Does minimizing your "manhood" maximize your parenthood?
Peter Gunz's daughter, Whitney, recently had a chat with father Gunz on his constant baby making and asked him to cut it out- literally.
We all know how men feel about their *cough* ego. On a recent episode of Love and Hip Hop: New York, rapper Peter Gunz met with his eldest daughter for drinks and well...let's just say the conversation took a rather invasive turn.
According to Whitney, she feels that father Panky means well, but may not realize that it is physically and emotionally impossible to be there for all 10 of his kids (from six different women)- resulting in no one having the "Gunz," for much too long, since he is constantly roaming.
The conversation turned into an emotional one that literally left Peter sick to his stomach. Whitney asked her dad:
"You have such a good heart and I know you don't mean [to hurt people]. Maybe you have a problem where you can't be with one person. You're a really lovable guy, even I can't stay mad at you. But you have to make a decision though. You can't keep this going on, it's not fair. Have you considered a vasectomy?"
The look on Peter's face literally said it all:
Whitney went on to tell Peter that if he can't make the decision for himself, to consider making it for his loved ones:
"I feel like if you can't make a decision for you, for Tara or for Amina, you should make a different for your kids. And any woman should respect that."
Peter revealed later in the confessional that although his daughter's request for him to get a vasectomy made him feel ashamed and tearful, that Whitney may have had a point:
"Hearing my daughter say 'vasectomy' made me want to throw up. I gotta be honest with you, it made me feel like less of a man. But maybe she's right."
Yikes! This just brought a whole new meaning to cock-block.
For those who don't know, a "vasectomy" is the surgical cutting and sealing of part of each vas deferens (the tubes that carry a man's sperm from his testicles to the seminal vesicles). It's usually used as a means of sterilization.
Even Houston rapper Slim Thug spoke on the issue after willingly undergoing a vasectomy himself. Who could forget back in 2012 when a then 31-year-old Slim tweeted out, hashtags and all, "#NoNewKids #NoMoreBabyMamas" after his surgery, proudly boasting about having "ice packs on the balls" and all post-op. At the time, Slim was three kids deep with three different women, and expressed how he felt he was doing the biggest injustice to the kids by spreading his seeds all over.
"I don’t think it’s right, I don’t think it’s good to have a baby and not be with the father. That’s part of the biggest problem. My mother, she took care of me, but she was working seven days-a-week, 12 hours-a-day. That was a struggle, I seen how much she struggled and it was so hard coming up. I don’t even know who my daddy is. I don’t like that. I think a kid deserves both his parents. That’s why I think if you ain’t gonna be with somebody, you don’t need to have a kid with him. Even though I got three baby mamas…. it’s working out. But it ain’t right."
Slim also applied the same logic for such aggressive forms of birth control by expressing his support of abortions, if done "timely" enough:
“I think abortion is necessary on some occasions. People be against it, but people don’t deal with the real life situations some people deal with. I ain’t saying wait three or four months. If it’s immediate, it’s like birth control to me.”
Strong opinion, but he is speaking his truth. There may be some controversy behind Slim's logic, but no one can deny that his intentions are good, regardless if his logic may be faulty. It's similar to the same argument Peter, 47, gave wife Amina when he pleaded and convinced her to get an abortion for the sake of having too many kids already. Although she went through with it, she got pregnant again months afterwards.
(L) Tara Wallace Pregnancy Pic from Feb 2016 (R) Amina Pregnancy Pic from February 2016
It appears that one of the biggest flaws with Peter "loving them all," (even in his most recent situation with Amina and Tara and the five kids between them, Peter admits says he is guilty of "currently being in love with two women,") is that there aren't enough hours or time in the day to truly give anyone, from your kids to the women you are with. Even the richest dad can't place themselves in two-three-SIX places at once. And we're not even counting his children's children who would probably like to see their grandfather on occasion. Even worse is that aside from the kids' being left short, the women involved are also very hurt by Peter's actions, which we're sure doesn't make it easier to cope with co-parenting.
Just earlier this month when Peter stopped by The Breakfast Club, he was asked how the lesser-known mother of his children feel about his incessant need to procreate with different women, to which Gunz replied that they are less than proud to have him as a parent:
"Cthagod: Are your other baby mamas embarrassed you?Peter: Absolutely! I mean, they love me but, here is the thing, I can't go thru the mall, the movies or anything without people asking me for a picture. But on the internet, I'm the most hated person in the world. And my baby mothers, they look at what people are saying and they feed off that.The mother of my kids, if I said who they were or what they did, they'd kill me."
Ouch! Peter did, however, admit that he all of his children's mothers are well-to-do enough to provide for their child(ren) and not place him on child support, especially considering that he was barely getting by before the show.
Overall, watching Whitney plead with Peter to be "less of a man" in order to be more of a dad was tough. I recall once speaking to a friend who said he loves kid and prays to one day have six- but all from his wife. He admitted that he feels all children are a blessing but it would be a disservice to them to have them in different homes. At the end of day, even a stable household with a few kids is hard to maintain, hence "middle child syndrome," so imagine several homes with 10!
How did you feel about Whitney's conversation with her dad last night? Do you agree that having so many women and families can ruin the chances of even the nicest man being a good dad due to time and availability?
Watch the moment below:
A modest goddess who keeps it humble between mumbles. I'm a journalism graduate with a HERstory in digital media, print and radio. Roll the credits: Power 96, VH1, xoNecole, EBONY, SOHH. Deemed "Top 20 Women in Media" by Power 105. Bronx made me, Broward raised me.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
New year, new dating style. Courtesy of a former sugar baby.
Being a sugar baby had its (obvious) perks, but the most significant ones didn’t center around the material benefits. To date, I have a bigger appreciation for the lessons I’ve learned and applied them to my dating life.
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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