No woman wants a one minute man... but a five minute one? Now we might be talking.
Contrary to our favorite eroticas, it was revealed that most women do not necessarily desire nor require a power-hour of extended intercourse. According to Penn State Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani, who conducted a survey of 50 sex professionals (including doctors, psychologists and other researches who are in constant contact with sexually active women through their profession), five minutes (the median between 3 to 7 minutes) was the average for "satisfactory" sex.
Cum again?
These were the results in detail:
"Too Short" sex is 1-2 minutes
"Adequate" sex is 3 to 7 minutes
"Desirable" sex is 7-13 minutes
"Too long" sex is anywhere between 13 to 30 minutes.
Researchers also added that the idea that intercourse should be full-course marathon comes from the media's unreal portrayal of it. According to various sexperts, most men take about 5 to 10 minutes to climax while women can take about 10-20 minutes (with foreplay included, less with foreplay excluded). About 75 percent of women also experience "clitoral" climaxes, which can bring them to orgasm quicker. Knowing what works for your body, along with communication with your partner on what satisfies you both is so key:
"A man's or woman's interpretation of his or her sexual functioning as well as the partner's relies on personal beliefs developed in part from society's messages, formal and informal. Unfortunately, today's popular culture has reinforced stereotypes about sexual activity. Many men and women seem to believe the fantasy model of large penises, rock-hard erections and all-night-long intercourse. "
In other words: A little sweat during sex doesn't hurt, but don't sweat the technique!
Keep it mind, it is also important to add that knowing the difference between a quick in and out and getting-it-in-for-the-win is crucial. The actual act of engaging in intercourse is not the same as the extended amount of foreplay that may take place before hand. All the things that heighten your senses as a man and woman (kissing, teasing, touching, rubbing, feeding... each other food *smile*) is not included.
A few years ago, the ladies of The Real talked about their preferences when it came to the bedroom. They proved the stats to be somewhat true after host Jeannie Mai took a roundtable survey and asked her co-hosts how long they thought the "horizontal mambo" (aka sexual intercourse) should last. Their responses were honest, with the average time being anywhere between 7 to 13 minutes for exceptional sex.
For example, Adrienne Bailon was the first to respond and her idea sexy-time was around "20-30 minutes."
"I think more people would have [sex] more frequently if they didn't think... it would be a 3 hour marathon. I hear a lot of women say 'I don't want to have as much of it because I'm tired!' I feel like on weekdays and on work days, a good 20-30 minutes is right on point. That is including kissing and foreplay. A good 20 or 30 minute as a night cap or when you wake up in the morning!"
A very shocked Tamera asked Adrienne and the audience whether or not engaging in sex for an extended period of time brings discomfort or even "hurts," with Adrienne defending her half-hour cap on sex by stating that this includes foreplay and kissing too:
"20 minutes is not something crazy you guys! 30 minutes is not a lot of time; that's as long as a sitcom! I think that people that want to have this hour long situation, there are for sure snack breaks in-between, a little rest time, and some 'Can you grab me a water out the fridge.'"
Tamera Mowry-Housley broke it down best:
"I believe there are two different ways you can have intercourse. For one, I really enjoy making love. Making love requires time. To me, that is like 15 minutes, that is not including foreplay. Then I believe there is another way of having intercourse, which is the "wam, bam, thank you ma'am," which is like 5 minutes-"
Jeannie Mai: "I love that one! The 5 minute one!"
Tamara: "Right? And it's all the same, you just feel it different ways some time."
So in "short" (no pun intended): When it comes to "doing" it, just do you boo-boo!"
And don't confuse the "length" of time per moment with the frequency and amount of times you engage in intercourse and love-making. Know what is best for you and your partner so that you both might enjoy sexing more and stressing less!
What are your thoughts on this, ladies?
RELATED
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Eldest Daughter Syndrome had its viral moment online last year, and for good reason. The term gave language to the silent pressures so many eldest daughters tend to carry as a result of their birth order. Beyond that very needed conversation, birth order as a whole can offer insight into not only our traits and tendencies, but also how we show up in life, love, and even our work.
Below, we’re breaking down the traits most commonly associated with each birth order. Keep reading to learn what your birth order might say about you.
If you are the oldest...
Let's be real, being the firstborn often comes with a lot of responsibility. And it's usually not by choice. From early on, they’re the ones who set the tone, carry the weight, and take on the title of "the responsible one." Because of that, they often grow into reliable, high-achieving adults. But the pressure of being "the blueprint" and the one to "lead by example" can also be a heavy burden to bear.
Oldest child traits may look like:
- Natural leaders that take charge even when they didn’t mean to (read: she's bossy, but keeping it cute)
- High standards (for yourself and everyone else)
- Motivated, goal-oriented, and always chasing that next accomplishment
- Reliable and conscientious
- Perfectionist tendencies that can lead to burnout
- Struggles with being controlling or micromanaging
- Often cautious, craving stability over spontaneity
- Finds it hard to rest or ask for help
If you are the middle child...
Season 2 Netflix GIF by Gilmore Girls GiphyIn the grand scheme of the birth order lineup, the middle child can be the quiet MVPs. As the child who falls in the order "in-between," they’re used to being the one who keeps the peace while also fighting to stand out. But being the “in-between” can also mean feeling overlooked or forgotten. In some families, especially ones with toxic dynamics, the middle child may even take on the role of the "black sheep," while their siblings are seen as the golden children. Still, despite (or maybe because of) that, middle children tend to thrive socially and can read a room like the back of their hand.
Middle child traits may include:
- Top-tier peacemakers who can smooth over almost any situation
- Adaptable and easygoing (even when they’re lowkey screaming inside)
- Often feel overlooked or like they have to do the most to be seen
- People-pleasers who put everyone else first
- Social butterflies and community-minded, with strong friendships outside the family
- Can be rebellious when they feel boxed in
- Thrive when they’re allowed to define success on their own terms
- The ultimate go-between, translating vibes between generations, personalities, and moods
If you are the youngest...
Season 1 Ff GIF by FreeformGiphyThe baby of the family walks through life knowing how to charm, persuade, and perform. They often grow up with more freedom and fewer expectations, which fuels their adventurous and carefree side. But that same freedom can sometimes lead to entitlement, or a tendency to seek validation by being the "fun one."
Youngest child traits might include:
- Social butterflies who light up a room and don’t mind the spotlight
- Natural charmers, funny, flirtatious, and usually down for anything
- Can be a little self-centered or attention-seeking (but you still love them for it)
- Tend to keep things uncomplicated… unless they’re not getting their way
- Known to be manipulative when trying to get what they want
- Free-spirited and bold in their choices
- Often underestimated, but capable of big things when they focus
- Thrive in spaces that let them express, explore, and be a little extra
If you are the only child...
High School Drama GIF by HBO MaxGiphyOnly children can be the ultimate "one woman show" as they are often a mix of all the birth orders rolled into one. Without siblings, they learn to entertain themselves, advocate for their needs, and navigate adult conversations early. That independence can make them magnetic, mature, and deeply introspective, but it also comes with a deep craving for validation and control.
Only child traits can include:
- Mature and wise beyond their years, often viewed as old souls
- Conscientious and responsible, usually the go-to person in their circle
- Seek approval and validation more than they let on
- Natural leaders with big ideas and even bigger plans
- Can be sensitive and deeply affected by criticism
- Prefer structure, routines, and control (sometimes to a fault)
- Like things done their way (and don’t love compromising)
- Thrive in solitude but still want to feel seen and celebrated
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by KALA STUDIO/Getty Images