Tamera Mowry Housley Reveals Her Breastfeeding Trauma...And She's Not Alone
Let's be real, breastfeeding can be a total pain in the boob!
...while often taking an emotional toll on your soul when it goes wrong. Just ask any mom!
From calloused nipples, to engorged cup-sizes, breast feeding is not every woman's cup of tea. However, society will certainly make it feel like it should be.
Don't get it twisted:The pros of a mother's breast milk are endless. Besides the physical health benefits that come with exchanging your strong antibodies with your little human, the emotional bond from such an exchange is one that many moms consider to be priceless.
Recently, actress and The Real co-host Tamara Mowry-Housley opened up about her breastfeeding experience with her five-month old daughter, Ariah Talea. Elated that her second go round at feeding was much smoother than when she had her son Aden, the mother of two blogged about it on her personal site:
"It’s incredible how different one child can be from the next, and how much easier it can be the second time around. Of course, we’ve got a long way to go. But all the experiences I’ve had with Aden as a baby have definitely taught me so much, making things like breastfeeding much more enjoyable with Ariah.With Aden, breastfeeding was hard. It didn’t come as naturally as we’re meant to believe. Aden wasn’t latching properly, which meant I experienced soreness, my nipples were callused and I was in pain for about 8 weeks. I was having a hard time keeping up my supply of milk and it was taking a major emotional toll on me. All this in the midst of things I had to learn and research as a new mom – it was important to know, for example that I needed to eat right while breastfeeding to give my baby what he needed. (What we eat can even contribute to whether or not the baby gets colic.) There was just so much to learn, and so much I wanted to be able to do. I wanted so desperately to breastfeed that when it didn’t seem like a viable option, I broke down. But I was determined not to give up."
For those who don't know, "latching" is a young child's ability to properly grasp their mothers breast and areola in such a way that is effective for eating. Many non-moms, or new-moms, assume that breast-to-baby equals immediate mealtime, but this is far from the case. Not only because quite often your baby is too young to know how to instinctively feed themselves, but also because sometimes our own breasts are our worst enemy!
Tamera continued to detail Aden's issues with latching, as well as the progress that comes with getting the latch down pact!
"I know I’m not the only woman to have felt this way. In fact, I didn’t have it as bad as some women do. Breastfeeding can come easy and it can be nearly impossible. There are a ton of reasons for this, but the one that affected me was Aden’s latch. It took some time, but I finally learned how to get the right latch, and then breastfeeding was much easier. Let me tell you you, if breastfeeding is important to you, do not leave the hospital unless you’ve had the right latch with your baby!When it came time to breastfeed Ariah, I have to admit I was a little worried. I wanted to be sure that I could give her my antibodies, feed her nutrients and give her enough of my milk to help prevent her from getting sick. Thankfully my worries were unwarranted. I took everything I learned from my experience with Aden and Ariah had the perfect latch from day one. The nurses even commented that they wished Ariah could teach the other babies there! Lol."
Tamera Mowry-Housley's daughter, 5 month old Ariah Talea
Tamera went on to discuss the bond between her and her baby girl:
"Where breastfeeding with Aden was challenging, with Ariah it’s been unbelievable. I can’t fully express how it actually feels, but the bond it’s building between us is amazing. I cherish every second I can sit down and feed her. It’s our private time together, and I really find it so relaxing. It makes me feel good to know that I can give her everything that her body needs, and I plan to do so until she’s one year. And women must do what’s right for their baby–which can include bottle feeding of course. In that case, I’ve discovered that Gentle Gerber formula is best!I’ve learned to trust my baby. I hope hearing my story will help any new mommas out there!"
According to WebMd, some of the amazing healthy and economical pros of breastfeeding include:
- It's free and always available (formula can cost an upwards of $4 an ounce)
- It contains active infection-fighting white blood cells and natural chemicals that give increased protection against infections in the first months, when these can be the most serious.
- It can help prevent SIDS, sudden infant death syndrome, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.
