The holiday of love, Valentine's Day, brings a range of emotions to many as it is marketed as a time where couples bask in their love for one another through romantic gestures and elaborate gifts. God is good all the time, and as I am fully embracing my season of singleness as a gift instead of some forsaken curse, my perception of love has shifted. More often than not, I am exposed to how much I need the love that, in the past, I'd so desperately been trying to give to everyone else. I often find myself wondering what the exact meaning of love is, reflecting on the times that the words "I love you" were like a magical spell that enabled me to accept less than what I deserved and to also act in unloving ways towards others.
As a person who believes very deeply in the law of attraction, I have seen such a dramatic impact in my life since I have made the decision to spend less time chasing love, and more time loving what I have and recognizing the abundance of love that currently surrounds me despite presently not having a romantic partner. This shift in perspective has required me to open my eyes to the fact that there are different definitions of love, and how the more I learn how to love myself, the more my definition of what loving and to be loved improves.
If you would have asked a much younger me for the meaning of love, it would have been one of possession and tolerating the intolerable in the name of my commitment to another person, thus expecting the same in return. Now that I have had the time to start loving myself I realize that my meaning of love has transformed into acceptance, patience, freedom, wanting the absolute best, and actively seeking ways to achieve the best version of myself and others. I had the pleasure of sitting down and asking my fellow writers whom I adore, what love means to them individually and here is what they shared:
“I've learned to love the God in me. When you truly love and respect yourself, you fortify your boundaries and you pour out compassion, grace, and love in ways and amounts you didn't think were ever possible.”
What does love mean to you?
"Love is a choice, a decision - not just a feeling. If the feeling doesn't incite action, it's not love. Love is sure and intentional in its movement. Love is when even just a person's thoughts toward you, heal you and lift you higher. Love says, like Ossie Davis once told Ruby Dee, 'I love you means I want you to be the best you can be whether it benefits me or not.'"
How has learning how to love yourself more impacted the way you love others and/or changed your definition of what love means?
"Loving myself has been the best adventure. It's grown a deeper capacity for loving others and it's shown me another side of God I couldn't see clearly when I didn't love myself. His compassion, his love, his grace are visible in HD for me now because I've learned to love the God in me. When you truly love and respect yourself, you fortify your boundaries and you pour out compassion, grace, and love in ways and amounts you didn't think were ever possible. You're not easily offended and you meet life with an expectancy of the miraculous." - xo, Ashley J. Hobbs
“It’s a necessary guideline for people to understand how you want to be treated. It becomes an ultimatum at the point where you know you’re pushing someone to commit to actions they’re not ready for or have expressed zero interest in. And love can’t happen where ultimatums live.”
What does love mean to you?
"I feel that love is being able to unconditionally love someone. Not in the traditional sense that we always say it in which, when left open to interpretation, allows partners to cross boundaries — but instead, in a way that creates a space safe enough for you and your partner to share boundaries and expectations for oneself without being met with unproductive feedback. This is not to say every partner will be able to accommodate those boundaries, but then again isn't that unconditional love? Learning to release people when you can't commit to their boundaries and the most meaningful ways they wish to be loved? Which is why it's so important to be able to express them."
How has learning how to love yourself more impacted the way you love others and/or changed your definition of what love means?
"In learning to love myself more, I've learned that setting boundaries are not synonymous with delivering ultimatums. It's a necessary guideline for people to understand how you want to be treated. It becomes an ultimatum at the point where you know you're pushing someone to commit to actions they're not ready for or have expressed zero interest in. And love can't happen where ultimatums live." xo, Kiarra Sylvester
"As we continue to grow it's important to build the level of affection and discover more qualities to love. Love to me is understanding, openness, and selflessness."
What does love mean to you?
"Love to me is being able to love unconditionally and fully. Not allowing imperfections to interfere with your overall view and feelings for someone, constantly evolving with them to build a greater love. As we continue to grow, it's important to build the level of affection and discover more qualities to love. Love to me is understanding, openness, and selflessness."
How has learning how to love yourself more impacted the way you love others and/or changed your definition of what love means?
"Most of that is what I learned by loving myself, I have to love all parts of myself because it makes me, me. I need patience and understanding while learning how I can strengthen the love I have for myself." - xo Krissy Lewis
"If I find that loving someone in close proximity hinders me more than it heals me, that's not a connection I'll keep. I've learned that my love is power and I have the responsibility to use that power wisely.”
What does love mean to you?
"Love is everything. Love is unconditional, but it is also an active decision to do so, no matter the highs, the lows, the ebbs, or the flows. It's enduring but it's not tolerating. In its purest, healthiest form, it's freedom. Love for me acts similarly to the blood pumping through my veins and the air that I take in with every breath. It's the heartbeat of life. I think without it, things can feel hollow and lack meaning. All kinds of love – be it from self, be it familial, be it friendly, be it romantic – adds depth to our existence on this planet."
