Women are not as complicated as many men make them out to be. Sure, women have their emotional moments and sometimes their heart can be as guarded (with good reasons) as the Great Wall of China. However, they are pretty straightforward about what they are looking for in regards to dating and commitment.
In fact, here are 6 things most women wished men knew in dating.
1.Women are attracted to men who are proactively on their journey towards WHOLENESS.
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No one likes a mess and more specifically, cleaning up after one. Despite what culture may have the world to believe, a majority of women are attracted to men who have taken the time to learn about themselves, reflect on their past mistakes and are on their healing journey. There are various perspectives around what defines wholeness, but what many men do not know is that we do not expect a man to be 100% healed because healing is a never-ending journey that requires work. A man who is proactive and intentional with his self-development is usually emotionally available, and that is certainly attractive.
2.Women want men to be OVER their ex/exes.
It does not matter how fabulous, purpose-driven, intelligent, or beautiful a woman is; if the man is not completely over his ex, then she stands no chance. There are no exceptions for this and when women make excuses for it, they tend to find themselves in situationships or left empty in the end. Therefore, many women find great comfort when men speak of their ex/exes in past tense, as well as with no animosity or bitterness in their tone of voice.
3.Women want men to communicate, not carry an interview.
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A majority of women value verbal communication (via phone or in person) not "interview questions" that are often exchanged through texting. Most women will agree when I say that we do not like the "tell me about yourself" or "what do you like to do" question. They desire real communication that cultivates knowledge, vulnerability and genuine passion that is sparked. So when men ask women those "safe" questions, they actually learn less about who they are.
Instead, some women would prefer the following questions:
- If you could wake up to your dream job, what would your typical day look like?
- What are your current thoughts around {insert current event}?
- I see you are very devoted to your faith. What was that journey like for you to get to that place?
4.Women want men to specify if the FIRST outing is a date or not.
An outing is something that friends or acquaintances do but a date is a person's way of investing their time, energy, and sometimes money (for the big ballers) to evaluate if the person is worth getting to know on a more romantic level. If a woman is looking for something serious, she does not want to spend ample time assuming that the intention of the outing is genuine interest when in reality, it is just a hang out and chill type of outing that may continue for a couple of days, weeks or months until someone "better" comes along.
Therefore, women desire and deserve to be validated on whether or not the outing is a date or just hanging out. That information allows a woman to determine how she should navigate that outing, if she chooses to go. If a woman is told that you guys going bowling is a casual outing, do not be surprised if you see her flirting with a guy at the concession stand or playing the staring game with a guy in the next lane.
5.Women are nurturing by nature but they like to be nurtured.
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When God created women, he added a nurturing bone in her body and from then on, women have been known to be one of the most nurturing people on earth. While nurturing others is greatly beneficial to their partner, women still have a strong desire to receive it. When a woman is nurtured correctly and consistently, the walls surrounding her heart comes down. She most likely finds you to be her safe place since you have set a welcoming atmosphere for her to be vulnerable to you.
6.Women find consistency to not be overbearing when the interest is mutual.
Consistency will NEVER get old or become outdated. Women are attracted to effort from men. As a result, it provides women a space to lower down her walls. In essence, women must be proven through consistent actions that you are worth opening up to. If consistency is lacked, progress usually will not be made.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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