

Maybe it's just me, but a lot of the time, whenever I read something that addresses this particular topic, I feel like it is almost always slanted toward religion. If that's been your experience as well, let me just say that this is not the angle that I'm coming from today. You can read articles I've written on the site like, "What's The Difference Between Being 'Religious' And Being 'Spiritual', Anyway?" and "6 Things To Consider Before Getting Into An Interfaith Relationship" to get an idea of what I think about how religion plays a role in long-term relationships.
However, the more that I evolve in my own spiritual journey, the more I get that our spirit man—or woman—is quite vast; too vast to be limited to a particular doctrine or a place of worship. In another article that I wrote on how to protect one's spirit, I share that the Hebrew word for spirit is "ruach" which means breath.
At the end of the day, our spirit is our very being; it's how we live out our daily lives. That goes way beyond a chosen faith.
And so, when I think of whether or not someone is truly spiritually compatible with another person (or not), believe it or not, ruach is what first comes to mind. Does the person complement the other individual's truest essence? Do they exponentially improve the quality of their life? In order to know for sure, I think this has to be broken down into a few different categories.
And so, whether you're with someone and you're looking for confirmation that the two of you are spiritually compatible, or you're not in a relationship but you want to choose wisely once the time comes, I've got seven things that I believe everyone should take very seriously before joining their life—their spirit—to someone else's.
Signs You Are Spiritually Compatible With Someone
Here are some telling ways to know whether you are spiritually compatible with someone. Or not.
1. You're Able to Thrive in Your Strengths
If you just looked at this first point and you're already stumped because you're not sure how to identify what your strengths actually are, a few things that you should consider are what you're naturally good at, what people compliment you about most often, what you would do for free and still totally enjoy, what makes you feel good and, at the same time, what challenges you to be your best self. And, since we're talking about spiritual compatibility here, it also doesn't hurt to take a spiritual gifts test.
Although the concept is "birthed" out of I Corinthians 12 (gifts that help to build up the church), I've come to realize that a lot of what that kind of test reveals is beneficial, in general. For instance, I test high in wisdom, discernment, prophecy, writing, and giving. If you look at all of this outside of traditional religion and doctrine, the Church is about people and the definition of ministry is service. My spiritual gifts help to serve people. Whatever our strengths are, spiritually or otherwise, a huge part of what they are designed to do is serve people.
With this in mind, the person you are spiritually compatible with? They are someone who is going to provide you with the insight and support that you need in order to thrive in your strengths.
A mistake that I used to make in a lot of my past relationships is, that I would allow people to drain me of my strengths more than help me to build upon them. People would use my writing abilities (and connections) to get them ahead more than to help me figure out how to grow in it or, they would take advantage of my giving gift rather than see how they could assist me in being able to bless others. I now know that the right man for me will be a lot like my late fiancé was.
He was the kind of man who did not only recognize and acknowledge my strengths, but he invested real time into figuring out how I could continue to grow and develop in them. A man who wants you to thrive in your strengths and does what he can to make that happen? This is one indication of someone who is spiritually compatible with you.
2. You Feel Comforted, Not Coddled, in Your Weaknesses
Weaknesses are interesting. At the end of the day, they are basically areas where we all can stand to improve. Or, they are areas that are holding us back. For a long time, two of my areas of weakness were not being a good listener and not handling stress well. And you know what? A lot of the men in my life only fed into those weaknesses by being naturally combative (which only made me want to listen less) and/or knowing what my triggers were (check out "Gaslighting, Love Bombing & 5 Other Triggers To Call Out In Your Relationships") and choosing to stomp all up on them anyway. They were emotional antagonists.
You know, if you read up on how to define what your weaknesses are, a lot of experts will say that things that feed your ego, drain your energy, or, on the professional tip, things that you put off until the last possible moment are all considered to be weaknesses, simply because they hinder you from becoming your best possible self.
Keeping this in mind, when someone is spiritually compatible with you, first, they will provide a safe space for you to acknowledge the weaknesses you know about. Not only that, but you will find yourself trusting them enough to bring other weaknesses to your attention because you know that they are doing it out of love, not to attack you or make you feel less than others.
An ex-boyfriend from my past used to say something that irritated me at the time yet I actually really appreciate these days—"I'm not going to apologize for knowing that you could be a better person in certain areas." Ego typically pushes back on statements like that, but someone who wants to become their greatest self will find that to be a really beautiful thing for someone who truly cares about them to say.
3. They Push You to Take Your Purpose to Another Level
I am soooo the person who is like, "If you don't know what your purpose is, I really think it's best to wait before getting into a serious relationship." The reason why is because your purpose is literally "the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc." If you have no clue what that reason is, it can be difficult to discern who is the right and best fit for you.
But if you do happen to know what you were put onto this earth to do, another great way to discern if someone is spiritually compatible with you is they will complement your purpose in some evident and truly significant kinds of ways. Either their own gifts, talents, personality, and resources will help to elevate your purpose, or, the way that they respect your purpose will cause them to balance you in a way that fuels you to grow more in the areas of your purpose.
What I mean by that is, say that you're an entrepreneur. Someone who is good for your purpose is going to automatically get that your line of business requires a lot of sacrifices; their focus won't be on nagging you to death but on finding ways to help you rest, have fun, and find peace in their presence. Or, say that you're in entertainment. They won't be the jealous kind who is constantly making you feel like you can't be trusted. They will be wired in such a way that they can handle what comes with your profession because they get that it's a part of you.
I know a man who adored his job as a sound engineer. Then he married a woman who didn't like the fact that he was always on the road and his paycheck was more of a "feast or famine" kind of thing. In order to make her happy, he came off the road and got a job working in computers. He was miserable which ended up backfiring on her plans. They're divorced now. Under God himself, never allow someone to cause you to put your purpose in jeopardy. The way to do that is to 1) know what your purpose is and 2) not settle to be with anyone who doesn't respect it to the fullest.
4. Your Relationship with the Most High Evolves
A wise person once said "The right person will never distract you from God. It will bring you closer to Him." God is so big that this point could be an entire article all on its own. For that reason, it's actually going to be the shortest point out of all of these.
If you are with someone who puts your personal relationship with the one who created you into influx, whether that be when it comes to your principles, your values, your faith, your convictions, or the time that you spend getting close to the Most High, they are absolutely not spiritually compatible to you.
Matter of fact, what they actually are is a spiritual enemy. Enemies can be smooth and seductive. Don't let how someone makes you feel prevent you from seeing what is really going on with you and God. If a person starts to become more important than the Spirit, you already know what I'm about to say. Don't just walk away…flee. You'll thank me later if/when you do.
5. Your Character Matures
There's one guy I know who I can tell hasn't meant the one yet. Don't get me wrong, he has had his fair share of relationships; some of them were even exclusive. But the reason why pretty much every woman gets the side-eye from me is, that I haven't seen him mature very much since I met him (and that's almost going on 20 years at this point). He's still a player. He still doesn't take much accountability for his actions.
And, when it comes to the karma that will surround all of the pain that he's caused, so many women that I also know? Yeah, brotha…good luck with that. In the article that I wrote, "Here's Exactly How To Start Protecting Your Spirit", one thing I share is the fact that a facet of your spirit is your character. Dr. Steve Maraboli once said, "The truth of your character is expressed through the choice of your actions."
Another great sign that you are with someone who is spiritually compatible with you is, that you notice that you start to make wiser and more beneficial life choices, both personally as well as professionally. You won't keep making destructive or counterproductive decisions nor will you stay stagnant.
You will be able to clearly see how, since your relationship, your traits have matured and your morals (your principles) have become clearer. Much clearer.
6. You Are at Total Peace with Your Personality
From a psychological standpoint, one definition of personality is "the sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual". In short, your personality is what makes you, well, you. When I look back on the relationships that I've been in, something that the healthiest ones had in common is, that I wasn't trying to make the guy something he wasn't and he wasn't trying to change me either. I reference my late fiancé often because, the older I get, the more I see just how good he was for me (especially at the time).
An example of this is, although he was relatively quiet and private, I was out here loud and anything but private. But every time he looked at me, his eyes would light up like I was the best thing he had ever seen in his entire life. Because he was so at peace with me—the good, the bad, and the straight-up ugly—that made me become more at peace with myself. That, in turn, made me want to refine areas that needed it and be unapologetic about the traits that didn't.
The Hebrew word for peace is "shalom". The root of it is wholeness and completion. If you want to know if you are spiritually compatible with someone, ask yourself if they encourage you to be at total peace with who you are as an individual.
Process if they are improving you or somehow trying to change you (which aren't quite the same thing). A great indication of a healthy relationship is when you both feel like your physical, mental, emotional, and social traits are welcome in each other's space. If you don't feel that way, something is off and that "off-ness" could end up breaking your spirit, if you're not careful.
7. The Core of Your Being Isn't Sacrificed
A lot of people have issues with the word "sacrifice" when it comes to relationships. I don't. I like the meaning of the word a lot, to tell you the truth. At the end of the day, a sacrifice is simply "a surrender of something of value as a means of gaining something more desirable or of preventing some evil". True love, at times, requires sacrifice. I mean, if you are a Bible follower, God sacrificed Christ (John 3:16) out of His love for mankind; that is how much He valued us.
The problem with a lot of relationships is not that one or both people are making sacrifices in them; it's more than either one person is sacrificing way more than the other is or, that the sacrifices that are transpiring are toxic.
For instance, when you're with someone who is spiritually compatible with you, they are not going to require or expect you to sacrifice the core of who you are, what makes you healthy and whole, or what will get you to where you need to go in life. Remember, spirit is about life and so, the one you are spiritually compatible with will only encourage you to, as the Good Book says, have life more abundantly (John 10:10).
This life and the time that you have to live it is very precious. Be intentional about being with someone who feels the same way about you and provides an atmosphere for you to soar and thrive like never before. If who you're with isn't doing that, while they might be a lot of things…"spiritually compatible" is highly doubtful. My hope and prayer are that all of these seven points have fully supported why.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Love Is The Muse: How Skylar And Temi Built A Creative Life Together
When Temitope Ibisanmi DM’d the word “muse” to Skylar Marshai, he knew he was shooting his romantic shot. He didn’t realize, however, that he was connecting with his future business and creative partner, too.
“I was the boyfriend,” Temi says. “Everybody out there knows, you’re the cameraman at that point.”
Skylar sees things differently. At the time, she was shooting content on her iPhone. Temi came into the picture with a new perspective, an understanding of tech, and, eventually, a camera. “He doesn't give himself enough credit,” Skylar says. “He wasn't just my tripod. He wasn't just standing behind the camera and going ‘click.’ He was giving advice. He was giving me insight to how I could look at things from a different perspective. And I was like, 'Oh, he’s an artist.' I think it was maybe a heartbeat of that kind of energy of like, ‘Baby, can you take this picture?’ And it turned so quickly into, we're partners. We can work together in a way where we're advancing each other's creative thinking.”
The pair often says they’re two sides of the same coin. Skylar is an Aquarius. She attended art school, paints, and loves poetry. She’s more than happy to let the couple’s management firm and agency, Kensington Grey, handle their admin work. And, she loves to sleep in. Temi, on the other hand, wakes up early. He’s a Virgo. He loves a to-do list and regularly checks in on the couple’s brand partnerships spreadsheet to make sure everything is on track.
Because his storytelling was steeped in his love of technology, he didn’t always think of himself as a creative person. “Where I [am] the dreamer who wants to pluck things out of the sky and spend all day with my head in the clouds, Temi [is] so good at grounding me and helping me figure out how to make things make sense on paper. We just work together in such a complimentary way,” Skylar says.
It’s been more than six years since Brooklyn-based couple Temi and Skylar started dating, and nearly four since they cemented their working relationship. On TikTok and Instagram, the couple’s travel, fashion, and home content regularly rack up hundreds of thousands of views. They’ve worked with brands such as Coach, Aesop, Away, and Liquid IV, bringing their vibrant perspectives to every campaign they execute. Still, nearly two years since both Temi and Skylar committed to full-time content creation and creative directing, the couple says their romantic connection remains their priority.
“We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting,” Skylar says.
Working from home can make it hard to separate work from personal life for any entrepreneur. It can be even more challenging when your business partner is also your lover. Temi and Skylar had already used couples therapy as a tool to help them effectively communicate with one another. When they ran into challenges while working together, their therapist helped them set physical boundaries to help combat the issues.
"We told each other we would much rather go back to full-time jobs and preserve our relationship than to be full-time freelancers, barely getting a night's rest [and] barely kissing each other because we're so busy shooting."
