October is my favorite month of the year and, already, it’s about to wrap things up. SMDH. Anyway, since we’re about to officially enter into holiday season preparation (you always know when Hallmark starts cranking up all of their romantic holiday movies), with Halloween leading the way, if that happens to be your favorite holiday, I wanted to make sure that I offered up a grown ‘n sexy way to observe it.
You know, just in case you don’t feel like leaving your porch light on for the kiddies this year and/or you don’t want to attend any costume parties, and/or you’d actually prefer to observe it in a bit of a more creative way. For all of these scenarios, I’ve totally got you.
Without further adieu, here are 15 things that can make engaging in some serious sexual fun this Halloween, sexy, scary, and hella erotic — all at the same time, chile.
1. Get Some Candy-Flavored Condoms
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I don’t know if y’all will think this is wild or not but I did — guess how much money was spent on Halloween candy in this country last year alone? A whopping $3.1 BILLION. Not to mention the fact that the average American will consume around three pounds of the sweet stuff, all on their own, on that day alone (goodness!). That’s why, it only seemed fitting that I would start this off with something that was candy-related — well, sort of.
Being that condoms help to prevent pregnancy and STDS, if you plan on having sex, in order to receive lots of “treats” instead of “tricks,” make sure to wrap it up. And if there’s gonna be plenty of oral action going on, make the experience — pardon the pun — sweeter by using a few candy-flavored rubbers.
A condom company that sells affordable ones in discreet packaging is Undercover Condoms. Some of the flavored ones that they offer are located here (or you can put “flavored condoms” into the site’s search field). Also, One Flavor Waves has a 24-count sweetness assortment pack for under twenty bucks on Amazon. You can cop those here.
2. Use Lollipops for Video Sexting
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Wanna get your partner all hot ‘n bothered before he’s even in the same space with you? FaceTime him or send him a video message where you’re doing nothing but playing around with a lollipop in your mouth. It’s a simple thing that can make a really big impact — from head to toe. #wink
3. Invest in a Fog Machine
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When you think of scary music visuals, what’s the first one that comes to your mind? If it’s Michael Jackson’s Thriller, I absolutely wouldn’t be surprised. Actually, I just revisited the long version of it (here); I don’t think I realized that it’s close to 14 minutes. Anyway, it brings its fair share of fog to it which definitely adds some eeriness and mystery to the mix. If you want to add some fog into your bedroom action, for under fifty bucks, you can buy a fog machine (like this one here) that even comes with different colors and a remote control.
4. Light Your Room Up with Some Jack-o'-Lanterns
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I’m always gonna be a fan of sexy lightning, no matter what the occasion. In keeping with the whole Halloween theme, why not carve out some Jack-o’-Lanterns and put some candles inside? Or, you can probably find some ceramic lanterns at your local arts and crafts stores, if you’re tight on time or carving pumpkins isn’t really your thing.
5. Or Some Pumpkin-Scented Soy Candles
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As far as the whole debate about whether sweet potato or pumpkin pie is king, personally, I like them both. That said, when it comes to sex drives, it’s pumpkin that is gonna win out, pretty much by a landslide. That’s because there is quite a bit of data to support that the scent of pumpkin increases blood flow to a man’s genitalia (more on this at the end) while also sexually arousing women in the process. So, if you’re out looking for some candles to create the mood, a pumpkin spice one will only benefit you, your partner, and the night that you have planned.
6. Put a Glow in the Dark Spider Web on Your Bed
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Wanna feel extra entangled with your partner? Get yourself one of those glow-in-the-dark webs that you can put on your bedroom wall or hell, even on your bed. Michael’s has one (at least on their website) that you can get here. I also found a YouTube video that teaches you how to make your own webs out of — get this — beef netting. It seems pretty easy if you wanna DIY it. You can check the instructional video out here.
7. Draw Some Designs on Each Other with Homemade Chocolate Paint
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Now let’s really focus on some sweet stuff for a while — starting with chocolate. As far as Halloween candy goes, I’d be surprised if you were shocked that it continues to be the most popular kind of candy for trick-or-treat purchasers. And, as far as sexual stimulation goes, it’s also a proven aphrodisiac (thanks to all of its antioxidants and its ability to provide a euphoric effect). For all of these reasons and more, it simply wouldn’t be a sexy Halloween without chocolate.
