The man I loved epitomized all of the obvious signs that he had checked out of our relationship. I honestly didn't know what to do.
He stopped making me a priority, he wouldn't return my calls, and he had even forgotten to show up for our date night once. Despite those happenings, somehow I had missed the telltale signs that this man wasn't feeling me anymore! Broken-hearted doesn't even describe what I felt when I realized that his disinterest was fact and not fiction.
I could tell things were falling apart, but like most women, I wanted to give him one more chance in hopes that things would change. Newsflash: they won't, and they certainly didn't.
It's time we reclaim our time from "ain't sh-t" men, and allow the signs we see to act as warnings to check out of the relationship before the water runs dry. Here are 6 definite signs that it's time to break up with him, girl.
1.The Silent Treatment
Girl, if your once slightly talkative boyfriend won't talk to you anymore, it's cause for concern. Communication is completely vital to a healthy and vibrant relationship. No partnership can exist without proper communication.
Rationally speaking, not every man is a chatterbox. In fact, this sign may be much harder to evaluate with the quiet, stoic types. But trust me, if he used to ask you about your day and would genuinely listen but doesn't care to know at all anymore, he's emotionally disconnected.
There are ebbs and flows in every relationship, so it's important to discern whether your man has truly lost interest, or if he's going through something completely unrelated. Communication is key, so don't be afraid to ask questions. Tell him how his sudden silence is making you feel. If he still refuses to show interest after you express your concern, pack your bags, sis. It's time to break up.
2.You Feel More Like An Option Than A Priority
Don't you just love the puppy stages of a relationship? Where he's seemingly all you can think about, and you're all he can think about? Ahhh. For a short time, it's absolute romantic bliss that you don't want to go away.
But it all stops when you're suddenly pushed further and further down his priorities list. You used to be the first person he'd call when he got off work, but you're noticing your phone is getting drier and drier. Does this sound familiar? Girl, he's showing you EXACTLY what you mean to him. My mother used to tell me, "A man makes time for what he wants," and if he's not making time for you, he doesn't want you anymore.
Life gets busy, but it's important that the person you choose effectively chooses you back. Your partner should be willing to do what it takes to prioritize your wants and needs, just like you would for him. Does this mean that he has to stop hanging out with people he knew before you or putting energy into hobbies he loves? Absolutely not. But balance is important, especially when it comes to maintaining a healthy and functioning adult relationship. You don't need him to be laid up under you 24/7, but weekly date nights might be important for your connection. Would you really want a man that doesn't make you a priority?
3.The Sex Is Whack
Now, we all can tell when the sex isn't good anymore. It's like the plague hit your house, and you're an Egyptian calling out for help from God. What is a girl to do? The once highly sexual man that rubbed your feet every night and gave you head on-demand all of a sudden isn't "interested" anymore. This is a tell-tale sign that he's pulling away from you. From my knowledge, it takes A LOT for a man to emotionally disconnect from you, but when he's unable to be physical, well sista, you're in a world of trouble. Rather than stick around and be unhappy, find a man that can hit it right, day and night. You get the gist.
4.His Future Plans Don't Include You
When your partner starts to say things like, "You're really going to make someone happy someday," or "I can't make you happy", it's a sign that he can see a future with you, but one without him in it. If you have never heard this statement from a man, go ahead and click away from this article, you're on a winning streak that I don't want to mess up! But, if you're like me, some f-ckboy has spoken these earth-shattering words to you, and you didn't know what to do.
I'm here to tell you, when your partner says these things, it's usually to gauge your reaction to their apparent shift in the relationship. The best thing to do is accept it, address it, and move on. No one's got time to harbor unspoken feelings. Let this man go "find himself" on his own time, not yours.
Related: The 4 Types Of F-ckboys & How To Avoid Dating Them
5.Y He Mad Tho?
If you've got a Kevin Hart for the first few months of a relationship who turned into George Jefferson all of a sudden, run for the hills girl, this man has changed! It's an apparent shift in the paradigm of your relationship when your partner consistently gets angry over the smallest things you do. Their perpetual annoyance is… well.. annoying, and indicative of someone that isn't interested in being around you anymore. If your partner acts this way, it's usually because they don't want to hurt your feelings and can't admit that they're finished. In my experience, this happens so that YOU can be the one to end it and relieve him of doing the the dirty deed himself.
6.Your Gut Won't Lie
It's the woman's intuition. All women are equipped with a compass that tells us which direction to go. This subconscious intervention will alert you if things aren't safe, and will allow you to determine whether or not you should run for the hills.
I'm here to tell you, LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE! She's never steered you wrong! Think back, has there ever been a time when you just all of a sudden "knew" that something wasn't right with your man, but you couldn't tell what it was? It's like a little person inside your head is saying, "Girl, don't trust this fool. Don't give him your p-ssy," and yet you did it anyway?
THAT'S the voice we need to start listening to. It's time we start taking orders from her, and not the hairy sister in our panties. Like men, sometimes we let our hormones take the driver's seat, but in this instance, they need to ride along like a happy passenger. Trust those vibes and feelings because your instincts never lie.
Ladies, please understand, the power is yours! Time's up for the damsel in distress calling out for a prince to save her. There is no time life for the sister circles filled with advice on how to get your man back, and tutorials on how to make things work. The truth is, sometimes things aren't meant to work, and that's alright.
