Disclaimer: Contrary to the title of this article, there will be no bashing of God or prayer. Rather, this piece hopes to remind you that faith without actions is dead and that the definition of action is different for different people, which must be honored.
Technically, I don't have time to be sad.
I work a full-time job where I commute over 100 miles per day. I am a single mother of two, including an athlete. There are games, practices, appointments, parent teacher conferences. I'm likely going back to school at some point to finish my second Masters degree. I write in the spaces of time that I am able to make available to do so – mainly to empty my mind of the clutter and debris that the stress of everyday life leaves in its wake. I do yoga, meditate, and pray daily.
And even with all of that, sad can make time for me.
On the surface, people see someone unafraid to push through anything – pain, anguish, anger. But the sadness often creeps through. Inside, some days, I feel a palpable emptiness that eats away at me. I feel that I'm trapped in that emptiness, and that I'm falling inside myself. Nothing can go right. Nobody understands and even if they did, I don't want to put them on the emotional rollercoaster that I'm sitting in the front of. These are the things I tell myself because although I am attempting to backstroke through my misery, I'm drowning in it. Most of the time, nothing has even happened – I just wake up like this.
My struggle with mental illness is known to my family and friends, who I'm blessed to say show me a compassion and empathy that encourages my healing, including through counseling and medication. On the medication point, my friends have been divided. Some encourage me to do whatever I need to do so that I can get to definitively say I'm happy. Others are quick to doubt the medication, and either blame them for my troubles (present and potentially future), or tell me that I don't need it. That I just need to pray about my issues and give it to God. Which is not bad advice; however, I am at the point where I believe discounting all other methods of treatment is unrealistic and dangerous.
Does prayer work? Absolutely. But without work? No.
There's a story that talks about a man who climbs atop his roof during a storm with bad flooding. He is praying to God to save him. A rescue boat comes to him and he says, "No, I'm okay, God is going to save me." Next, a helicopter comes, and again he says, "No, I'm okay, God is going to save me." Inevitably the flood rises and he succumbs and drowns. When he gets to heaven, he finds Jesus and asked why He didn't save him. Jesus replied, "I sent you a boat and a helicopter. What more did you want?"
In the flood that depression, anxiety, and other mental illness diagnoses can make rise around a person, the lifeboats that come sometimes are tucked inside pill bottles and sit in chairs across from us with notebooks listening to us talk about our childhoods.
We have to stop allowing our pride to get in the way of healing. Superwoman does not exist.
Let me say that again – Superwoman does NOT exist. No matter what Alicia Keys says. Put the cape down and step away slowly.
In communities of color, the stigma around mental illness is an epidemic within itself. Everyday, depression and anxiety attacks are met with rolled eyes and a "Nothing is really wrong with him/her." Medication administration is met with disdain. "You don't need all those medications – you need to pray/go to church/etc." Nothing is wrong with spiritual advice or intervention. In fact, we can all use some Jesus in our lives. But the thing is…Sometimes, you just can't pray it away.
What is "it"? It can be a feeling of sadness so large that it becomes a boulder on your chest, preventing you from breathing only because you woke up this morning. It can be an inability to cope with rejection because your mind immediately links it with failure and you link that with your own sense of living. It can be voices in your head telling you to harm yourself or others. It can be a lot of things. What it isn't, is something that should be swept under the rug, shoved in a closet, or dismissed flippantly.
Remember the story from earlier? Sometimes God sends lifeboats in the forms of licensed medical professionals and helicopters in the forms of medication and therapy. We have to start recognizing that diagnosis and treatment are not signs of weakness, but of strength and self-care, which is essential to surviving everyday life. And make no doubt about it, there's more of us wanting to thrive, than actually thriving. The line between the two being thin, of course. But that line has to be drawn in the sand, and a stand, of course, has to be made for those of us who don't know how.
Sometimes, you just can't pray it away – and that is okay.
Faith, without work is dead. Prayer without action are just words spoken into the world.
Some may say that going to church is an action. Yes, the act of walking into church and experiencing fellowship are actions. But so is walking into a counselor's office and talking about how you feel and why you feel it. So is walking into a psychiatrist's office and obtaining medication to make you think and feel like a "regular" person. These actions are just as appropriate and those who take those actions should not be ostracized or made to feel as if they are engaging in an activity that is wrong or that their belief and faith in God should be called into question. They should not be met with criticism or negativity because that only feeds the pain they are already feeling.
What part can you play? Loving that person. Supporting that person – without giving them unsolicited advice or consternation. Just because you don't understand doesn't mean that you should mold the situation into something that you can understand. Your way of coping with or engaging in life may not be someone else's. Respect those boundaries.
Sometimes, you can pray it away. But if you can't, there's nothing wrong with you. Do not let anyone else make you feel "less than" because you have chosen your own path of healing, which is the end goal. Some things never go away but you can learn to live in spite of them. There is nothing wrong with you – don't let anyone make you think that it is.
You are ill, but you are not your illness.
And if others around you refuse to understand that…perhaps part of your healing is to remove them as well. Take care of yourself, by any means necessary.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com
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is a mother, writer, yogi, Scorpio and has good hair but is NOT Becky by any means. By day, she pushes paper, but by night, she unleashes her superpower: using her words.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Nick Cannon Reflects On Insecurities That Led To The Demise Of His Marriage To Mariah Carey
Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey were once a lovey-dovey couple. They often looked very cozy during red carpet appearances, renewed their vows every year, and started a family by welcoming twins Moroccan and Monroe. But while they may have looked like couple goals on the surface, Nick revealed that he was dealing with insecurities in their relationship.
The Wild 'n Out host stopped by the Ray Daniels Presents podcast and reflected on the time he was married to the legendary vocalist.
"I didn't actually really care what the world thought because the perception, you know, that is what it is. People are going to love you one day, hate you the next day," he said. "I could care less about that. … But going to myself with that pressure of, 'Who am I?' "
Photo by Steve Granitz/WireImage
He continued, "I got married in my 20s, you know what I mean? To the biggest star in the world. "My trajectory was here," he said, gesturing downwards, "and then hers — she's already in a different stratosphere."
The couple got married in 2008 after only dating for a few months and the actor instantly got immersed into Mariah's lavish lifestyle.
Nick admitted that he got "really comfortable with it." However, he was still questioning his manhood, especially after becoming a dad in 2011.
"I'm carrying a purse, the diaper bag and, you know, I'm standing on the corner like, 'Wait.' She's rocking being the alpha," he said.
He added, "I believe she needs a dude like that. I'm just not that dude."
His insecurities began to take a toll on his mental and physical health. The comedian said he was getting mad at himself and "had a gut." “It was like, ‘I’m not being the dude that God put me on this earth to be,” he shared.
However, Nick said he and Mariah never had any problems and that she empathized with what he was going through. Since their divorce in 2014, the former couple have seemingly stayed on good terms.
They both have shared some beautiful family moments together on social media, including celebrating their kids birthday in April.
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Feature image by Ethan Miller/ Getty Images