"You go, girl."
"That's all you, boo!"
"Damnnn, Gina!"
You've probably heard that before in the comment section of your best Instagram photo or as a follow-up text to the news of your recent job promotion. It's something often expressed outwardly to those we love and care about, but why does it seem like we never congratulate ourselves? Often times we're the last ones to pat ourselves on the back or buy ourselves a congratulatory drink.
It's a simple enough idea: celebrating your wins. There is so much done in life that others aren't aware of that need to be appreciated too. After all, goals are for you; why shouldn't you be the one to celebrate? It only makes sense. Yet, it seems like nobody is truly congratulating themselves. We're all hiding behind our humble brags and slight slays, waiting for someone else to acknowledge our hard work and sacrifice. And, how unfair is that?
Social media is known for its highlight reel atmosphere. For many, it is singular in the catalyst cases of FOMO, peer pressure, and in more serious cases, depression and anxiety. Imposter syndrome, a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments, has been around for decades. The fear of judgement, rejection, criticism; all existed before but have been exacerbated by social media. This destructive, recurring pattern of thought happens all too often and to so many of us. As life goes on and our lives become ever more reliant on social media, it becomes more imperative that we become our own cheerleaders before anyone else.
If you don't celebrate yourself, why would anyone else?
It is honest to celebrate yourself. Goals are for you. We set goals because they make us happy; they are what we want. If you want to compliment yourself because you feel and/or look good, you should! Being secure in your achievements, failures, and obstacles gives you the peace to cheer for others. Celebrations don't have to be big. Small wins matter, too. It can be beauty treatments, buying ice cream, or something as simple as downtime. There's so much that is done that others aren't aware of. Those need to be appreciated too. Celebrating yourself makes you more positive, keeps you less bitter, and more confident. You, in turn, celebrate others more. Security is a hell of a thing.
When you sleep on your success, you're only hurting yourself.
Success is not a slight or a punishment. We shouldn't be ashamed of the choices we've made that led to success. We're allowed to love ourselves and the things that we have. More importantly, we're allowed to love the things that we've worked for. It's not for everyone else, it's for you. You and you alone. To understand that and to live in that means you can confidently empower yourself without marginalizing someone else.
Confidence is not arrogance. Don't confuse the two.
Confident people are beautiful people. Head held high, shoulder back, and eyes forward. The success of others doesn't diminish anything in your life - and vice versa. There's a fine line, but we shouldn't apologize for congratulating ourselves. Confidence is built in small victories. We should not be ashamed to share our victories with a supportive, encouraging community. We should feel no guilt in being proud of ourselves. While confidence and arrogance share a thin line, it's possible to be one without the other.
You're allowed to love your life and the things in it. You deserve it.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak