April is STI (Sexually Transmitted Infections) Awareness Month, and let’s be honest: bringing up the STI talk with our potential (or existing) sexual partner can be… well, awkward.
According to the WHO, over 1 million new cases of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are collected every day, and the CDC’s 2021 STD surveillance data revealed that STIs are continuing to rise across the nation. Although STIs are highly common among adults over 25, the topic of safe sex and prevention still remains stigmatized.
Sharing your sexual history with a new partner can sometimes bring up an array of uncomfortable feelings. You may be worried that your partner will see you as “damaged goods,” fear being judged, shamed, or concerned that they may find you uptight for encouraging them to get tested. But according to Dr. Kameelah Phillips, board-certified OB/GYN and founder of Calla Women's Health, STIs don’t discriminate, nor should we.
“Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) happen to everyone, regardless of socioeconomic, religious or political lifestyle, she tells xoNecole. “There are many misconceptions and stigmas around contracting an STI, but it really only takes one partner to get infected, and STIs don’t care who you are, where you come from, or what your background is.”
Since most sexually transmitted infections are asymptomatic and can solely be detected through passive screening methods, undergoing testing is vital in determining your status and reducing the risk of developing serious health consequences in the long run.
Transparency, openness, and proper education are all keys to helping destigmatize the STI talk and normalizing the conversation. Creating a safe and non-judgmental space where individuals can discuss their sexual health without fear of criticism can help to dispel misconceptions that fuel the stigma surrounding STIs and allow both parties to feel safe during intimacy.
But maybe you still don’t know where to start. To help you get your STI talk moving in the right direction, we’ve tapped Dr. Kameelah Phillips to share how to break the ice when having “the talk” and get you on the way to safer and more secure sex.
What are some effective prevention methods for not contracting STIs that you feel may be overlooked?
"There are plenty of ways you can ensure you’re practicing safer sex — from condom use to dental dams and mutual pre-relationship testing and agreed monogamy. Now, I get it, mutual monogamy cannot always be guaranteed, so even for the longest-standing relationships, I recommend routine testing. Self-pleasure is also a sure way to avoid STIs. There is still some risk involved with every sexual encounter, which is why it is so important we remove the stigma associated with STIs and encourage patients to test regularly for STIs."
How often should sexually active individuals get tested for STIs, and what types of tests are available?
"A standard STI panel will include chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomonas, syphilis, HIV, and hepatitis. Providers follow CDC guidelines, which vary depending on the STI. For chlamydia and gonorrhea, for example, we should be testing women 15-24 years old annually for these STIs regardless of the patient’s reported sexual behavior. Because these two common STIs are often asymptomatic, and there’s a lot of stigma around having an infection, automatically screening these young women for chlamydia and gonorrhea can help identify more cases and help protect patients’ reproductive health.
"A good rule of thumb is to ensure you’re getting tested for STIs annually or with every new partner. If you don’t get tested, you may never know. Many STIs don’t have symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to get tested."
What populations are at highest risk for STIs, and what are some targeted strategies for prevention and education?
"The CDC just released new data that found some racial and ethnic minority groups, gay and bisexual men, and our nation’s youth are disproportionately impacted and continue to experience high rates of STIs. In 2021, the highest rate of reported chlamydia and gonorrhea cases was among non-Hispanic Black or African American persons.
" Diversity in our healthcare providers is one way that we can foster a safe space for patients to feel comfortable talking about STIs and voicing any symptoms or concerns.
"Another important strategy specific to chlamydia and gonorrhea is an opt-out screening approach. Unless they decline, young women 15-24 years old are tested annually for STIs regardless of their reported sexual behavior. The CDC acknowledges this screening approach in its latest CDC guidelines as a way to improve patient acceptance, substantially increase screening, especially among patients who do not disclose sexual behavior, and be cost-saving."
How can individuals communicate with their partners about STI testing and prevention?
"Anyone who is sexually active should feel empowered to discuss their sexual health with their partner. Communication about sexual health is a normal and healthy part of a sexual relationship.
Some conversation starters include:
- “I like to talk with every new partner about STI testing for peace of mind.”
- “When were you last tested for STIs?”
- “I’ve started seeing someone new and want to make sure we both get tested to start fresh together.”
- “I’m worried someone I had sex with might have exposed me to something.”
What advice do you have for individuals who are nervous or embarrassed about getting tested for STIs?
"Getting an STI can happen to anyone. It's very common, and in fact, half of sexually active people will contract an STI by the time they're 25. Getting tested for STIs is easy and can be free, fast, and confidential. It is usually painless and just a quick swab or pee in a cup.
"If you do test positive, it's just the first step toward treating it. And with common STIs, like chlamydia or gonorrhea, antibiotics will treat your infection. The real problem is when STIs go undiagnosed. Take chlamydia, for instance, it can lead to serious health issues like infertility."
If you’d like to find a clinic near you, you can use the CDC clinic locator at https://yesmeanstest.org/.
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Featured image by Rowan Jordan/Getty Images
- This Is How To Have Safe Sex In The Age Of COVID-19 ›
- How To Talk About Intimacy Issues With Your Partner ›
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
There's something about snuggling up in your favorite blanket and watching a comfort show or movie on Netflix, and what better time to do just that than in December? As the weather outside gets cooler, staying in becomes more of the norm. Thus, Netflix and Chill is a go-to. Luckily, Netflix has released new Black films and series on their popular streaming platform.
From Tyler Perry's historical drama The Six Triple Eight, starring Kerry Washington, to the Will Packer-produced comedy starring Marsai Martin, Regina Hall, and Issa Rae, Little, this season is looking up.
See the full list below.
Little (12/1)
Regina Hall's character is a bossy tech mogul who has everyone scared of her, including her assistant, played by Issa Rae. However, when she transforms into her younger self (Marsai Martin), she learns how to be more kind to others.
Daddy Day Care (12/1)
Eddie Murphy stars in this film as a father who decides to open a daycare after losing his job.
30 For 30 Collection (12/2)
30 For 30 is an ESPN docu-series highlighting some of sports' legendary figures and moments. Some of the episodes include Winning Time: Reggie Miller Vs. The New York Knicks and Celtics/ Lakers: The Best of Enemies.
Jamie Foxx: What Had Happened Was (12/10)
In this special, the multi-talented Jamie Foxx returns to stand-up to give an unforgettable performance.
Blood, Sweat & Heels S2 (12/13)
The short-lived Bravo reality TV series documented the lives of a group of girlfriends making it in NYC. The show starred model-turned-podcaster Melyssa Ford, author Demetria Lucas, and the late TV host Daisy Lewellyn.
The Equalizer S1-3 (12/16)
The hit CBS show starring Queen Latifah is now available on Netflix. Watch the beloved actress kick ass and take names in this popular drama.
The Six Triple Eight (12/20)
The new Tyler Perry film starring Kerry Washington is a true story about the first and only Women’s Army Corps unit of color during World War II.
Christmas Game Day Ravens Vs. Texans (12/25)
While many will tune in to watch the Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans game, others will tune in to watch Beyoncé perform during halftime.
Michelle Buteau: A Buteau-ful Mind At Radio City Music Hall (12/31)
Comedian Michelle Buteau's comedy special will focus on her life with twins, going viral, and much more.
Evil S3 (12/31)
While Evil was unfortunately canceled by CBS, viewers can rewatch the series on Netflix, with season three premiering December 31st.
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Feature image screenshot/YouTube