“It actually took us doing very specific physical things to create boundaries between work and play in our relationship,” Skylar says. “So, for instance, we will only have conversations about work when we're out of bed or we're at the table or in the office. Initially, when we started, we had to light a candle to say that, 'Okay, this is a space where we're connecting, we’re not talking about work.' We needed really hard boundaries at the top. And then it became a little bit more organic.”
The boundaries have been crucial to implement, especially because the couple began working together so naturally. When the pair first met, Skylar was NY-based a social strategist for BuzzFeed and was using content creation to drive business to her lingerie company. She was shooting her own content. Temi was working for Microsoft in D.C. He’d recently traded in his DJing equipment for a camera. “I've always loved taking pictures,” he says. “Even when I was a kid, my African mother would wake me up at 3:00 a.m. [during a] party, and be like, 'Come take the family picture.'”
Growing up, Temi says he watched his parents support each other and be the true definition of partners. He knew he wanted the same for his own relationship. But, the couple also wanted to make sure they were being financially responsible. The pair didn’t quit their traditional jobs until they’d saved up two years' worth of their cost of living. And, Temi received his Master of Business Administration from New York University with the knowledge that it could either help him advance in his corporate career or be applicable to his business with Skylar.
Today, they say their working relationship is more of a “quiet dance.” They still implement some of the boundaries they learned in therapy, but they also lean into their natural strengths and deep love for one another. When we speak, Temi has planned a date for the couple to see Princess Mononoke in 4K IMAX and added it to their Notion so they can factor it into their busy schedules. “I fully plan to date for the rest of my life,” he says.
Skylar says the couple doesn’t just wait for date nights to check in with one another, though. This often happens in the mornings, after Temi has made her peppermint tea and poured himself a cup of coffee. When they ask each other how they slept, she says, it’s not just a “nicety.” It’s a genuine question meant to foster connection.
“A lot of it happens during the day in the midst of work. We'll stop and we'll hug. Or we’ll slow dance in the kitchen,” she says. “Sometimes it's hard to set a whole date night when you have 7,000 things going on. So, we must grasp these moments and check in when we can. And I think it's become so organic to us that I actually didn't even realize how often we do it. But all day long, we're like, 'Are you good? I felt like your energy shifted,' because we're best friends, we just know. We just feel it happen.”
What’s better than being in love? Building wealth while doing it. Watch Making Cents here for real stories of couples who make money moves together.
Featured image by Cj Hart @hartbreak
The ChatGPT Prompts That Got Me Through A Career & Life Transition
Oftentimes when we hear about ChatGPT prompts, there's always some sort of business pitch, entrepreneurship push, or other shortcut connected to money-making. (Well, at least that's been the annoying case with my Instagram feed.) It's undeniable, though, that ChatGPT prompts can be game-changers, even beyond business plans or revenue schemes.
For me, creating and using my own ChatGPT prompts has been more about self-motivation, self-development and inspiration, especially at a tough time of career transitions and personal shifts. And as cray-cray as things seem in the U.S., especially related to one's livelihood, future financial stability, and overall mental health, I decided to take back a bit of my power using a great AI resource that you'll literally wonder how the hell it knows you so well to even answer your prompts so accurately.
Here are a few ChatGPT prompts that have been super-helpful and empowering related to career and finances. Simply visit OpenAi.com/Index/ChatGPT (or use the app of your choice), copy and paste the prompts, and be sure to fill in the blanks before submitting them:
The "Level Up" Prompt
Write an encouraging letter to a Black [your age]-year-old woman who is a [occupation] and wants to level up in her career. She lives in [city and/or state], earns [your yearly salary], and wants to be able to [career passion 1], [career passion 2], [career passion 3] during her work day. She also wants to earn [your dream salary] and work from [office/home/dream place of business] but feels challenged by [briefly state challenge here in 3-4 words.]
I swear ChatGPT got me all the way together, reminded me of the amazing experienced journalist, editor, and speaker that I am, and gave quick tips on how to take things to the next level that are actually doable.
