Have you ever had a moment when you were in a great mood and a great mental and emotional space, but came across something on your social media timeline that shifted your energy from confidence to comparison? Celebrated to frustrated? Joy to jealousy? Perhaps you felt like you were making progress in an area of your life, but then suddenly you felt as if you weren't as far along as you thought. Social media breaks and boundaries can help with this.
I can admit that every now and then, social media has a way of affecting my mind, body (how I feel about it), and spirit if I'm not careful. Hence, I proactively take social media breaks as a part of my self-care routine because:
It helps boost my confidence.
Social media is like a double-edged sword because just as quickly as you can find something positive on social media, you can just as quickly feed your soul something negative. Comparison kills confidence and unfortunately, social media is one of the best ways to do that. We're constantly in a state of comparing our success, our progress, our relationships, our careers, and our statuses through social media (amongst other things). I have found that taking a break from social media can really help you build your confidence back up when you're not overly consumed with it.
I'm more focused on my journey, not everyone else's.
Instagram, and everything in between, can get you caught up into thinking that you're supposed to have "insta-success," an "insta-fit-body," an "insta-Bae," or get "insta-rich." We have #RelationshipGoals but unrealistic expectations. Unfortunately, however, we're only privy to certain people's "highlight reel," not the "real deal" that goes on behind the scenes. I realize now more than ever - through my experiences as well as the experiences of others who have long-lasting success - that nothing happens overnight.
Sometimes the wait is the hardest part of the work, but I'm reminded to trust the process, trust God, and trust my dopeness.
It's easy to get so caught up in someone else's life that you forget about your own. I used to compare my journey to other people's, not realizing that my journey was never meant to be exactly like theirs. Not to mention the fact that quite honestly, I hadn't put in nearly the amount of work as those who were where I wanted to be. A sure-proof way you can limit and slow down your personal progress is to focus on someone else's.
I'm able to relax more.
I was at the nail shop the other day getting a pedicure. Most times, I use social media to keep me occupied, but this time, I was committed to keeping my phone in my purse so that I could actually unwind and enjoy feeling relaxed. At one point, I even nodded off and fell asleep. It was yet another realization for me that if I really want to enjoy more moments of feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, then I must be okay with being disconnected.
I'm able to embrace the gift of today and enjoy life more.
When I limit or take social media breaks, I find myself spending more genuine, quality time with my husband, and our family and friends, which always warms my heart and makes me feel wonderful. I have more time to read inspirational and thought-provoking books or study other forms of art. I actually enjoy vacations and traveling more. Instead of worrying about capturing, editing, and uploading every single image or video at that very moment, I actually live in the moment.
I'm more aware and appreciative of my own blessings.
Part of true happiness means being happy for someone else, but sometimes, when you're too focused on other people's blessings, it can make you forget about your own. For example, as a married woman, my spouse could buy me something this week as a sign of his love but then a week later, I could totally forget about it simply because of a gesture I might've seen someone else do for their spouse on social media. That's why every day before I start doing anything else, I begin each day with a prayer of thanksgiving and I read my daily devotional. I constantly remind myself that the things I currently have are the same things I once prayed for.
I'm more productive.
I can't even begin to tell you how many times I started to do something, but didn't get around to it because I was distracted by a few minutes of scrolling that eventually turned into a two-hour social media exploration. This almost always leads to a lack of productivity, which is a trigger for my anxiety because then I feel the pressure of trying to fit a number of activities within a limited number of hours, days, or weeks. Nevertheless, I've noticed that when I limit my social media or create specific boundaries, I am more productive and my anxiety is much more controlled.
Social media doesn't control my life. I control it.
Although social media posts are critical for my brand, my overall self-care and the productivity of the rest of my life is more important. Hence, I've learned how to take breaks, turn off certain notifications, and I also practice the art of posting then dropping off so I'm not tempted to scroll through everyone's pages. My friends know that if there's something important that they want to share with me, then they can't assume that I will see it on social media because I'm not always on there, even if they've seen me post recently.
I'm in control of the energy I allow around me.
No matter how many positive pages, groups, or influencers I may follow, it's inevitable that someone or something will pop-up on my timeline that may not flow with my energy for the day. Sometimes, it's not even about what others may post; rather, it's about protecting my physical and mental space, as well as my energy. Like they say, "Sometimes elevation requires isolation." So, a lot of times, I will take a break from all of it so I can meditate and hear more intently and think more clearly. Plus, taking a break helps prevent my mind, body, and spirit from being overpowered and controlled by my social media interactions.
I'm more committed to doing me and what's best for me.
If we're not careful, we can become so obsessed with other people's lives that instead of being inspired by them, we start imitating them; causing us to feel confused or insecure about who we're supposed to be and what we're supposed to be doing. I've learned, however, that the best woman I can be is the one that God specifically called and designed me to be.
Mary J. Blige said it best when she said, "I can only be me." I can't compare my life, my relationship, or my success to anyone else's. A happy and healthy version of myself is knowing that I'm not living my life merely for the popularity or praises from people on social media. Instead, I'm living life for the purpose I've been called to do, and you should too.
Featured image by Getty Images
- How To Practice Social Media Self-Care & Keep Your Peace - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Why Comparison Is Absolutely Ridiculous - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- The Relationship Between Social Media And Body Image - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Celebs Are Reminding Us Of The Power Of Taking Mental Health Breaks And You Can Too - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Self-Care Tips for Radical Social Media Users — Rest For Resistance ›
- Demi Lovato on Taking Breaks from Social Media, Haters and Self ... ›
- Is Social Media Stressing You Out? Here Are 9 Self-Care Tips ›
- How girls use social media to build up, break down self-image - CNN ›
- 6 Ways to Practice Self-Care on Social Media | Mount Sinai ... ›
- Social Media Self-Care: Setting Boundaries on Facebook - Psyched ... ›
- Taking Time To Disconnect from Social Media as Self-Care ›
- 6 Potential Mental Health Benefits of Deleting Social Media | SELF ›
- 7 ways to make the most out of a social media break - HelloGiggles ›
- Breaking Up With Social Media Is an Act of Self-Care ›
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak