While smoothies are definitely the kind of thing that you can — and I personally think that you should — consume year-round, there really is something about a cold homemade smoothie on a hot summer's day that is refreshing as all get out. Not to mention that they come with all sorts of benefits like they can help to prevent dehydration, curb food cravings and, if you make them from scratch, they are better for you than juice because you're getting more nutrients since you're consuming its pulp. Not to mention the fact that smoothies are mad convenient if you're looking for a filling snack when you're on the go.
Today, I'm going to share 10 smoothie recipes. All of these feature fruits that are ripe during the summer season. As a bonus, they are also fruits that can help you with very special health issues or concerns that you may have. By the way, it should go on record that the cool thing about smoothies is you can go the dairy or milk alternative route or not. Sometimes I like mine to be thick like a shake and so I'll add some Greek yogurt. Other times, fruit, honey, and crushed ice is all that I want.
No matter how you decide to customize your own smoothie, hopefully, these will inspire you to go to the store, pick up some fresh fruit and treat yourself ASAP. Because y'all, a smoothie in the summertime is always worth it.
1. A HYDRATER: Sunrise Apricot Strawberry Smoothie
Getty Images
Another name for apricots is Armenian plums which may explain their tiny size. While they may be small, apricots contain their fair share of nutrients including fiber, protein and vitamins A, C, and E. Other reasons why they're so good for you is they are helpful when it comes to keeping you regular and protecting your skin from free radicals. Since apricots also contain a good amount of water (like most fruits do), they're a hydrating treat. As far as strawberries go, they also are full of fiber, along with Vitamin C, folate, potassium and antioxidants. They also have plant compounds in them like ellagitannins and ellagic acid which can help to keep bacteria at bay. Oh, and since the particular recipe that I've included calls for honey too, you can also feel good about getting your "sweet tooth fix" in since honey is proven to be healthier for you than sugar (by a country mile, chile).
Get the recipe here: Sunrise Apricot Strawberry Smoothie
2. A SKIN TREATMENT: Tropical Mango Smoothie
Getty Images
Hands down, mangoes are personally one of my favorite fruits. I like their sweetness, their texture — pretty much everything. Good thing too because they've got just about every B vitamin that you could think of, along with fiber, copper, vitamins A and C and folate. Mangoes are super good for you because they are filled with polyphenols (plant compounds that serve as antioxidants). That's good to know because polyphenols can slow down the signs of aging. The fiber in them can assist with digestive health and, since Vitamin C helps our body to produce collagen, mangoes can be a smart way to help your skin (and hair) to thrive as well.
Get the recipe here: Tropical Mango Smoothie
3. A NATURAL ESTROGEN ADDITION: Chocolate Cherry Smoothie
Getty Images
I don't know about y'all but, to me, a bowl of fresh cherries while sitting outside at sunset is something that I'm pretty much always down for.
The people I know who are either going through menopause or are post-menopausal, I will oftentimes recommend that they snack on some cherries. Since they're in season during the summertime, they can really help with hot flashes on a whole 'nother level because they contain phytoestrogens (which is basically a plant form of estrogen).
Cherries are also a good source of fiber, protein and Vitamin C. They've also got a good amount of anti-inflammatory properties, which makes them great to snack on if you're looking to decrease muscular discomfort after a hard workout. As far as the raw cacao powder that this particular recipe calls for, the flavonoids in it can help to lower your blood pressure and risk for high cholesterol levels. Plus, this recipe includes protein powder which is a delightful way to get more protein into your system; especially if you are a vegetarian or vegan.
Get the recipe here: Chocolate Cherry Smoothie
4. AN ORAL HEALTH SURPRISE: Blackberry Banana Bliss Smoothie
Getty Images
Blackberries are awesome because they too are full of fiber and Vitamin C (a lot of fruits are). Since they also have Vitamin K and manganese in them, you can trust that blackberries are the kind of fruit that will support strong bones and strengthen your immunity. What a lot of people don't know about blackberries is they're also a fruit that contains antibacterial and anti-inflammatory properties that fight off the kind of bacteria that leads to oral decay. When you add bananas to this already amazing fruit, you can get even more fiber as well as potassium, manganese, copper, fiber, protein and vitamins B6 and C. All of these nutrients work together to lower your blood sugar levels, strengthen your heart, reduce muscle cramps, improve digestive health and even aid in weight loss.
Get the recipe here: Blackberry Banana Bliss Smoothie
5. A BRAIN BOOSTER: Raspberry Lime Smoothie
Getty Images
While we're on the topic of berries, let's touch on raspberries for just a moment. To tell you the truth, it's kinda hard to find another fruit that has as much fiber in it as they do. Raspberries are also a good source of protein, vitamins C and K, manganese, antioxidants, and they also have vitamins B and E, iron, magnesium, potassium and phosphorus in them (crazy, right?). If you're looking for the kind of fruit that will slow down the production of cancer cells, raspberries have got your back. And, because they also contain anti-inflammatory properties, some health professionals say that raspberries can make arthritis much easier to deal with.
What I personally find to be dope is they are one of the fruits that can help to reduce oxidative stress. This is a bonus because that is the type of stress that ultimately leads to cognitive dysfunction. Add some limes into the mix and the amount of Vitamin C and antioxidants that are in them is pretty much off the charts! Also, since both help to increase immunity and the production of collagen while also helping to detoxify your system, why wouldn't you try a raspberry lime smoothie before the summer season ends?