The "Get My Credit Card Debt In Check" Prompt
Write a detailed plan, with categories, for a woman in her [age group] who is a [occupation] earning [your yearly salary]. She wants to cut at least 50 percent of her current credit card debt of [card balance] with an APR of [percentage]. Her minimum payment is [amount] and she'd like to cut down in [days/months/years]. Her expenses include [list] along with non-negotiable spending on [leisure/travel/fitness/wellness or other activity].
From here, it can also create spreadsheets or you can request that it get more specific with each category. You can also request that the plan be adjusted based on the first response and whether it truly fits something you can realistically do. Add more specific details based on your life, the unique challenges you face, or other options you have in mind knowing what you're capable of or you're realistically interested in doing to pay off a debt.
The "Retire Early" Prompt
Write a step-by-step early retirement plan for a woman age [your age]. She has [time in years] of experience in [industry] and has been working for her current company for [how many years]. She also currently earns [amount] per year. She lives in [city and/or state], [rents/owns], and has [amount] in savings. She also has [amount] in her 401K [or Roth IRA---whichever is relevant to your situation.] She currently has [amount] in her checking account(s). [Add any other details about your earnings including side hustles, businesses, freelance work, settlements, lottery, rental income, or other funds you have access to.] She has [amount] in unpaid debt. She'd like to retire by [age; and be reasonable sis] and live in [city and state/country].
While early retirement might seem like a pipe dream to some of us, a prompt like this lets you know that it's more possible than you think. It's also something great to take to a financial adviser so you can sift through what's actually doable (based on real-life scenarios) and what's not.
The "Career Pivot" Prompt
Write a plan for a woman who works as a [occupation] and wants to pivot into earning money doing [new career or career activity]. She is passionate about [activity or goal] to serve [potential audience/client/customer]. She wants to transition out of [current career] to earn [amount] doing [new career or career activity] by [time/date] and earn [dream income that you'd make doing the new career activity]. Include steps and categories. Include a timeline to achieve this by [date].
This is a helpful prompt when you feel stuck in your current role (or even your career altogether) and simply need inspiration on what could be the perfect pivot. You can update this to include different career activities or scenarios, add company names or brands, and even ask for pitches or ways to brand yourself online to achieve this goal.
The "Faith-Filled Career Confidence Booster" Prompt
Write a letter from God to a woman who is feeling like she is behind in life. She feels lost and scared, especially with everything that is going on in the U.S. right now, politically and economically. She is [age], works as a [occupation], and lives in [city/state]. She has [educational degrees or training], loves [three passions/hobbies/favorite activities], and has [mention family, spouse, children, or other loved one, even if a pet here.] She is [mention three things you like about yourself including one about your appearance]. She wants to achieve [list two small but important goals here that are related to personal and/or professional life]. She has faced [list any major and specific challenges, briefly, here] and does not know how she will handle these challenges. Include [Bible verses] of encouragement to study.
This prompt had me in tears, but it reminded me of my Biblical upbringing and my foundation for success and motivation. It also reminded me to get stronger in my faith, to read my Bible a bit more, and to stop allowing doom and gloom to inform my approach to problem-solving.
The "Talk That Career Ish" Prompt
Write a letter from the perspective of a football [or sport of your choice] coach for a woman aged [age] who works as the best [occupation] in [city, state]. She has accomplished [list 3-5 highlights of your career, whether past or recent] and is a leader in [relevant business or career activities that reflect leadership, whether you've accomplished these things or they're aspirational]. She brings the following skills to the work with her: [list 2-5] and she is proud of [aspirational career goal of you at your highest career self.]
Add in the name of your favorite coach and this gets even better! (I used Deion Sanders, but choose who you want.) You'll not only get hyped up to remember the fabulous bad boss you are, but you'll also get tips on how to be even more successful in the future.
Try any of these prompts and use them as stepping stones to prompt positive thinking, further conversations for financial and career planning, or just a fun and potentially constructive distraction from all the mess that's going on. Dig deeper and request more specific steps, inclusions of actual resources like books, conferences, or course recommendations, or create images, vision boards, or graphs. Add in specifics that will help you remain accountable in planning to meet a specific financial or career goal.
Also, this is a big one: Be sure to remember that ChatGPT is simply a tool. It's neither a genie nor the Almighty. You'll need to fact-check, use common sense, and adjust any sort of plans based on your actual reality. Try out these ChatGPT prompts as springboards for sparking imagination, motivation, and innovation.
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