So, let me break down what inspired this particular topic. One day, while I was in a session with a couple about how their sex life had been dwindling as of late, the wife said something that caused me to do some real reflecting: “I enjoy having sex with him. It’s just that my vagina is so tired all of the time.”
When I asked her to repeat herself for clarity, she looked at me like, “You heard me.”
“Girl, sometimes it’s literally like my vagina isn’t in the mood for sex. I don’t know how to explain it.”
I kept going deeper. When I asked her if sex was painful, she replied with, “Eh. It’s more like, sometimes, it’s a bit uncomfortable in there. Or I’m not as wet. Or ‘she’ doesn’t have a lot of energy — like the rest of my body is down, but my vagina, specifically, just isn’t in the mood.”
I mean, the vagina is indeed a muscle, and in order to accommodate a penis (or sex toy or even a finger), there is some “stretch work” that it has to do. So yeah, even if we don’t really give it much thought, it makes sense that when the spirit is willing while the flesh is weak for coitus, the “flesh” could be your literal vagina from time to time.
And so, in honor of the client who inspired me to write this, along with every woman who may have felt similar to her at one point or another, here are 12 things that could very well help you out if you’re in the mood for sex and yet, interestingly enough, somehow, it seems that your vagina…isn’t.
1. Take a Collagen Supplement
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Probably the best way to explain what collagen is is it’s a type of protein that 30 percent of your body’s protein consists of. It supports your bones, your hair, skin, and nails and can even help keep your heart healthy. Although collagen is found in foods like bone broth, dark leafy greens, and egg whites (for starters), if your vagina needs a bit of a boost, taking a collagen supplement is a good idea, too. In this lane, it helps because, not only does it increase the elasticity of your skin and muscles, it can help to boost hydration, including when it comes to your vagina’s natural lubrication. The more lubrication you produce, the more comfortable intercourse will feel.
For the record, if you’d like an immediate collagen “boost,” look into getting an O-shot. Long story short, it’s a procedure that helps your vagina to create more blood vessels and nerves, which could help to improve your orgasms by increasing their intensity. And yes, a part of what’s in the shot is collagen. If you’re interested, you can read more about it here.
2. Eat Some Vitamin E-Enriched Foods
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Earlier this year, I wrote an article for the platform about supplements that are good for your vagina. One of those I mentioned was vitamin E. Not only can it help with vaginal atrophy (the thinning of vaginal walls that can happen during and after menopause), but it can also add more moisture to your vagina too — and that can make your vagina feel more energized and youthful. There are vitamin E suppositories that might be beneficial, or you can eat foods that are high in this particular nutrient. Some of those include almonds, sunflower seeds, pumpkin, turnip greens, cranberries, and olives.
3. Try a Banana, Avocado and Yogurt Smoothie
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Speaking of foods that can perk your vagina up, when was the last time you treated yourself to a homemade smoothie? If you consume one that contains banana, avocado, and yogurt, they will work together to do your vagina quite a bit of good. The potassium in the banana can help to increase arousal and keep the muscular canal (which is your vagina) strong; the vitamin B6 that’s in the avocado can boost your libido and help to keep things moist, and the yogurt will help to get more probiotics in your system. That way, you reduce the chances of getting a yeast infection (which can sometimes happen due to a change in pH levels due to sexual activity).
Plus, there are studies to support that the more “good bacteria” that are in your system, the healthier your gut and vagina are — and the more sexual desire you will end up having as a direct result. Pretty cool, right?
4. Drink Some Mint and Citrus Infused Water
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I’ve got one more food tip before moving on to some other stuff.
It should come as no surprise to you that if you’re not drinking enough water, both your vagina and vulva are going to show some results of that very fact. And since being dehydrated can lower your libido and also since reportedly 75 percent of us are currently not just dehydrated butchronically dehydrated, definitely up your water intake as soon as possible.
Your vagina will really like it if you make some infused water that contains mint and citrus fruit. Mint helps to keep your vagina’s pH levels in check; plus, it can increase blood circulation down in your vaginal region (mint does this wherever it is applied). And citrus? Fruits like oranges, grapefruit, lemons, and limes help your body to produce collagen (and we’ve already discussed what collagen does).
Citrus fruit is also high in antioxidants, which can help to improve infertility issues. Also, this type of fruit is full of vitamin C, which can increase your sex drive. Some other benefits of vitamin C are it can help to ward off or even prevent bacterial vaginosis (BV), and since its symptoms include itching, odor, and vaginal irritation, I’m sure you can see how all vitamin C is a major perk all the way around.
5. Try an Arousal Lubricating Gel
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You’ve probably heard that the biggest sex organ is your brain, and that would absolutely be the case. This means that when your mind is just not “there,” it can have a direct influence on your genital region. Yet what if a large part of you definitely wants to have sex, but you just can’t seem to get your vagina to get in immediate sync? There’s no shame in trying an arousal gel. They are specifically designed to arouse your vagina and also get you wetter down below — and the wetter, the better…right? If you’re down yet you’re not sure which lube would work best for you, Cosmo has a pretty thorough list of arousal gels that you can check out here.
6. Or Some CBD Gel
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If you’ve been on the fence about whether or not to incorporate cannabis into your sex life when you get a second, check out “7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better;” it definitely will provide you with some food for thought. That said, if there’s a part of you that wants to give it a shot, but you’d like to ease into the experience, why not try some CBD-infused lubricant? It helps to increase blood flow to your genital region, it can increase sexual arousal in your body, and it can also help your vagina to relax. The more relaxed “she” is, the easier it will be for you both to climax. Check outa list of some current CBD gel brands that you’ll thoroughly enjoy here; PopSugar has some others here.
7. Consider Some Red Light Therapy
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As I’ve been staying on my mission to grow longer and healthier hair (not necessarily in that order), I’ve been more intentional than ever about taking care of my scalp — and that includes massaging it with a device that offers red and blue light therapy. I’ve read that this type of therapy helps to strengthen my hair follicles, which is always a good thing.
Well, guess what? Red light therapy can be good for your vagina, too. Long story short, the combination of both the heat and light that this type of device emits can help to strengthen your vaginal walls, encourage the growth of healthy tissue cells and increase blood circulation to your vagina — and all of this can ultimately make sex more pleasurable for you.
Although they’re not the cheapest things on the planet, a red light device that’s specifically designed for your vagina and pelvic floor is a great investment on a myriad of different levels. I found one for about $120 that comes with some pretty solid reviews. You can check it out here.
8. Do Some Old-Fashioned Dry Humping
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It’s not uncommon for two people who’ve been having sex for a while to kind of skip over foreplay and go right to kissing and then intercourse. For us women, we all know that doing that can sometimes make the sexual experience a bit of a “whomp whomp” because our bodies simply weren’t warmed up enough for penetration. If you’re nodding your head up and down in agreement, something that can help in this department is some old-fashioned dry humping.
Hey, call it corny if you want to but, going back to the days of — as the older folks used to call it — making out can slow everything down while building anticipation in the process. It can also give your vagina time to “get excited.” Just make sure that you do this in something other than thick material like jeans. It doesn’t make sense to be rubbing on each other passionately if your clothes are gonna irritate your vagina in the process; now you’re going to have a whole ‘nother set of issues.
9. Have Your Partner Create the “Peace” Sign with Your Clitoris
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The same session that I mentioned in the intro? When it came time for the husband to get his two cents in, what he shared was valuable. He said that something he does to perk his wife’s vagina on up is to use the peace sign on her clitoris — and yes, he was being quite literal. He puts some lube on his index and middle finger, throws up the peace sign, and then rubs her clitoris back and forth with it in between his fingers. He says that, more times than not, it works like a charm. I looked over at her, and after she blushed a bit, she nodded her head in agreement. Just sharing the wealth, y’all. Just sharing the wealth.
10. Receive an Oral Sex Orgasm. Take a Quickie Nap. Then Have Intercourse.
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Honestly, this tip is like a 2.0 version of edging and, to tell you the truth, out of all of the things that I’ve already stated, if there’s one tip that could probably “wake your vagina up” the quickest, this would be it. Since a whopping 81 percent of people reportedly orgasm from receiving oral sex, get your own girl in the game by having your partner go down on you. Then take a nap (a skin-to-skin one would be divine) and then go for a round or two of intercourse.
Taking this approach will get your vagina wet and happy, a quickie nap will provide an energy boost, the cuddling will raise your oxytocin and dopamine levels (so that you will feel closer to and happier with your partner) — and all of this will make penetrative sex so much better…for all parties involved.
11. Get Your Partner to Do Some “Rocking”
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Yeah, rocking is the ish. If you’re not familiar with what that is, it’s when your partner doesn’t use his penis to go in and out of your vagina; instead, he remains still as you “rock” on his shaft (like when you’re on top). The reason why this can be more beneficial for your vaginal pleasure is 1) you can control the movements better and 2) it increases the chances of your clitoris and vagina being stimulated at the same time — and since most women orgasm from clitoral stimulation instead of vaginal penetration…well…there ya go.
12. Or Try Sex Positions That Provide Deep(er) Penetration
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Although deep penetrative sex doesn’t work for everyone (for instance, if you have an inverted uterus or a short cervix, it could be painful), I did think I should round this article out with this tip because it can definitely be like a cup of coffee, black, for some women. For instance, if you get on your stomach, have your partner lie on top of you while penetrating you that way (some call it the flatiron while I call it the cat position…if you’ve seen actually cats have sex before, you know why), it can massage your G-spot which is an almost surefire way to get your vagina up and going.
Anyway, if you want to check out some other sex positions that can take “going deep” to new levels, check out Women’s Health’s “15 Sex Positions For Those Times You Really Want To Go Deep.”
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Listen, no matter how great sex is, sometimes there are parts of you that just aren’t as much in the mood as you would probably like them to be. If that happens to be your vagina, hopefully, no, you know how to get her head into the game — umm…so to speak. Enjoy, sis. In-freakin’-joy!
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
A Cosmic Guide To Love In 2025: What The Stars Have In Store For Your Heart
The most important lesson we are learning about love in 2025 is change. Many major Astrological transits are happening this year, and these will last for years to come. As we walk through this new year, we are being asked to let go of the things we can’t control, and give more grace to the things we can. This is a year of a new perspective on love, finding gratitude in the little things, and watching as the universe supports us and the dreams we build for ourselves here.
At the beginning of the year, we are being shown how significant 2025 will be for love. From March 1, 2025, until April 12, 2025, Venus, the planet of love and relationships, will be retrograde. Venus goes retrograde approximately every 18 months and hasn’t been retrograde since the Summer of 2023. With love taking a step back at the beginning of the year, we move through a time of understanding the emotional world better and letting go of trying to control outcomes here.
What Does 2025 Have in Store for Love?
It’s time to refocus your relationship priorities overall, and with this retrograde happening in both Aries and Pisces, Aries being the first sign of the zodiac and Pisces being the last; there is a chapter we are closing and a new one we are walking into.
Another significant factor that is influencing relationships this year, is Jupiter’s entry into Cancer. Jupiter brings blessings, abundance, luck, and expansion, and in water sign Cancer, brings these gifts to your emotions. Cancer rules emotional safety, foundations, close loved ones, family, support, and emotional well-being, and with Jupiter in this sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, we experience blessings in stability within love. This is a good year for building stronger foundations in love, aligning with those who are loyal and supportive, knowing what you need emotionally, and being a lot clearer on it.
Letting Go of the Past: The Astrological Theme of 2025
Overall, the guideline for the year when it comes to love is to focus on the bigger picture and let things work themselves out without forcing them to. Magic will come in for you this year when you can assess your needs and wants, let go of illusions or smoke and mirrors, and focus on the things you want for yourself rather than what you don’t. Your focus and beliefs on love are the priority right now, and things will be coming full circle for the better.
Read below to see your personal 2025 love forecast. Read for your sun, moon, and rising signs.
What Does Your Zodiac Sign Say About Your 2025 Love Life?
ARIES
2025 is one of the more significant years for you, Aries. A lot of the major transits are happening in your sign, which includes Venus retrograde in Aries at the beginning of the year, Neptune in Aries from March 2025 until 2039, and Saturn in Aries from May 2025 until 2028. Not to mention, Chiron, the wounded healer is currently in your sign until 2027.
