In xoNecole's Finding Balance, we profile boss women making boss moves in the world and in their respective industries. We talk to them about their business, and most of all, what they do to find balance in their busy lives.
As the leading actress in Tyler Perry's Sistas on BET as Andi Barnes, and shooting back-to-back with Omar Epps and Nia Long in Netflix's Fatal Affair, K.J. Smith has put in the work to solidify herself as one to watch in the acting sphere. Born Khaneshia JaNea Smith, the Florida native is best known for her breakthrough role in Ava DuVernay and Oprah Winfrey's trailblazing drama series Queen Sugar as Lena Evans.
There's no doubt the starlet has a lot on her plate. "I am a busy woman. Now, if I made excuses, I wouldn't have time for self-care," she told xoNecole exclusively.
"I feel like one's cup must be full for one to perform effectively and efficiently, at anything one does. If you want to continue to thrive as a professional, caring, loving woman in society, you have to make time."
For this installment of "Finding Balance", xoNecole caught up with K.J. Smith about her faith in God when she needs reassurance, admittedly being a workaholic, and why detoxing isn't the best for her digestive system.
xoNecole: At what point in your life did you understand the importance of pressing pause and finding balance in both your personal and professional life?
K.J. Smith: I think COVID-19 really put everything in perspective for me. I am a workaholic. I enjoy what I do, and I enjoy doing it often, so it never feels like work. When COVID-19 took over, I realized that there were some other areas in my life that I was neglecting. I am trying to be more active by creating balance even when my work life gets hectic.
What is a typical day in your life? If no day is quite the same, give me a rundown of a typical work week and what that might consist of.
A typical workday for me is waking up to text messages from my manager and publicist, followed by emails from production and agents. I roll out of bed and have a cup of delicious coffee, then I sit and meditate for 10 minutes with positive affirmations playing in the background. Next, I stretch for five minutes and do my work-out of choice for 30 minutes, then I'll hop in the shower. I complete a series of interviews via phone or Zoom. I always call and check on my mommy and sister. I work on either projects that I have coming up, or projects that I am currently working on, by studying my lines before physically going to set. Lastly, I unwind by catching up on my favorite binge-worthy shows. I often fall asleep on the couch.
What are your mornings like?
Mornings are incredibly quiet at my house. I like to watch the sunrise and sit in silence sipping coffee.
When you have a busy week, what’s the most hectic part of it?
The most hectic part of a busy week is remembering my calendar and balancing my schedule. It can get confusing remembering what days I must do what. For example, I am on set wearing a blonde wig and the next day I need to rock my natural curls. I am always being mindful of the energy and effort it's going to take to pull those things off from day to day.
Do you practice any types of self-care? What does that look like for you?
I am a self-proclaimed self-care guru. The primary self-care rule for me is boundaries, when you set clear boundaries, one will not have an issue making time for oneself. "No" is my favorite word. I will gladly say it without explanation. I truly believe this is another form of self-care and self-preservation.
"'No' is my favorite word. I will gladly say it without explanation. I truly believe this is another form of self-care and self-preservation."
Collette Bonaparte
How do you find balance with: Friends?
I always set time aside to call or FaceTime with my friends. It's so important to me. I need encouragement from my friends, as do they do from me.
What about health? Do you cook or find yourself eating out?
I cook for myself when I'm at home but I'm usually not at home, so I often eat out. I try to find choices that work for my day instead of trying to stick to a specific diet. If I am going hiking or dancing for eight hours, I give myself grace for what I ate that day.
Do you ever detox?
I don't often detox. I find it disturbs my digestion track because my digestion system is used to a certain routine. If I fast for a certain amount of hours, my body will heal itself, and I prefer that method.
When you are going through a bout of uncertainty, or feeling stuck, how do you handle it?
I listen to the voice of God. I silence my mind. I turn off my TV. I turn off my music and I listen.
What do you do when you have a creative block on a project or feel like you have to clear your head before going into a project?
I will journal as my character when I am having a hard time understanding my character's point of view or I feel mentally blocked on a project.
Honestly, what does success and happiness mean to you?
Success and happiness means peace of mind. I feel like you can have all the money in the bank and have all the material things that you want, but if you don't have peace of mind, you can be in hell on earth. So, success means alignment and peace of mind.
For more KJ Smith, follow her on Instagram. Watch BET's Sistason Wednesdays at 9/8c.
Featured Image By Collette Bonaparte
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Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Temi and SkylarCj Hart @hartbreakToday, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak