When you're a writer, you learn to avoid living for the comments. The main reason why is because you don't want to get cocky off of praise or beat down by criticism (which is a huge part of the reason why I don't do social media). That doesn't mean there aren't times when I don't tiptoe on in because, well, I am human and humans are curious creatures. Anyway, back when I wrote the article, "7 Signs You're Spiritually Compatible With Someone", a comment that truly moved me was a woman who basically said that she was hesitant to read it at first because she thought that it was gonna be super religious; however, she was pleasantly surprised to see that it wasn't. Because of that, she could receive what was being said.
Unfortunately, a lot of us think that being spiritual is the same thing as being religious when that's not quite the case. While it is possible to be both (check out "What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?"), when I speak of being spiritual, I'm coming from the angle of how our spirit is our internal life source. I also appreciate a literal definition of the word—"to encourage; urge on or stir up, as to action".
That's the mindset I'd like you to be in as we tackle this topic. A principle is a fundamental rule or personal basis of conduct. So, when I speak spiritual principles of sex within marriage, I'm talking about the rules and conduct that sex brings in order to stir up (sexual) action in order to bring life—growth, soul, energy, enthusiasm and vigor—into that type of union. Here are the seven that I think are paramount in any marital relationship.
SEXUAL PRINCIPLE #1: Both People Should Have a Healthy View of Sex
If you're a single person who is looking in on this, I can't stress how important this is. As someone who grew up in the Church and then became cool with a lot of Christian marriage counselors as an adult, I know for a fact that the Church, overall, does a pretty horrific job when it comes to addressing the topic of sex overall, let alone someone's sexual history and personal perspectives on sex prior to getting married. Yet knowing what someone's experiences and feelings are about it is so critical. What were they taught about sex? If they weren't a virgin going into marriage (because yes, wedding night virgins do still exist), what was their first experience like? Was there any sexual trauma that they had to endure and, if so, did they get any therapy for it? What are their expectations for sex? What do they think the purpose of sex is? Have they even stopped to consider that sex is a spiritual act and not just a physical one? These are just some of the questions and concerns that are extremely valid and relevant.
And what if you're already married and you never really discussed these things with your spouse before? There is no time like the present because, the reality is, it's really difficult to have a thriving sex life if you don't have a healthy view of sex and you're not approaching it with your partner in a holistically beneficial kind of way. It takes a lot of self-introspection and emotional maturity to get that good sex isn't just about having a physical level of compatibility; it's also making sure that you're mentally and emotionally sound too. Mutually understanding each other's understanding of sex is so important. Have that discussion as soon as possible, if you haven't already.
SEXUAL PRINCIPLE #2: Sex Transcends the Physical
On the heels of what I just said, I have shared, more than once, that one of my favorite Scriptures on sex is the Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16-20. It starts off by saying, "There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, 'The two become one.'" Pay special attention to the part that is bold and underlined. Sex isn't just a physical fact because there are spiritual mysteries that transpire when it happens as well. A mystery? A mystery is a secret. You know what else a mystery is? It's a divine revelation. Something that's divine is sacred.
This is a huge part of the reason why I think the term "casual sex" is such an oxymoron. Whether people choose to acknowledge it or not, because sex isn't just about body parts clacking away, there is more to it than the physical pleasure that it brings. You're sacred and so is your partner. This reason alone is why, oftentimes, there are profound insights that transpire during the act itself.
This is also why I constantly encourage married couples to be intentional about cultivating a healthy sexual relationship with one another. The reality is when you're single and sexually active and you take that mentality into your marital union, it can make you a very selfish lover (more on that in a second). It can also cause you to overlook all of the ways that sex helps to strengthen your bond with your partner on levels that truly transcend the physical. So yeah, if you want to maintain a powerful emotional connection with your partner, seeing sex through spiritual eyes is paramount.
SEXUAL PRINCIPLE #3: Sex Isn’t Just About You
Remember how I said that "single sex" can make people selfish? To be selfish is to be self-consumed and when you're single—which to me means until your tax relational status switches over from "single" to "married"—selfish is what a lot of us are on the sexual tip. While we enjoy the act of sex with someone else, we're not consistently focused on our partner's holistic sexual needs as much as our own. Yet when we're married, a part of what that means is we made the conscious effort to exchange the "me" for "we". This means that our spouse's wants and needs matter just as much as our own. And what that means is we can't have the "single mentality" and make everything about sex be solely about our own views and desires.
Actually, that's one of the most beautiful things about married sex and honestly, marriage, in general. If people are approaching this kind of relationship from a mature standpoint, they are using the union to teach them how to be less selfish. How to learn to truly care about someone else, not just when they "feel like it" but all of the time. How to seek out what their partner needs, both in and out of the bedroom, and how to make a daily decision to acknowledge their spouse's needs until death parts them.
One of the biggest spiritual principles surrounding sex is it's to show you how to stop being so into yourself as your partner learns to do the same. How are you and yours doing in this area right about now? The answer to this one question can reveal a lot about where you are spiritually when it comes to your sexual relationship.
SEXUAL PRINCIPLE #4: Sex Should Be Creative
If I may, let me circle on back to the Bible, just one more time. The Message Version of Galatians 6:1&5 tells us, "Live creatively, friends…Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life." The operative word in there?
Creative. To be spiritual is to be creative. To be creative is to be spiritual. And since sex is a spiritual act, I'm pretty sure you can see where I'm going with all of this, right? A creative person does original things. A creative person is imaginative. A creative person is a visionary who comes up with inventive, clever and stimulating ideas.
I can't tell you how many couples have sat across from me (usually after about seven years into their marriage) and one (or both) of them is irritated like a mug and it's all because they are bored out of their mind when it comes to their sex life. It truly can't be emphasized enough that you're not functioning fully as a spiritual being if you're not tapping into your creative side. Your sex life is not exempt here. Not at all.
SEXUAL PRINCIPLE #5: Orgasms Are a Benefit, Not the Purpose of Sex
One of my favorite quotes is by Aristotle. He once said that the excess of a virtue is a vice; in an interesting way, this applies to this particular point. The musician Jim Morrison once said, "Whoever controls the media, controls the mind" and, unfortunately—tragically, really—the media has worked overtime to program people into believing that sex is a base-level act and humans are to respond to it as no more than being a dog in heat, when that couldn't be further from the truth. I write about sex on this platform literally all the time and while I am a huge fan of folks getting as many orgasms as they possibly can, I absolutely do not think that climaxing is the purpose of sex. Orgasms are a benefit yet it's not the reason why sex was designed; not from a spiritual standpoint, anyway.
And before some of you roll your eyes and assume that where I'm going with this is sex is to procreate, while I definitely think that is one purpose, it's not the top one on my list either (many married folks have sex and don't desire or cannot have children). Sex is about manifesting oneness. It's about bonding. It's about sharing yourself with someone in a way that no other act will allow you to do. It's about cultivating interdependence.
Any married couple who keeps the purpose of sex in mind will be able to find physical pleasure a lot easier to achieve than the ones who leave this out. Because again, while orgasms are bomb, when you're seeking the close-to-miraculous- closeness that sexual activity manifests, that leaves you satisfied in many ways; especially spiritually.
SEXUAL PRINCIPLE #6: The Spirit Is Selfless
While it might seem like I've already addressed this point, humor me for a sec. Humans are made of flesh and the flesh can be flawed in so many ways. That's why it's so dope that we have a spiritual side to us. It's what reminds us that there is more to life than what we see and what we want. That's why I'm gonna forever be an advocate of marriage being a spiritual union. It's designed to elevate us on a higher spiritual plain (why do you think it comes with so much warfare? Real talk). Well, while I have already touched on the fact that marital sex should make us less selfish, another spiritual principle surrounding marital sex is that it should make you more spiritual, period.
Just like it's pretty difficult to remain angry during the act of sex (especially when it'sreally good sex), whether husbands and wives realize it or not, it's close to impossible to not tap into the spirit realm, period, when the act is going down. And the more you engage in something that is spiritual, the less you are consumed with your physical side. This means that you ultimately become a more spiritual being which makes you a more selfless person overall. And the more selfless you are, the more you are able to thrive in every facet of your life.
I recently read a study that said orgasms in sex are as potent as painkillers that treat migraines (so much for that "I've got a headache" excuse). Give thanks. I've also read that an orgasm gets us as close to a heavenly experience as possible on this side of heaven itself. Who doesn't want to experience that? And beyond this point, who doesn't want to do something that can ultimately make them a better person? Sex is spiritual. Being spiritual makes you more selfless. Being more selfless makes you a next level kind of being. Just one more reason to want to "engage" as much as possible. Right?
SEXUAL PRINCIPLE #7: SEX. IS. LIFE.
When a sperm and egg come together, it creates new. All of us are here because of this very fact. Hmph. I wonder how many marital sexual experiences would go to another level if they looked at their energy exchanges in a similar fashion—if they recognized that every time they had sex, LIFE came forth. I'm not talking about a little human. I'm referring to all of the ways that I defined life earlier in this article.
Again, synonyms for life include growth, soul, energy, enthusiasm, and vigor. When you have sex with your spouse, the two of you are causing things to grow. The two of you are truly becoming soul mates. The two of you are sharing each other's energy (energy is power). The two of you are igniting a level of enthusiasm in a way that only sex can create. And the two of you are bringing strength to one another. When I said sex is life, I meant it.
It can't be said enough that a clear distinction between a marital union and the kind of relationship that people have with others is you should definitely be having sex with your spouse. And when you really take in how much of a privilege it is to partake in something that is so spiritual, how could you not want to share that experience with them as much as possible. SEX. IS. LIFE. Remember that. 'Til death do you part.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Tracee Ellis Ross Is Still Living A 'Robust' Life Despite Sometimes Grieving Not Being Partnered
Tracee Ellis Ross sat down with former first lady Michelle Obama and her brother Craig Robinson for their IMO podcast to have a candid discussion about dating, marriage, and family. At 52, the beloved actress is single, but is still open to finding her person. However, she realizes that she has to navigate dating differently, describing herself as a "unicorn."
“I’m a very unique sort of unicorn of a woman, so it's gonna take a unique person,” she explained. "And in the meantime, I've really learned how to live my life and enjoy it and not sit around waiting."
Calling herself a "choiceful woman," she has had to push against culture norms and found that many of her experiences with men around her age were challenging due to the toxic masculinity they had been raised in. Many of their views about relationships conflicts with how she lives her life, so she tends to date younger.
“It's not just that I'm older. I’m also very embodied. I am a full, very whole person who knows myself, who is in charge of my life and who lives a very full, just robust life," she said.
Regardless if they're younger or older, Tracee has made it clear that she isn't settling and won't be in a relationship for the sake of having a partner. Even when loneliness creeps.
“As much as grief does surface for me around not having children and not having a partner, I still wouldn’t want the wrong partner. At all, I’m not interested in that. You have to make my life better, it can’t just be ‘I’m in a relationship just to be in a relationship,” she said.
Fans have watched pieces of Tracee's life played out on social media and TV. Just one look at her Instagram, you see that the black-ish star lives her life to fullest and it's filled with fashion, family, and all-round fabulousness.
"Even though the grief does emerge, and that comes, and I hold that, I think of what I’ve done. I think I woke up every morning trying to do my best. I didn’t wake up one morning and be like I’m gonna mess this day up. So I must be where I’m supposed to be.”
She added, “And sometimes I think of all of the things I’ve done—the courage that I’ve had to have, what I had to learn to how to navigate as a single person with no one to hide behind. It's built a really beautiful experience around me and I have incredible friends."
The Black Mirror actress has spoken about dating before and has always stated that she doesn't allow singleness stop her from living her best life.
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