

Something that I really like about the change in seasons is they're a reminder that change is not only inevitable, it is very much so necessary. It's necessary for progress. It's necessary for growth. It's necessary in order for all of us to evolve into even bigger and greater versions of ourselves so that our purpose in this life can truly be fulfilled.
That's why I find it odd that so many of us question ourselves whenever we become restless, outgrow a relationship, or seriously consider leaving a job or moving to another city—or heck, another country even.
While we're out here wondering what's wrong with us, the reality is it could be the opposite; it could be that something very right is happening within. Our entire being is alerting us to the fact that what once was working for us (or at least we thought was working) for us, it no longer is. And so, it is time to take some semi-drastic measures in order to get to what's next.
Sometimes we fight change so much, that we try and talk ourselves out of what our mind, body, and spirit are trying to tell us. As a direct result, we're not quite sure if it's truly time to make a move or not. But as we're all moving full speed ahead into the year, here are some clear-as-day indications that changing your life is exactly what needs to go down. Sooner than later, by the way.
You’re Bored Out of Your Mind
If there is one feeling that I think gets pushed back down into our psyche far too often, it's boredom. I don't know where we get the idea that if we're bored, somehow that is being silly, petty, or childish. Personally, I think it is one of the greatest indications that some major shifting needs to transpire. After all, when you're bored, it means that you are weary. Weary of what? The literal definitions include "tedious repetitions" and "unwanted attention."
That's why I totally get quotes like the one from the French writer Émile Zola— "I would rather die of passion than of boredom." It's a reminder that life is too short to be out here doing the same ole' same ole'…just because. I also like this quote by author Saul Bellow— "Boredom is the conviction that you can't change ... the shriek of unused capacities."
If you're out here hating your job because it feels like you're doing nothing but watching the clock and collecting a check, if you are a homebody because your city feels totally uninspired, if you are remaining in a relationship simply so you won't be alone and nothing more—all of these things point to boredom. All of these are blaring signs that something definitely needs to change.
Everything Seems to “Cramp Your Style”
There is someone in my world who honestly lives "bigger" than anyone else I know. They are constantly traveling. They are always doing something innovative. Since knowing them, I don't think there has been one year when they've done the same thing, the same way. I've asked them about it before. What they've told me is that while they are not the true definition of claustrophobic, whenever they feel "cramped" by a job or relationship or even within themselves, they take that as a sign that they need to do something different—or differently.
For the most part, I like that way of thinking because to cramp something (or someone) is "to confine narrowly; restrict; restrain; hamper." And that makes me think of the Alice Walker quote, "No person is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow." Amen.
While it should go on record that sometimes there's a fine line between your style being cramped and you trying to avoid responsibility (for instance, the routine that comes from being a spouse and/or parent isn't "restricting" you; it's holding you accountable), if something or someone does have you feeling restrained in the sense of being held back, don't ignore that signal.
Ask yourself what could be lying beneath the surface of that emotion because, believe you me, anything or anyone that is good for you is going to propel you, not stifle you.
You’re Restless—When You’re Awake and Asleep
Me? I feel like I am constantly metamorphosizing, one way or another. I always know that it's time to make some sort of transition whenever I feel restless; for me, that's typically at nighttime. Although I usually am able to fall asleep easily, I do have seasons when I will wake up, at the same time, for a couple of weeks or so. Medical professionals say that potentially points to needing to alter one's sleep patterns, someone experiencing hormonal shifts, or an individual going through a bout of anxiety or depression. But according to studies in traditional Chinese medicine, it could have something to do with your energy fields.
I read a cool article that said, if you have trouble sleeping between 9 p.m.-11 p.m., it could mean that you're worried or stressed out. If you keep waking up between 11 p.m.-1 a.m., it means that you are going through some sort of emotional disappointment. 1 a.m.-3 a.m. indicates internalized anger; 3 a.m.-5 a.m. is connected to repressed sadness and if it's between 5 a.m.-7 a.m., there are internal blockages of some sort. Something else that I like about the read is it provides tips on what you can do to shift the energy so that you can get a good night's rest again.
But what I think we all can agree on is if you're not able to rest well, some sort of changes need to be made—for the sake of your health, well-being, and peace of mind.
Your Gifts and Talents Are Lying Dormant
One of my favorite Scriptures is "For God's gifts and His call are irrevocable. [He never withdraws them when once they are given, and He does not change His mind about those to whom He gives His grace or to whom He sends His call.]" (Romans 11:29—AMPC) It is such an awesome reminder that, what the Most High put us here to do, that doesn't change. Unfortunately, a lot of people end up on their deathbed, never really tapping into their fullest potential because figuring out what their gifts and talents are was never a top priority. Paying bills. Finding love. Having kids. Other stuff is what took precedence.
But I'm telling you, you are doing yourself, your Creator, and the world at large a huge disservice if you don't put aside some real time to discover—and then feed into—your gifts and talents.
If you're not really sure what your gifts or talents are, start the journey of figuring it out by doing some journaling. Write down things like what excites you; what your strengths are; what came easy to you in high school and college; what you would totally do for free; and what you would spend your time on if you were independently wealthy. When you see what comes up on that sheet of paper, you should feel a few sparks fly. (Also, if you're a Christian, take a spiritual gifts test; it can reveal a lot about you too).
Since our gifts are irrevocable, they haven't gone anywhere just because we aren't using them. They are simply dormant. But if you feel something tugging at you, it could very well be that very gift or talent that could totally change your life, for the better—the very moment that you decide to stop ignoring it and begin nurturing it instead.
You Keep Pushing Down a Crazy Idea
I am very open about the fact that I'm a huge fan of Hebrew culture. So much in fact that I don't observe January 1 as being the New Year. I celebrate Rosh Hashanah instead; it just happened this past September 29-October 1. The reason why I'm bringing this up is because newness is all about perception. You don't have to wait until four months from now to try something that has been pulling and tugging away at your spirit. Hmph. Let me tell it, if you've got an idea and you keep telling yourself, "I'll do something about it next year", that has little to do with making a resolution and more to do with full-on, straight-up, absolute bona fide procrastination.
And what if you are waiting because the brainstorm that you have sounds totally crazy? First, trust me—live long enough and you learn to accept crazy is relative. And second, it's probably time to adapt a quote by an author named Jennifer Elisabeth— "Don't worry if people think you're crazy. You are crazy. You have that kind of intoxicating insanity that lets other people dream outside of the lines and become who they're destined to be."
For the most part, I like "crazy" ideas. It usually means that it's truly original and creative. When you don't have anything to compare what you're thinking about to, you are on the way to being a trailblazer rather than following someone else's blueprint. And when you stop to really let that sink in, how freakin' cool and amazin' is that?!
Life is too short and meaningful to be second-guessing yourself, simply because a concept comes to mind that you can't compare to anything (or one) else. By stepping out on a crazy idea, not only could it totally change your life for the better, it also may be what someone around you needs to see in order to manifest their own brand of "crazy" too. Doing crazy stuff can inspire others. Let that be your motivation if nothing else.
Your Needs Are Met. But Still, You’re Not Satisfied.
One more. Do you ever have moments when you're asking yourself, "What's wrong with me? I've got a good job, a nice home and really nothing to complain about. But still, something is…off"? You might try and "talk yourself down" by saying that you're just being "extra" or ungrateful. Maybe. Or it could be that your mind is alerting you to the fact that just because your needs are being met, that doesn't mean that there isn't more to life than that. It doesn't mean that there is some part of you—if not all of you—that simply isn't satisfied.
One of the things to always keep in mind when it comes to the definitions of "satisfy" is that one of them means "to fulfill the desires of." If you're currently not satisfied, some desire within you isn't being fulfilled. You shouldn't feel bad or guilty about that; you should figure out what that desire is and how to go about meeting it in the most beneficial and productive way possible. Not someday. As soon as you possibly can.
An Asian actress by the name of Lily Leung (who just passed this past August) once said, "When in doubt, choose change." Don't wait until next year. Don't get distracted by the holiday season. Shoot, don't even click out of this article without making the commitment to do something—anything—that will help you to get to where change wants you to be.
Change is a good thing. So, if you saw yourself in this article, it's time to change your life. The good news is now all you've got to do is fully surrender to that reality. Then watch how the Universe helps you out—now that you're in full agreement. Enjoy the ride, sis. It's about to totally rock your world and change your life—for the better!
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Originally published on June 10, 2019
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
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I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
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Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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