Different women have different sex drives, or desires to experience sexual pleasure. Some women want to have sex every day, and others can rock with getting it in once in a blue moon. There are different opinions on what constitutes as a healthy sexual appetite, and what borders on an unhealthy sexual propensity toward over- or under-indulgence.
For me personally, the more I tune into my body, energy, spirituality, and current sexual patterns, I find that my drive is seemingly below the average than many of my female peers. This piece will dissect why that is, and why celibacy is my present choice.
Sex Is Energy.
Like every other emotion and physical act, sex is energy. Whether it's with someone else or in an act of self-pleasure, sexual desire and practice is an energetic exchange and chemical reaction. On a hormonal level, an orgasm is apart of the Autonomic Nervous System and triggers the release of neurohormones oxytocin, prolactin, and endorphins from the brain's pituitary gland. Energetically, the third eye chakra is very connected to the pituitary gland, which produces hormones and governs the function of five other glands. Sometimes the hypothalamic pineal gland, which influences the release of hormones through the pituitary gland, is linked to the third eye chakra as well as to the crown chakra.
Related: How Opening Your 7 Chakras Can Transform Your Mind, Body & Spirit
According to an article by David and Ellen Ramsdale of Innerself.com, sexual energy is recycled and returned back to source: "There is some evidence that in human beings the sexual energy cycle has two stages. The first stage begins in the brain, at the pituitary and pineal glands, and ends in the sex glands. The second stage of the cycle, the actual recycling step, returns energy to these master glands in the brain."
If this is the case, it is no wonder that my sex drive has decreased, as my awareness of energy and how important balanced and cleared chakras are, has rapidly increased since my spiritual awakening occurred in 2015. Energy is exchanged when you sexually merge with another person. You are literally allowing someone else's Juju to enter your body.
Sex Is A Biological Function.
Per Wikipedia, sexual desire or one's libido is a motivational state and an interest in "sexual objects or activities, or as a wish, or drive to seek out sexual objects or to engage in sexual activities."
A person's desire for sex varies from individual to individual, and can be triggered internally and externally. As a woman who is biologically passed my initial stages of puberty and influx of adolescent sexual urges, as well as being socially underwhelmed by the instant sexual gratification of one night stands and "sex with no strings attached," I find that my current libido is mostly induced by the reproductive triggers of hormones prior to my monthly menstrual cycle.
Related: Men Admit Period Sex Is Not A Turn-Off
So basically, the only time I find myself sexually aroused is when my period is approaching, and shortly thereafter. I don't usually get urges to self-pleasure outside of this biological window, besides a little feed creeping on IG. It seems this change in my appetite came about as my awareness of consciousness and spirituality increased. I used to be somebody who viewed sex solely as a fun and pleasurable activity with no deeper meaning than getting my rocks off. I used to subscribe to getting a "D-Recharge" whenever I had a vitamin D drought of a few months, but now, I cringe at the thought of hooking up with someone who is just physically attractive with a nice package.
Now I view random hookups as aura pollutants.
Past Sexual Experiences Have Turned Me Off To Casual Sex.
My first adult sexual experience, in retrospect, was quite traumatic. I remember being penetrated from behind. This is how I lost my virginity. Once I unpacked this hidden trauma, it revealed a revelation of my relationship to unhealthy and toxic sex. If sex is sacred and is considered a loving act between two people or self, it should in no way, shape, or form be carried out in a harmful way, physically, emotionally, or mentally.
As I introspectively reflected on past sexual experiences, I had to accept that I had subjected myself to being used as a sexual object, though I was unaware of this at the time. This kind of objectification can often be subtle and deceiving when you are under the belief that the person you are connecting with has your best interests at heart. A lot of my heartaches have been attached to sexual relationships that I mistakenly associated with deep emotional connection, which ultimately led to willfully engaging in shallow and misaligned sexual escapades with people who actually siphoned my energy and took advantage of my naivety.
The emotions of pain left over after experiencing these heartaches, tainted my own relationship with self-worth and ownership of my sexuality. These experiences disempowered me and left me in a heap of sexual confusion and anxiety. It wasn't until I healed these aspects of my experience, that I've come to this place.
I am happy to be here.
Sexual Desire Can Be Expressed Through Meditation and Creativity.
There is an unfortunate widespread misconception that someone who is not having sex often is either repressed or has an unhealthy relationship with their sexuality. The minute that you tell a homegirl that you ain't got none in a minute, sis might cry out to the Holy Father himself that you get some vitamin D!
For me, this couldn't be further from the truth. I have remained celibate since the end of 2017, and me and my vagina are doing just fine. Sexual desire can be expressed in other ways than physical copulation. As someone who is very active in meditation, I can bring myself to an incredible orgasm by infusing self-pleasure with chakra energy work and astral sex.
The sacral chakra is the energy center that deals with Kundalini release. By working with this energy, I have achieved wonderful sexual pleasure. Having astral sex is one of the most amazing out-of-body feelings I've ever experienced with my twin flame. The ecstasy you feel is out of this world - no pun intended. This type of sexual energy works by creating the orgasm in the mental and energetic plane, and transferring it to your physical sex organs.
Sexual desire can also be expressed through creativity. I love to express divine feminine energy through dance and movement. Not only do you release sexual energy, but you also ground yourself. I also love expressing this energy through poetry and songwriting.
I would rather express my sexuality in these ways than to taint my spirit with someone who doesn't vibrate the same.
I know it won't be long before the universe sends me someone who is deserving of this very special exchange of energy. Some people couldn't go too long without physical intimacy, but I'm good. I'm one-hundred-percent celibate, and I'm here for it.
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert