Explore your sign’s 2024 horoscope predictions to learn what is in store for you this year in love, career, and more. Check out the love compatibility of each sign to learn more about zodiac pairings and all things compatibility.
This summer holds immense potential and supportive energy towards your dreams. There are a lot of gifts many will be receiving during this time, and financially, a new beginning is coming to fruition. We begin the season the same way we do every year, and that is with the Sun entering Cancer. Cancer Season is always a more emotional time, but it’s also a time of deep insight, focus, and passion. We are gaining clarity of the heart, and with two Full Moons in Capricorn happening at the beginning of summer, we are also gaining clarity within money matters as well right now. Summer 2024 is a season of new beginnings, opportunities, patience, and blessings.
Saturn and Neptune will both be retrograde in Pisces this summer, Saturn going direct in November and Neptune going direct in December; and we are moving through a transformative time in mind, body, and soul. Saturn retrograde in Pisces allows us to reexamine our perspective, our spirituality, and the emotional connections we have been building. Neptune retrograde in Pisces reminds us to take the blindfold off and to fully live in the present moment rather than in the fantasies that can cloud our vision. With all the water sign energy presenting itself at the start of summer, it’s about taking your time with what your heart is telling you and allowing things to settle in before taking action.
Leo Season officially begins on July 22, and this Leo Season is about encouraging yourself and others and allowing yourself to live up to who you want to be. Having a little extra confidence is needed this Leo Season as Mercury will be retrograde in Virgo from Aug. 5 until Aug. 14 and then retrograde in Leo from Aug. 14 until Aug. 28. This Mercury retrograde is a time of giving yourself more grace and not allowing self-doubt to cloud your vision or make things worse than they need to be. The Super Blue Moon in Aquarius, happening on Aug. 19, will be the perfect opportunity to let go of what you deem unworthy or too weird for the world and to fully step into your authentic self.
Virgo Season comes to fruition on Aug. 22, closing out the summer, and this Virgo Season is one of transformation and manifestation. The summer begins a little slow and it’s all about the baby steps that come with progress, but by the time Virgo Season comes around, everything is going to be happening a lot quicker. The New Moon in Virgo on Sep. 2 is a New Moon of harvest, and the things you have been building and working on this summer will be coming forth in a big way. A Supermoon Lunar Eclipse is happening in Pisces on Sep. 17, which is bringing positive changes within love and creating space for the new life that you are bringing to fruition. Patience is needed this summer, but there is also so much room for growth that progress is inevitable along the way. It’s all about a fresh start right now.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see how summer 2024 will be for you.
ARIES
This summer is about nurturing your world, Aries. Your patience is needed during this time as you allow your manifestations to come to fruition and let go of what you can’t control. You are in a good space to receive, and there is a lot of love, receptivity, and peace in your life over the next few months. With Saturn going retrograde in your 12th house of closure as the summer begins, you are walking into it in a space of healing and are going to be experiencing culminations that help you move on and create a new beginning for yourself.
On July 27, Chiron goes retrograde in Aries until Dec. 29, further enhancing the restorative energy that is apparent in your life this summer. You are learning from where you have been and setting yourself up for future success by doing the work, going within, and giving yourself some more self-love. On Aug. 14, Mercury goes retrograde in your house of romance until Aug. 28, and your idea of love is shifting. Through the emotional cleanse you have been through this summer, what you want and what you need looks a little different now. Mars enters Gemini and moves into your 4th house of home, foundations, and stability on Sep. 4, and you are leaving this season ready to rebuild and grow after a time of release.
TAURUS
You are entering an insightful season, Taurus. This summer is all about abundance, growth, allowing more love in, and trusting your intuition. With Venus in your 4th house of foundations from Jul. 11 until Aug. 4, you are finding a lot of happiness and love in the home and when it comes to the stability and security you are building in your life right now. Mars, the planet of passion, action, and energy, is also in your 2nd house of income for most of this summer, and you have more potential to make a lot of money or increase your earnings in some way. It’s all about the way you see and value yourself and asking for what you want.
The Super Blue Moon on Aug. 19 is when you are going to find more clarity within career matters and when some important achievements or projects are coming full circle. You are working on letting go of self-sabotage or judgments and owning the person you are and the intentions you have manifested for yourself. Uranus goes retrograde in your sign from Sep. 1 until Jan. 30, 2025, and life can feel more exciting, but also a little more chaotic during this time. The more you can balance going with the flow with putting the work in this summer, the better you can use the opportunities that are presenting themselves to your best advantage.
GEMINI
This is a fun, passionate, and exciting summer for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy at your disposal over the next few months with Mars in your sign from Jul. 20 until Sept. 4. With Mars being in your 1st house of Self, you are going through some major transformations and could be changing your image, style, or personal goals. This summer is when you are going after the things you want and not letting insecurities or self-doubt get in the way of the personal growth you are seeking right now.
On July 26, Chiron goes retrograde in your 11th house of friendship and community, and there is a sense of feeling like you have to do more things alone. It could be difficult to feel that healing and supportive energy within some social connections, and you are moving through this so you can see how powerful you are whether there are people by your side or not. Mercury goes retrograde this summer and will be retro in your house of communication from Aug. 14 until Aug. 28, and it’s best to not be impulsive with the things you want to get across right now. Before the summer ends, there is a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse on Sep. 17, and the things you have been working on in your life and within your career over the past six months are coming full circle for you now.
CANCER
Summer begins on the first day of Cancer Season, and you are shining, living in your truth, and feeling more excited about the future. This summer is about patience with communication, opening your mind to a new perspective, and getting inspired. You have your vision set on the things you want and the words you need to speak, but you are also being guided to take your time with everything right now. Saturn goes retrograde in your 9th house of travel, adventure, and spirituality from Jun. 29 until Nov. 15, and extra precaution should be taken while traveling or exploring, as plans may change a little more unexpectedly during this time.
There is a lot of hope in your life right now, and you are finding your balance between having faith and taking action. The first New Moon of the summer is in Cancer on July 5, enhancing the energy of new beginnings, progress, and self-confidence you are feeling and opening up to now.
As you move through this new season, take a look at your intentions, write down what you wish to see through, and manifest from a space of inner clarity and patience. Venus enters your 3rd house of communication from Aug. 4 until Aug. 29, and you feel more support when it comes to your message and unique perspective. On Sep. 4, Mars enters Cancer until Nov. 3, and this is when you will see more immediate progress and success with your personal goals and the things you are going after.
LEO
This summer is about growing new foundations, building a new sense of family, and feeling more support and stability in your life, Leo. You are focused on the things that make you feel secure and fulfilled in your life, and on July 2, when Mercury enters Leo, you are better able to communicate that. Summertime is always a more abundant and special time for Leos, as this is your season. Venus enters Leo from July 11 until Aug. 4, and you are not only feeling more love for yourself but you are also receiving this same energy back from others as well. Leo Season officially begins on July 22, and the Sun is shining on you as you shine on the world and your intentions.
The Mercury retrograde of the summer will briefly enter your sign from Aug. 14 until Aug. 28 and will then be direct in Leo until Sept. 9. So, for a few weeks, some extra patience will be needed when it comes to your personal goals and communication with others, and you are learning how to express yourself and take up space while building a bridge for others to do so as well. There is a Supermoon Lunar eclipse on Sep. 17, and the transformations you have been through this summer are coming full circle for you now. This Lunar Eclipse is helping you grasp all you have been through while letting go of all that is no longer serving you or what you are building in your life right now.
VIRGO
Dreams are coming true for you this summer, Virgo. This is a time of manifestation, showing up, and making connections. Some pleasant surprises are in store for you over the next few months, and you are fully immersing yourself in the good energy that is flowing through your world right now. On July 11, Venus enters your 12th house before it enters your sign on Aug. 4, and you are going to be emotionally healing and finding closure as you begin this summer. Mercury enters Virgo on July 25, and goes retrograde in Virgo from Aug. 5 until Aug. 14. You are finding your balance between owning what is inspiring you right now and leaving room for new information and insight to enter as well. It’s about being okay with not always being understood but making sure you get the vision you are bringing forth.
Virgo Season begins on Aug. 22, and you enter a time of self-love and romantic love during this time. With Venus and the Sun both in your sign now, you are feeling the nourishment, harmony, and new beginnings in your life, and the things you have been hoping for are coming true for you. On Sep. 2, there is a New Moon in Virgo, and this is the perfect time to manifest and focus on your dreams and abundance. Know that you deserve to have it all, Virgo. Mercury moves back into Virgo from Sep. 9 until Sept. 26, signifying the importance of communication, networking, and perspective for you this summer.
LIBRA
This summer for you, Libra, is about choosing your peace and walking away from your past. You are in a space of emotional contemplation and healing, and you are learning a lot from the people around you and the things you have been through. The Full Moon at the start of the summer on Jun. 21, is going to be a good time for you to nourish your world, relax, and get back to the basics. You are working on letting go of the heavy stuff that has been restricting you from feeling more freedom and empowerment in your life. Once Venus enters your 11th house of hopes and dreams from Jul. 11 until Aug. 4, you are going to be feeling more supported and inspired by what is transpiring for you now.
On Sep. 1, Pluto retrograde moves into the same area of your chart as the Full Moon was at the beginning of the Summer, and you are finding your power in the details. While Pluto is in retrograde in your 4th house until Oct. 11, deep emotional experiences from your past or that have been pushed to the side, are going to arise for you to fully heal and let go of. Venus, your ruling planet, enters your 2nd house of income on Jul. 22 before summer ends, and you are leaving this season with abundance on your mind and with a new perspective on how valuable and worthy you are of love and prosperity.
SCORPIO
This summer is a time of love, balance, and partnership, Scorpio. You are coming together with others and feeling a good emotional reciprocity in your life that is changing a lot for you moving forward. The New Moon on July 5 is a good time to start manifesting your dreams for the summer, especially when it comes to travel and what adventures you want to get into over the next few months. It’s all about having a positive and open perspective right now, and with Venus entering your 10th house of career on July 11 until Aug. 4, you are ready to show up for your blessings and are more open to allowing others to support you and cheer you on along the way.
Mars, your ruling planet, will be in your 8th house of transformation, intimacy, and shared finances for most of the summer, and you are not only feeling the emotional intensity, passion, and sensuality in your love life right now, but you are also feeling more financially supported within your partnerships as well.
On Sep. 17, there is a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse in a fellow water sign, and you are flowing well with the energy of this Eclipse as love comes full circle for you and blesses your relationships in the process. Venus enters your sign on the last day of summer, where it will be until Oct. 17, and you are taking the emotional growth and blessings you have been through in love these past few months into the fall season.
SAGITTARIUS
You are connecting, rebuilding, and collaborating this summer, Sagittarius. This time for you is all about putting the work in, owning and developing your skills, and creating something beautiful in your world. You begin the summer with Saturn going retrograde in your 4th house of home, family, and foundations on Jun. 29 until Nov. 15, and you are going to be focusing on rebuilding some structures in your life, healing your relationship with family or the past, and giving yourself time to find your way. Once Mars enters your 7th house of love on July 20, you are going to feel more of the emotional support and clarity you are looking for right now and will have more energy to connect with others as well.
On Aug. 19, a Super Blue Moon is happening in your 3rd house of communication, and some important messages are getting across to you right now. The conversations you are having this summer are giving you the closure you didn’t know you needed. Pallas enters your sign on Sep. 8 where it will be until Nov. 30, and Pallas will be opening your mind to new insights. You are coming up with some transformative and powerful ideas right now and it’s a good time to express them and connect with those you get your vision from. The Lunar Eclipse happening on Sep. 17 will be giving you closure in the home, and you are ready to let go of unstable foundations that don’t align with what you are trying to be or manifest right now.
CAPRICORN
This summer is about taking action without being too impulsive, Capricorn. You have a lot of great ideas and the passion to see them through, but you are being guided to consider all options before fully committing to something. The first Full Moon of the summer is in your sign on Jun. 21, signifying the closures and culminations you are moving through now. The way you see your goals, yourself, and your vision are changing right now, and that’s okay. Saturn, your ruling planet, goes retrograde at the start of summer until Nov. 15 as well, and this Saturn retrograde for you is going to be helping you in communication matters and when it comes to getting the answers you have been looking for.
The second Full Moon of summer is also occurring in Capricorn and will be on July 21, giving you another opportunity at closure and a new beginning. You are working on letting go of how you thought things would be and seeing the gifts and purpose of where they are now. Pluto retrograde will be entering your sign from Sep. 1 until Oct. 11, and then will be direct in Capricorn until Nov. 19. Pluto will be reminding you that true power is in your patience rather than your pressure, and to not force the things that are unfolding on their own time. The Lunar Eclipse, happening on Sep. 17, will be an opportunity to close a chapter of your life of miscommunication or misrepresentation and give you clarity on your true purpose and inspirations.
AQUARIUS
This summer, you are owning your power in life and stepping up to the plate, Aquarius. You are feeling the success, achievement, and development in your life over the next few months, and you are in a really good position in life. With Saturn being retrograde in your 2nd house of income this summer, extra precaution should be taken when it comes to your finances, contracts, and what you are building financially for yourself, but with the right patience, you will still succeed. On Aug. 19, there is a Super Blue Moon in your sign, and you are experiencing the gifts that come from personal transformation. You are showing up and showing out, and something is compelling and magnetic about your energy this summer.
Uranus, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde on Sep. 2 until early 2025, and a lot of changes are going to be happening in the home for you during this time. You could be moving, changing the dynamics with family, or overall feeling a little more excitement and, at times, chaos in this area of your life. Before summer ends, a Supermoon Lunar Eclipse is happening in your 2nd house of income, and you are making powerful strides and can take in the financial blessings that are coming full circle for you. Lunar Eclipses aren’t the time to manifest, but they are a time when you can gain the guidance needed to make some important decisions in your life.
PISCES
You are opening your heart, healing, and living in love this summer, Pisces. This is an emotionally fulfilling and heartfelt summer for you, but you are also learning the lessons and doing the inner work. Saturn will be retrograde in your sign for the entirety of the summer and you are rebuilding not only your foundations but the vision you have of yourself as well. You are seeing where some past insecurities are getting in the way of your progress, and you are taking more time to give yourself the love, support, and nourishment you need right now. Neptune will also be retrograde in your sign this summer, and it’s about confronting the truth, no matter how uncomfortable it may feel at times.
With Mercury going retrograde in your 7th house of love for a few weeks at the beginning of August, remember that if the past comes up for you or tries to re-enter your life, sometimes it’s better to leave the door closed rather than bring up old emotions you have already healed from. On Aug. 19, the Super Blue Moon will be in your 12th house of closure, and this is a good time to let go of all the past emotional experiences that keep coming up for you. With the Super Lunar Eclipse happening this summer, occurring in your sign on Sep. 17, you are being positively received and supported. There are more opportunities for emotional connection as the summer ends, and you feel like you can finally take a breath of fresh air.
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RELATED
Taja, an actress known most for her role on BET’s The Oval, and businessman/model Ryan Easter tied the knot on July 27 in an intimate and beautiful wedding in LA - surrounded by friends and family. During our 40+ minute conversation, the newlyweds opened up about the inner work journey they both went through individually to become their best selves.
Taja revealed that her grateful and light spirit came after being in a depressive state and doing a great deal of healing and education. And Ryan shared how losing a parent as a youth affected how he showed up in the world and the truths he had to face to embrace who he is wholly.
The pair also chatted about the power of intention, the importance of working through trauma, and the work they do every day to honor their partnership. There’s a reason their glow is so beautiful! It comes from the inside.
“You're meeting me now after I've done all this work, but I had to go through it to get to that space and be in a very happy, healed relationship,” Taja says. Check out the layered conversation below.
xoNecole: I’ll start with the most obvious question: how did you two meet, and what were your initial feelings about each other?
Ryan Easter: We connected through friends. At the time, I was in New York, and she was back and forth between LA and Atlanta. But our mutual female friends were together and decided they needed to set me up. So they confirmed I was looking for something serious and then sent me her picture.
And I was like, "Okay, she looks good - a chocolate drop." But then I thought, "What's wrong with her? So, I called them up, and one of them was messing with me and said, "Oh, she's a little crazy." I was like, "Whoa, I can't do crazy anymore. I've dealt with that before. I’d rather stay by myself than deal with that again." Then she clarified, "No, I'm just kidding. She's crazy in a good way. She's a lot of fun and has her stuff together. That’s how it started for me.
Taja Simpson: I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it.
Later, I thought about it and figured it could just not be a good picture. So she sent his Instagram which had all these modeling fitness pictures and stuff. And then I was like, wow - you had my whole husband this time and didn’t tell me - now I told her she could give him my number.
"I was just going about my life, getting ready for another season of The Oval, when I got a text from my friend Natasha. She said, "Hey, I don't think you're dating anybody, but I have a friend I think you should meet. He's a great guy." She gave me this huge pedigree, saying they had been friends for 19 years. I thought, "Wow, he sounds amazing." But when she sent me a photo, I didn’t like it."
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: I love that because, you know, there's all these conversations about the ways people meet, and I still feel like friends and family are one of the best ways. It’s like they know you! What are your thoughts?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely! You feel a great sense of obligation to be the best version of yourself because you’re not just representing yourself; you’re also representing the person who referred you. I can’t go out there acting like a fool and have them looking at their friend like, "Why did you hook me up with this clown?" It’s like, we're gonna be clear and honest about our intentions. And if it works, great, and if it doesn't, it's okay.
Taja: Exactly. When he called, we spoke that day for like, an hour. The rest was history. We just connected, and it was great. After that, we started talking every day, and now here we are.
xoN: Okay, so tell me about your first date! Do you remember where you went? What did you do? How was the vibe?
Taja: Our first in-person date was two months after we met over the phone. This was during COVID, so we got introduced in July 2020 but didn’t meet until September. From July to September, we were doing video dates and phone calls, building up this excitement about meeting in person. I was really nervous. I thought, "Oh my God, is it going to be like it was over the phone?" We really connected and vibed. I was there to pick him up at LAX, and I felt like this was it. I thought, "God put this brother in my life to be this good, this perfect." It felt too good to be true.
I actually had a friend meet us at the airport to film our meeting without him knowing. I told her to stay in the corner and keep the camera hidden. When he was coming down the escalator, I had this whole plan to run up to him in slow motion and jump into his arms. When I saw him, I froze. I was so nervous that I couldn’t move! He came up to me, gave me a big hug, and swung me around, and I just thought, "Wow!" Everything I planned went out the window.
Ryan: I was really excited to meet her, too. Technically, our first date was at Firestone Brewery. After the airport, we went back to her place to drop off my stuff, and then she said, "I like to drink beer," so she took me to a brewery nearby.
I remember being there, and we were kind of embracing, but not too much since it was technically the first time we were in physical proximity. You still have to play it cool, even after talking for a while. But every time I touched her, it felt good. I thought, "Yeah, this is it." When we hugged at the airport, I felt like, "Yo, this is home." At that moment, I knew she was the one.
xoN: Ugh, I love that. So when did the courtship start to develop into a relationship? Did y'all have that conversation?
Ryan: Initially, we were very clear about our intentions. We were both dating with purpose and had similar aspirations of eventually finding someone to marry, start a family, create businesses together, and live our lives to the fullest. We knew from the beginning that this was our goal and checked in with each other to see if we were on the same page.
After establishing our intentions, it was about having those small conversations. We discussed what was important to each of us—our needs, wants, likes, dislikes, triggers, and traumas. All those details are crucial for building a solid foundation for a healthy relationship. We spent a lot of time getting to know the real person, not just the representative we might present to the world.
