Sooooo, I'm just gonna put it right on out there from front street. This is not the kind of article that you skim real quick while you're supposed to be working or you take in during your lunch break if you're already not in the best of moods. The reason why I say that is because it's been both my personal experience and observation that whenever we, as adults, dig into our childhoods, it can touch on some spots that may still be wounded or cause us to respond or react in ways that we didn't expect. So, if just hearing that has already resonated with you, please wait until you're in a place and mental space where you can freely and safely take all of this in.
That said—whew—I think it's time that some of us dive into what it means to have real and significant mama issues. Because I'm pretty sure that it's not just me who can relate to the fact that oftentimes, when we're trying to heal from our past, it's the daddy issues that tends to come up a lot, both in the media and in conversation. Oh, but sis, if you had a broken, abusive or dysfunctional-on-some-level kind of mother, you might be surprised by how much that affected and infected you to some degree.
For instance, far too often, when I'm in a session with a couple, I realize that a lot of the drama and trauma is directly the result of a woman (and yes, sometimes a man but we're gonna deal with us today) who didn't have the best kind of mother when she needed one the most. That's the sad part. The silver lining is, once you recognize that as being a core issue, you can seek the help and healing that you need.
So, are you ready to (possibly) take some Band-Aids off today? Here are seven signs that you may have some mommy issues that are still haunting your world right at this very moment—and maybe didn't even realize it. Until now.
1.You Hate Men (Because Your Mama Did/Does)
I'm over it. I really am. It's like, whenever I do tiptoe out into social media, it seems like a good 40 percent of posts from Black women that I see are how "trash" men are. After a while, I start to wonder if that's all some women think about. And while, the first thing that comes to mind is, "What is your relationship with your dad like?", I've gotta say that the follow-up is usually, "How did your mom talk about men while you were growing up?" because just like a child isn't born, say, a racist, children also don't come out of the womb hating a gender either.
The reality is that none of us exist without an egg (woman) and sperm (man). Both make up who we are and both hold much validity. If even just hearing that makes your skin crawl, spend some time thinking about what your mother told/taught you about men because, while it happens sometimes, it's rare that I know an instance where a woman hates men and her parents don't have something directly to do with it.
Trust me, there is nothing beneficial or even attractive about making it your personal mission to tear men—especially Black men—down. If you've been hurt by one, therapy can help with that. But joining in the blood sport of publicly denouncing and belittling men—again, especially Black men—may be popular but it's still not a good look and it certainly does nothing for your romantic relationship or you as a parent if you happen to be raising a son. Or even a daughter, when you really stop to think about it.
2.You Control Others (Because Your Mama Controlled You)
I can raise my hand in this class right here because I grew up with a controlling mother. I think a big part of the reason it played out that way is because she was raised in an out-of-control household. When that happens, oftentimes it causes us to become so scared of losing control as adults that we basically try and rule over everything around us. It wasn't until I became an adult that I realized that as much as I loathed her controlling ways, that some of that indeed had rubbed off on me. Because I am a very direct and pretty black-and-white kind of person when it comes to how I approach life, that already is…a lot. Add control to that dynamic and it can make you a pretty challenging person to deal with.
Remember Angela from the Tyler Perry Why Did I Get Married? movies? I believe it was the sequel when she said something about her husband along the lines of, "I don't want to control him; I just want him to do what I say." That's my mother in a nutshell. In some ways, she still has controlling tendencies and I'm in my 40s. It has taken many years for me to break that cycle within myself and learn that folks can make their own choices, have the right to their own boundaries and don't always need my input about either point.
If you're not sure if you're a controlling person or not, ask some of the people closest to you. If they exhale and then nod their head up and down, try and avoid getting defensive. Instead, hear them out. If you hated being controlled as a child, imagine how the people around you feel about you trying to run them on some level when they are adults. Controlling is a form of abuse. Break free from it.