If you want to make things really sweet and sensual, make some chocolate paint that you can, umm, finger-PAINT each other’s bodies with. LOL. I found a YouTube vegan recipe that contains only two ingredients here.
8. Pull Out the Pixy Sticks
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Remember how I referenced lollipops earlier? If once you and your partner are looking at each other, you want to turn each other into a human lollipop, open up some old-fashioned Pixy Stix (remember those? Get some here), pour them on each other’s erogenous zones and lick the contents off. Surely, I don’t need to expound beyond that…right?
9. Tie Each Other Up with Twizzlers Pull ‘n’ Peel Candy
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If you want to be tied up yet, at the same time, not really…experiment with some Twizzler’s Pull ‘n Peel ropes (here). They’re cheap, they’re tasty and they’re a fun alternative to handcuffs — if you’re wanting to take a different approach to being bound (in the best way possible) on Halloween night.
10. Suck on Some Peppermint Patties Before, Well, Sucking
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Back when I wrote, “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex” a few years back, some people actually wrote me about one of my tips: “Use Cinnamon Oil on Each Other’s Genitalia.” They wanted to know if the cinnamon burned. I’ll vouch for the one that I know which is Sun Essential Oils’s Cinnamon Bark (here) — it absolutely does not. It’s warm and sweet to the taste which amps up everything for everybody (feel me?). Personally, I’m a fan of spicy and minty sensations when it comes to oral activities.
So, if mint is your thing, while gargling some minty mouthwash is a lick (pun intended), another route is eating a chocolate-covered mint (like a peppermint patty). The taste will be great for the sucker and the minty sensation will be awesome for the, well, suckee.
11. Don’t Forget About Flavored Oral Gel/Lubricant
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Listen, even if cultivating wetness isn’t an issue for you, still get yourself a tube or two of flavored lubricant; then check out my article, “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant.” When lube has some flavor to it, it can make kissing body parts, giving oral sex, and all kinds of other stuff…even more…delicious. Aloe Cadabra in Strawberry (here) or Piña Colada (here); Little Genie’s Watermelon (here); Problo in Bubblegum (here) and Banana Dream (here); Oralicious in Peaches and Cream (here), and Exsens’s in Appletini (here) are just a few fan favorites.
12. What You Know About Pipedream BJ Blast Oral Sex Cherry Candy or Candy Love Rings?
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If you want to make (giving) head a bit more exciting, on both the giving and receiving end, what you know about BJ Blast Candy (here)? It’s basically the same thing as Pop Rocks that some of us (cough, cough) tried back in the day to add some flavor (for the giver) and poppin’ sensations (for the receiver). Or if you want to play around with an edible cock ring, those exist too. An elastic candy ring that costs less than ten bucks can be ordered on Amazon here.
13. Try Some Skittles Edibles
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Although I can count on one hand, just how often I’ve had an edible, a super memorable experience consisted of overdoing it on some Skittles Edibles. I laughed for hours. I tried to surf on some friends’ stairs and their dog seemed like a horse that I could ride. Plus, one of them was holding a spatula that you couldn’t pay me to think wasn’t a camera. My point? Listen, when it comes to edibles, you definitely need to follow the instructions (quite seriously and literally); however, when it comes to sex, they can make for a very interesting and semi-intense evening.
That’s why I once wrote, “7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better.” It’s also why I’m going to give you a link to enter into a special kind of Skittles experience at your own risk. You can order some of them right here.
14. Play Some Scary ASMR (for Background Noise)
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Not too long ago, I linked up with the first guy who I had my “official” first date with, all the way back when I was still in high school. That joker took me to see Silence of the Lambs (if you know, you know). As we were cracking up about how strategic he was being and how scared I was, he said, “You wanna keep a woman in your lap, take her to a scary movie. We ain’t stupid.” CLEARLY. LOL.
He’s not the only one that knows there’s something to this. Some sex therapists recommend fear kinks because being afraid can sometimes be tied to thrill-seeking and that can actually make you hornier. So, if you want to take the whole Halloween energy thing up a few notches, play some scary ASMR videos in the background. YouTube has several.