- It contains the perfect proportion of nutrients that your baby needs, including protein, carbohydrates, fat, and calcium.
- It is easily digestible.
- It may protect against allergies and asthma in the future.
- It may decrease a baby's risk of obesity in the future.
- It may contain some fatty acids that promote brain development.
- Breastfeeding can help new mothers lose weight more easily (with some OB-GYN's claiming that a day of breastfeeding can burn as many calories as a 7-mile walk. Now you wonder why some moms have an incredible attack of "snapback" when they come out looking better than pre-pregnancy!
What I can admire about Tamera's recount on breastfeeding (as a woman who hopes to have children in the future, and just as a woman overall) is that for one reason or another, the very fact that breastfeeding comes harder for most women than others is like a taboo, and hardly anyone speaks on it. It's as though a ladies' failure to breastfeed with ease is the equivalent of a shameful secret, as if such a thing makes us less of a woman because of it. And because of that, we often feel alone when it happens to us.
In actuality, many women, both young and older mothers, have issues with either producing milk, getting their babies to latch or both. Lack-tation (see what I did there?) can actually be the common result of blocked milk ducts or Mastitis, aka the inflammation of the breast which can result in your breast milk's duct being blocked. And no woman is safe from it either!
During a recent discussion, some of our very own staff revealed their experiences with breastfeeding:
"I personally didn’t breastfeed because my crazy son got freaked out every time I pulled out my boob. He just refused to latch, so we didn’t force it. But we should have stuck with it, because there are a ton of benefits to breastfeeding. I applaud any mom who can do it." -Joy "I didn't breastfeed for long because I stopped producing milk after two weeks. If I'm being honest I didn't mind though because that process, for me, was very painful. I cried every time. Which could've been due to my lack of milk supply, but I used to hate having to get up in the middle of the night just to be in pain. Then when I had to stop I received so much backlash from people and it was like why are you yelling at me? I didn't have an option! As they spewed their facts and health knowledge about why its the best thing in the world.
There are some people who breastfeed and make it seem like if you don't you're a horrible mom and the only way to bond with a child is through breastfeeding. Have literally heard people say this and its discouraging because its not true." -Ashleigh
"God bless the women who breastfeed–I did it for a month the first go round (and oddly, stopped producing) and not at all the second time. I 100% agree that it isn't easy, and although my experienced sucked, I fully advocate for it.
As far as the emotional trauma that comes with it, a lot of it has to do with other moms who shame parents (I've been through it–side eye) or understanding that the benefits are so key for your baby's development and not being able to produce enough milk. The blame game is real on the latter & some Mommies don't realize that sometimes, there's nothing you can do. It's not your fault." -Erica
Breastfeeding-shaming is also a huge and unfortunate part of women feeling the pressure to breastfeed, even if it's not the best for their baby or even their body. The crazy thing is, there are more than a few dangers associated with breastfeeding, with the most common one being "thrush,"--a yeast infection of the nipple and/or breast. It’s the result of a fungus that thrives on milk on the nipples and/or in the milk ducts. Your baby can get it, too. In fact, you can pass it back and forth to each other. So not everything is for everybody. Only each individual mom, with the possible further assist of a physician, nurse or experienced woman in her life, knows what is best for her baby and her body.
And although I don't entirely agree with feeding your tot a tit once they are able to chew into steak (as Erica pointed out, "the woman I worked with in a hospital said her baby bit her nipple off and she had to get it sown back on-- HELL nahhh!) every mom is different. Some only care to breastfeed up until the baby's first birthday, while some mom's will feed their kid way into their first day of preschool.
Either way, breastfeeding is an option that most mom's feel is a right they should have to decide upon!
What are your thoughts on breastfeeding and how was your experience?
If you need extra support, tips, or questions about breastfeeding, check out the Black Women Do Breastfeed, Breastfeeding in Combat Boots (for military), or Breastfeeding USA's Facebook pages.
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by PeopleImages/ Getty Images