Dating today can feel like a boxing match. You start the fight filled with energy and excitement but once you get in the ring and endure that heavy hit, your energy is drastically depleted. That is how dating is often experienced in many women's lives. I believe one of the reasons why dating has become so difficult is because many people do not date with boundaries. As a result, many individuals stay in dating relationships that should have long expired.
One of the biggest questions I get about dating is, when is it appropriate to walk away from a dating situation? Below are 3 things to take into consideration when deciding whether or not you should walk away from a dating relationship.
1. When the person blatantly tells you that they are not ready for a relationship BUT you are.
GiphyTime and time again, this has been many people's issue because it is a very tough pill to swallow since rejection sucks! However, if you are clear about what you need and your dating partner does not align with that, it is no longer considered dating but wasted time. Therefore, it is critical that you develop confidence to ask tough questions such as, "Are you ready for a relationship?" or "What are you looking for?"
If alignment is not present, then your absence must be.
2. If your dating partner does not have clear boundaries established and practiced with their ex.
Yara Shahidi Reaction GIF by grown-ishGiphyNo one wants to be "boo boo the fool" but if you are not careful, you can quickly find yourself in those shoes. Having boundaries with an ex lover is wise but it is sometimes not followed by many people for various reasons such as:
- Being content with the flow of being in communication with them
- There are still strong feelings present
If the person you are dating is not following clear boundaries from a past lover, you can quickly find yourself in a very sticky and uncomfortable situation.
Boundaries are meant to cultivate clarity and when that is lacking, you position yourself in trying to "prove your worth" in hopes that the person sees it too.
The problem with that notion is that you will never supersede the person who has an in-depth history with them. Now I am not saying that people cannot be friends with their ex, because you can. But in that friendship, it is essential that boundaries such as no physical intimacy, reminiscing about the romantic love that was once shared, and more, is being implemented.
If you are experiencing that problem now, I strongly suggest talking to your dating partner about your uneasiness regarding the interaction with their ex and pay very close attention to how they respond. If that individual is defensive about your concerns or gaslights you, then it may be a good idea to step away. If they cannot empathize where you are coming from, then it does not matter how good of a woman you are; you will never be good enough for them.
Listen, a man will never jeopardize something that he finds great value in.
3. If you feel like you are pulling teeth.
awkward dating GIFGiphyPulling teeth can look like an assortment of things. But in essence, it is often depicted when the interest tends to be one-sided. If you find yourself initiating all of the conversations and dates, that is a problem. Effort is not simply a one-sided thing; it should be shared. Pursuit is beautiful when the other person signals the green light; continuously. Dating is not for lazy or bored people because it takes work. Getting to know anyone takes a lot of work and unfortunately there are people who think that the work begins when a title is established.
God loves you way too much to bring you a man who expects you to do all of the work! Save your time and energy for a person who will respect and value it.
*Bonus Tip: If you have a non-negotiable that you have vocalized to be of extreme value to you yet it is not being honored and respected.
Respect GIFGiphyYour non-negotiable is for you and if you have certain things you hold very closely to your heart and you have vocalized it yet the person is not honoring it such as sex, moving, finances and more; then pack your emotional bags sis. This may sound very extreme but keep in mind that your non-negotiables are tied to your values and your values make up who you are. I am not saying that you have to agree with everything, because you do not, but there must be respect.
A lack of respect in dating will in fact follow in a dating relationship and marriage. Everyone is not for you and that is OK!
As you can see, dating is not super easy but it is not meant to be difficult or complicated. Therefore, it is critical that you go into dating with 3C's in mind: Contentment, Clarity, and Confidence.
Be content in being single while dating because if not, desperation will lead the way. Be clear about your values and what you are actually looking for because you can quickly spot the people who do and do not align with it. Be confident!
You are a beautiful woman and any person who does not see that does not make you beautiful as far from the truth.
For more love and relationships, features, dating tips and tricks, and marriage advice, check out xoNecole's Sex & Love section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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