, I am well aware of the fact that skin-to-skin contact between a baby and their parents can do wonders for their overall health and well-being. And you know what? It doesn't change much as we age, either. Cuddling with your partner can reduce stress levels, block pain signals, and boost your oxytocin levels. When that happens, it can 1) make sleeping soundly easier to do and 2) draw you closer to your partner, not just physically but on a mental and emotional level as well.
This is especially the case if you're not only spooning but spooning naked. The position helps to make you and your partner feel safe and comforted, which is always ideal for resting. Plus, rubbing up against each other with no clothes on? Chile, how could that not get some things going at some point during the night? And since it is indeed a sexual position that is a fan favorite (especially when it comes to easy access and easily receiving penetration and clitoral stimulation simultaneously) — there really was no better way to bring this article to a close. Now was there? Good sex and sweet dreams everyone. #wink
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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Forget About Filters. Try The Cloud Skin Makeup Trend Instead.
Okay, so I know that I can’t be the only one who has seen those AI bikini pics that seem to be popping up more and more on Instagram. What’s truly wild to me about them is not the portraits themselves but the comments. What I mean by that is the number of people who have no clue that what they are looking at isn’t exactly real.
Know what I think was the gateway drug for the illusion? A lot of these filters. Boy, the way filters have folks thinking that what they see is what is happening…off social media is a trip. And to be real about it, like King Solomon once said, there isn’t anything new that’s under the sun. Before social media filters, there were camera lenses — both on- and off-screen — that also “softened up” people’s looks.
Thing is, though, no one can be behind a camera forever. Eventually, folks are going to see them, live and in living color and so, if they still want their face to appear absolutely flawless, what ever should they do then?
One solution? It’s a makeup trend known as cloud skin. If you’ve never heard of it before, I’ll explain.
What Is Cloud Skin All About?
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Although I wouldn’t exactly say that I’m afraid to fly (been on far too many flights for that resolve), at the same time, I must admit that flying isn’t my top 10 favorite things in life to do. Still, there are moments, while I’m thousands of feet in the air, that I do appreciate the experience. Like when I’m above the clouds, the sun is about to set, and the clouds look both fluffy and radiant at the same time.
Believe it or not, that is where “cloud skin” gets its name — it’s all about cultivating a matte skin look without it looking dry or caked up. Another way to look at it is it’s where matte and the dewy skin look “meet up” and find some common ground on the same face.
From what I’ve read and researched, a make-up artist by the name of Dominic Skinner actually coined the term and, according to him, “It’s all about specifically placed powder, a touch of foundation, and a facial oil to prime the skin.” When he was quoted as saying this, it was back in 2020; however (surprise, surprise), thanks to TikTok, cloud skin has experienced a resurgence in popularity and is predicted to be one of the most popular cosmetic looks for the next several months.
Why Cloud Skin Is Such an Appealing Make-Up Trend
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And why is cloud skin something that you should consider for your own face (at least every once in a while)? To me, I think it’s a dope approach to makeup if you’re looking for a way for your skin to look youthful, even-toned, and delicate without having a pack on a pile of layers of foundation in order to do it. Plus, even if you’re not an expert at applying makeup (or you don’t have a ton of time on your hands), the steps are relatively easy, even for a novice.
Another perk is, if you apply each step correctly, your skin will remain well-hydrated, your face will look picture-perfect and you won’t have to worry about using a filter when you do make a social media post.
These all sound like huge wins to me, so let’s get into how to actually achieve the cloud skin look.
5 Steps to Achieving Amazing-Looking Cloud Skin
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1. Hydrate your skin. It doesn’t matter how well you apply the other four steps if you overlook this one. That’s because, there is no way around the fact that if you want your skin to look dewy and fresh, you are going to need to make sure that it is well-hydrated. You can do this by applying a moisturizing serum or a lightweight moisturizer. Just make sure that it’s more water than oil-based. Oh, and in order to “lock everything in,” follow this up with a skin primer.
Primers are the unsung hero of make-up looks because they do everything from “fill in pores” (temporarily) and soften the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles to make sure that the cosmetics that you apply are able to last for a longer period of time. If you need help selecting one, TikTok has posts for days on the topic. Just go to the app and put “best primer make-up Black women” in the search field.
2. Apply a semi-matte foundation. Now you’re ready to put on your foundation. It’s important that it has a semi-matte finish to it because that is what will help to “blur away” any imperfections that your skin may have. Come to think of it, you may actually want to go with a foundation that also has concealer in it, just to keep the application steps down. Oh, and definitely apply with a damp cosmetic sponge instead of your fingers — that will help to create the cloud effect too.
3. Next up: blush. In my opinion, these days, blush isn’t given enough of the respect that it deserves. Not only does it add a pop of (subtle) color to your face, but it helps to contour, hide imperfections, and even bring out the best in some of your facial features (like your cheeks and chin). That’s why I think it’s dope that it’s a part of the whole cloudy skin process. For this look, opt for a cream or liquid blush in a color that will bring out the best in the next step: bronzer.
4. Definitely add a touch of bronzer. Although I personally try not to wear make-up often (beyond mascara and lipstick), when I do, especially during the warmer months, I am definitely gonna apply some bronzer. In my opinion, few things can make your skin look sexier in a really short amount of time. Bronzer also has a way of making your skin appear absolutely radiant. The hack here, for us (Black women), is to go with a warm and rich hue, one that is a shade or two darker than your complexion, and to preferably apply it with a brush; that way, it’s not too heavy on your face.
5. And now it’s time to “bake” your skin. Final step, do what is known as “baking your skin” which simply means that you set the work that you’ve just done with a translucent or finishing powder (and the help of a foundation brush). This is what ensures that your final result will last for hours at a time (you can read more about how to bake your skin here).
BONUS: Gloss those lips up. If you Google the whole cloud skin look, you may see a lot of women with a matte lip color to boot. My two cents? Go with a glossy look instead. There’s something about the way that the gloss plays off of the bronzer that really sets everything off in excellence!
There you have it — a way to look like you’re using a filter…when you’re not on a screen.
Enjoy sis. Enjoy!
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