Sometimes, it’s difficult because it requires us to be extremely vulnerable. For men, especially in our society, vulnerability is often frowned upon, making it hard to expose that sensitive side. You never know how people will react—some might use it against you, while others might protect you.
I think for her; it took her understanding that mentality that men have and use that to her advantage to make sure she's like, look, this is a safe space for you to allow me to see the full person that you are. I appreciated that because, like, I would tell her, if you really want a man to value you, he has to feel safe with you, right, not necessarily in a physical capacity but more so from an emotional standpoint; I need to feel like I can be safe with you emotionally.
So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow.
"So that courtship was a lot of just having those serious, sometimes difficult conversations about things we're going through in the past to things we aspire to accomplish in the future, to things that we're currently dealing with, and started to gain that understanding about who we are and what we aspire to be, and just continue to flow."
Taja: I mean, that's exactly right, and a lot of it we spoke about even before we met. Because it was this free thing where we didn’t know each other. We didn't have to be a representative. I was just my authentic self. It’s like - I'm an actor, and I got five or six characters that may come out in our conversation. I'll be funny, then the next moment, I'll be serious. It just happens.
I was very vocal about how I foresee my life going. Also, because I'm in entertainment, that played a part. I had met people before who couldn't handle that. They wanted a woman with a nine-to-five, a teacher, or just somebody with a very strict schedule. But that wasn't me. So I think we were super intentional when it came to dating and making sure we can build and grow together. So, we made that commitment prior to him leaving. He came to LA for a week, and the day before he left, it was like, okay, so this is it.
xoN: I’ve noticed that intention and vulnerability are both powerful words that you two keep using, which I think is essential for any long-term relationship. What are some of your other shared values?
Ryan: Also, we both understood the power of mindset. When you see successful or unsuccessful people, sometimes others will attribute their state to their family or money. And I'm not saying that that doesn't help. But there are a lot of people who have come from very humble beginnings and very troubled past that have gone on to do great things, and it all had to do with their mindset. They had to leave and see themselves doing what they desired to do before it became a reality in the physical realm.
I think a lot of those beliefs and mentalities that we shared was refreshing because, you know, we've all known people that every time you talk to them, something bad is going on. And it's such a drag because they can bring your energy down. We don't subscribe to that. Not saying that we don't go through tough times. But when we do, the question that we always ask ourselves is, what is it that I'm supposed to learn from this? I think those type of elements of just being in alignment mentally about how we view the world definitely help to solidify our relationship and our connection.
Taja: When we met, I was in a headspace of growth. We now call it believe, evolve, become because you have to believe that thing right in order to show up. We both understand that your vibration precedes your manifestation, so you have to vibrate and believe at a certain level. Act as if you have to be in that space, that energy, in order for that thing to come so you can evolve and then become whatever that said thing is. But I was in that headspace before we met, and I was clearing out people in my life.
I was really intentional with finding someone that was in that headspace, too. I was not okay with anyone being stagnant.
Taja Simpson & Ryan Easter
Photo by @jorgemezaphotos
xoN: You two seem so evolved individually and collectively. I'm curious, were there any challenges that you two had to get through together, and what did you learn from that experience?
Ryan: Being parents. And if your partner doesn't have a great pregnancy, then it can be tough, and it stretches you in a lot of ways. But I would definitely say the first five months of being new parents was a lot because we were both exhausted. And she's also trying to heal her body because giving birth puts a tremendous amount of stress on the woman's body. It gives you a different respect for the strength of femininity because I wouldn't want to go through that. And I was there the whole 29 hours.
So during that time I'm getting snappy because I need to rest. I have not been able to rest, and I'm sleep-deprived, and I don't feel like I got my foot in yet. And, and then, on top of that, you have this, this really small human that's completely dependent upon you. They can't do anything for himself, and that, even psychologically, that's a lot to carry. But the thing that I think that has helped us is that we understand that we won't always be on the same page. It's okay to have disagreements, but you always have to lead with love, meaning that if I'm upset with her or she's upset with me, we focus on what the issue is.
Taja: I had a horrible pregnancy and was still feeling like I want to be productive; it’s just part of who I am. And during the newborn phase, like he said, we were exhausted. We were zombies. I'm getting whiny. I need sleep. He's getting snappy and short, and we're having to figure out us. The hardest thing is trying to still learn how to effectively communicate in the midst of this space where you are exhausted; you don't feel good, nothing's going your way.
But I'm a big believer of being accountable, especially for women, because women are not always accountable. But we encourage each other to address the trauma and encourage positive self-thought and talk. Because what you think, speak, and do creates power for better and worse.
xoN: Were there any past traumas you had to heal from in order to love each other correctly, and do you feel comfortable discussing them?
Ryan: For me, the biggest thing was my father’s death at nine. You’re young, and you don’t know how to process the loss. It’s one of those things I thought I dealt with, but when I got into my adult years, I realized it didn’t. I always felt like I had to go above and beyond because I didn’t have my father there to be a man - I excelled in sports and academics, but it was based on an inadequate feeling.
I understand the importance of fathers in children’s life but you still have the power to be the best version of yourself whether your father is there or not. And I believe the almighty Creator will put people in your life to be the best version of yourself. I wanted to be that confident person for her and our children - and I didn’t want to carry that trauma into our relationship or our son. So I worked on it before us and I continue to now.
Taja: Mine was colorism. I grew up where the brown paper bag thing was a thing. There were kids I couldn’t play with because “I was too Black.” I had a family member who called me “Ew.” Like she’d literally say, come here, Ew, you ugly thing. And my family, for a long time, didn’t realize how it was breaking me. But eventually, my mom noticed and taught me more about self-esteem and then I started to do the work. But it still shows its head. I still would have thoughts that I’m not good enough because of how I look. I’ve literally not tried out for roles because of that. One of my friends’ friends has literally called out once that I was the only dark person at an event.
So when I started doing the work, I noticed the ways it showed up, like I just wouldn’t want to be in the sun long. I mean when I was younger, I used to pray to God to make me “better” or lighter. It took a long time to really get over that. There’s a book I wrote called Women Who Shine - where I got my thoughts out about this.
So he knows my sensitive spots and speaks to the little girl in me. It's so interesting how the things we go through when we’re young affect us in adulthood. Mental health is as important as physical health - and I’m grateful that he understands the importance of both of those.
xoN: Thank you for your vulnerability. I hope it helps someone else. Finally, I’ll close with this: what’s your favorite thing about each other?
Ryan: Definitely her mindset. She doesn’t have a victim mindset; she’s empowered. That’s so attractive. I believe that she prides herself on being a good, great communicator. She moves with integrity, you know, I think that's important. And you know, she also understands the importance of taking care of her physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing.
Taja: There’s so many. Where do I start? My husband is supremely supportive. I absolutely love that about him. Also, I love his intention. I love how effectively he communicates. I love how he fathers our child. I love how he looks. Because, praise God. Okay, I'm just gonna put that out there.
But you know what, my favorite thing about him is that I love that he's a man of integrity.
Integrity was the highest things on my list when I’d write out what I wanted in a partner. Because it’s everything. And so I love that I feel the level of safety that I feel with him, that I can completely be my 100% authentic self. I know that he's taking care of me, my heart, and our family. We're good.
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Relationships aren’t for people who merely want to be catered to (or is it coddled?) all of the time. Relationships are for those who want to be transformed — and that requires being challenged to become a better version of yourself. And yes, that means being willing to give exactly what you want to receive.
Keeping that in mind, what is something that research says will cause a relationship to be a thriving success? Well, before we get into all-a-dat, I’ll just say that I’m not even sure how many therapists/counselors/life coaches would remain in business if people really put what I’m about to say into genuine and consistent practice — I’m not exaggerating either. Because, when I read an article not too long ago about the one thing that science says creates happy unions (although, I personally think that healthy should always trump happy), it made all the sense in the world why “it” would be the answer — and why so many folks struggle to do it.
Because although the answer is simple, easy? Well, that’s another matter entirely. If you keep reading, I think you’ll get where I’m coming from when I say that, too.
The Key to a Happy Relationship Is…
GiphyOkay, so this past winter, Newsweek published an article entitled, “Science Reveals the Simple Secret Behind Happy Relationships.” Before I share, do you first want to take a stab at what the secret is? Well, according to a particular popular study, something that can either help you to remain satisfied if you are currently in a relationship or can make you especially attractive if you are currently looking for one is the art of knowing — more specifically, being intentional about understanding your partner and communicating in a way where you are clearly understood (in walks, the famous quote by author Stephen R. Covey via his bookThe 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: “First seek to understand, then to be understood.”).
My mind constantly has songs running through it (which I personally think is a good thing) and the one that immediately came to mind here is Xscape’s throwback “Understanding.” Sing it with me now: “What I need from you is understanding. How can we communicate, if you don’t hear what I say? What I need from you is understanding. So simple as 1, 2, 3. Understanding is what I need.”
And while, on the surface, this revelation might seem like the biggest “duh” to be shot around the world, the reality is that if understanding was so obvious, why aren’t more people actually being that way towards their partner? While it could be that some folks are either too emotionally immature or too selfish to be in a relationship, to begin with, I’d venture to say the far greater issue is a lot of people know what understanding looks like in theory but not fully and totally when it comes time to actually execute it.
So, allow me to take out a moment to explain six ways that understanding manifests itself in a relationship and then four ways that it…well, doesn’t.
Signs of an Understanding Partner
1. An Understanding Partner Is Empathetic
GiphyIf you are not just willing but as able as possible to put yourself into the shoes of another, this makes you a pretty empathetic individual. That’s because empathy is literally about trying to see things from another person’s perspective so that you can understand them — and what you may be going through with them — better. Empathetic people are good listeners (more on that in a sec). Empathetic people focus more on the present than the past or the future (which keeps them from nagging or worrying).
Empathetic people are good with their body language (no eye-rolling, finger-tapping, or shoulders crossed, which typically convey cynicism or detachment — check out “15 Relational Body Language Cues You Definitely Shouldn't Ignore”). Empathetic people think before they speak. Empathetic people seek clarity over passing blame. Yeah, can you just imagine how much happier and especially healthier relationships would be if folks simply strived to be more empathetic? Have mercy.
2. An Understanding Partner Is a Good Listener
GiphyThere is a married couple in my life who, when it comes to communication, I am absolutely floored that they have lasted as long as they have. The husband? He’s charming and extremely funny, oh, but he can’t be quiet long enough to let you complete a sentence to save his life. SMDH. Meanwhile, his wife? To this day, she is the best listener that I have ever known. So much, in fact, that sometimes, when I’m talking to her on the phone, she is so quiet that I think that the call has dropped. LOL. And yes, this clash in their communication styles has caused her to consider divorce court more than a few times. I get why, too.
Cutting people off, talking over them, telling folks what you interpreted from what they said over what was actually stated, gaslighting or making definitive statements over asking questions — all of these are signs of not only being a poor listener but being rude, arrogant, and dismissive as well.
Y’all, while once reading an article on what makes someone a good listener, I really liked that the author said that a good listener is sincere, open-minded, and they are curious — they want to be a “student” of the conversation and not a teacher (hell, some folks act like they are nothing but a self-appointed principal!). When it comes to your listening skills, can you say that you listen like this? Better yet, ask your partner (or friends if you are single) what they think…then LISTEN for their answer.
3. An Understanding Partner Is Considerate
GiphyOne of my clients? I’ve known him for about 20 years at this point, and he continues to hold the blue ribbon for being the politest person I know. Hmph. Ain’t it wild how we can be so hard on children for not displaying good manners, including basic things like saying “please” and “thank you,” when we can’t even do these things our damn selves? That said, a considerate person, yes, has great manners. They also care about not hurting other people’s feelings, will often put others’ needs before their own, are patient with people (bookmark that), and will take accountability for their actions; this includes apologizing when they are wrong.
This brings me to another married couple I know and how the husband tells me that his wife never apologizes. Ugh. The level of arrogance (and/or insecurity) that comes with not being able to humble oneself and admit when they are wrong? There is no way that I could even attempt to go the distance with the kind of person who rolls like that. Sadly, though, many do, and one study calls people who act like this “defiers.” It then went on to say that these types of individuals oftentimes cross boundaries, are apathetic, and tend to have a lower level of emotional intelligence than others do.
When I put my life coach cap on about this, I’d venture to say that a lot of people who suck at apologizing probably had parents who also sucked at modeling it to them. Either way, you can’t really love well if you’re not a considerate person (even the Bible says that love is not rude — I Corinthians 13:5 — AMPC), and a part of what comes with that is owning your mistakes, poor choices, and offenses. No wiggle room here.
4. An Understanding Partner Is Kind
GiphyOne day, I’m going to write a full article on the importance of wanting a kind man over a nice guy and why it’s also essential to be kind to that kind man as well. Like I say often, a nice person is agreeable while a kind person is benevolent — and yes, there is a big difference between the two. One of the reasons why I thought it was important to bring kindness into the chat as it relates to how to be a more understanding individual is because you don’t have to agree with everything your partner says, does, or even expects of you to be kind.
No, kindness is about being thoughtful in your approach. Kindness is about speaking in a way that you would want to be spoken to. Kindness is about being compassionate. Kindness is about finding ways to compromise so that both individuals can be happy.
Kindness shows humility. Kindness accepts that others are not like them — and that is okay. Kindness makes things easier instead of more difficult. In short, kind people like peace. And while that doesn’t mean that they are going to “lose their voice” in order to get it, at the same time, they are going to deliver everything that they do in a spirit of peacefulness…and that goes a really long way as far as any relationship is concerned.
5. An Understanding Partner Is Generous
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but when I’m in the relationship space on social media, mostly what I see and hear is pure and unadulterated selfishness. All folks are talking about is what someone should be doing for them (monetarily or otherwise), and being self-absorbed is a surefire way to sabotage a relationship (once again, even the Bible says that “love is not selfish” in certain translations of I Corinthians 13). So yeah, that being said, something else that an understanding partner does is show how much they care by being proactively generous.
A generous individual gives freely (meaning that they don’t just give to get; that is usually a form of manipulation); they also like to see what they can do to help those around them. However, some other cool things about generosity are it isn’t mean-spirited, it likes to motivate and inspire others (especially their partner), and it is quick to compliment, encourage, and also be grateful for what it receives. Know what else? Generosity knows how to be content. Most definitely, generous people live in a state of satisfaction because — get this — they plant so many seeds in so many ways that they trust in karma to take care of them…and typically…it does.
6. An Understanding Partner Is Forgiving
GiphyAnother type of person who should never get into a relationship: someone who doesn’t forgive. Forgiveness can be explained in a billion different ways and yet, at the end of the day, I think one of the easiest breakdowns is it’s granting someone the kind of mercy and grace that you know you need to receive. Whew, the hypocrisy of individuals who think that they should be pardoned for their offenses while holding forgiveness like a weapon over other folks’ heads? How delusional can they be?
Anyway, understanding people get that forgiveness is a key ingredient to a successful relationship. For everyone else, check out “Are You A 'Bad Forgiver'? Read This And See.” — if you see yourself in it, either apologize to your partner for being that way or pump the breaks on getting into a relationship until you can “refine that skill.” Because, if there’s one thing that you’re going to have to do, more than a lil’ bit, it’s forgive (and, if you’re really being real…you’re going to have to ask for forgiveness too).
Signs Your Partner Doesn't Understand You
1. A Misunderstanding Partner Is a Poor Communicator
GiphyWhile checking out an article on a lawyer’s website not too long ago, it stated that 70 percent of men said that nagging and complaining led to the ultimate breakdown in communication when it came to their marriage. And before anyone deflects or dismisses this, even the Good Book says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and faultfinding woman.” (Proverbs 21:9 — AMPC)
The article then went on to say that 60 percent of men stated that a lack of appreciation also caused communication issues. Meanwhile, 80 percent of women shared that they felt a disconnect in the communication department whenever their thoughts and feelings weren’t validated, while 60 percent were simply sick of their partner talking too much about himself.
And y’all, if one person feels nitpicked to death and the other feels unheard, how can there be any type of effective communication going on — and without that, no real connection can be made/nurtured/maintained.
This one right here? From the first date with someone, pay very close attention to if they are displaying any of these signs and if you are as well. Because there really is no point in trying to build with a person if poor communication is evident straight out the gate.
2. A Misunderstanding Partner Is Unappreciative
GiphyAt the end of the day, appreciation is really all about gratitude — about displaying an attitude of thankfulness. And when it comes to being appreciative, I’ve always liked the quote by author Eckhart Tolle that says, “Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance;” the quote by author and professor Sonja Lyubomirsky that says, “Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, hostility, worry, and irritation;” the quote by actor Doris Day that says, “Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty;” the quote by author John Ortberg that says, "Gratitude is the ability to experience life as a gift. It liberates us from the prison of self-preoccupation” and the Vietnamese Proverb, “When eating fruit, remember the one who planted the tree.”
What all of these things mean to me is when you look at what you already have and acknowledge how grateful you are for it, that keeps you in the present moment so that you are putting less pressure on your partner and your relationship. And y’all, even though sometimes pressure produces diamonds, as Chad from Insecure once said, “Pressure busts pipes” — and not always in a good way. Balance is key. Appreciation helps to keep things in balance.
3. A Misunderstanding Partner Is Disrespectful
GiphyY’all want to talk now or later about how Scripture instructs husbands to love their wife and wives to respect their husband (Ephesians 5:33)? Respect is about esteeming someone, and if you really want to take it to church, the Classic Amplified Version of I Peter 3:2 says that husbands should also be reverenced and that should look like this: “…[for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].”
Yeah, there really is no telling how much marital relationships would improve if more husbands decided to love from a “nourish and cherish” perspective (Ephesians 5:29), and more wives actually put respecting their husbands into daily rotation.
Anyway, in general, no one really understands how to love someone properly if they are disrespectful towards them: yelling in conversations and/or belittling in arguments; being dismissive of boundaries; acting flippant about their partner’s needs; making commitments and then not honoring them; being hypercritical; acting abusively (on any level including mentally and emotionally); not valuing their partner’s thoughts and opinions — oh, I could go on and on with this one. Truly, words cannot express how many people ruin their relationship, and it’s all due to how disrespectful they actually are.
4. A Misunderstanding Partner Is Impatient
GiphyLove. Is. Patient. It’s Scriptural, too (I Corinthians 13:4). Being patient is about not only knowing how to wait but how to wait well. In fact, as I’ve shared in other articles on the platform before, patience is defined as “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” Hmph. It’s a sermon series, all on its own, how many people don’t love as much as they think they do (and definitely not as well) because they don’t know how to deal with trials that come in relationships — and trials WILL come.
Signs of being an impatient person: you get irritated easily; you have a short temper; you find yourself competing with other people; you think “wait” means “no” (or never); you make snap decisions; you constantly put feelings over actual facts; your tongue moves ahead of your brain; you stress yourself and others out; you rush, and you don’t know how to handle delays in a calm and mature manner. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone like this? Okay, so why would you expect someone else to be fine with it? (Ouch.)
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The fun thing about writing articles like this one is, that although the study simply said that understanding is what’s required to have a great relationship, that means nothing if we don’t understand what understanding actually is.
Hopefully, now, you’ve got a bit more insight into it because, now that you see what comes with being an understanding individual, it should be more evident than ever why these kinds of couples are able to see the distance in their own relationship as they find themselves smiling and oh so very satisfied along the way. Salute.
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