Get the recipe here: Raspberry Lime Smoothie
6. A HEART AND KIDNEY HEALTH DELIGHT: Triple Melon Smoothie
Getty Images
It makes perfect sense that melons like cantaloupe and honeydew would be in season during the summer months when you stop to think about how light and refreshing both of them are. Cantaloupe's got vitamins A and C, folate, potassium, fiber and antioxidants. Honeydew contains fiber, protein, Vitamin C and potassium. Due to the high water content of both melons, they are super hydrating. The Vitamin C in both will help to fight off free radicals. And since both fruits are a good source of potassium, you can trust that every time you make a fresh triple melon smoothie (the third melon is watermelon and we already covered that), you'll be doing your part to reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease and strokes as well as prevent kidney stones.
Get the recipe here: Triple Melon Smoothie
7. A WEIGHT LOSS SNACK: Honey Plum Smoothie
Getty Images
I'm pretty sure that most of us know that prunes are nothing more than dried plums. Since a lot of us eat those in order to "stay regular", it's a given that plums are high in fiber. They also contain a fair amount of vitamins A, C, K, antioxidants and potassium. Because plums are low in calories and a good source of fiber, and staying regular can help to deplete your body of toxins that may be stored in your gut, that's what makes this particular smoothie good for weight loss (if you drink them in moderation because plums also contain a quite a bit of natural sugar [i.e., fructose]).
They're also cool because they can help to stabilize your blood sugar levels, promote bone health, lower your blood pressure and destroy the cells that can lead to breast cancer. Yep. Plums are certainly all that. Honey? It always does a body good because it's rich in antioxidants, can improve your cholesterol levels and, since it also has anti-inflammatory properties in it, honey can help to prevent you from getting heart disease or an autoimmune disorder up the road.
Get the recipe here: Honey Plum Smoothie
8. AN APHRODISIAC: Rosé & Watermelon Smoothie
Getty Images
Watermelon on a hot summer's day? There's not too much that tops it. The reason why it made the smoothie list is, honestly, watermelon deserves an article of its own when it comes to all of the health benefits that it provides. Watermelon is made up of over 90 percent water, which makes it an ultimate way to hydrate yourself. It has a good supply of vitamins A and C. It's got a plant compound in it called Cucurbitacin E which contains antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. All of this works together to help to keep your heart strong, bodily inflammation down and muscle soreness from bothering you too much.
What I really like about watermelon is it's also considered to be a natural aphrodisiac. The lycopene (a type of carotenoid) in it is great when it comes to maintaining prostate health. Also, since watermelon contains the amino acid called citrulline and it is good at relaxing blood vessels, including in the genitalia region, this fruit is nicknamed "natural Viagra" because it is able to help to intensify orgasms.
And y'all, the good feelings will only increase with the help of some Rosè red wine and sprigs of mint (which are both in this smoothie recipe) since wine is an aphrodisiac and mint helps your breath to smell nice and fresh.
Get the recipe here: Rosé & Watermelon Smoothie
9. AN ALLERGY RELIEVER: Peach Blueberry Oatmeal Smoothie
Getty Images
It's my personal opinion that a peach or blueberry-flavored anything is pretty close to being divine. The fact that both of them are uber healthy is literally the icing on the cake. Peaches are good for you because they have protein, fiber, vitamins A, C, E, K and some potassium in them. Plus, they're known for protecting your skin from damaging UV rays, boosting your immunity and also decreasing toxin levels in your system. However, what I truly dig about peaches is they can help to provide relief of allergy-related symptoms. That's because they contain properties that help to block the production of histamines which trigger things like sneezing and itchiness.
Blueberries are cool because they are an impressive source of vitamins C, K and manganese. They've got quite a bit of fiber in them too. Consuming these berries on a consistent basis can reduce DNA damage to your cells, help to lower your blood pressure and even help to fight and prevent urinary tract infections. Plus, since this particular recipe calls for oats, you'll be sure to get even more fiber, along with an unbelievable amount of manganese and a good amount of phosphorus, magnesium, copper, iron and zinc; this is really great since introducing oats to children at a young age can decrease their chances for developing asthma as they age.
Get the recipe here: Peach Blueberry Oatmeal Smoothie
10. AN AMENIA PREVENTER: Boozy Frozen Lemonade
Getty Images
Although lemons and limes are technically considered to be in season year-round, maybe it's just me, but they seem to be bigger during the summer months. Anyway, let's close this smoothie shout-out piece with a lemon smoothie that is sure to be a good time, thanks to the 2/3 cups of vodka that's in the recipe (for the record, vodka is able to increase blood circulation, lower cholesterol levels and reduce stress levels). Lemons are good for you because they're a great source of Vitamin C, they aid in the digestive process and, because they make it easier for your body to absorb the iron that comes from other foods that you eat, that makes this fruit something that can help to keep you from being anemic as well. So, if you're like me and you happen to like the taste of sour things, a boozy frozen lemonade could be the perfect way to end a hot summer's day. Enjoy!
Get the recipe here: Boozy Frozen Lemonade
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Getty Images
- 10 Best Breakfast Foods For Healthy Skin & Hair - xoNecole ... ›
- JJ Smith Smoothie Cleanse, Lizzo - xoNecole: Women's Interest ... ›
- 10 Day Green Smoothie Cleanse Review - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- 10 2021 Summer Food Trends To Watch - xoNecole: Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness ›
- 8 Quick And Easy Breakfast Ideas To Avoid Skipping Breakfast - xoNecole ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Anchiy/Getty Images
New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by PeopleImages/ Getty Images