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You've probably heard someone say that the easiest way to heal from an addiction is to first acknowledge that you have one. That's so true. The problem is, when it comes to something like a "love addiction", it's usually really hard to get past it because it's so difficult to detect in the first place. How can you actually be addicted to love? Even if it's possible, how could that possibly be a bad thing?
Both of these are really good questions. What's important to keep in mind about love addiction is, the people who are caught up in one are usually more in love with the concept of love as it directly relates to whatever images of love and relationships that they've made up in their mind.
It's sort of like the kinds of people who are more obsessed with having a wedding than having a marriage — it's about the fantasies and feelings that come with being in a relationship more than doing the work that's required to sustain it. Like most addictions, no one really wants to face that they could actually be a love addict. BUT, if after reading this, you can relate to half or more of these points, it's time to face the truth that you very well might be one.
Accepting this fact is the first step towards no longer obsessing over fantasies so that you can experience the truth, the work, the self-awareness, and personal accountability that's required to make a real love relationship work — and last. Here are 6 subtle signs that you may just be a love addict:
6 Signs You're Addicted To Love
1.You "Fall in Love" VERY Quickly.
C'mon now. How is it that you just met someone two weeks ago and you're already in love? More than that, how is it that you've been able to do this four times in a row?
Albert Einstein said one of my favorite quotes on love — "Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love." It's a reminder that no matter what these wack reality television shows portray or how many celebrities rotate relationships on a weekly basis, love is more of a choice than it is a feeling. And to be able to make a wise choice, you need to take out the time to get to really know someone.
And no, you don't really and truly know someone in a month. You can be attracted but not truly in love. Is there anyone that thinks what I just said is ridiculous? Well, you're already showing signs of being a love addict.
2."Needy" Is a Word Men Often Use to Describe You.
Being needy is not the same thing as having needs. There's no point in being in a relationship with someone if they're not willing to give you love, respect, support, communication, and affection.
But neediness? Needy people are insecure and clingy. They are borderline possessive and don't honor boundaries. They think that being in a relationship means their significant other isn't supposed to have a life outside of it. They are exhausting and draining.
It can be a hard pill to swallow, but if the past three guys you've been out with used "needy" as a reason to call things off with you, before giving push back, ask yourself if they possibly had a point. Because the one thing those guys all have in common is…you.
3.You Lower Your Standards in Order to Be in a Relationship.
Another sign of a love addict is someone who wants to be "in love" so badly that they would rather lower their standards than be alone.
Be careful with this one. Like I tell people in some of my relationships coaching sessions, "You only end up bending over backwards when your bar is too low." Besides, your standards and values are a part of who you are as a person. By ignoring them in order to make a relationship "work", you're misrepresenting yourself and the kind of relationship you truly want.
In other words, you're entering into a facade. A relationship that's not genuine. If you're OK with that, that's a red flag — on so many levels, it ain't even funny.
4.You Do Most of the Work in Your Relationships.
I'll raise my hand in this class and admit that, for years, this was my biggest problem. I felt like since I loved you, I should go above and beyond to show it — even if that meant doing your part. In fact, I believed that the more love I gave, the more loving the relationship was. Nope. Here's another problem with love addiction:
What you think you're doing out of "love" is oftentimes more like what you are doing out of fear.
Are you constantly going above and beyond for a man because you're scared to lose him if you don't? At the very least, you are co-dependent. At the most, you are leaning into love addiction.
5.You Live for the Fairy Tale.
Some of my friends get irritated with me whenever I say this but…whatever. If when it comes to relationships, you say that you're "living for the fairy tale", I want you to take a moment to look at what you're signing up for:
Fairy tale: a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures; an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.
By definition, fairy tales are children's stories. Fairy tales are usually so incredible that they mislead you. Words have power. Is that really what you want?
A love addict compares their love standard to Prince Charming and Cinderella. Someone who has a healthy sense of love wants their own love story — one that is with someone who is committed to the good and the bad, the ups and the downs. One that isn't about "…and they lived happily ever after" but is more about "…and they stay committed through it all."
6.You Don't Feel "Whole" Unless You're with Someone.
Whole means "full". Whole means "complete". Whole means "not broken, damaged, or impaired; intact". When you're in a relationship with someone, it means that there are two flawed human beings trying to make something work.
My point? You run a faaaaaaaaaar greater chance of not being whole — of being broken or damaged — when you're with someone than when you're not because people make mistakes, people sometimes hurt others…people ain't perfect. I'm not saying that you shouldn't want to be in a relationship. I'm saying that if you want to be in a healthy relationship with a flawed human being, you're better off making sure you feel full and complete before dating them — not after.
Women who believe the complete opposite? Yep. They show classic signs of having a love addiction. And nothing good, healthy, or lasting can ever come from that.
True love is a choice. Not an addiction. Always remember that.
Related Stories:
5 Reasons Why You KEEP Attracting Commitment-Phobes – Read More
Knowing Your Self-Worth Is The Ultimate F*ckboy Repellant – Read More
What I Learned From Oprah's Advice About Attracting Your Best Partner –Read More
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 14 Signs of a Love Addict | Relationship Addicts | Love Addiction ... ›
- 5 Signs That You Are A 'Love Addict' | HuffPost Australia ›
- 40 Questions: Are You a Love Addict? ›
- Understanding Codependency: 11 Signs That You Are A Love Addict ›
- Love Addiction 101 | Symptoms of Love Addiction ›
- Might As Well Face It: Telltale Signs Of Love Addiction ›
- Love addiction signs | How to know if you're a love addict ›
- How To Break the Pattern of Love Addiction | Psychology Today ›
- Signs & Symptoms of Love Addiction ›
- What are the Most Common Indicators of Love Addiction? ›
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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xoNecole Staff's Favorite Black-Owned Beauty & Skin Care Products
Black History Month is still in full effect and while we celebrate our Black brothas and sistas year round, there's nothing wrong with showing some extra love to the culture this month. From fashion to tech, we are the movers and shakers and the innovators, influencing many industries.
Although we don't always get the credit, we at xoNecole continue to use our platform to celebrate underrepresented individuals. For this month, xoNecole staff is highlighting our favorite Black-owned beauty & skincare products. See the list below.
Sheriden Garrett, Managing Editor
Courtesy
Skincare Favorite:
Hanahana Beauty's Amber Vanilla Shea Body Butter- I always think of "Shea Butter Baby" whenever I apply this to my skin. The formula is so luxurious, has the perfect amount of thickness, and the scent makes me feel like a snack in all the best ways.
London Alexaundria, Contributing Editor
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Beauty Favorite:
Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb Hot Chocolit- It's my go-to lip gloss. I especially like to pair it with a lip liner for a sultry, evening look.
Skincare Favorites:
Buttah Vitamin C Serum- I've used a lot of vitamin C serums, but I love how this one feels on my skin and it helps clear dark spots for a healthy glow.
Dreka Jardin Facial Mist- I'm obsessed with the rosewater scent and it leaves my skin feeling refreshed.
Urban Hydration Bright & Balanced Aloe Vera Face & Body Soap-I love the mild scent and the clean, tingling feeling it leaves my skin after using it.
Kayla Walker, Talent/ Influencer Consultant
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Beauty Favorites:
Fenty hella thick mascara
Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb
Cay Skin Lip Balm
Skincare Favorites:
Fenty Skin Body Cream
Topicals Slick Salve
Chantal Gainous, Client Services & Campaign Manager
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Beauty Favorites:
Danessa Myricks Beauty - Her shadows are so pigmented and colorful! An easy way to pump up a makeup look
Juvia's Place - Best affordable makeup in the game for darker skin tones. Her Culture palettes are unmatched.
Skincare Favorites:
Range Beauty - recently dropped in Sephora (Alicia, CEO was one of our 2024 ItGirls) and is approved by the National Eczema Association. Clean & gentle on skin!
Topicals - haven't used a Topicals product that hasn't significantly improved my skin! And it just feels like while it's calming your skin, its calming your spirit lol! Definitely want to try their new Clearly Clarifying products soon.
Rosen Skin Care - started me on the best skin care journey I could ask for. Simple routines and great for teenagers and girlies who want to stick to natural-based remedies
Bianca Garwood, Senior Social Media Manager
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Beauty Favorite: Danessa Myricks Beauty Yummy Skin Blurring Balm Powder
Feature image by Delmaine Donson/ Getty Images