Growing up in a Black household, I was taught that my butt should never grace the surface of a public toilet (if you know, you know). Even when I was a little girl, my mom made sure I knew to cautiously drape the commode with enough toilet paper so I wouldn’t feel even an inch of the germ-laden porcelain. I mean, it was serious business.
And as an adult, squatting over a public toilet is practically second nature. When nature calls, I don’t even think twice about it. The mere thought of my naked tush touching a toilet that has been sat on by hundreds (thousands?) of others is enough to make my stomach turn.
However, thanks to social media, I’ve learned that hovering over the toilet while going number one (and probably number two), can actually cause more harm than good. We’ve enlisted the expertise of Dr. Mukta Chauhan, DPT, pelvic floor physical therapist, and Dr. Sabrina Baxter, DPT, pelvic floor specialist, for their insight on this restroom woe.
Can sitting on a public toilet cause harm to the skin?
"I would just say that the idea of sitting on a toilet seat with your bare skin and especially not knowing the hygiene condition of the toilet or how the person before you used the toilet…you can feel a little squeamish about it. I admit I am one of those people,” Dr. Mukta said. “[But] we have millions of microorganisms that live on our skin anyway. So, it's not like we are harming ourselves by contracting more germs. But obviously, we want to stay clean. So, I personally like to either wipe the toilet seat or put toilet paper on top of it."
"But if people are mostly concerned about catching an infection [such as UTIs or yeast infections], your vulva is not coming in contact with the seat. It's a completely untouched part when you're sitting on the toilet,” Dr. Mukta continued. “It's your thighs or the outer part of your butt that's touching the toilet seat. You’re not going to catch an infection unless you have an open wound or something like that on your skin. Then you may have to be extra careful. But other than that, under normal circumstances, you're not going to catch an infection by sitting on a toilet seat."
I’ve read that squatting while using the restroom can be detrimental to pelvic health. Is this true?
"I wouldn't call it detrimental – I myself have done it on occasion,” Dr. Baxter said. “But I wouldn't make this a habit. Your pelvic floor muscles want to relax when you are ready to let go. [For example], when it's time to pee and poop, your muscles want to be turned off so that you can easily evaluate. Hovering over the toilet constantly can cause the muscles to work overtime, fatigue them and contribute to weakness down the road.”
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What does the pelvic floor consist of?
"The pelvic floor is a set of muscles that act as a hammock on the bottom of the pelvis," Dr. Baxter described. She explained that the pelvic floor is responsible for the five major functions below:
- Sphincter control, [which refers to the] opening and closing of the urinary and anal sphincters
- Sexual function (“Yes, better pelvic health means better orgasms!”)
- Stabilization, [which] stabilizes your pelvis, hips, and low back
- Internal organs support (“Don't strain when you pee or poop-- you could cause a prolapse!”)
- “Sump pump,” [which] circulates lymph, blood, oxygen, and nutrients
“Squatting over a toilet – especially if you don’t have good strength in your legs – means that you won’t be able to hold that position well without the help of your pelvic floor muscles,” Dr.Mukta clarified. “Your pelvic floor muscles are actually contracting and stabilizing your posture and [you] are not going to be able to completely relax for you to void. The reason why we have some people develop similar symptoms as a UTI if they continuously use the toilet in a squat position is because of pelvic floor dysfunction."
What is pelvic floor dysfunction?
“Pelvic floor dysfunction is basically when the pelvic floor muscles stay in a state of hyperactivity or overactivity for various reasons. [It occurs] when these muscles are not working at their optimum level,” Dr. Mukta explained. “People think that leaking only happens when the pelvic floor muscles are weak, but a tight pelvic floor can cause leaking – if it’s tight, it’s not going to be able to completely close. Leaking, urgency [and] frequency, constipation, pelvic pain, nerve issues, burning sensations, pain with sitting, lower back pain, hip pain, groin pain, and buttock pain, can all happen because of pelvic floor dysfunction.”
“And people may also realize that when they are hovering, they may have to push the pee out rather than keep it coming out naturally,” Dr. Mukta noted. “That's just an indication that their pelvic floor muscles are not completely relaxed. You need to sit down completely so the pelvic floor muscles are able to relax so you can void fully. If you have any pain or burning sensations, leaking, urgency/frequency kind of symptoms, just go see a pelvic floor physical therapist.”
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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