Better things come together when good things fall apart. So grab your incense, light it up, and relax. If these signs ever appear in your relationship, they are an omen that it's time to clear your life of toxic energy.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Alistair Berg/Getty ImagesStep 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Getty ImagesStep 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
DMP/ Getty ImagesStep 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Dating men of higher social status shortened my tolerance for a lot of things I was convinced were normal. I blamed the universe for attracting undesirable men when it was my fault for allowing undesirable behavior. An interesting dichotomy between those guys and sugar daddies was the treatment I accepted.
It was easier to put my foot down with men of opulence because their privilege meant there was no limit to meeting my desires. Plus, recognizing my own worth made them (the good ones) want to treat me with the same high regard.
I’ll admit you don’t NEED to be an SB to enhance your dating style, but that’s the path I journeyed. It taught me how to be gracefully tough on men based on the simple fact that I’m invaluable. I’ll never convince anyone to be an SB, but feel free to pick a few gems I learned that might take your 2025 dating style to the next level.
Don’t overdo it by showing gratitude.
Let’s stop praising men for the bare minimum.
Yes, it’s okay to make a man feel affirmed but don’t let those affirmations come off too intensely, especially for things that require minimal effort. Don’t tell him about your ex never opening the passenger door for you, don’t brag about him being "The One" because he texted to make sure you got home safely, and most definitely don’t offer up the cat just because he paid a $150 dinner bill (give it because you want to, not out of obligation).
To be honest, I barely even say thank you when a man finds me attractive. “You are so beautiful.” I would respond, “Aww, you’re so sweet.” When he holds the door open, I graze his arm and smile.
Showing too much excitement about the bare minimum strokes his ego and draws a ceiling, which he doesn’t feel he needs to surpass. It tells him you’re not used to regular treatment, so you’ll be grateful for anything. Why do more than necessary? I like my men reflecting at the end of our date, thinking, “What can I do to impress her?”
Don’t stop having manners, though. Just keep it simple and move on.
There’s no such thing as “dating for potential.”
Hold my hand with this one.
There comes a time when the word “potential” shouldn’t be a part of your dating vocabulary. It’s nothing more than the encouragement of false hope. He’s not flaky with time because his schedule is too busy between balancing family and work. It’s because you’re not important enough to prioritize making time for.
He’s not stingy on dates because he’s having a rough time handling all his financial responsibilities. It’s because he’d rather spend his money on things that don’t involve you.
Trust me when I say men don’t date with potential in mind. Many of them hold themselves in very high regard with an “I can do better” mindset, and so should you. There’s A LOT of weight in the saying, “If he wanted to he would.” So stay away from Mr. Shoulda Coulda Woulda because, at the end of the day, he didn’t.
*P.S. If he ever says he doesn’t deserve you, he’s not being sheepishly humble. Take his word for it and run.
Do NOT be afraid to say no.
How many times have you put yourself through something you didn’t want to do based on feeling obligated? You compromised yourself in order to please the person you’re dating because it seemed like the easier option. Let me just remind you of the old saying, “Nothing good in life comes easy.”
I like comparing men to children, not to demean them but to draw similarities. Children often like to push and see how much they can get away with until the parent says no. Once you allow them to get away with one thing, they’ll nudge the limits to see how often they can skate by.
Dating is just like this. Get comfortable giving rejection. It can be an uncomfortable concept for some, so consider saying no and following it with a light reason. For example, “Do you want to come over and watch Netflix?” “No, I don’t feel comfortable going to strangers’ houses.” If his response is anything but understanding with a Plan B, on to the next.
Those boundaries were created to protect you. Any man who respects you will respect them too.
Don’t lay all your cards on the table.
When a man asks, “So what exactly are you looking for?” The vaguest response comes to mind.
It’s a common mistake to think men (not all) ask questions for unselfish reasons. That one, especially, is basically like asking for cheat codes to a game. Describing your idea of a perfect man, dating intentions, etc. allows him to know who he needs to morph himself into in order to get what he wants. Enter love bombing, physical intimacy, delusions of potential, then ghosting.
I’ve said the below on a few first dates and wasn’t surprised by how quickly the guys weeded themselves out.
"I’ve been having fun figuring things out as time goes on. There are times when I love going out to meet new people and times when I love cuddling up on the couch. It depends on how I’m feeling.”
I just said a whole lotta nothing, leaving it up to him to decipher. It’s open-ended, which forces him to show his intentions and let things play out naturally with as little manipulation as possible.
The first date defines how he views you.
This is where all those conversations leading up to this day come into play.
The perfect first date doesn’t only have to consist of 5-star dining and lavish wine collections. Those are merely perks. The perfect first date is valued based on how much effort he put in to show he’s been listening.
You’ve been dropping subtle hints that tulips are your favorite flowers. Did he show up empty-handed? You shared your discomfort with driving to far places at night. Did he book a 9 p.m. reservation somewhere 30 minutes away? You told him about your new venture into veganism. Did he take you to his favorite steakhouse?
These aren’t small things and they’re DEFINITELY not things for you to take on as a challenge. These could be easy signs of a life full of selfishness and laziness if shrugged off by the belief you should be satisfied with him making time for you.
Will taking my advice find you a husband faster? Who knows? But, ultimately, dating isn’t supposed to be an earnest search for a man. It should be a time of personal growth while sorting through experiences to find a partner who will appreciate the valuable woman you are.
Having high standards for yourself doesn’t make you difficult or unreasonable. To the right man, it definitely won’t make you undateable. Like I said before, nothing good in life comes easy.
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