Women are not as complicated as many men make them out to be. Sure, women have their emotional moments and sometimes their heart can be as guarded (with good reasons) as the Great Wall of China. However, they are pretty straightforward about what they are looking for in regards to dating and commitment.
In fact, here are 6 things most women wished men knew in dating.
1.Women are attracted to men who are proactively on their journey towards WHOLENESS.
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No one likes a mess and more specifically, cleaning up after one. Despite what culture may have the world to believe, a majority of women are attracted to men who have taken the time to learn about themselves, reflect on their past mistakes and are on their healing journey. There are various perspectives around what defines wholeness, but what many men do not know is that we do not expect a man to be 100% healed because healing is a never-ending journey that requires work. A man who is proactive and intentional with his self-development is usually emotionally available, and that is certainly attractive.
2.Women want men to be OVER their ex/exes.
It does not matter how fabulous, purpose-driven, intelligent, or beautiful a woman is; if the man is not completely over his ex, then she stands no chance. There are no exceptions for this and when women make excuses for it, they tend to find themselves in situationships or left empty in the end. Therefore, many women find great comfort when men speak of their ex/exes in past tense, as well as with no animosity or bitterness in their tone of voice.
3.Women want men to communicate, not carry an interview.
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A majority of women value verbal communication (via phone or in person) not "interview questions" that are often exchanged through texting. Most women will agree when I say that we do not like the "tell me about yourself" or "what do you like to do" question. They desire real communication that cultivates knowledge, vulnerability and genuine passion that is sparked. So when men ask women those "safe" questions, they actually learn less about who they are.
Instead, some women would prefer the following questions:
- If you could wake up to your dream job, what would your typical day look like?
- What are your current thoughts around {insert current event}?
- I see you are very devoted to your faith. What was that journey like for you to get to that place?
4.Women want men to specify if the FIRST outing is a date or not.
An outing is something that friends or acquaintances do but a date is a person's way of investing their time, energy, and sometimes money (for the big ballers) to evaluate if the person is worth getting to know on a more romantic level. If a woman is looking for something serious, she does not want to spend ample time assuming that the intention of the outing is genuine interest when in reality, it is just a hang out and chill type of outing that may continue for a couple of days, weeks or months until someone "better" comes along.
Therefore, women desire and deserve to be validated on whether or not the outing is a date or just hanging out. That information allows a woman to determine how she should navigate that outing, if she chooses to go. If a woman is told that you guys going bowling is a casual outing, do not be surprised if you see her flirting with a guy at the concession stand or playing the staring game with a guy in the next lane.
5.Women are nurturing by nature but they like to be nurtured.
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When God created women, he added a nurturing bone in her body and from then on, women have been known to be one of the most nurturing people on earth. While nurturing others is greatly beneficial to their partner, women still have a strong desire to receive it. When a woman is nurtured correctly and consistently, the walls surrounding her heart comes down. She most likely finds you to be her safe place since you have set a welcoming atmosphere for her to be vulnerable to you.
6.Women find consistency to not be overbearing when the interest is mutual.
Consistency will NEVER get old or become outdated. Women are attracted to effort from men. As a result, it provides women a space to lower down her walls. In essence, women must be proven through consistent actions that you are worth opening up to. If consistency is lacked, progress usually will not be made.
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Because really, as you’re going down the list of all of the people who you want to get something for, are you even on it? If not, you definitely should be because I agree with a survey that I once read that said that many people are big on “self-gifting” because 1) it’s important to them, 2) they see it as a reward, and 3) it’s a great way to lift their spirits.
That said, when you factor your vagina into all of this, another article that I penned for the platform a while back is “Vaginas Are Like Plants. Here's What I Mean By That.” In it, one of the things that I mentioned is when you actually speak positively to and about your “treasure box,” it can help to boost your self-confidence. That being the case, I’m just providing one more way that you can elevate your self-esteem (including your sexual self-esteem) as you remind yourself that since every inch of you is special, every part should certainly be celebrated.
That said, let’s get into 10 things that your vagina and vulva would be so happy to receive this holiday season.
1. A Vagina-Themed Food Basket
If I were to offer you $25 on the spot to list 10 foods that are proven to be beneficial to your vagina’s overall health and well-being, could you do it? If you’re an avid supporter of the site, you should be able to because, over the years, I’ve written pieces like “The Foods Your Vagina's Been Craving,” “Put Your Vagina On A 'Summer Diet' This Year,” “10 Fall Foods That Are Really Good For Your Vaginal Health” and “This Is How To Eat Your Way To A Wetter (Yes, Wetter) Vagina.”
The reason why it’s important to know things like this is because studies show that consuming a ton of processed foods not only has the ability to suppress your immunity, but it can also make you more susceptible to vaginal infections and even vaginal dryness.
So, why not put some of the foods that are mentioned in those articles into a basket, wrap them in cellophane, put a big bright bow on top, and place it on your kitchen table in time for Christmas? Your vagina will dig it — the rest of your system will too.
2. Bikini Line Moisturizer
The reality is the skin that’s around your bikini area is more sensitive than you probably think it is. And so, if you shave there often and you want to reduce your chances of getting razor bumps, moisturize. Adding to that, since removing hair down below removes a top layer of skin as well, in order to avoid ending up with dry (and irritated) skin, moisturize.
Wanna keep your skin looking great after removing hair? Yep, you guessed it — moisturize. Although there’s a particular carrier oil that can get the job done that I will discuss here in a moment, there are also moisturizers that were created specifically for your bikini line region. A list of some popular ones is located here and here.
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3. Hybrid Lubricant
Whether your hormones are shifting these days, and that’s got you a bit drier in and around your va-jay-jay than you would like, or you simply want to be wetter because, during sex, that way truly is better, you can never go wrong with a tube of hybrid lubricant. If you’re wondering what that is, it’s a blend of silicone and water-based lubricant that’s especially awesome if you’re someone who likes to participate in anal sex, you enjoy using sex toys a lot and/or shower sex (check out “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better”) is totally your thing. Why? Well, when you use hybrid lubricant, it tends to last longer than a water-only lube does.
Also, since it has the “slip” of the silicone, you can experience less friction during intercourse which ultimately makes for a more pleasurable experience all around. At the end of the day, what it all boils down to is a hybrid lubricant is able to give you the best of both worlds. For the record, a hybrid lube that has a great reputation for not being sticky, not staining, and working really well with both condoms and sex toys is Sliquid Silk. At under $25 for around an eight-ounce bottle, that makes it even more of a win.
4. Jojoba Oil
As far as skincare goes, it is my personal opinion that everyone should have some jojoba oil in their possession. It’s loaded with vitamin E which nurtures your skin. It deeply penetrates dry skin. It helps to soothe skin issues like eczema and psoriasis. It also helps to fight acne and reduce signs of aging.
And why will your vagina enjoy it so? Well, another thing that jojoba oil contains is antioxidants as well as antimicrobial and antifungal properties — some of which have been proven to kill candida (which can lead to a yeast infection). So, if you’d like an affordable oil that is great for your vulva region, without question, jojoba oil is that one.
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5. Seasonal Vajacials
If you’ve never heard of a vajacial before, it’s basically a “facial” for your vagina — well, actually, your vulva. As far as if you actually “need” them or not, the reviews are mixed. Personally, I’m all about them if you’re someone who does pubic hair removal on a consistent basis because they can help to soothe your vulva after getting waxed, can help to prevent ingrown hairs, and they can also exfoliate any dead skin cells that could lead to build-up or irritation.
To me, the key is to make sure that a licensed esthetician does them for you and that they focus on your vulva (the outer part of your vagina) only. If you keep that in mind and get one around four times a year, I can attest to the fact that your vulvar skin will be all the better for it.
6. Pelvic Floor Massager
Whether you’ve recently had a baby (vaginally) and you’re looking to speed up the healing process, you’ve been experiencing some pain or discomfort during sex and you’d like some relief, or you’re dealing with a bit of incontinence, a pelvic floor massager (some call it a pelvic floor wand) could be the solution to your problems. That’s because it’s specifically designed to gently apply pressure to your pelvic floor in a way that increases blood circulation, soothes trigger points, and strengthens weaker tissues in your pelvic floor area.
For the record, although these can be pretty effective, it is important to speak with your doctor or, even better, a pelvic floor therapist — just so they can confirm if you actually need to use the massager and, if so, for how long. Some options for reputable pelvic floor massagers are located right here.
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7. Tanga Panties
If it’s time to get some new drawers (and if it’s been longer than six months, the answer would be “yes”), get your vagina some tanga panties. If you’re not exactly sure what those are, they’re underwear that’s a blend of half thong and half Brazilian briefs. What I personally like about them is they provide the sexiness of a thong while having the comfort (and coverage) of a pair of briefs. And since that is the case (and you don’t have fabric that is all bunched up in that space), your vagina is able to breathe better than it probably would in a thong — and that means less (potential) yeast infections. Yay!
8. Vaginal Gummies
You probably already know that taking a probiotic is a great way to care for your vagina from the inside out. Okay, but what about the gummies craze that seems to be going on as far as health-related supplements go? Are they good for your vagina too? Well, what a lot of health experts will say is although your system may not exactly “need” them, many of the gummies do contain a particular strain of probiotic that can help to keep your vagina in good condition as far as its flora and reducing your chances of getting bacterial vaginosis go.
Plus, gummies tend to taste pretty good, which is always a bonus. If you’d like to read up on a variety of vaginal gummies options, Amazon has quite a few to choose from here.
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9. Rose Water
Whether you decide to purchase some rose water or make it yourself (recipe here), please give it a shot. All of the antioxidants in rose water can help to soothe skin irritation, its antiseptic and analgesic properties will help to treat minor skin infections and, when used on at least a semi-consistent basis, rose water can help to slow down the aging process of your skin as well.
And here’s the thing — since vulvar skin can age just like the rest of your body (check out “Vaginas Age Just Like Everything Else. You Can Slow It Down, Though.” and “Keep Your Vagina Like A (Literal) Fountain Of Youth”), soaking in some rose water while taking a bath can certainly do wonders for your vulva and vagina.
Also, rose water (in its purest form, which is roses and water only) can help to balance your vulva skin’s pH levels, deeply hydrate that area of your body, and also bring relief to minor razor burns. And just where can you find some pure rose water? NatureVibe Botanicals Rose Water is a fan favorite for many. You can purchase a bottle of it here.
10. A Book That Celebrates the Diversity of Vulvas
As we prepare to (pun intended) wrap this Christmas shopping list up, at some point, please make the time to read “Did You Know That There Are 10 Different Kinds Of Vaginas? Yep.” Although all of our vaginas basically do the same thing, our vulvas (the outer part of our vaginas) don’t all look just alike — and that’s a good thing. Unfortunately, there is solid evidence out here that says that a part of the reason why labiaplasties are on the rise is that women are viewing porn and wanting their vulvas to look like the people they see on the screen. SMDH.
And that’s why I think it’s cool that there are books out here likeA Celebration of Vulva Diversity – A Book by The Vulva Gallery. It’s a visual reminder that our individuality is one of our greatest superpowers…even when it comes to our vulvas. So, get yourself a copy and smile while flipping through it. However your vulva looks, it’s that way by design. Happy Shopping-for-Your-Vagina-Especially-So season, sis!
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