On Saturday, January 25, Oprah Winfrey reminded me who TF she was. Not that the global media mogul needed a reintroduction, but in case she did, Oprah played no games on the fourth stop of her Oprah's 2020 Vision: Your Life in Focus multi-city tour in Atlanta.
I came, I saw, I laughed, I cried, and most importantly, I focused. This was all in the presence of a woman who was intent on helping an audience of 12,000 people elevate to their highest selves with true clarity. Presented by WW (Weight Watchers Reimagined), the full-day wellness event began with complimentary hair touch-ups courtesy of Love Beauty and Planet, express hand massages thanks to Vaseline, and a quick refresh in the form of deodorant wipes by Degree.
The hand massage was a great way for me to start the day
Promptly at 9 a.m., we were treated to a pre-show dance party, a walk through Oprah's own wellness journey, a guided meditation session with Jesse Israel's The Big Quiet, and a workbook exercise where we honed in on our intention of the year. (I walked away confident in the fact that my word for 2020 and beyond is "intention.") "Wherever you are in your life, today is about kicking it up a notch," Oprah said. "Turning up the volume on your life."
Later on that day, we were joined by Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson who spoke candidly about losing his father, raising daughters, learning empathy, and the importance of having an anchor.
The end result was a day filled with "new year, new me" energy and gems that helped ensure the seeds we planted that day would indeed grow and blossom into a fruitful harvest.
I left the event so inspired that I wanted to share the most important takeaways with the xoNecole readers.
Let's soak up this energy of renewal together and get clear on our 2020 vision. Keep reading for more!
1.Define Successful
Oprah is a self-made billionaire whose reach extends past any border. Her ability to connect with people is unrivaled, so much so, she's built a global media brand off of that gift. The fruits of her labor are evident in the wealth she's acquired, the vast opportunities she's created, the fabulous homes she's built, and the brilliant relationships she's cultivated----the list really could go on. To learn that the nine zeros behind her net worth had little to do with how she defined success was a surprise, to say the least. She explained:
"I have the most magnificent life of anyone I know. Don't be hating because whatever you think it is, it's 10 times better than that---to the 10th power! Because what you see in the world cannot explain the peace. What you see in the world, all the material things, all the red carpets and the acquisitions, cannot describe the contentment and the joy. So, that's what I think is a successful, full life. It's being able to live with the peace and the joy [and] few regrets."
2.Begin Each Day With Gratitude
Along with the focus of wellness, stillness and being mindful about cherishing the present as a gift was a focal point of the day. Oprah believes in the digital age, the key to returning to self is reclaiming your time. According to her, you need two things: A spiritual life and boundaries.
"One thing that's difficult for all of us to manage, I know, is this 24-hour access to phones. The phone rings, you got a text, and you think you have to answer immediately, so you need to set some boundaries for when and when you're not going to be responding. I know this for sure, there is no life without a spiritual life. You don't have one. You're just walking through life. You're the walking dead.
"And so, I try to give my time to God. I wake up, the first thing I say is 'Thank you,' I spend a moment in gratitude. Then, I spend a moment in stillness before I pick up the phone. The moment you pick up the phone, now you are controlled by whatever's on that phone. Your day is ordered by what everyone else wanted you to do instead of you ordering the day for yourself."
"Get yourself still. Get still because that's how you get full. You don't get full out here because the noise of the world will drown out the voice of God every time…"
3.Name It & Claim It
There's power in your ability to speak things over your life. Whether positive or negative, you are whatever you think of yourself, whatever you feel about yourself, and whatever you speak about yourself. So, why not wield that power the way it's meant to be? When you speak the things you want in life, you claim it. Oprah says you are more than deserving.
"I don't think there's a better gift that you can give yourself than to leave here with clarity because in all things, you have to name it to claim it---in all things. You don't have what you really want because you haven't clarified what you want."
4.All Things In Balance
Balance is a beautiful thing and can mean different things for different people. One of the reasons our site has a recurring series called "Finding Balance" is because we wanted to gain insight from other women about what balance looked like for them. During the event, Oprah gave us a window into her world when she revealed that, for her, balance reflects her definition of "wellness":
"Here's my definition of what 'wellness' means to me: It's all things in balance. For me, balance does not mean that all things are equal. It doesn't mean that things are going to go well all the time. It means that you welcome the constant shifting flow that is your life. That's what it means to be human. So, I've learned that you can have what you want, you just can't have it all at once---and all in balance, just like a wave in the ocean of life. And there is a flow to your life that is not mine, that could not be mine…
"There's a pattern and there's a rhythm and there's a flow for you that is yours alone. And the reason why so many people don't get what they say they want is because you're messing in other people's flow."
5.Find Your Flow
As a water sign, I must admit I'm quite moved by the presence of water. I find comfort, peace, and sanctuary, and I get a connection to myself when I'm near water. What I love most about water is its properties---its vitality, its ability to sustain, its strength, its fluidity, and its flow. Water acts as a reminder of the importance of flow, of going with the current, of the cycles of life. You can lean into those things, accept them as a part of life, and learn to ride the wave as a result.
"Find your flow. Move with the flow that is your life and stop struggling against the current of life. For me, the center of that flow is being well in all things and having all things in balance. The center is presence."
"What I've learned is stress is just wanting the moment to be something that it can't be. That's the truth. And that's the truth whether you're in a bad marriage or whether you're in bad traffic. The number one thing you can do whenever you are confronted by something that is stressful is to accept the moment… In all things stress is wanting the moment to be something that is not. And if you can accept this moment right here… everything is OK. You are well…"
6.Own Your Full Self
One of my favorite words is "shameless." I love it because it acts as a slight nudge to be who you are and do so unapologetically. As a woman, I sometimes find it hard to be my fullest self, and I'm sure there are people out there who can relate to that effort of swallowing and diminishing just to be more palatable or less seen. It's an element rooted in fear and one I'm continuously trying to unlearn. And according to Oprah, it's a feeling she had to kick to the curb in order to move past the potential and become fully realized:
"We're all meant to shine. That's what creation is for. We all have our gifts. Here's what I realized: What I had been afraid of were the voices outside myself... And so what I realized, I'm afraid to be full. I'm afraid to be full. I'm afraid to be powerful beyond measure because I'm afraid you might not like me if you see how full I can get. So, here's what I can tell you at 66: I'm all full up. I'm so full, my cup runneth over."
7.We All Want The Same Thing
Oftentimes, we see our differences before we even touch the surface of understanding our similarities. If ever. Through her work with The Oprah Winfrey Show, Oprah expressed that she's been able to encounter people from all walks of life, from Barack Obama to Beyonce, and scientists to politicians. From those experiences, she gathered one essential truth:
"The theme that is running through all of our lives, the common denominator in our human experience, is not just validation. Everybody wants to be heard and know that they matter. But everybody also wants the truest, highest, purest vision of yourself as a human being. That's what you want. You want to live it out, you want to live it until you cosmically burst. You want to live the truest, highest vision of yourself. That's what you've come to fulfill and that's the real word for you and me and everyone for 2020 and beyond."
Oprah's 2020 Vision: Your Life in Focus will resume on February 8 in Brooklyn, NY with marquee guest Michelle Obama. Tour dates will continue through March 7. Click here for more info on the tour.
Featured image via Paras Griffin/Getty Images for Oprah
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak