All the women of the land want to claim they have that ill na na, that WAP and as you can see by the timeless colloquialisms this is nothing new. The reality is that not every woman has it and I’m not saying that to shame, I’m actually saying that to normalize and minimize the shame that is seemingly around the subject matter because there are physical and mental reasons why vaginal dryness might occur. This is not me saying that you should settle for “it is what it is” but quite the opposite. Instead, know that you’re not alone and that in some cases there is work that can be done, physicians and sex therapists who might be able to help you learn ways to increase vaginal “wetness” or lubrication, or the cause of vaginal dystrophy or dryness as it can be several factors, from stress to menopause and SO *claps* MUCH *claps* MORE *claps*.
One thing that has piqued my cat-like curiosity is the girlies of TikTok saying that slippery elm bark, a plant that works as a demulcent, was the secret ingredient to getting macaroni-in-a-pot gushy. In fact, slippery elm bark has caused an increase in sales according to John Frigo, trainer, registered dietitian, and product specialist with Best Price Nutrition. He also adds that they can typically pinpoint TikTok as the culprit when these sorts of things begin to trend yet this time it happens to hold some truth. Frigo's exact words were, “Slippery elm bark seems to increase the mucilage tissues in our bodies which includes vaginal tissue. While no studies have been done on this anecdotally there seems to be a consensus that after about a week of use women begin to experience a noticeable difference.”
I spoke with two other experts who believe it is likely that slippery elm bark could work to increase wetness based on the product's mechanism. They also agree that it wouldn’t be their first line of defense when it comes to increasing your “sauce” as Rihanna once referred to it as. Making this the perfect segue because we want to know all the things anyways!
Before deferring to slippery elm as your vaginal wetness hack, the two experts have some suggestions to try in order to increase vaginal lubrication.
1. Balance Your Vaginal pH
Among other factors that can create vaginal dryness, your pH balance is one of them. Your pH balance plays an important role in the overall health of your vagina. For your vaginal pH to be considered balanced, it needs to fall between the 3.8 to 4.5 range. Having a pH balance that is too high (over 4.5) is the perfect breeding ground for unhealthy bacteria to flourish and increases your risk for infections like BV. In order to correct an unbalanced pH, you can implement habits like taking probiotics, staying hydrated, and improving your diet.
Dr. Erica Steele, board-certified naturopathic doctor and certified functional medicine practitioner explains, “The digestive system has a symbiotic relationship with the female reproductive system so cleaning up the digestive system is very important to create a healthy and balanced vaginal canal. Lowering fat in the diet, increasing protein as well as improving the microbiology of the digestive system, specifically, the liver is key to ensuring a healthy vaginal canal.”
2. Vaginal Moisturizers
Vaginal moisturizers can be a very effective way to treat vaginal dryness. The over-the-counter remedy can be found in both gel and suppository form and use hyaluronic acid to hydrate vaginal cells and therefore moisturize the vagina. This differs from lubricants because vaginal moisturizers can alter vaginal tissues whereas lubricants just add a lubricated barrier to reduce tears that may stem from the friction created by intercourse. Furthermore, vaginal moisturizers are most effective when used regularly as most products suggest twice-a-week application. And like most skin care products, the more consistently you use it, the better the results. If you are looking for vaginal moisturizers to try, Healthline provided a great list of the best vaginal moisturizers of 2022 and you can find that here.
3. Vaginal DHEA
Another non-hormonal option that can be used to treat vaginal atrophy is vaginal dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA). This treatment is most often used by postmenopausal women to improve sexual function and increase vaginal wetness that naturally reduces as women get older. Kim Vopni, who is known as the Vagina Coach, says, "Vaginal DHEA is a non-hormonal cream that can help with the conversion of estrogen and testosterone. Estrogen is a big part of a healthy vagina and as we age and produce less estrogen, the walls of the vagina thin and become drier." Vopni recommends Julva Vulva Rejuvenating Cream as a personal favorite.
4. Do Pelvic Floor Exercises
In addition to the other options listed as ways to address dryness, consider working out! No, not in the gym. Vopni suggests doing pelvic floor exercises. She adds, "Kegels are a commonly known form of pelvic floor exercise that, when done correctly, can help increase blood flow and circulation to the vagina and can help with lubrication. An at-home device called the vFit by Joylux has also been shown to increase lubrication, among other benefits.”
While it is a relief to know that TikTokers weren’t pulling slippery elm out of their bag of tricks and deception (since it is hit or miss), it’s wonderful to know that there are other approaches that can be taken before purchasing slippery elm. And generally speaking, options!
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak