Girls' Trips & Group Pics: Are We Losing The Essence Of Friendship In The Age Of Social Media?
A few months ago, I found myself on social media, scrolling, and came across a video of a bunch of friend groups taking girls' trips and felt an uncomfortable amount of jealousy and, if I'm honest, also sadness.
My friends and I are all in different places in our lives and haven’t traveled together in almost a decade. In undergrad, I went on spring break with friends, and in my very early twenties, I experienced a few trips with individual friends, but these friend groups that travel together can’t relate lol, and I’m not going to lie, it bothers me because I’ve always wanted that.
At first, that reality made me a little emotional, and I was brought to tears until I saw the comment section with responses like “Step one, find friends first” or “Does anyone else not have friends who like to travel?” While I found solace in that and have since understood the importance of travel groups, making friends with women who love to travel and have the schedule for it, and appreciating my friendship groups for what they are, I now wonder, overall, if social media making us compare our friendships in the same ways that we compare our romantic relationships?
Somewhere along the way, have we lost the plot? Is there friendship and connection outside of meeting up at the hottest new restaurant, girls' trip where we all wear the same outfits, or dinner parties with color schemes (not judging any of these choices, because I love them all), what about the friends that come over to give you a hug when you’ve had a bad day? Where are the friends who will run errands with you? Where are the friends who will give you their Finsta password to find out if your man has a side chick? Where are the friends who show up to your kids' sporting events?
Growing up with shows like Living Single and Girlfriends, we had the blueprint and somehow have missed the mark. We love to discuss the impact of these shows and how they made us feel seen - but do we hang out at each other's houses? Do we embrace friends who don't dress like us? Or are we only interested in friends who fit a certain aesthetic or are exactly like us?
In search of the truth and various perspectives, we’ve talked with 16 Black women for their points of view on whether they believe social media impacts friendships and if it’s made some friendships superficial.
Lisa, NJ:
Many of my closest friends are not on social media, however, the friends that are don’t respond to things unless (to me) they are concerned about something when they read into a post. Then I get a call like, “Hey girl, are you okay, I saw your post." Or they will be ringing my doorbell…even if they are still living in the Bronx. There are a core group of friends that we check in on a few times per month and meet up but for the ones that are on social media, it seems like I’m the only one that sends cards and reaches out more.
To me, they let social media be their only form of contact unless something serious is going on, sadly. They send greetings on social media, yet I still do both if you are a friend, that’s just me, and they know it… Sometimes, social media can be an easy way to avoid that old-school outreach. But let them need prayer even if I haven’t spoken to them in months. I'll just pray and love every moment.
Courtney, RI:
I do believe socials have an impact on friendships that make them “appear” superficial— however, I don’t want to believe that beautifully documented moments equal superficial friendships. I think some of the best moments with girlfriends aren’t always pretty and well-documented. BUT. There are times when I do capture things with my friends for social media specifically, and those are some rock-solid relationships - we are just cute. And outside. And y’all need to see us, lol.
JT, NC:
Social media has helped me connect with friends since relocating, however, while battling a chronic condition and sharing the deeply personal things I share about panic attacks and my pain, it triggers a lot of people, usually those closest to me. Meanwhile, I have strangers in my DMs daily praising the work I do and telling me I need a bigger platform. It breaks my heart when those I once loved rip me apart solely for being honest. I also think people put way too much thought into what people post instead of just having a real convo about what is really triggering [them] deep down.
Jennifer, NY:
In my opinion, a lot of friendships have become superficial - quite frankly, a lot of women are starting to look alike! There's nothing wrong with sharing posts, keeping your page a certain way, documenting while you are out, etc., but I have noticed many friendships have become "let's go here so we can get good pics" and less about building a bond.
Petulia, NJ:
I feel like social media makes friendships seem like they’re not adequate enough by the display that certain people have. It makes people feel like if they’re not giving out lavish gifts, they’re not good enough friends. If they’re not doing expensive dinners, things like that but friendships are more than that.
