Syncopated Ladies: How These Tap Dancing Sisters Are Changing The Game
I sat in the corner of the studio enamored as Chloe Arnold hit the replay button for the umpteenth time that day.
She was getting her ladies in formation—her Syncopated Ladies to be exact—and that meant rhythmically tapping out another set of eight counts to Prince’s “When Doves Cry.” They were practicing for an upcoming tribute to the artist formally known as, just four days after the seemingly-abrupt announcement of his death shook the world. Some dressed in purple in recollection of their trendsetting leader, but Chloe and her sister Maud laced up their tap shoes and did what they do best—let the emotions flow through each click and clack of their rapidly moving feet.
Photo Credit: Kiah McBride
“We met Prince with Debbie Allen,” Maud discloses in excitement. “There was a club called 2K9. We were in DC doing a show with Debbie Allen, and I’m like oh my God, Prince is over there! And Miss Allen was like, ‘Ya’ll want to meet Prince?’ And she says, ‘Prince! Come here! Meet my family!’ And so we literally got in line and he went up to each of us, shook our hands, looked us in our eyes and was like ‘nice to meet you.’ We got in the car and we were screaming. I was 14!”
I would soon find out that this would just be one of many awe-inspiring stories that I would be privy to that day. There was the story of meeting Michael Jackson, Denzel Washington, and Will and Jada Pinkett Smith—all thanks to the graciousness of their mentor Debbie Allen. “She’s known for that,” Chloe says. “She’s the best!” Maud pipes up.
There’s also the story behind the “Formation” video that went viral and brought tap dancing to the forefront of mainstream media—from local news stations to Good Morning America thanks to Beyoncé and her loyal Beyhive members.
“I’m in the Apple store and I see Beyoncé share it, and I scream,” Chloe recalls. “Everybody in the Apple store was like what’s going on? What’s going on? And we’re like, Beyoncé shared our video! And the best part is that all of these strangers who have no idea what we’re talking about, but just the fact that Beyoncé did something that was helpful they were excited, so then everybody in the story started pulling up the video because they wanted to know what it was and it was incredible.”
But as amazing as the sagas of their celebrity embraces and encounters are, the story that stands out the most—the one rooted in tears, trials, and tribulations—is the their own rags to riches story. It’s the one where two littler girls who grew up in the hood of Northwest Washington, D.C. in a one bedroom apartment shared by four somehow escape the snares of the ghetto to snag Ivy League degrees. It’s the one where a young Chloe developed serious tunnel vision, leading her to dance with some of the greats such as Gregory Hines and the Nicolas Brothers, all before the age of 11, and who by 14 would teach her six-year younger sister to fall in love with the art as well—not knowing that she was being prepared for her purpose, and would one day coach thousands of hopefuls across dance floors all across the world.
The story starts with a six-year-old Chloe, who first fell head over magnetic heels with tap, within the confinements of a strip mall dance studio. At the last thing that she was thinking about was turning her talents into a viable career, but she did find that her tap classes were the perfect daycare for her younger sister. “She had to sit in on all of my dance rehearsals and come along because pretty much we grew up poor,” says Chloe.
“The dance class was my babysitter,” Maud says.
Tap dancing sisters Chloe and Maud Arnold
On the cusp of her teenage years, Chloe was put to work finding every little odd job possible to help cover the costs of keeping a roof over her family’s head. She sold scrunchies. Shoveled snow. Baked some goods, and gave them a cool swig of lemonade to wash it all down. Maud, who had yet to even claim double digits, swept hair at the local barbershop. “Not having resources can do one of two things: either break you down and make you feel a sense of despair, or it can make you incredibly resourceful and tighten it. And that’s the route we went,” says Chloe.
Dance became their solace from the harsh realities of their home life. The Arnold sisters collected VHS tapes featuring underground tap masters such as James “Buster” Brown and Diane “Lady Di” Walker so they could study their routines, and whenever more mainstream notables like Gregory Hines would come to town, they didn’t hesitate to take a class. “I don’t necessarily remember the steps from any of those classes,” says Chloe. “But what I do remember is how they made me feel. I remember the inspiration, the stories, the empowerment, the feeling of being lifted up by someone’s spirit, and that it drove us towards our dream.”
They spun their 45s and choreographed routines to Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” and “Beat It” and Kool Mo Dee, connoisseurs of pop culture. And people began to notice that these little girls weren’t just your average hobbyist just tapping about for fun—they were forces to be reckoned with. So much so, that they got on Debbie Allen’s radar. During the summer months they would stay at the choreo queen’s L.A. home while attending the Debbie Allen Dance Academy.
“In many ways our story is kind of like TheFresh Prince of Bel-Air, where she opened up her house to us and her house is really nice, very nice. And it’s really inspiring me to come to a new city, start with nothing, be able to live with her and learn all of these lessons ranging from womanhood to being a woman in Hollywood—,” says Chloe.
“—to be able to wake up in the middle of the night to wash dishes, just responsibility for stuff,” Maud jumps in. “It was like a family it was like summer camp at her house.”
When Chloe graduated from Columbia University with her film degree, Debbie Allen invited her to live with her back in L.A. to work at the academy and get on her feet. It was hard work but not without the play. Mondays meant jam sessions where fellow dancers dib and dabbed to the beat with their freestyle routines, and it was at one jam session in particular that Chloe came across a group of ladies who tap danced with a level of passion and courage that was unforeseen in the male-dominated industry. She gathered them together for rehearsals and began doing at least two shows a year with the goal of spreading awareness about the lost art, and the ladies who were bringing it back to the forefront.
Like tap dancing, becoming a syncopated lady was no easy feat. Chloe was determined to have the best of the best, something that fellow group member Anissa Lee remembers when she auditioned twelve years prior. “I was all over the place and she had me do it by myself and it didn’t go well. She was basically like no you’re not going to do it this time and I cried and she rubbed my back and was just like you’ll get over it. Keep practicing. And I was like yeah I’m going to keep practicing. And I was like the next time there’s an opportunity to perform, I’m going to make it happen. And so it kind of geared a switch in my head to amp it up and get these steps together.” It was another two years before Anissa would finally make the cut.
Meanwhile, Chloe was making cuts of her own. Particularly the mentality that she had to be like the boys. Up until 2006, she worked hard to fit into the male-dominated industry and felt self-conscious about her large bottom and womanly curves. So she dressed in baggy clothes and wrapped sweatshirts around her waist, even going as far crafting routines that kept her facing front to keep her butt from being the center of attention. But her first encounter with Queen Bey while working on set at a video shoot reminded her that there’s beauty in femininity and no shame in embracing the assets that women are gifted with.
“That experience was really pivotal and defining for everything that I was doing because I watched this woman be such a powerhouse and be on set with a female director, so it was this incredible empowering experience,” says Chloe. “I thought to myself, how do I transfer this energy to tap dance? I want us to rock out and it changed my entire vision for how I saw myself as an artist, and what I imagined I would do with Syncopated Ladies. And that’s when I then went back to the crew and started to revamp our style. And basically realized that we didn’t have to apologize for being women.”
Armed with a new sense of pride, Chloe returned to her dance crew with more sensual, yet strong movements, not realizing at the time that her shero would one day be the source of her sudden fame.
“I really thank her for evolving my style, which is so incredible that now—10 years later—she’s the person that’s taking my art to the world. It’s such an incredible feeling that the person that evolved my art is also seeing my art and hearing my voice and connecting to us and saying here ladies, here world are these women, and I’m going to support them and share what they do with you.”
Unity.
Sisterhood.
Fearlessness.
They’re characteristics that were instilled in the Arnold Sisters since Debbie Allen began taking them under her wing, For Chloe and Maud, their mentor has not only taught them the value of loyalty, but to be confident in who they are and to accept their own uniqueness. It’s part of what keeps them empowered and strong as they continue to uplift and inspire many more young girls looking to break into the business.
“We really believe in giving people opportunities because we’ve been given so many opportunities and people have taken so many chances on us, and I think that’s what human nature is about,” Chloe says.
It’s part of why the Syncopated Ladies movement is so strong—it’s not about self-gain, but the development of self-love through the selflessness and the desire to see the woman next to you reach her fullest potential. “I’ve seen the power of love transform what could see the end of the road for people,” Chloe says. “I’ve known suicidal dancers that just feeling loved, feeling cared about, brings them back around. I’ve seen extreme poverty, on the bottom, and people rise with love. So I’m just a firm believer that sisterhood is love, and if you value that then your life becomes so full.”
“Sisterhood means loyalty, solidarity, and holding ourselves and each other accountable,” Maud adds. “Even when you don’t think people are looking, it’s about what you’re doing behind closed doors and holding yourself up to standards and holding up your sisters to those same standards, and not being afraid to call people out and holding them accountable.”
And that, ladies, is how you get into formation.
Can't get enough of Chloe and Maud? Check out the interview below to get a behind-the-scenes look at the Syncopated Ladies.
Kiah McBride writes technical content by day and uses storytelling to pen real and raw personal development pieces on her blog Write On Kiah. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @writeonkiah.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images