It has been almost four years now (y’all, where does the time go?!) since I wrote a piece for the platform entitled, “I Was 'Ghosted' By My Best Friend.” Although I personally don’t do social media, I do check in on different accounts from time to time and I recall some people saying in the comments of one of ours that if a BFF ghosted me, we were never friends, to begin with. Yeeeeeah, I beg to differ because I know parents who have “ghosted” their children, spouses who have “ghosted” their partners, long-term people who have "ghosted” their relationships, and yes, friends — genuine friends — who have “ghosted” their friends.
Telling Signs of a Serial Ghoster
To me, the thing that I think isn’t discussed enough is the kind of people who are serial ghosters (folks who run more from and avoid situations rather than dealing with them head-on). Because when the traits of ghosting are in you, it really doesn’t matter what kind of relational dynamic you are in — more times than not, when it gets to be too much for you (whatever “it” might be), you’re gonna “get ghost” regardless. Therefore, it’s up to the rest of us to know what the signs of ghosting look like, so that we can decide how deep we want to go with these types of individuals.
That said, it is from both my personal experience along with the observation of other individuals and their relationships, that I’ve come up with seven pretty spot-on indicators of a serial ghoster — ones that can spare you a lot of pain or at least shock, should someone like this decide to up and ghost you one day (hey, it happens to the best of us).
1. Vagueness
Just so we’re all on the same page of what I’m talking about here, one definition of ghosting is “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” And you know what? If someone has done this to you before, I’m willing to bet some pretty good money that, whether it was when you were first getting to know them or towards the end of the relationship, you picked up on signs of them being vague. You’d ask questions that wouldn’t get direct answers. You’d inquire about things that, while they were all for you talking about them, they had little to say.
While in some areas, you felt close to them, in others, the two of you couldn’t be more distant. And if you really think about it, wouldn’t a ghoster being vague about stuff make a lot of sense? Because if you’re not being clear or direct about your feelings, thoughts, or actions, that typically means that there are some walls up. And if that is indeed the case, that makes it easier to up and one day just…vanish.
2. Inconsistency
People who know me know that if there is one thing that I loathe — LOATHE — it’s inconsistency. Shoot, I’d rather you be consistently mean as a bat than sweet as pie on Monday only to drastically switch up on Wednesday. Consistent people can be trusted (even if that means, as Regina King’s character said in A Thin Line Between Love and Hate, “trusting you to be you”) because you know what you’re dealing with and there is something that is super refreshing about that. That said, serial ghosters lack consistency. One day, they are “all in” the relationship, and the next, they are trying to gaslight you into thinking that you are “doing the most.”
What you need to always remember when it comes to this particular point is consistency speaks to character and reliability. If you can’t say, without absolute certainty, that someone is reliable in your eyes, something is “off” and ghosting is definitely a possibility.
3. Selfishness
How selfish people have friends is beyond me, chile. Because, how are you able to maintain anything if the only thing you really think about is yourself? And yet, I bet if you really “sat in it” for a moment, you could think of at least three people in your world — whether it’s personally or professionally — who are selfish like a mug. Case in point — I know a guy who knows how to charm the pants off of just about anyone to the point where, until you really get to know his core, do you even pick up on how selfish he really is? But boy, be in a jam where you need his help and watch him go from kind and funny to a total assh--e if he can’t find a way to rationalize helping you to benefit him (for instance, posting on social media what he did, so that everyone can think he’s a hero).
Those of you who are fans of ghosting may not choose to see it this way (and that’s fine), but I don’t see how ghosting isn’t a selfish act. If you are in a personal relationship with someone and you suddenly remove yourself from the situation, surely you don’t think that the other person is benefitting from that; surely, the only person who you’re actually considering is yourself. And while you might want to rationalize that it’s a form of self-preservation, stating where you stand,setting boundaries, and/or removing yourself from the situation is the far more mature approach. If you don’t believe me, tell me how mature you would think it would be of someone to up and, out of nowhere, ghost you.
4. Non-Committal
The former friend that I referred to at the beginning of this? After doing some shady stuff in her marriage and then telling me during that time that she’s not sure if she’s ever really loved anybody, I really should’ve taken all of that to heart because what she was really saying is she struggles with commitment — and someone who rolls like that? They most definitely have the potential to ghost you. And here’s the thing — anyone can feel the wrath of a commitment-phobe. I mean, just think about it. Commitment-phobes run from deep emotional attachments. Commitment-phobes don’t like making long-term plans. Commitment-phobes never really let you know where you stand with them. Commitment-phobes act like accountability is “suffocating them.” Commitment-phobes are hot one day and cold the next. If just reading this caused you to immediately think of someone in particular, that’s not by happenstance. Your conscience is trying to alert you to the fact that you just may have a serial ghoster in your world. For the sake of your heart, don’t take that lightly.
5. Perfectionist (Kinda)
You might not’ve seen this one coming, but just hear me out. Have you ever paid attention to how people who ghost others talk about the situation? It’s usually something along the lines of, “I don’t have time for that BS. I deserve better.” Yeah, one day, sooner than later, I’m gonna write an article about how deserve is earned, by definition of the word (“to be worthy of, qualified for, or have a claim to reward, punishment, recompense, etc.”) and a lot of people are out here talking about what they “deserve” while thinking that they shouldn’t treat others in the way that they would like to be treated. And you know what? Anyone who says that they would prefer to be ghosted is lying. I don’t care how much a ghoster ghosts other people, it’s usually not until it’s done to them that they realize how utterly disrespectful it can be.
Anyway, let me get on to my point about this trait of serial ghosters — watch out for people who hold others to a bar that they don’t even keep themselves. It’s like, no matter what you do and how hard you try, to them, it’s never good enough; yet somehow, you should accept whatever crumbs or fickleness the ghoster offers you. Yeah, don’t even get me started on how a lot of ghosters are also narcissistic as hell (check out “3 Warning Signs You're In Love With A Narcissist” and “What If It's Your Parents Who Happen To Be The Narcissists?”). For now, I’ll just say that some ghosters will justify ghosting on the grounds of someone not being “good enough” to them when they are actually not all that impressive in the relationship their damn selves. Yeah, people who are ego maniacs or who lack humility typically have no problem with ghosting folks. Watch out for them. That kind of arrogance is dangerous.
6. “Passionately Shallow”
Another trait of a serial ghoster is the fact that they tend to be quite charming. Yet, strangely enough, at the same time, no one can really say that they know them. Not when it comes to anything of any real depth or relevance. A part of that is because, again, oftentimes ghosters have huge ego issues which is why they don’t want to face issues head on — they would rather run than really deal with things because dealing requires revealing.
Also, serial ghosters don’t usually care for anything deep and meaningful. As long as stuff can remain on the surface, that’s comforting for them because shallow doesn’t require very much intimacy. So, while they may be all about making sure that you have a good time, if you are looking for something heartfelt or long-term, they are probably going to disappoint you — more times than not.
7. Reactive Instead of Proactive
Which One Are You Reaction GIF by Dr. Donna Thomas RodgersGiphyLast one and this is a biggie. Because of all of the other traits that I just shared about serial ghosters, please hold close the fact that they usually are not very proactive as it relates to maintaining relationships. They aren’t spending a ton of time trying to figure out how to support you, meet your needs or keep the relationship going for the long haul. They would rather disappear and come back and apologize (usually when they want something else or more from you) than show up on the front end of…just about anything. And because they are this way, it means that, with a ghoster, 8.5 times outta 10, you are going to be doing most of the work. And you know what? 9.5 times outta 10, it’s never worth it in the long run.
An author by the name of J.M. Darhower once said, “Worse is loving someone who disappears and never knowing if they’ll come back. Because how do you move on if you’re not even sure they’re gone? The answer is—you don’t. When you spend most of your life chasing ghosts, eventually, you become one.” This is absolutely why I wrote this article — so that you don’t allow the destructiveness of serial ghosters infect you to the point that you become one of them.
There are other more mature and responsible ways to handle relationships, even when it’s time for them to come to an end, than ghosting. If you’re constantly being ghosted, please raise your bar. If you are a serial ghoster, please seek help. There’s nothing admirable about vanishing outta people’s lives and karma tends to handle ghosters with a vengeance. Never say that you weren’t warned.
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
However, to my surprise, I received an email that read: “It’s with great excitement that we announce your film, Super High: A Period Piece, has been selected for the 24th Anchorage International Film Festival.” After looking at the flight distance from Atlanta to Anchorage—a solid 10 hours one way— I’d decided this would be one I wouldn’t attend.
That was until there was a follow-up email that shared that the festival was sponsoring two excursions for filmmakers: A Northern Lights Tour and A Glacier Hike.
With that, I knew I had to make the trip to the 49th state! I flew Delta, which offered the shortest layovers—just 50 minutes each way. For a more comfortable flight on the longer legs that were about six hours between my layover city and Anchorage, I upgraded to first class with an in-app discount for $256 (the regular price of a first-class ticket runs about $2,100), which was so worth it for additional space and service for the six-hour trek.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
"So What’s Alaska Like? Did You Have To Wear a Snowsuit? What’s the Food Like?"
These are among the major questions I’ve gotten. Anchorage reminds me less of a bustling major city and more of a small town with an easygoing feel. When I arrived, they’d just had snow a few days before, so it was cold, and the streets were slick. So, I was so happy I’d invested in a pair of snow boots. For my first few days, the locals said it was warm. Warm to them being 20s at night and mid-30s during the day.
However, by the time I left, fresh snow was on the ground, and temps were well into the single digits—and it felt like it. Oh, the sun doesn’t rise until 10:30 a.m., and it sets around 4 p.m. That was among the most challenging things to experience because I felt like I never really woke up. So, between the lack of sun and the four-hour time difference, I felt tired the whole time I was there.
As for food, I didn’t explore a ton because I was so cold. But I found two gems! First was Whiskey and Ramen. If you enjoy ramen and exceptional service, this is a must-visit. I’d make a trip back just for their Wagyu ramen and their special take on an old fashion!
And, for coffee, I thoroughly enjoyed That Feeling Co. The coffee was great, and being surrounded by plants helped to perk up my spirits.
The Northern Lights
Iceland is one of the most popular places to see the Northern Lights, so I was very excited to know that Alaska also gets to see the Aurora Borealis light show. Typically, many people visit Fairbanks to see them, but there are tours offered in Anchorage too! When prepping for the late-night tour, we’d heard that the night we were heading out to see the lights, the cloud coverage likely meant we wouldn’t be able to see them. Bummer. I know. So, we could sit the tour out or still try. But, in my mind, I was like, why would I come all the way to Alaska not to try?
So, at about 9:30 p.m., we piled into vans and headed out to chase the Northern Lights. We traveled about an hour and a half from Anchorage, and when we stepped out of the van, it was cold and pitch black. And unfortunately, after a couple of hours in the cold, those clouds in the sky never parted for us. I know that when we see the posts of people who do get to see Mother Nature do her thing, we don’t have all of the context of the science, which is Aurora Borealis.
Sometimes, the weather just doesn’t do what we earthlings would like, which can lead to disappointment. However, our guide did give a recommendation. When you book a trip to see the lights, give yourself four to five days to see them. Don’t bank on one day because, at the end of the day, this is science.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Now, On to the Glacier!
Just six hours after returning from the Northern Lights tour, we were up for the glacier tour because they were back-to-back! I was exhausted and so excited. If someone had told me I’d hike on a glacier, I would have given them a mean side-eye. I mean, where on earth does one climb a glacier? Let me share a few destinations with you, just in case you want to plan an icy adventure: Switzerland, Norway, Iceland, Chile, Argentina, and Alaska.
Aside from the fact the Matanuska Glacier is 22,000 years old, it’s the largest glacier accessible by car in the United States—27 miles long and four miles wide, making it one of the easier ones to see IRL. As a girlie with generalized anxiety disorder, I get anxious about doing this kind of thing because I know that to see these world wonders is usually a mountainous trek.
This one was two hours long, one-way, up snow-capped, windy, mountainous terrain. However, my therapist always reminds me to push myself to do what scares me (as long as it’s for a reason, of course). I held my breath for the journey there and back! And white-knuckled it from time to time, too.
Courtesy of Bianca Lambert
Once we got there, we were surrounded by fresh, fluffy snow, and it was COLD! In the negative cold. I was thankful, I’d over-prepared. If you even go on a glacier tour, I recommend a few things: Balaclava, heavy-weight gloves, cashmere socks, snow boots, and lots of layers.
Here’s what I wore. My first layer was Ann Taylor leggings and a Wolford Turtleneck. Then, I layered a cashmere turtleneck and cashmere joggers. A COACH down vest, which I’d recommend anyone own just for winter, in general, because it’s SO warm! For my feet, I wore Ann Taylor cashmere socks (I love these because they’re affordable and so warm) and Adidas Adifom Superstar Winter Boot and topped all of that with a Brandon Blackwood ankle-length parka. I know BB is known for his accessories, but the brand’s outwear is truly amazing and worth the investment. After two hours on the ice, I felt great!
If you’re open to adventure travel, I highly recommend putting a glacier tour on your list of things to do. There are a few reasons. First, standing on an ice age-old massive piece of glacier was my 2024 version of touching some grass. I was reminded that I’m a speck on this spinning rock and need to spend more time grounded in that fact as I move through the world. I looked to the sky and thought of how proud my ancestors would be, even though I know they’d be telling me to get my butt home and off a dog on a glacier!
Secondly, I gained an ever-large appreciation for Mother Nature as I learned that glaciers are the world's largest reservoir of freshwater, containing around 69% of the world's freshwater. Again, another fact that helped me gain perspective. Lastly, it’s just fun and stunningly beautiful!
After this, I’m looking forward to my next cold-weather adventure! Iceland and Argentina are at the top of the list!
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Featured image courtesy of Bianca Lambert