Courtney, NJ:
I think, in general, social media has played a role in how friendships are viewed! I think people see the glitz and the glam of friendships that people post however, they don’t see the times when you’re not talking… where there might be friction (women being women)… when you lose touch (life be life-ing), etc. I think that is what people don’t see and don’t really show the honesty in friendships on social media.
Quadira, NJ:
So I’ve always battled with valuing friendships since I was a kid. One, I would blame the fact that I moved a lot, so whenever I actually developed a friendship with someone, and we got close within a year or two, I had to move, and after a while, that just made me no longer wanna get close with people. And I was always satisfied with having a bunch of siblings and cousins as my friends. So I would have maybe one friend each school year, and I was okay with that.
I never really got to experience like a core group of girlfriends until I was in the 11th grade, and even then, I saw them as disposable and replaceable, but not in a mean girl way. I was just detached from the idea of long-lasting friendships. And I think that it took a toll on me throughout my college years because I would watch everyone have a group of friends that they stuck with for all four years and saw how they built their lives together after college, and I just feel like I missed out on that.
EF Volart/Getty Images
Social media has definitely made me feel a lot of FOMO, like I denied myself something so special by not putting value in building friendships. The cute pictures with friends were something that drove my FOMO, but I feel like it was misguided because I didn’t really understand what it took for people to have these moments with each other for so long OR that some of these photos really didn’t represent a healthy friendship.
But now I have that understanding, and my on-and-off social media moments with my friends don’t always look so aesthetically pleasing because it is authentic to the kind of friendship that we built with each other and does not mirror what other folks got going on.
Like me and my best friend have more crazy-looking FaceTime screenshots of each other than posed pictures. Because that’s just who we are and that’s what puts a smile on our faces looking back at those FaceTime screenshots rather than pictures intended for social media.
Beata, NJ:
I think social media could be a good thing for friendships in that it gives you gathering ideas, recs for places to go, and overall sometimes content that makes you appreciate the tribe you do have when you see it sort of reflected in front of you and can relate. I think some people have even found valued friendships through social media that they may otherwise wouldn’t have found in the “real world.” However, we know that with all things social media - there’s also that downside.
Sometimes, things can feel performative, one could wonder if people are reaching out to hang out because they see you posting a certain lifestyle and want parts or if they’re genuinely looking to connect. There’s also that notion of comparison, which we know can be the thief of joy. Maybe you don’t have that many friends or that core group, and because of what’s being portrayed on social media, you feel bad about what you do have because it doesn’t look the same.
Sade Danielle:
My personal experience is quite the opposite. I think social media has allowed my friendships to strengthen. As we get older, move away, and have limited time because of other responsibilities, social media has kept us together and even motivates us to plan trips, go to events, or just give kind reminders that we can stay connected through content we find and share.
Denise, NY:
I think social media hasn’t made it superficial, but I do think it has made it lack depth and a sense of responsibility.
Daneyah, LA:
I am a huge girls' girl and love all of my friends for who they are as individuals. One thing that has stood out to me is not depending on one friend for everything, as different friendships have different values and bring different things to the table! Yes, I feel like friends engage with each other socially based on time and proximity.
Because I live so far from most of my friend groups, we lean on socials to stay connected, share memes/relatable content, as well as support each other from afar! It’s definitely helped me stay connected. But I can also see the counter of that, where people see friend groups on social media and get attached to the facade but not the work that goes into nourishing those friendships behind the scenes.
Destiny, NJ:
Yes, I believe friendships have become so superficial based on social media and aesthetics. For instance, I’ve observed in my own personal friendships some friends will gravitate to people who have more of a social media following and what is trending on social media. Wanting to go to certain places and do certain things to adhere to a trend rather than just pulling up on your girls to talk. It becomes hurtful, too, when you have your core group of friends, and the group chat goes cold because you can't ever align schedules, but you see them with people who may fit more of an aesthetic.
Nashima, OH:
Social media has significantly shaped my friendships, making it easier to connect with friends no matter the distance. I enjoy sharing updates and experiences through posts and messages, which helps me feel closer to them. However, I've also noticed that it can lead to misunderstandings, as tone can be easily misinterpreted in text. Additionally, seeing friends highlights can sometimes evoke feelings of jealousy or exclusion. Jealousy in the sense I am missing out because I am states away.
While I appreciate the convenience of staying in touch, I often find that online interactions lack the depth of face-to-face conversations. Balancing social media with real-life connections is important for me to truly strengthen those friendships. Overall, social media plays a crucial role in my relationships, but it's essential to prioritize meaningful communication alongside it.
Justine, NJ:
I think social media affects friendships negatively because it offers a false sense of connection. It is nice to see photos or relatable memes that friends post, but it doesn’t give us an inside view of how they are really doing. It can be used as a tool to stay in the loop, but true connection involves vulnerability and impersonal encounters; both are missing from social media.
Jaylon, PA:
Social media has certainly impacted friendships in a number of ways. On one hand, I believe it’s made it harder to have true, deep, and long-standing connections as we compare ourselves and lives to the lifestyle content we see online. But it also has allowed us to connect with people who have similar interests all around the world.
Ebony, NJ:
I don't feel like social media plays a part in my friendship but I can see the benefits and negative impacts. Social media has been a way to celebrate with friends that I haven’t seen and see if they're going on an amazing vacation, getting married, or if they're opening up their own business, so I do find that it gives me opportunities to still be present even if I can't physically show up.
Sometimes, there are negative impacts of social media, especially as Black women. When we’re looking at content comparing our lives, there's so many curated situations on social media, so it may feel like, "Oh my friendship doesn't look like this," so then comparison sets in.
No matter where you fall whether you’ve found yourself comparing your friendships, felt alone, have a strong group of friends, or none at all, remember this - you are worthy of friendship.
Maskot/Getty Images
Every connection and friendship I have, from my best friends from high school and college to my friends I’ve met as a creator and entrepreneur, brings something unique to my life, and I truly believe that we can celebrate our old friends while embracing the opportunity to make new ones.
It’s important to realize that growth doesn’t mean leaving people behind; instead, it can enrich our lives in ways we never imagined. It’s absolutely possible to cultivate new friendships while holding onto the ones that have been with you through thick and thin. Each relationship adds a different flavor to our lives, and there’s power in allowing ourselves the space to expand our circles without losing the love for those who have always been there.
So, let’s embrace change, appreciate the different paths we take, and honor the friendships that shape our journeys, old and new.
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Dubbed one of the "21 Black Women Wellness Influencers You Should Follow" by Black + Well, Yasmine Jameelah continues to leave her digital footprint across platforms ranging from Forever 21 Plus, Vaseline, and R29 Unbothered discussing all things healing and body positivity. As a journalist, her writing can be found on sites such as Blavity, Blacklove.com, and xoNecole. Jameelah is also known for her work shattering unconventional stigmas surrounding wellness through her various mediums, including her company Transparent Black Girl. Find Yasmine @YasmineJameelah across all platforms.
The Mecca Of Fashion: The Top Street Style Moments At Howard Homecoming
Outfits were planned, bags were packed, and cameras were ready to capture Howard University's collegiate spirit during its centennial Homecoming celebration. Not only does it hold the number one ranking as the most elite Historically Black College and University or its top performing academics, diversity of students and alumni, but the HBCU also leaves a legacy of style and grace.
The essence of effortless poise and refinement shines bright through the iconic university colors of indigo blue, red, and white. Every October, Howard University students, alumni, staff, and friends gather on the prestigious campus in Washington, D.C. to take part in time-honored traditions and events, which is Homecoming. This year's theme, “The Meccaverse,” was a week-long celebration of Howard University’s heritage, including the Homecoming football game and Bison Pep Rally, the Fashion Show, Greek Life Step Show, Homecoming Day of Service, Lavender Reception, and the iconic Yard Fest Concert.