What this means for you when it comes to love, is that you have learned a lot about where you want to be here, and it’s the year to implement more of these tools and knowledge of the heart.
This year for love is about honoring your integrity and what you need personally to thrive in life and creating that space to let it in. You need someone who will be there for you through whatever you are experiencing in life and not someone who adds to these challenges. This year is a time of rising above, and choosing better for yourself.
TAURUS
2025 for you when it comes to love, is all about perspective and taking better care of your heart, Taurus. Uranus, the planet of change, rebellion, progress, and upheaval, has been in your sign since 2019, and this year you get a break from all of the surprises. From Jul. 7, 2025, until Nov. 7, 2025, Uranus leaves your sign and enters Gemini, giving your mind and your heart some time to breathe.
This year you are being given the opportunity to see things for what they are, rather than what you fear them to be. You are able to see your relationship dynamics clearer, allowing you to feel more confident in what you are building and creating for yourself in this area of your life. What you are working on this year is letting go of overthinking, and allowing things to play out the way they are meant to in love.
GEMINI
This year you are feeling in balance when it comes to love, Gemini. Relationships are important to you in life overall, as you are a relationship-oriented sign, but it can be difficult at times to keep the balance and perspective here. This year, with lucky Jupiter in your sign until June, you have the opportunity to be blessed with some fortunate circumstances personally and within romance.
You are feeling yourself this year, and this is attracting you success and new opportunities within love.
Uranus will also be in your sign this year from Jul. 7 until Nov. 7, and some surprises are in store for you. Pay attention to what happens in your love life during this period, as similar themes will be coming back around for you when Uranus officially enters its Gemini transit from 2026 - 2032. Overall, this year is about balancing what’s coming and going in love, and finding your peace within your inner confidence for it all.
CANCER
2025 for you, Cancer, is about stability in love. You are growing emotionally from the ground up, and are feeling a sense of support, confidence, romance, and receptivity in your love life this year. You are one of the lucky signs of 2025, and this is due to Jupiter, the planet of blessings, entering your sign from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026. While Jupiter is in your sign, your life expands and you are able to see the gifts of your world that may have been harder to come by previously.
This is a year of spending more time with your loved ones and feeling more heard and supported emotionally. Safety and security are especially important to you this year, and you are only entertaining the people who feel that way about you and provide that. Many Cancers will be expanding their families this year or developing a long-term relationship, and overall this is a year of feeling stronger when it comes to love.
LEO
When it comes to love this year for you, Leo, it’s about trusting your intuition and listening more to what your heart is telling you. There are not many major transits happening in Leo in 2025, which means there is a lot of room to grow, but you may be feeling a lack of support or encouragement to do so. A lot of Leos are taking a step back to look at where they are currently in love, and yearning for some change and a new direction here.
Neptune will be in your 9th house of adventure for most of this year, and you are being asked to get inspired and do things differently, but don’t take unnecessary risks in love that may not serve you in the long run.
It can be easy to get lost in the fantasy of love rather than the actual reality you’ll live in here, and taking more time to understand yourself, your relationships, and the dynamics in your love life will be necessary. Overall, your heart is healing this year and you are moving away from the past and creating your new future.
VIRGO
This year when it comes to love, you are going through changes that are aligning you closer to your goals and dreams here, Virgo. You are focused on making things work that you want to see bloom, and also letting go of putting effort into people that aren’t reciprocating the same energy. With the North Node entering your sister sign Pisces and the South Node moving into your sign from Jan. 11, 2025, until Jul. 26, 2026, you are doing a lot of letting go over the next year.
However, with the North Node being in your 7th house of love, new doors and gifts are also opening up for you and your partnerships. The more you can let go of perfection and overworking your mind and your heart, the more blessings you will experience when it comes to love this year. In 2025, you also have two Eclipses in your sign, and there are overall a lot of changes Virgos are moving through this year. Your main guidance for love is to stand by the things that serve your heart and release yourself from what burdens it.
LIBRA
Love is coming to fruition for you this year, Libra. You have been through a lot in your personal life these past few years, and walking into 2025, you are ready for some positive change. This is a year of feeling in balance with your personal goals and dreams, and what you are experiencing romantically and financially as well. Relationship dynamics are serving you and your sense of abundance, and many gifts are coming your way in love this year.
With Neptune, Chiron, and Saturn all being in your 7th house of love, your love life and partnerships are the main focus for you in 2025.
You are moving through changes, overcoming previous obstacles, and bringing back the dreamy energy here. With Chiron in the 7th, you are still doing some healing of the heart, but with Neptune now entering, it all feels a little more romantic and spiritual at the same time. This year is about believing in the impossible in love, taking care of yourself, and allowing someone else to take care of you as well.
SCORPIO
This year is all about opportunity when it comes to love, Scorpio. You have your eyes on the prize and are focused on what you want for yourself, but also how you want to show up for love as well. You have goals and intentions that you are setting for your love life this year, and a lot of them reflect the passion and strength you are feeling as you enter the year. Vesta is in your sign this year until September, and you have a spark within you that is a magnet for success and love. You are walking forward confidently and are feeling inspired, sexy, and magical this year.
This is a very sensual and powerful year for you, and this energy is being reflected in the relationship experiences you are having. Jupiter also enters your 9th house of adventure halfway through the year, and there is something special about the trips you are taking and the risks you are taking in love. Overall, this is a year of doing things your way and attracting love to you through your inner confidence and charisma.
SAGITTARIUS
This is a beautiful year of feeling balanced and abundant in love, Sagittarius. There is a lot of energy coming in and you are giving a lot of love as well. This sense of synergy you are feeling within your love life this year has a lot to do with Juno, the asteroid of soulmates, in your sign from Feb. 19 - Apr. 15. Your people are coming in and you have options this year, Sag.
This is a year of feeling loved for the inspiring, outgoing, and unique being you are, and meeting more people who match your energy.
Saturn also enters your 5th house of romance this year, and you are learning a lot through your experiences with others. You are learning how to be more confident in who you are and what you want for yourself and also recognizing the importance of making more time for fun and playful experiences. This is the year to see love as a more light-hearted experience and to not take yourself too seriously.
CAPRICORN
You are letting things come to you when it comes to love this year, Capricorn. You are feeling beautiful, capable, and worthy, and you are receiving the gifts that come from this sense of confidence and patience. This past year, you were setting a lot of new goals for yourself and your relationships, and in 2025, you are experiencing the results of these efforts.
Jupiter moves into your sister sign Cancer from June 9, 2025, until June 30, 2026, and enters your 7th house of love, partnerships, romance, marriage, and harmony. Your love life and experience of it all are expanding this year, and benevolent Jupiter is sending blessings to this area of your life. This is a year of things coming full circle for you in love, and you feel less confused about it all and more sure of yourself and what is becoming for you here.
AQUARIUS
Love is a highlight for you this year, Aquarius. You are coming together with another, and many Aquarius’ will be forming new relationships or growing within a strong relationship. You are experiencing the fruition of your dreams in love, and are also able to heal and let go of past emotional experiences that have been overwhelming for you in the past.
The North Node enters your 12th house of closure this year, and you are motivated towards change, cleaning house, and releasing the cobwebs of the past.
You are walking into new emotional experiences with less baggage and self-doubt, and are experiencing a fresh start in love. This is a year of asking for what you need emotionally and receiving it. Love is coming in for you in harmonious and magical ways, and you are rewriting your story in love in 2025.
PISCES
You are moving through a lot of changes when it comes to love in 2025, Pisces. This is a year of closure, healing, and giving yourself a fresh start, and the way you enter the year will be a lot different than the way you end it. The North Node of Destiny enters your sign this year, and the South Node of Karma enters your 7th house of love. So, a lot of your focus this year is on your personal goals and path, and there may be some neglect or lack of focus on your relationships.
This can create some discord with those close to you, and your guidance for this year is to try to balance the personal successes and wins you are experiencing, with the love changes that also need your attention right now. Know that what leaves your life this year is being replaced by something better, and also know that your healing doesn’t need to have a timeline and you can take as much time as you need to grow. Overall, you are turning a new page in love in 2025.
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New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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