Tonight, BET celebrated 30+ years of Soul Train with a soul-full star-studded awards show.
Some of the greatest voices on earth came together under one roof to pay homage to soul and R&B legends, such as the legend herself Ms. Toni Braxton. We got to sit back and watch Toni be paid homage to by musical talents Luke James, Jessie J, and Ro James singing some of her chart-topping hits. Even better, we got to watch Toni & Tamar serve us absolute #sistergoals.
As Tamar performed “Blind," we watched as Toni and the rest of the Braxton family cheered her on. Toni, who always refers to Tamar as her baby, was literally jumping for joy as she watched her baby sister belt out high notes just like big sis. During her tribute performance, Toni, the legend herself, as Tamar often reminds her, ran into the crowd to let her baby sister join in on her moment, singing some of the hook to her number hit “He Wasn't Man Enough." Toni and Tamar are absolutely #sistergoals when it comes to being down for one another through thick and thin and slaying all the while.
We've watched Tamar and Toni's relationship play out for five seasons on Braxton Family Values for years now. They exemplify how imperfect sister relationships can be but also how unbreakable and irreplaceable that kind of bond can be.
Here's what we can learn from Toni & Tamar's magical #sistermoments at the 2017 Soul Train Awards.
Older Sister-Younger Sister Bonds Are Unbreakable
Much like mother-daughter bonds, the bond between a younger and older sister are strong as heck. You may not always agree with one another but you've got her back no matter what.
There's Room For More Than One Star In The Family
Sharing the spotlight isn't always an easy thing to do but when it's your sister, you can be nothing but proud as hell from your big or little sis. Sisters that slay together, stay together.
Your Sisters Are Your Best Friends & Your Number One Fans
No matter how many temporary friends (or foes) may walk in and out of your life, your sister is always there no matter what. She'll ride out with you to the very end and be in the crowd cheering along the way.
As if we didn't love them for the amazing women they are individually, they give us even more life when they are together.
Watch the performances below:
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Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Feature image by @jorgemezaphotos
And when you're smart, ambitious, and more than capable, this can have career-killing consequences. It's one thing to quit a job simply because it's time to move on or move to another country because it's something that's always been on your bucket list. It's another when you've hit crash-out mode and are on the verge of throwing a computer out of the window due to the anger and sadness that has built up because you've been ignored, disregarded, and underutilized at work.
If you've ever felt unmotivated, resentful, or just plain tired all the time, and it has nothing to do with your health, stress from bae and the kids, or a deep hatred for your boss, read on for signs that the type of burnout you're experiencing is not burnout, but actually boreout:
What Is "Boreout"?
Boreout is the result of working in demoralizing environments, only doing tedious grunt work, being understimulated mentally, or having feelings of being under-challenged for long periods of time. Many people quietly quit when this happens or simply check out from doing their best at the office.
I once stepped away from a gig because of this, gladly sending in my resignation email simply because, after bringing my years of experience and stellar work results—along with having recently earned a master's degree—I felt like I was being treated like an intern who's expected to just mindlessly take orders.
I also felt like the person managing me at the time prioritized nitpicking whenever I'd make a minor mistake versus actually tapping into my strategic skills to make larger decisions that would benefit the company. I was often left in the dark about larger projects or budgets (something someone in that type of role at the time is traditionally included in because they can't do their jobs effectively without it.) I'd ask questions and even present ideas but would be given the brush-off or gaslit.
When I'd initially taken on the role, what was sold to me at the onset as a real leadership position actually turned into a role primarily focused on monotonous, archaic routines, vague feedback, mind-numbing proofreading work (which I'd advanced beyond more than 10 years ago) and a blatant disregard of the creative and sales skin I had in the game. (To be fair, many roles related to what I do include the aforementioned tasks, but at my experience and educational level, those tasks should not have dominated my workdays.)
Now, I'm not comparing myself to LeBron, but do ya'll think he'd take millions to sit on the bench? Nah. Y'all think Beyoncé would take millions to sing backup or do the concert budget paperwork? Hell nah.
Y'all think Issa would be jumping up and down with joy to spend the entirety of every day emailing script revisions and updating cast schedules for a living? What ambitious, talented person do you know wants to stifle their creative growth and waste their talents, even for a paycheck? And funny enough, the pay didn't even match the efforts and extra hours I was putting in to accommodate the constant menial asks.
John M Lund Photography Inc./Getty Images
I asked, very directly, about whether certain tasks could be delegated so that I could focus on the broader leadership tasks the job description originally reflected. In so many ways, the effort to accommodate that request was subtly sabotaged or made to seem like an inconvenience for the company, resulting in my having to go back and do those tasks anyway.
I felt drained, disrespected, and underpaid. I also started to question my strategic and leadership abilities, almost reversing years of therapy wins. I'd told myself I'd never allow a person or a job to have such an effect, so I quit before things went too far.
I had other options, so I decided to lean more heavily into roles with teams that respected the leadership skills I actually brought to the table and showed that respect through action (i.e., real autonomy, a pay raise, duties that matched my job title, and projects that allowed me to try new things and make real groundbreaking decisions.)
I also decided to level up academically —since my brand of petty includes over-achievement—pursuing even more formal education in order to further challenge myself intellectually. I just felt like people were playing in my face. (And hey, maybe they weren't, but that's how I felt at the time). The Capricorn in me sees that as a challenge to beat myself by doing more. (And the TikTok streets might call this "Black Girl Boredom," but that's a totally different thing. I love being a student and love everything that comes with traditional studies.)