As 2024 marked the 100th anniversary of the Howard Bison trek back to The Mecca and after two years of virtual events due to the COVID-19 pandemic, this was to be a celebration of a lifetime. We enlisted HU alumnus Sharmaine Harris, a luxury retail buyer, as she revisited her alma mater as eyes on the yard for fashion-forward outfits mixed with personal style and campus pride for the weeklong celebration.
Before we get to the looks, discover how attending Howard University impacted her career in fashion and her day-to-day style:
Credit: Sharmaine and Friends
xoNecole: Describe your personal style. Did attending Howard have any impact on developing it?
Sharmaine: Howard taught me that there’s no such thing as being TOO dressed. There’s always a reason to “put it on” and look presentable, even if it’s just for a day of classes. Standing out was celebrated and encouraged with my peers embracing the opportunity, giving me the confidence to try new styles and trends.
xoNecole: How did Howard shape your career as a luxury buyer?
Sharmaine: I studied Fashion Merchandising, through which I was fortunate to have professors who were very connected to the industry and able to give first-hand accounts of opportunities and what to expect post-college. I was also able to build a network through my peers and other Howard Alum, which has opened doors to endless possibilities both within fashion as well as daily life.
The same confidence instilled in me through my style has also been rooted deeply within me as I step into any role or project I’m faced with throughout my career.
xoNecole: This year marked Howard’s 100th-anniversary Homecoming celebration. Can you describe what the weekend looked and felt like?
Sharmaine: I’ve gone to many Howard Homecomings since graduating, but this year’s 100th anniversary felt like a huge family reunion filled with nothing but love. It was beautiful to see so many Bison return home looking great and radiating joy. It was beautiful!
xoNecole: What makes Howard fashion different from other HBCUs?
Sharmaine: Being that Howard is The Mecca, we have such a diverse population with each individual having their own spin on fashion. Getting dressed is second nature for us, but the layered confidence is our secret ingredient to make any look come together. Through that comfortability to push barriers, we have a legacy of setting trends, as indicated by the many alumni we have in the fashion and entertainment industry.
Keep scrolling for the top street style moments from The Mecca's Homecoming weekend:
Credit: Lacey Gallagher
Credit: Alan Henderson
Credit: JaLynn Davis
Credit: Dylan Davis
Credit: Caleb Smith
Credit: Kendall W.
Credit: Jordyn Finney
Credit: Vanessa Nneoma
Credit: Dr. Mariah Sankey-Thomas
Credit: Caleb MacBruce
Credit: Tiffany Battle
Credit: Teniola
Credit: Ilahi Creary
Credit: Nicolas Ryan Grant
Credit: Dylan Davis
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image courtesy of Sharmaine Harris
Message From A Mad Black Woman: Y’all Keep The Blue Bracelets, We’ll Take Our Rest.
Mere hours after the 2024 presidential election results made it clear that the United States would need to gird its loins for a second Trump presidency, a gaggle of women ran over to social media to announce that blue bracelets would serve as a new sign of solidarity. A safe space, if you will.
This declaration came about in response to Black women openly voicing their disappointment in both the election results and exit poll data that showed that not just white people, but Latinos and women of “all other races” had played a surprising role in the now President-Elect, Donald Trump’s reelection.
These exit polls quickly became the object of Black women’s attention and ultimate disappointment. Because while Black women went out and reliably voted for Vice President Kamala Harris to the tune of 91%, white women handed Trump 53% of their collective vote, Latino women 36%, and women of “other races” 46%.
On the night of November 5, 2024, Black women were left in shock. This shock would morph into disappointment, and the disappointment was a consequence of what, some would begin to argue, felt like, well, betrayal.
Like Rome, though, this heart-wrenching disappointment wasn’t built in a day.
Screenshot from "2024 Exit Polls," NBC News, accessed Nov. 12, 2024.
The Set-Up
On Sunday, July 21, President Joe Biden announced that he would not be seeking reelection - a decision that followed the disastrous one-and-done debate against former president Donald Trump, the subsequent wavering of major donors, and growing calls for a new candidate to run on the Democrat’s ticket. Hours after Biden’s announcement, Vice President Kamala Harris would send Beyoncé's internet into a frenzy by announcing that she would seek the party’s nomination.
That July night, 44,000 Black women assembled via Zoom to stress test the limits of the meeting app, break historical fundraising records, and strategize - subsequently setting into motion a series of virtual meet-ups. As a result, more Zoom meetings cropped up, bringing together attendees connected through countless combinations of backgrounds, orientations, and genders.
One said meeting was held by and for 164,000 “White Women for Kamala” who’d come together to publicly declare that they’d regretted not doing more in 2016 and were ready to use their privilege for the sake of advocacy and allyship.
A woman wearing an anti-Trump button as she listens to Democratic presidential nominee VP Kamala Harris speak at a campaign event on Oct. 18, 2024.
Bill Pugliano/Getty Images
For months, white women made it a point to convince Black women that they were on board - ensuring us that they were ready to seize their second chance at pushing back on the pillars of the patriarchy. The same group who’d failed to answer the call of rejecting Trump’s racist, sexist, and xenophobic antics before swore, for months, that they’d seen the error of their ways and were looking for redemption. The alleged fix? Betting better. Doing more. Voting differently.
While there was an understanding undertone of apprehension from Black women, the rhetoric began to lend itself to hope — with some going so far as to lift the moratorium on cookout invites. There seemed to be a collective sigh. A brief moment of unity.
The Let-Down
Little did Black women know, they were about to be played like a fiddle by the same group who, like in 2016 and 2020, were more interested in their own self-preservation than in actual change. This short-lived hope was dashed on Nov. 5 as the true nature of performative allyship became evident.
Turns out, the Black women who’d served at the helm of the movement, bless their hearts, had been bamboozled. Hoodwinked. Swindled. Like a modern-day Boo Boo the Fool. Believing the hook, line, and sinker, it was almost cute, in a tragic sort of way. They saw the potential, the hope, and the promise, drinking the red Kool-Aid, so to speak, eagerly awaiting the revolution.
The excessive blue hearts and social media commentary pledging solidarity had turned out to be performative or had over-indexed the voices of the 44% who were actually in solidarity. Either way, the seemingly overwhelming allyship wasn’t there, reminding Black women that while they are constantly expected to stand on the front lines for so many, rarely is there any ally who will actually show up for them.
A History of Short-Lived, Self-Serving Allyship
The 2024 election wasn’t the first time we’d seen this type of performative allyship, though. While a noble concept in theory, the kinds of allyship that have been displayed in many movements across The States have far too often missed the actual point. In fact, throughout U.S. history, allyship has actually been used more as a tool to bolster a single group’s positioning in the social hierarchy rather than genuinely advocating for the progression of marginalized groups.
Think back to 2020. Just months after the COVID-19 pandemic forced much of the country into isolation, remote work, the acknowledgment of essential workers as, well, essential, and, for some reason, bread-making. For 9 minutes and 29 seconds, the world watched, helplessly, as a powerless George Floyd was slowly pulled away from the world, drained by Officer Derek Chauvin's knee to his nape. In a traumatic 8 minutes and 46 seconds, the world seemingly changed.
Ira L. Black/Corbis via Getty Images
Protests quickly spread across the globe, and along with it, a wave of “allyship” swept across America. Large corporations, scrambling to answer the calls of Black employees, consumers, and investors demanding that they use their financial prowess to do more to prevent the next Floyd, almost instantly began releasing statements of solidarity, pledging donations to “racial justice” causes, and promising to promote more Black employees.