A playlist that might pique your we-wanna-be-totally-creeped-out interests is located here.
15. Who Knew There Were Halloween-Themed Sex Positions, Chile?
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With as much as I read and write about sex, it honestly never crossed my mind that there are Halloween-themed sex positions. Apparently, there are. Good Housekeeping is one site that published some with (work-appropriate) visuals ‘n all. If you’ve never heard of Bad Cop, Hocus Focus, or Lazy Witch, you can peruse ‘em all right here.
BONUS: Don’t Forget About the Pumpkin and Lavender Oil Blend
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Until everybody on the World Wide Web catches on, I’m gonna KEEP saying that if you want to keep your partner’s erection strong and long, bring a combination of pumpkin and lavender into the mix. Years back, even The New York Times signed onto the fact that it helps to increase blood flow to a man’s penile region by as much as 40 freakin’ percent! It’s become so popular out in these streets, that you can even purchase the scent combo in roll-on form. One place you can get it is via an Etsy store here.
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There you have it, horny Halloween fans. Get yourself a sexy ass lingerie outfit and you’ll be set to have the best Halloween ever! Enjoy, sis. EN-JOY.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Personally, that is just one of the things I experienced while growing up, although the main reason why I’ve been estranged from my mother for (I think) about six years now (I honestly haven’t really been keeping track at this point) is because she simply doesn’t respect my boundaries. Even well into my adulthood, she has refused to do it and it was messing with my inner peace and personal growth on a few different levels — and y’all, I don’t care who it is, no one should have that kind of power over someone else’s life (if you want to read more about my journey with estrangement, I tackle the topic in my latest book).
And before some of you come with the ever-so-manipulated Bible verse “Honor your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12), I hope you also remember that there is a Scripture that says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” (Ephesians 6:4 — NKJV) To provoke is “to stir up, arouse, or call forth (feelings, desires, or activity)”; know what else it is: “to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex.” Funny how it is not preached or taught nearly enough that parents are absolutely not supposed to raise their kids or treat their adult children in a way that angers, enrages, exasperates, or vexes them — and think about it: when’s the last time you heard a sermon on that? I’ll wait.
Besides, unless you’re someone who has made the courageous decision to put distance between the person/people who’ve raised you, you honestly don’t get how much of a sacrifice it can be. Very few of us are flippant about that decision. Very few of us saw our adult life without our parent(s) in it. Very few of us wanted to deal with all of the “fallout” that comes with making that kind of choice because listen, for me, it’s almost like being in witness protection in the sense of having to also leave certain people who are associated with her alone as well because either they also don’t respect boundaries or they try further victimize me by attempting to impose their opinions into something that they absolutely shouldn’t (for instance, when I shared what I went through with her, one of my closest friends at the time, more than once called me “petty”…yeah, he had to go; you don’t have to defend why you need to protect yourself…if you are doing that, those are unsafe people you are talking to).
It’s not like I’m rare either. In fact, it’s been reported that close to 30 percent of adults are currently estranged from at least one of their parents (you can read about it here, here, here, here, and here). And with that being said, today, we’re going to hear from 10 women (well, technically 12 if you include the videos at the beginning and end) as they share their own reasons why they made the decision to go “no contact” with their own parent/parents.
If you are estranged, I hope you will see that you are not alone. If you aren’t, I hope it will help you to have more compassion for those who have made this kind of choice. Because although “adulthood is surviving childhood” is true for many of us, it actually wasn’t supposed to be that way. And so, we’ve had to take great lengths to go from “surviving” to “flourishing”…even if that meant doing it without the ones who — alongside God, of course — created us.
Article continues after the video.
*Middle names are used so that people can speak freely*
1. Michelle. 32. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“My mother is a narcissist — only I didn’t know it because I didn’t have much to compare her to because she kept me away from a lot of…everything. Ironically, that is a telling sign that you’ve got a narcissistic parent: they think you are an extension of them, so they try and make you do everything just like them. Since they are so bad at respecting boundaries, they don’t care how old you are — they think they have a say in every decision that you make because their ego is bigger than their love.
It took me years of therapy to recognize this but once I did and I told my mom that she was hypercritical, that she used to pit me and my siblings against each other, that she only knows how to gaslight and manipulate — she played the victim and told me that if I couldn’t accept her as she was, we couldn’t have a relationship.
That’s another thing about narcissist: they hate accountability. I think there should be more articles about parents who are estranged from their kids because they pull that ‘my way or the highway’ BS. I didn’t exactly leave my mom, but I did tell her what I wasn’t going to tolerate. We haven’t spoken in four years, ever since I drew that line. She left because she didn’t know how to humble herself, and I am fine with that. Arrogant people are toxic to be around.”
2. Iyan. 36. Estranged from Her Parents for 11 Years.
Giphy“I don’t think that a lot of parents get that they act like their kids should idolize them, which is crazy. We’re not toys or puppets who are supposed to do whatever they say, whenever they say it. Even as a parent myself, I think there is a difference between a child’s individuality and a child obeying me. Too many other parents have too much ego to think the differences through. To your question — I am estranged from my parents because they disapproved of who I chose to marry. He’s not the same faith as them but I don’t think that would even matter because they damn near betrothed me when I was a kid.
They wanted to choose my career path, my husband, my role in church — everything. It got to the point where they were disrespecting my husband, our relationship, and my feelings, and so it was time to boomerang their own Bible and remind them that when you get married, you ‘leave and cleave’ to your spouse and move on from your family. If your family accepts that, they can be in your life. If not, you’ve got to move on. They chose for me to be estranged, not me. I put my husband first, just like I was supposed to.”
3. Jahkai. 29. Estranged from Her Mother for Four Years.
Giphy“Sometimes I think that people just have children so that they can have someone to boss around as kids and intimidate when they become adults. My mother is one of those people because it’s like her whole existence centers around trying to force me to live the life that she wants me to live. I used to be so afraid of her, even if that just meant afraid of her rejection, that I would go along with it.
Then I got pregnant with my daughter and saw that she wasn’t even going to respect me as a mom — and when I saw signs that she was going to try and pull that shit with my own child? The claws came out. I tried expressing my concerns and setting some boundaries, but she dismissed my feelings and walked right over my boundaries, so she had to go. There was no way that she was going to try and raise the child I birthed. My child needs peace. So do I.”
4. Gillian. 24. Estranged from Her Parents for Almost Two Years.
Giphy“I’m bisexual. That’s the beginning and end of it. I personally think it’s creepy when a parent can be so invested into their grown child’s sexuality that it ends up wrecking their own world. You sleep with who you want to sleep with, and I will do the same.
My parents don’t see it that way. They told me that unless I stop loving women, we have nothing to talk about. You only love me if I love who and how you love? That doesn’t sound like love at all.
I don’t expect my parents to agree with my life or even like it. I just don’t want you penalizing me because we are different. Seems really immature to be any other way…to me, anyway.”
5. Aubrie. 27. Estranged from Father for Four Years.
Giphy“My father always wanted me to be an accountant, and I hate math. That’s insane. That’s what happens when you don’t make the time to get to know your own children. So many parents are egomaniacs in that way — just because I look like you doesn’t mean that I am you. Until my sophomore year in college, I just held my tongue and suffered through my education because when I was living at home, I didn’t really have a choice, and when I went to school, my parents paid for my education.
They didn’t want me to have any debt, and I appreciated that, but my spirit was going into debt anyway because my dad had me on a path that I didn’t like or want, and my mom was too weak to speak up for either one of us. By my junior year, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided to get student loans, so that I could start over and major in English. That pissed my dad off two ways because I was changing my major and I was going to take on debt.
We’re not estranged in the classic sense. It’s more like he doesn’t come to the phone whenever I call, and he grunts words over the holidays. So, I call less and go home even less than that. We’re headed towards ‘no contact’ if he doesn’t get over the fact that he has a life, and so do I.”
6. Lameeya. 41. Estranged from Her Mother for Eight Years.
Giphy“My mother? I just don’t like her — I never really have. I can’t stand how we’ll all agree that you should choose your friends wisely, but when it comes to your blood, it’s like you should be all in their lap simply because they are related to you. Toxic is toxic, and my mother is the embodiment of that. She plays mind games. She manipulates. She gaslights. She’s spoiled and entitled. I would never pick her as a friend. She drains me in every way. It’s like whenever I would even sense that she was going to call or come around, I would get hives, and it got to the point where it didn’t make sense that I should suffer just because she’s my mother. Who came up with that?”
7. Sloane. 25. Estranged from Her Mother for One Year.
Giphy“I grew up COGIC. If you know, you know. When you’re a kid, you don’t know any different or better, but once I started to seek out my own path, I realized that Christianity just wasn’t for me. My mother damn near lives at church and so, of course, I was declaring that I wanted to go to hell in her eyes when I told her that I had chosen the Baháʼí faith. Christians can be so rude. Somehow, they want you to respect what they believe, but they are so comfortable preaching hell and damnation if you don’t think like them.
Anyway, a part of why I chose Baháʼí is because it’s very peaceful to me, and religion never brought me peace in my mother’s house. Now that I’m all about this peace-filled life, anything that is ‘anti’ it has to go. She was on the top of my list. If you can’t respect what makes me ‘me,’ why are you here? It’s just been a year now. If we remain out of contact, that’s kind of on her, but I have no desire to hear her preach every time we speak. Be my mom. I don’t want a pastor.”
8. Torrin. 33. Estranged from Her Parents for Six Years.
Giphy“You have your own dysfunctional issues going on if you think that you owe someone your sanity simply because they birthed you. A good parent doesn’t just give you life — they provide a safe environment for that life, and my parents didn’t.
My mother was hell on wheels, and my father was a weak man who let her be that way. She was controlling, erratic, and exhausting, while he just let it all happen.
I recently read that Khloe Kardashian said that her mom didn’t like it when she first started therapy. Controlling parents never do. It took me a lot of therapy to stop beating myself up mentally the way that my mother did emotionally and sometimes physically, but once I got that she was the problem and healing was the solution, I had no problem letting them both go: her for being abusive and my father for being complacent.”
9. Kristine. 40. Estranged from Her Mother for Six Months.
Giphy“You always want your parents to get along with your husband — I just didn’t bet on my mother loving him more than me, especially now that we are divorced. That man cheated on me, more than once, and although I didn’t tell my mom while we were married about it, once we separated and I explained why I made what was a really difficult decision for me, she kept finding excuses for him and even tried to make me feel bad for not trying to make it work. Divorces are hard, and the last thing I needed was my mother trying to ‘beat me up’ for standing up for myself.
Now I’ve got questions about her marriage because if you think that I should tolerate nonsense, have you been tolerating your husband’s? Has he been tolerating yours? You get a certain age, and you start to wonder how much projecting your parents do onto you. Anyway, we haven’t talked to each other in six months. She and my ex apparently still go out to dinner, though. You two enjoy.”
10. Madolyn. 45. Estranged from her Father for 20 Years.
Giphy“I had an abusive father. He was an alcoholic while I was growing up, and so fear instead of love kept me in communication with him once I became an adult. The plot twist is, he got clean while I was in college, but he suddenly had all kinds of amnesia about the pain that he caused. His apologies were sh-t like ‘I don’t remember that, but if you need me to apologize, okay.’ So, our lives were a living hell, and that’s all you’ve got because it hurts you too much to face it? Ain’t that a bitch.
The last time we spoke was right before I turned 25. I think someone is more harmful when they can’t own their sh-t than when they are actually doing it, because that means they could do it again. No thanks. I’ll take wholeness.”
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As you can see, being estranged from a parent, going “no contact” with them, it has many layers, reasons, and scenarios. For me, as I listened to all of these women, what did come to my mind, though, is — how beautiful is it that, if the “beauty for ashes” in their stories is they had the strength to become self-aware, self-sufficient and healthy adults in spite of the cracks in their foundation, then there is a silver lining in it all. You should never feel guilt or shame for protecting yourself in ways that your parents absolutely should have. NOT. EVER.
And so, the sacrifice was well worth it — because ladies, look at you now. Salute.
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