How has learning how to love yourself more impacted the way you love others and/or changed your definition of what love means?
"I'm going to be real as hell and say that my relationship with myself has been a complicated one but it's one that I've invested the most energy and effort into since I will be my longest relationship I ever have. Learning to love myself more has taught me the importance of self-respect and the hard decisions that even if everyone is deserving of love, everyone isn't deserving of my love. That's where choice comes in. If I find that loving someone in close proximity hinders me more than it heals me, that's not a connection I'll keep. I've learned that my love is power and I have the responsibility to use that power wisely. It hasn't changed the definition of love as much as it's changed my choices in what to do with it. My choices have been harder, but the struggle has been worth it." - xo, Sheriden Chanel
Featured image of Krissy Lewis by Drea Speaks/Instagram.
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
Where to Stay in St. Lucia
Photo by Windjammer Landing
There are lots of different types of accommodations for travelers to choose from, and many of the top hotels and resorts in St. Lucia are located near Marigot or Rodney Bay, which are about an hour and a half from the international airport.
I stayed at the Windjammer Landing Villa Beach Resort and there were a few things that stood out to me that made this an ideal resort for my trip. First, the resort has unique Mediterranean-style villas, and the gleaming white stucco walls, blue doors, and bright bougainvillea felt like being in a traditional Greek village. On morning walks, I would climb the hilly terrain and start the morning looking over the bay.
Solo-tripping at a resort is also great for making friends. I ate alone a few times, but I also met other travelers who I shared meals with throughout my stay. Though resort food can sometimes be hit or miss, the food at the Windjammer was top-notch (and diverse). The resort has five restaurants, and I ate seafood dishes like snapper and coconut shrimp at Upper Deck and tandoori chicken and samosas from the newly introduced ‘Masala at Embers.’
The resort is spread out over 65 acres, which meant that even though I visited during high season in February, the property never felt crowded. I spent a lot of time decompressing by sitting near the beach and journaling, but there were lots of activities at the resort to keep me occupied. I enjoyed a relaxing massage at the Serene Wellness & Spa and a morning yoga session, and along with the plunge pool in my villa, the resort had six pools and offered watersports like snorkeling and kayaking.
What to Eat in St. Lucia
Photo courtesy of Mariette Williams
St. Lucia’s local fare, like many other Caribbean islands, includes fried seafood like snapper and conch, peas and rice, and plantains. One way to get a taste of the local cuisine is to head to Gros Islet for the Friday Night Party. The 50-year tradition starts at sunset and locals bring their grills, set up tabletop bars, and eat and dance late into the night. St. Lucia also has some of the freshest fruit, and during my stay, I feasted on starfruit, golden apples, papaya drizzled in lime, and savory bananas.
Another St. Lucia “must-have” is Piton beer, a light, refreshing beer with a hint of floral taste - perfect after a day spent in the sun. And if you’re a rum drinker, St. Lucia has a litany of great rums - most notably Chairman’s Reserve, Bounty, and Admiral Rodney. I had a rum tasting at the resort, which was paired with St. Lucia’s delicious chocolate, and if you’re at a bar - make sure you order a rum punch - a signature drink in the Caribbean.
Things to Do in St. Lucia
Photo courtesy of Mariette Williams
Though it would have been easy to spend the entire stay at the resort, I spent some time exploring the neighboring areas. One of the highlights was booking a boat trip to see the Pitons. Though I had seen photos of the twin peaks, the majestic volcanoes are much more impressive in person, towering over 2,000 feet in the air. Our boat captain, Delbert, stopped the boat as we marveled at one of the Caribbean's most beautiful landmarks.
Another St. Lucian highlight is the sulfur springs in Soufriere where I slathered myself in thick grayish mud and soaked in the muddy, warm springs. After my al fresco sulphuric spa treatment, our driver took us to a nearby Sulfur Springs waterfall, and it was the first time I stood under a hot waterfall. On the way back to the resort, we stopped by some shallow waters to snorkel, and as the sun started its afternoon descent, I could see why people fell in love with St. Lucia.
Truthfully, nearly any country can make a good solo trip, but St. Lucia’s peaceful setting and access to attractions make it an ideal option for beginner solo travelers. It’s relatively convenient to get to as well - located just three hours from Miami, it’s ideal for a long weekend or week-long trip to recharge. Though I left so much to explore, St. Lucia is a place where you can fill your days with exciting activities or do nothing at all, and you’ll still have an unforgettable time.
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Feature image courtesy of Mariette Williams
Originally published on February 28, 2023