Here's more on how boreout can show up and how to address it:
Signs You're Experiencing Boreout and How To Cope
1. You're triggered into angry fits over the simplest ask.
If you find yourself, every day, having to fight the urge to read somebody in an email response, the boreout has gotten its claws into you, especially when the email is a simple request or follow-up.
I found myself having to do this since I'd gotten tired of doing menial work and becoming the point person for putting out numerous small fires every week. I'd literally be at my home office desk (or at a beachside restaurant) cursing aloud, rewriting emails to force politeness and remain professional. I'd have to take deep breaths and re-read emails multiple times to calm myself down and recenter my thoughts so that I could offer an appropriate response. I'd rewrite responses or simply use very stale AI replies. It became toxic and impacted my productivity.
At this point, it's time to make some changes because you don't want to become bitter and allow this to impact your quality of work or your reputation.
Like I mentioned earlier, I quit, but if you don't want to do the same (or simply can't, for various very valid reasons), try talking to a therapist, coach, or another trusted person in your field first. Get things off your chest and process through the triggers. Then, write down why the emails are becoming a problem and solutions that you can present to your boss to delegate tasks or update systems so that you can refocus on other work that empowers you.
2. You're oftentimes late and you no longer care.
You used to be happy to come to a meeting with your big ideas, but now, since it seems like your boss has relegated you to the status of intern or assistant (despite those not being your job titles), you're not motivated to show up and you dread even attending. Why care? Your input is not acknowledged or respected anyway, right?
Wrong. Come to meetings at work on time and prepared, and do it for the future you, with the understanding that you're not going to let anybody stop your career advancement or cause you to give up your values and integrity.
I've found that when we tolerate and normalize adjusting to toxic situations for too long, we take on bad habits, and at the end of the day, those bad habits are only going to hurt you in the long run. Nip this in the bud by finding another advocate you can partner with to get your ideas in front of the right people.
If that's not possible, take on a lunchtime or after-work hobby or a service position outside of work where you can use your leadership skills and be affirmed in them.
And take the personal out of it. If the company doesn't want your ideas, use them for something else (i.e., finding a new job, starting a side hustle, or volunteering). Maybe your boss is an asshole, but that fact isn't going to pay your mounting therapist bills, pick you up off the toilet after a night of drinking to cope (been there) or help your professional development.
3. You find yourself with a lot of free time at work and you're doing nothing about it.
Some people see this as a good thing, but when you're an ambitious, smart leader, this is career death. As much as I love the soft life and having ease and flexibility, I don't enjoy the effects of brain rot. I can't stand wasted time, money, and potential.
You could really ruin your future by just sitting in a position doing close to nothing to collect a check. While financially, it might be beneficial, think about how this impacts your actual growth, intelligence, and future opportunities. The goal for an ambitious woman is to continue to rise, and the higher you go, the less easy it is to fake excellence. You can't build excellence through inaction, and you need projects that challenge you in order to level up.
I've left jobs that pay almost six figures due to this. It's not about the money. If I'm not being challenged and respected or I'm not involved in projects that actually have an impact (that I had an active hand in making successful), I've not lived out my purpose, and I've done a disservice to the people I seek to serve.
If you have a college degree, you're called to leadership, you have a deep passion for an issue or community, or you want to be a great example to your children, this is something you have to address ne-ow. Don't let people play with your time and the most valuable asset you have: your human potential. Time is expensive, so make it count.
Take note of the tasks you're being given, your actual job title and description, and why you still have lots of free time once those things are done. I promise you'll find gaps or opportunities being missed to be greater. And if it's because your manager won't delegate and is icing you out as a former one did to me, find out why. Have a candid conversation, talk to your HR professional, mentor, or coach in your industry, and figure out solutions to ensure that your time and talents are truly being tapped into.
Otherwise, you need to seek other opportunities that will respect the value of time and talent because, trust me, there are people out here making millions simply because they don't play around with their time.
4. You're feeling extremely insecure even though you've done great work. Your ideas, while dismissed, are smart and could be effective.
Ekaterina Goncharova/Getty
For ambitious, smart women, especially creatives, doing too much grunt work, not being respected for our unique and very valuable skills, or being underutilized in a position can suck the life out of us, eventually burning out the actual desire to even come up with dynamic, amazing ideas that could keep a company in business and help it advance.
When you're stuck only dotting i's and crossing t's instead of being involved in the big-picture experiences, especially at the mid- and senior-level career stage, not only is it energy-zapping, but it can have a negative impact on your overall mental health.
With the previous boreout scenario I mentioned, I'd be forced to spend valuable hours proofreading dozens of articles and answering trivial back-and-forth emails with writers instead of using my time to empower a college student or entry-level professional to get experience doing this while I think of (and execute) plans that could bring more money into the company.
The same could be the case for you:
You're constantly answering asinine emails instead of spending the day coming up with a stellar marketing strategy that could bring new and bigger partners to the table. You're constantly being asked to lead meetings that could have been emails instead of being out in the field recruiting. You're making copies, organizing files, and typing up reports instead of actually using the skills you honed after excelling in your master's-level social science program.
You're constantly being reprimanded over petty things at your medical industry job instead of being empowered to lead an initiative— which you've done several times in previous roles and why you were hired—that could help staff work smarter or better engage with the patients they serve.
If you're feeling the brunt of boreout, take action today to get your life back and tap into the greatness you know you offer. Put some respect on your own name by not tolerating environments that accommodate boreout. Take a professional and strategic stance to ensure you're offering yourself the best by advocating for yourself. Quit if you have to, and don't let boreout ruin your passion for the work that you've been called to do.
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