3.Your Mouth Is Super Slick (Because Your Mama Talked Crazy)
This one right here, boy. I'm a woman and even I must say that something that drives me totally up the wall is a woman who feels like she can say whatever to whomever and then, when she gets some of what she dished served back, here comes all of the tears and self-victimization; in a nutshell, manipulation. If you've got a slick mouth, you should be able to handle it when it's served back at you. And yet, what's the need for being like that in the first place? Real talk.
I think it's insane that this crazy world we live in has so many of us out here acting like femininity (cue Eric Benet's song "Femininity") is some sort of degrading word. Hmph. One day we'll talk about how white feminism plays a huge role in the breakdown of the Black community. For now, I'll just say that if you know you can be harsh, even when it isn't really warranted and your attitude about it has always been "That's just the way that I am", do some reflecting on that point. Are you sure?
Oftentimes, the energy that we give others is based on the energy that was displayed to us when we were young. If your mom was always loud and abrasive, borderline insulting or always had something slick and somewhat disrespectful to say (because children can be disrespected by adults too), even if you didn't like it, it's still all that you knew. And we often do what we see.
I always liked that the Bible said that women are supposed to have a "quiet and gentle spirit" (I Peter 3:4). Uh-huh. The fact that some of y'all don't even like that is weird because what's wrong with being peaceful and non-abrasive? Goodness. Me? I have a naturally loud tone to my voice. Yet once my spirit settled, my delivery became very different than it once was. It's one thing to be witty or quick with comebacks. It's another thing for folks to feel exhausted in your presence. If it's the latter, what was your mom's mouth like back in the day? You might be surprised by how much you picked up, without even really realizing it.
4.You’re Hard on Others (Because Your Mama Was Hard on You)
No patience? No grace? No understanding? Always having to talk over others? Constantly thinking that you are right? A gaslighter? A spiritual manipulator? Taking on a one-and-done mentality? If this is you, you're pretty hard on people. And if that is the case, where exactly did that come from? If some of us are real with ourselves, this was exactly how our mother was and so, since she is our first introduction to how a woman is supposed to be, a lot of us grew up thinking that her toxic actions defined womanhood. It takes quite a bit of looking-outside-of-yourself research to understand what is healthy and what is counterproductive when it comes to being a mature, thriving and balanced woman.
We live in a world where mercy and grace are almost on the endangered species list. If you don't seem to have much of it for other people, could it be that your mother didn't have much of it for you? It's a hard pill to swallow yet a total game-changer if you ponder this point long and hard.
5.You Hold Grudges and Can’t Forgive (Because Your Mama’s Like That)
Something that my mother would say to me while growing up is when you divorce someone who you had children with, you oftentimes feel like you're living with a ghost because the child can sometimes have so many of your ex's characteristics (umm, that is how DNA works). I know, straight up, that this was a direct point of contention with me and my mother because while I am like her in some ways, I'm also a lot like my late father. Oftentimes, I got punished, unjustifiably so, because of it. And even as an adult, I would still hear slick ish about my dad from her.
When a person can't fully forgive another individual, that typically leads to a grudge and a grudge leads to bitterness and all kinds of walls going up that folks think others should have to scale in order to "prove themselves". This is why forgiveness is so important because you can find yourself either in some pretty toxic dynamics or ultimately alone because no one wants to have to make up for stuff that wasn't their fault to begin with.
Forgiveness is a biblical principle (Matthew 6:14-15). There are also plenty of articles that speak to how beneficial it is, health-wise. If you're someone who has a hard time forgiving or you feel like folks have to basically kill themselves to get in your good graces (again), is that how your mother modeled forgiveness to you? Is that how you had to earn her forgiveness? Children tend to be extremely merciful beings. If as an adult, you aren't that way, something's up. What is it?
6.You’re Scared to Become a Mother (Because of How Your Mama Treated You)
My journey to healing as it relates to my own mother has been a roller coaster ride. Some things you don't "get over", you just find ways to deal with. Anyway, I've been open about the fact that I've had four abortions before. I remember my mother once calling me, out of the blue, to say that she apologized for the role that she played in them. I found that to be pretty humbling and insightful on her part because while it was ultimately my decision, because of so much that had transpired in my childhood, I must admit that a part of me was fearful to carry a child to term because I thought the generational curse of abuse would affect my own babies too.
Listen, I am in my mid-40s and while I still have a cycle and have been told that I could still conceive if I want to, I want to be married first. Plus, I personally don't want to be an older parent (more because of what some of my friends with older parents have to deal with in the here and now). I'm pretty sure my womb is closed. I am at peace.
However, if you're someone who does desire children deep down, yet you're making choices that are taking you further away from your want to be a mom (you're choosing the wrong men, you're not proactively preparing for motherhood, etc.), this is another sign that you could very well have mama issues. The way to figure it out is to reflect on what your mom did well as a parent and what she didn't. If the cons outweigh the pros, figure out how to work through that because, while your mother did indeed influence you, she is not you. You can heal and become a great mother. Don't let fear of what someone else did stand in the way. OK?
7.This Triggered TF Outta You. Because.
Lately, I've been listening to some men's podcasts on women. What's a trip to me is whenever female guests come on, a lot of them get super defensive when the guys talk about what they need in a relationship and what they don't like that some women do. While sometimes it can be hard to hear, I don't personalize it because there's nothing to get angry about. Where it applies to me, I appreciate their input (because I wanna grow); where it doesn't, why get triggered? It's not my issue.
Comparing that to this article, any of what I shared has caused you to get angry, put you on edge or really hit you in your gut, ask yourself why that is the case. Because, at the end of the day, this piece had little to do with us and more to do with our mamas. If you do see yourself anywhere in here, you've got time to make some changes. If you see your mother in here, pray on and meditate about if it's a conversation worth having with her. If none of this applies, girl, give thanks. A healthy childhood consists of healthy parents and when you have healthy parents, you've got a far greater chance at being a healthy adult who creates healthy kids too.
Daddies? They catch a lot of hell out here. Yet they didn't make us alone. Getting free from various mommy issues can make all of the difference in the world. Please make sure that you do, OK? For your sake and the sake of those who love you…now that you are your own person. An adult.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
The Kamala Effect: Top Black Women In Politics To Watch Now, Into 2025
With a landmark Election Day coming up soon, everyone will be watching to see whether Vice President Kamala Harris makes history by becoming the first Black woman to become president of the United States. And as she has gathered monumental support from Black women around the world (including the more than 44,000 who raised millions in minutes shortly after she announced she’d be running), other Black women politicians also stand to make history in their respective elections, running to serve local and statewide communities.
Just as there have been barriers to Black women serving as CEOs of Fortune 500 companies (with only four having been appointed to those roles), there’s a massive glass ceiling for Black women in politics as well. Only 0.4% of all members of Congress identified as Black, and only 13.4% of all women who have served in Congress to date have identified as Black, according to research.
To date, no Black woman has served as governor of a state (though there has been a Black woman lieutenant governor, which we’ll get to later.)
Glass Ceiling In Politics For Black Women
Black women face the ever-so-usual gender bias and racism when running for office, but they also have to deal with another major deterrent to launching a viable campaign: funding. According to the Washington Post, while campaign fundraising “overall” saw a boost for women in 2020 compared with 2018, “Black women across party lines raised significantly less money than White women.”
The publication further reported that in 2020, data reflected “that the 113 active Black women candidates running on all tickets raised nearly $81 million in the first three quarters compared to the nearly $811 million pulled in by their 379 active White women counterparts across party lines, according to data provided by the Center for Responsive Politics. More than $1.5 billion was raised by over 1,000 White men from all parties in the same timeframe.”
Paying staff, covering marketing and ads, travel expenses, and more are all vital and very costly, expanding one’s reach, impact, and exposure to land the votes. This is one major reason that, when Black women finally make it to the finish line with enough support to get a serious spot on the ballot, it’s more than a big deal.
