It all started my senior year of high school when I got the prom weave from hell. For prom the look that I was going for a Kardashian-esque middle part with my hair tousled in soft waves to frame my face.
What I ended up with though was much hair loss, a scabbed-up bloody scalp, and many sleepless nights from the throbbing pain of the tight sew-in weave. The damage of that one sew-in lingered behind for years to come. From the day after I took down that horrendous weave, I've been very skeptical of going to salons to get sew-ins and go to great lengths to make sure that my hair is protected under. That was the plan rather.
Rule #1: When you're a black woman in college, find the girl in your dorm that knows how to do sew-ins for the low.
Lucky enough for me, the girl in the dorm that could hook up a sew-in became on of my closet friends; to this day she is one of the only people that I allow to touch my hair because she styles my hair while keeping it's health in mind. But finding someone who cared enough to care for my hair was not enough when I wasn't doing my part. I would get a sew-in and flat iron my leave out like crazy and never even bother to treat my natural hair under. My hair had the last laugh my sophomore year when it decided to matte up and break smooth off on the line of demarcation (the line that marks natural hair texture and relaxed hair texture). My transitioning hair had had enough of me treating it like a step child. From there, unlike the first time, I learned my lesson.
Weaves can go really wrong or really right. While it makes a really good protective style for our natural hair, many women (including myself) aren't able to benefit from this protective style due to our bad preparation, maintenance and take down of the weave. I will break down in a series of "commandments" what us ladies should be doing to get the maximum amount of protection from our weaves. No more weave horror stories.
Preparation
Thou shall wash and deep condition hair
Before the installation of any sew-in weave washing and conditioning is a must. A weave should never be done on dirty hair/scalp period! Weeks leading up to a sew-in you should be on your best behavior when it comes to your hair regimen; baby it so the sew-in puts less stress on your hair. Deep conditioning gives your hair the extra TLC that it needs
Thou shall trim thy ends (if needed)
I too am guilty of skipping out on trims every now and again for the sake of hanging on to some extra length. When your about to put your hair in a sew-in is not the time for that. You don't want you ends to be raggedy and splitting under a weave because once it's sewn up there isn't much for you to do at that point.
Thou shall moisturize hair and oil scalp as needed
Take advantage of the fact that your hair is free of any weave or braids and give it its last boost of TLC before you have to do it between the tracks.
Thou shall make sure corn rows aren't too small or too large.
Some women opt for smaller braids because they “last longer" but they also can put a lot of unnecessary stress on the hair. Large braids on the other hand may not dry as well (when your washing your hair in a sew-in) which can cause mold. Yuck.
Maintenance
Thou shall protect thy hairline
If you choose to braid your edges into the weave (refrain if you can) make sure you are babying it. Massaging castor oil etc. around the hairline every now and again to can lessen the damage and stress done to your edges while it is in a weave
Thou shall keeping moisturizing and seal like there us no tomorrow
As per usual you hair needs love. Listen to your hair and moisture and seal with a natural oil as you see fit.
Thou shall wash the buildup from thy scalp
Usually a wash every two weeks will suffice but it can vary person to person. The key this is not to let product lay on your scalp.
BONUS TIP: I just discovered the most wonderful thing that has changed my life as a weave wearer forever. DRY SHAMPOO! They come in either powder or spray form and is a great way to freshen up your hair and get rid of some excess oil between washes while your hair is in a weave. Don't sleep on this.
Take-down
Thou shall not overdo the hair due
4-6 weeks! That is that magic time frame when it comes to the proper amount of time to keep a weave in. Some people's hair can with stand a bit more but don't overdo it. There is nothing wrong with you giving your have a very much needed break.
Thou shall grab a friend or a professional to help cut out your weave if you need help
When you have scissors to your head trying to blindly cut the thread of the weave without cutting your hair. If you have someone that can lead a helping hand, go for it. Its best to be safe than sorry.
Thou shall not rush into another weave
Take it slow girl and start from square 1. Take the time (2-3 weeks) to nurture your hair in its loose state before running back to the bundles.
These are just some of the basics when it comes to getting the most out of your weave as a protective style.
What are some ways that you prep your hair for a weave and maintain it while it is all sew-in up? Share with us some of your tips.
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