However, as quickly as these gestures showed up, most were forgotten, with almost all proving to have provided minimal impact on the groups they’d pledged to help. While some companies, like Target, increased their spending on Black-owned businesses, others faced scrutiny for their lack of substantive change.
A study by Color Of Change found that only 17% of companies that pledged donations after Floyd's death had fulfilled their commitments. Data compiled by theWashington Post found that two years after America’s 50 largest publicly traded companies pledged a collective $50 billion to racial justice causes, just 37 had disbursed a collective $1.7 billion. What’s worse?
Ninety percent of the pledged amount - or $45.2 billion - had been allocated in the form of mortgages, loans, and investments that the companies themselves would more than likely benefit from. These companies said one thing and did another and still found a way to benefit from the delta.
Performative Allyship: Civil Rights & Women’s Liberation Movements
This type of allyship is new, though. It didn’t take long for powerful groups to figure out that the simple appearance of allyship was, for the most part, good for business and the bottom line. For decades, powerful entities have publicly supported movements only to be later found to have engaged in discriminatory practices, highlighting the consistent disconnect.
During the Civil Rights Movement, companies issued statements of solidarity and even donated to civil rights organizations, but behind the scenes, they continued to segregate their workforces and refuse to hire Black employees for higher-level positions. During the Women's Liberation Movement, advertisers capitalized on the feminist moment by incorporating imagery and slogans associated with women's empowerment into their campaigns, while the underlying message of many advertisements reinforced traditional gender roles and stereotypes.
The difference between what is said and what is done has time after time exposed the shallowness of allyship, highlighting how it has mostly served as a tool for public relations rather than a genuine commitment to social justice and to the marginalized groups who are most at risk by the upholding of the status quo.
For two election cycles straight, white women posed as allies and still voted in a way that upheld the power structure that they benefit from - with many understanding that the survival of white supremacy is of more value to them than sexism and misogyny is a threat. In 2016 and 2020, 52% and 55% of white women, respectively, decided that they’d rather keep their position of second place in the social hierarchy than risk dismantling it and being forced to find a new place in society.
Latino women and women of “all of the races” followed the trend - blatantly ignoring the warnings of the same Black women who have not only been on the front lines of social justice but who are often called into the lead movements in communities that are not there own - increasing their support for Trump between 2016 and 2025 by 13% and 15% respectively.
Screenshot from "2020 Exit Polls," NBC News, accessed Nov. 12, 2024.
The Blue Bracelets are Going to Be A “No”
On the night of Nov. 5, 2024, Black women watched their country look at a qualified, experienced, capable, and willing Black woman and say, “Nah, we good.” It was on this night that a group that had been denied democratic rights for centuries, but had still attempted to rescue American democracy far too many times, only to be let down, put away the warnings, and began issuing a new declaration - they were opting out.
Black women have decided to lean into rest and recuperation - uninterested in any additional work that will, more than likely, end in disappointment and betrayal. For many Black women, the suggestion to wear blue bracelets as a symbol of solidarity is patronizing and dismissive of a greater and more complex issue. It’s a way to absolve the women who let Black women down for failing to keep promises made while simultaneously positioning the wearer as morally superior.
It fails to address the historically deep betrayal that Black women have experienced at the hands of their country and, more specifically, their own countrywomen. The request reduces the fight for equality to a simple, superficial gesture when allyship isn’t aesthetic and Black women deserve more than a symbol.
While the blue bracelets may be the new fashion choice for white women attempting to set themselves apart, to symbolize that they were on the right side of history, for many Black women, it’ll always be difficult to trust. In fact, it may serve as a symbol of a hollow and fleeting promise for the Black women who have done the tireless and thankless work for justice and equality.
For now, Black women are choosing themselves. Anywhere between a few days and the next four years should be enough time to reset and recoup. And who knows, they may even find the excess capacity means energy to train as pilots, restart forgotten yoga practices, expand the business, or earn that second Ph.D.
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