So, here are a few Black women in politics who have made history, continue to push barriers, and powerhouses to watch as we near Election Day on November 5:
Angela Alsobrooks
Andrew Harnik/Getty Images
A Maryland native, Angela Alsobrooks graduated from Duke University and the University of Maryland School of Law. She worked as a law clerk in the Howard County Circuit Court and the Baltimore City Circuit Court before taking on the role of Assistant State’s Attorney in Prince George’s County, a role in which she made history as the youngest and first woman in the role. She’s now running for the state senator seat in Maryland, which, if she wins, would make her the fourth Black woman in history to serve in the Senate.
Winsome Earle-Sears
Winsome Earle-Sears is a native of Kingston, Jamaica, who served in the United States Marine Corps. Before becoming the first woman to be elected lieutenant governor of Virginia and the first Black woman elected to statewide office, she served as the vice president of the Virginia State Board of Education and a presidential appointee to the U.S. Census Bureau, co-chair of the African American Committee and the Advisory Committee on Women Veterans to the Secretary of Veterans Affairs. She earned a bachelor’s degree in economics from Old Dominion University and a master’s degree in organizational leadership with a concentration in government from Regent University.
She has filed to run for governor of the state in 2025 and, if successful, would become the first and only woman (as well as Black woman) in the U.S. and its territories.
Lisa Blunt Rochester
Lisa Blunt Rochester represents Delaware in the U.S. House of Representatives and serves as an Assistant Whip for House Leadership. She also serves on the House Committee on Energy and Commerce. Raised in Wilmington, Delaware, she graduated from Fairleigh Dickinson University with a degree in international relations and later earned a master’s degree in urban affairs and public policy from the University of Delaware.
She’s also running for the state senate seat in Delaware and would make history if elected. If she and Albrook are both successful, that will be a first as well, as it would be the first time two Black women are serving in the U.S. Senate at the same time.
Carol Moseley Braun
A native of Chicago (who now lives in the Hyde Park neighborhood the Obamas also call home), Carol Moseley Braun became the first woman senator from Illinois and the first Black woman to serve in the Senate when she won in 1992 (and was the only Black woman to serve in the six years she held her seat.) She later served as U.S. ambassador to New Zealand, a visiting professor at Northwestern University, launched a food company, and now serves as chairman of the United States African Development Foundation. She graduated from the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Chicago Law School.
Lauren Underwood
Samuel Corum/Getty Images
Born in Ohio but raised in Illinois, Lauren Underwood was sworn into Congress in 2019, becoming the first woman, the first person of color, and the youngest (as a millennial!) elected to represent the state. A registered nurse by trade, she’s the co-founder and co-chair of the Black Maternal Health Caucus and the co-chair of the House Democratic Policy and Communications Committee. She also serves on the House Committee on Appropriations. Before that, she served as a senior adviser at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). She is a graduate of the University of Michigan and Johns Hopkins University.
Ayanna Pressley
Representing Massachusetts, Ayanna Pressley was the first Black woman to be elected to Congress from the state. Before that, she served as a member of the Boston City Council, becoming the first woman of color to serve in that capacity. In that role, she formed the Committee on Healthy Women, Families, and Communities, addressing issues including domestic violence and human trafficking. She empowered many, going viral and making headlines in 2020 when she revealed she has alopecia and unapologetically took off her wig to rock a bald head, shifting the narrative on Black women, code-switching, and appearance in political arenas and beyond.
Jennifer McClellan
Jennifer McClellan was sworn into the U.S. House last year, becoming the first Black woman to represent Virginia in Congress. A Virginia native, she earned a bachelor’s degree from the University of Richmond and her Juris Doctorate from the University of Virginia School of Law. She was previously elected to the Virginia House of Delegates in 2005 and served in that post until she was elected to the Virginia State Senate in 2017.
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